Here on these rocks in the middle of the Pacific Ocean we’re known for a lot of things, like warm weather throughout the year, beautiful beaches, pineapples, tourists, Kona coffee, meth addicts, hot female prostitutes who are actually men and marijuana. But were you aware that we’re also known for macadamia nuts?
If you’re not familiar with macadamia nuts, they were named after Australian chemist Dr. John Macadam by his colleague Ferdinand von Mueller, who probably wanted to throw his friend a bone since Mueller had several places in Australia and New Zealand named after him, which includes the Mueller Ranges, Mount Mueller, Mount von Mueller, Mueller’s Peak, the Mueller River, Mueller’s Creek, Lake Mueller, Mueller Glacier and Mueller Park. Macadamia nuts are special because they have the highest amount of beneficial monounsaturated fats among all known nuts, they have a decent amount of protein and carbohydrates and they’ve been called exotic nuts, like they’re Taiwanese tranny hookers.
If you ever visit Hawaii, macadamia nuts are the perfect gift to give to your friends and coworkers to tactfully brag about the fact that you vacationed in Hawaii and enjoyed 80 plus degree weather while they suffered through snow and near freezing conditions. Consider it the non-verbal equivalent of saying “Suck on deez nuts, bitches! I went to Hawaii! Jealous?”
Despite having easy access to macadamia nuts and them being so delicious, I don’t eat them too often because they’re expensive. Also, if I buy some, they’ll be less of them for those tourists who would like nothing better than to give a box of chocolate covered macadamia nuts to the annoying person in the cubicle next to them at work, then talking about how awesome their trip to Hawaii was and then asking what went on at work while he/she was soaking up some rays on a beach with a beverage served in a coconut and topped with a tiny paper umbrella.
While I don’t know if the new Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Macadamia Ice Cream has macadamia nuts from Hawaii, I do know that there wasn’t enough of them in the pint I purchased. Along with the nuts, which are fudge covered, this flavor also consists of chocolate and vanilla ice creams made from Fair Trade Certified cocoa and vanilla, which means the companies that produce them meet certain environmental, labor and development standards.
With all of the ingredients involved I expected the ice cream and my tongue to do the Lambada, the Forbidden Dance, but instead they ended up holding each other at arms length and just swaying from side to side as Atlantic Starr’s “Always” plays. The chocolate and vanilla ice creams were delicious and creamy, but the macadamia nuts overpowered their flavors, but only when I could get a macadamia nut in a spoonful. As I mentioned earlier, I felt there weren’t enough macadamia nuts throughout the pint of ice cream. I counted ten whole nuts, but I think I would’ve preferred them being in much smaller pieces so that they could be spread out more and dampen their flavor.
Now that I think about it, I guess I could add my own smaller pieces of macadamia nuts since they’re so easy to get on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.
(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – 270 calories, 18 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 65 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 22 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein, 10% vitamin A, 15% calcium and 8% iron.)
Item: Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Macadamia Ice Cream
Size: 1 Pint
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Chocolate and vanilla ice creams were delicious and creamy. Uses Fair Trade Certified cocoa and vanilla. Macadamia nuts. The perfect gift to give to your friends and coworkers to tactfully brag about the fact that you vacationed in Hawaii.
Cons: Macadamia nuts overpowered the flavor of the ice cream. Slightly disappointing. Not enough nuts were spread throughout the pint. Would’ve been better with smaller nut pieces. Getting chocolate covered macadamia nuts from your co-worker who just came back from Hawaii. Taiwanese tranny hookers.