REVIEW: SPAM Hot Dogs

I find SPAM Hot Dogs to be intriguing and, at the same time, somewhat disgusting, like watching two animals getting it on at the zoo.

It’s fascinating because despite the fact that SPAM is something that is looked down upon by as many people in this country as the folks who believe Daisy from VH1′s Daisy of Love is a complete skank, Hormel felt the need to create a hot dog-shaped version of their product. But I think a wiener-shaped version of SPAM would only be loved by canned meat fanboys, Hawaii residents, and Daisy from Daisy of Love, because judging by the contestants on her show, she apparently has a thing for made up pieces of meat that look like dicks.

The SPAM Hot Dogs are also somewhat revolting because they look like what I imagine 8 year old boys who visit Michael Jackson get to see. I would show you a picture of it in all of its pinkish glory, but I think the previous sentence set it up so that if you were to see it, you would probably expel something from your mouth and I’m pretty sure getting puke out of your keyboard is something very difficult to do.

While this molded meat product isn’t pretty to look at, neither is the ingredients list, which is made up of: pork, mechanically separated chicken, water, modified potato starch, salt, potassium lactate, sugar, sodium diacetate, sodium ascorbate and sodium nitrate.

The packaging recommends they be either pan fried or grilled until hot. Since Smokey the Bear is sitting in an unmarked van across the street making sure I don’t have any incinerating devices, I’m not able to grill the SPAM Hot Dogs. Pan frying did help a little with the sickly pink color of the product, turning it a little browner. Measuring 4.75 inches long and three-fourths of an inch in diameter, they don’t quite fit in normal hot dogs buns from end to end, just like most hot dogs. But unlike most other hot dogs, they come eight to a pack, which negates the usual “too many hot dogs, not enough hot dog buns, use extra hot dogs as fake walrus teeth” dilemma.

If you care for the salty, WTF taste of SPAM, like I do, you will probably enjoy the SPAM Hot Dogs. Although, I think the SPAM flavor isn’t as strong as the stuff that comes out of the rectangular can. The addition of mustard and ketchup with the bun complimented the wiener quite well, which, at first, I didn’t think would work. However, if you don’t enjoy the canned meat known as SPAM, be glad because one SPAM Hot Dog contains almost 25 percent of your daily recommended intake of saturated fat, which means this shit is not good for you.

But if you do enjoy SPAM, you’ll like these conveniently shaped hot dogs, which allows you to easily consume them at a barbeque or at the zoo while watching two rhinos go at it, because if you can handle SPAM, you can probably handle the sight of that as well.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 hot dog – 130 calories, 12 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 330 milligrams of sodium, 1 gram of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, 5 grams of protein, 10% vitamin C and 2% iron.)

Item: SPAM Hot Dogs
Price: $3.99
Size: 8-pack
Purchased at: Star Market
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Good if you like the salty, WTF taste of SPAM. Comes in a pack of eight, which is a perfect match for the number of hot dog buns per pack. Ketchup and mustard with a bun compliments the wiener well. Watching two animals getting it on at the zoo.
Cons: Bad if you don’t like SPAM. SPAM flavor doesn’t seem as strong as stuff that comes in a can. Not pretty to look at, if you have Jacko’s wiener in your head. One hot dog contains 25% of saturated fat. Sodium nitrate. Giving Daisy her own show. Watching two animals getting it on at the zoo.

36 thoughts on “REVIEW: SPAM Hot Dogs

  1. angry bob is getting a little tired of food trying to look like other food. Although, now he knows what happened to Ace. Hmm…haven’t seen anything of Kayla after that first review either. . .

  2. I haven’t had Spam in a while, I used to eat it a lot in school.

    TOMORROW I WILL BUY A CAN, and goddammit if I see those hotdog-shaped things I’ll get some of those too.

  3. Think this is gross? Clearly you’ve never heard of SPAM in a Tube. My friend’s brother was away at college in Oregon and he called to let us know about that abomination. He wouldn’t buy us one though, he was too embarassed to take it to the register.

  4. Are these sold outside out Hawaii? I can’t imagine that anyone in the other states would buy them.. I’ve never seen them in grocery stores in Georgia, I’ll have to look in Alaska..but I doubt I’ll find them there as I can’t find anything there.

  5. @Yum Yucky: How about watching an animal orgy at the zoo?

    @Neil the hammer: Are pigs flying as well?

    @Bear Silber: I think it’s popular in California, but only because of the Hawaii resident transplants that are living there. I dare you to put it on a pizza.

    @Nevis: Trust me, this is much better than a soy dog.

    @wouldibuyitagain: But it also has the letters SPA, which means it could be a relaxing product.

    @amanda: I don’t think with spam you have to worry about the calories too much, it’s more about the fat and sodium.

    @Alley: Be brave! Don’t just try one. Buy an entire pack and make eight of your friends all try it.

    @Chuck: I think parents nowadays who let their kids sleep over at Michael Jackson’s house aren’t hideous, they’re just hoping to be able to sue Michael Jackson.

    @Vik the Viper: If Bea Arthur were still alive today and she hit on me, I would totally be into that.

    @lex: Yes, spam is really big here in Hawaii. If we had a state meat, spam would be that meat.

    @Woodenhand: It’s not greasy and I think that’s why it doesn’t have a strong flavor like canned Spam.

    @Villain was born like this…: I am afraid to buy any manapua from 7-Eleven here, but I do occasionally enjoy their sushi and bentos.

    @Nhiro: Yes, frying it is very important. Although I did boil these and it turned out all right.

    @Dan: I agree. I think they would also go great on the grill, if only I could get my hands on one without Smokey the bear getting upset.

  6. @brad: Usually to make spam more appetizing, we fry the spam with soy sauce and sugar.

    @twig: What if it was shaped like a rubber ducky?

    @Michelle: What if it was shaped like a beanie baby?

    @Bear Silber: Hey man, I put a lot of effort into the Daisy in Love line. :)

    @Hobo With a Shotgun: I don’t know about the Mayo, but the mustard and grilled onions sound pretty darn good.

    @angry bob: I assure you that neither Ace nor Kayla have been turned into meat products. I haven’t fattened them enough yet.

    @grinder: I believe there is pineapple in the aloha topping, which sounds kind of disgusting, but it’s better than poi.

    @Gumbogamer: I say good luck to you and enjoy.

    @Syxx: SPAM in a Tube! A must find! also, a great way to get over being embarrassed to take certain items to the register is to buy every single kind of condom that the store has, including the Magnum ones, and women’s feminine products and, if possible, breast milk pumps. That person will get over embarrassment in no time.

    @Gigi: Yup, they are all mine. And they are also all gone.

    @Natalie: I read somewhere that they’re only available in Hawaii and California, so I doubt you’ll find them in Alaska. So I guess it just has to take a regular can of spam and mold your own.

    @Shannon: No, the end of the world is happening next week.

  7. A reader left a comment on my blog noting that he emailed Hormel on the availability of SPAM Hot Dogs, to which they replied to him that they’re currently only available in Hawaii and California.

    Glad to hear Star Market sells them by single packs. Otherwise if/when I buy a pack to try myself, I’d be committed to getting the bulk 3-pack from Costo or Sam’s Club, which runs about $10.

    I didn’t even notice that recipe for “Aloha Topping” on the label until grinder pointed it out. I’ll have to try it. Funny how anything with Pineapple in it immediately gets labeled as being “Hawaiian”.

  8. I like the packaging! Wow! I don’t know about the “Aloha topping” though, too tropicalicious for me. I think I am going to seek these babies out and boil them in Yoshida sauce like their retangular cousin. I wonder if when SPAM bologna will hit the market?

  9. @Pomai: Hawaiian pizza started that. We should start banning Hawaiian pizza in the state. I’ll call my state legislator if you call yours.

    @liz: Then you will enjoy this.

    @chibi: Don’t boil. Fry them. As for SPAM bologna, now that you’ve brought the idea out into the open, I expect it to happen sometime this year and it will only be sold in Hawaii, California and Guam.

  10. I’ll bet 99% of you naysayers have never even eaten Spam. It’s simply canned ham made from pork shoulder. Get over yourselves. Try a Spam musubi in Hawaii and you will change your tune. I have never had anything so tasty. A friend brought me a pack of these hot dogs from Costco today. I will try them tomorrow and I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT! More Spam for all!!!!!!!

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