REVIEW: Jack Daniel’s Baby Back Ribs

Ribs made with Jack Daniel’s barbecue sauce have been gaining some momentum recently, with recipes containing the famous whiskey winning legitimate awards in Southern barbecue competitions. Naturally, T.G.I. Friday’s has to strip the wholesome appeal away and bastardize the crap out of it by having the frightening amalgamation of *NSYNC known as Guy Fieri screaming at you to try them. It’s not just chain restaurants jumping on the boat, though; these ribs have made their way to your local supermarket.

Now you can try the ribs without having to withstand the deafening loudness of T.G.I. Friday’s as a gaggle of drunk frat brah’s hit on your date. It’s better in an intimate setting, on a lazy weekend with the game on. In a way, Jack Daniel’s appeals to the tailgaitin’ Southerner in all of us with these refrigerated boxes of booze-glazed ribs. I’ve been dying to try something that can get me drunk and fat simultaneously. It’s not hedonism – it’s efficiency.

Within eight minutes, you have a pound of real, unprocessed ribs ready to eat as you watch Peyton Manning and Brett Favre sell you TV’s and toothpaste during the increasingly-frequent commercial breaks. That isn’t to say that the ribs don’t have their flaws. Brett Favre spends most of his free time playing jean-football with his buddies in the mud, but even he would find these ribs to be messy.

The meat is fall-off-the-bone tender, which sounds awesome until you try to actually pick up the rib and watch the meat cascade onto the plate. It kind of takes the visceral satisfaction out of eating a rib. When you’re me, you need moments like those to keep you going. And this is going to make me sound like a teenage girl, but the whiskey is really, really strong. I’m not the type to indulge in Smirnoff Ice and Hypnotiq, but these ribs really do taste like they were dunked in a bottle of Jack.

I could lie and tell you that I sucked it up and pounded a few shots of Jack while I was eating, but I ended up dousing the ribs with ketchup and mixing it with the sauce. It was delicious after that. I had completely emasculated myself, but I figured that watching large men in tights jump on top of each other for six straight hours would have done that to me anyway.

(Nutritional Facts – 1/3 box – 500 calories, 30 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 120 mg of cholesterol, 990mg sodium, 31 grams of carbs, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 21 grams of sugar, 25 grams of protein, 2% Vitamin A, 2% Vitamin C, 2% Calcium, and 10% Iron)

Item: Jack Daniel’s Baby Back Ribs
Price: $7.99
Size: 16 ounces
Purchased at: Albertsons
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Real, unprocessed ribs. Tastes awesome when mixed with some ketchup. Sealed and microwaveable in less than ten minutes. Brings together booze and fatty meat in one package.
Cons: Meat falls off the bone by shear force of gravity. Whiskey is overpowering if you are a wuss like me.

26 thoughts on “REVIEW: Jack Daniel’s Baby Back Ribs

  1. I’m with you Ace, I don’t think whiskey is a good flavor for meat, or chocolates, or anything else. I don’t even like it in beverage form.

  2. I can’t stand ribs. But I do like Jack Daniel’s horseradish mustard. It is delicious on a turkey and swiss sandwich.

  3. I gotta ask, in the Favre jeans commercial, how is the guy in the back of the end zone so wide open? and why did Favre throw a pass so that guy would have to lay out in a huge puddle?

  4. I like the Jack Daniel’s BBQ sauce that they serve at TGIF’s, but for some reason they don’t seem to serve the same kind outside their restaurants. They sell Jack Daniel’s BBQ sauce in bottles at grocery stores, but they are very boozy like the sauce in these ribs. I think this is a trap created by the TGI Fridays chain to keep us going there.

  5. Whiskey based BBQ sauces can be absolutely great when they are homemade. That shit that comes in a bottle from TGIF sucks teh big rhino ass. Plus there is something inherently wrong with microwave ribs. A serious blatant disregard for the magical creature know as pig.

  6. Whiskey based BBQ sauces can be absolutely great when they are homemade. That shit that comes in a bottle from TGIF sucks teh big rhino ass. Plus there is something inherently wrong with microwave ribs. A serious blatant disregard for the magical creature know as pig.

  7. I had a dream two weeks ago that I saw Guy Fieri naked and he wasn’t circumcised. It was horrible and now every time I see him on TV (which is all the damn time) I think of all that foreskin.

  8. Just had a package of these ribs and have to say that they were not very good at all. While the sauce was tasty, the ribs looked nothing like the picture on the packaging and there was hardly any meat on the bones at all. The meat that was present was tough and gristly. Fall off the bone? Don’t waste your money: these ribs shouldn’t be called ribs. “”Bone scraps” would be a much better description. Blech.

  9. Reprobate : angry bob recommends eating your steak with the blood of the nearest PETA member. It doesn’t actually taste all that good, since you know, it’s overflowing with vegetables and all, but it’s still better than guilt.

  10. Thank you all for you considerate and somewhat disturbing responses.

    Quick hits:

    Jon – Favre leads that guy into the mud because he’s a selfish player who only cares about showing off his arm strength!

    Sea Hag – Guy Fieri has a foreskin because he’s not one of The Chosen.

    Reprobate – PETA ads pay my bills, so we’ll have to live with them.

    Mike – sorry bout the ribs! Mine were super and plenty meaty, don’t know what happened.

  11. Yeah, but you guys didn’t see the aforementioned foreskin. I did, man. I have like PTSD from that shit now.

    I bet in real life he bleaches his pubes, too.

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