I adhere to a lot of the unofficial guidelines for being a proper yuppy 20-something. I own a half dozen cardigans and am beginning to curate a “crazy” sock collection. I have business cards but only use them to try to win free lunches. I spend more time complaining about my deteriorating metabolism than actually figuring out how to adjust my dietary and drinking habits. And of course, I keep a Starbucks rewards card that automatically re-loads when my balance falls below $10.
Despite going to Starbucks a couple times each week to fulfill my yuppy responsibilities, I don’t think I’ve purchased a Frappuccino since my teenage years, when I would hang out at Starbucks to feel more grown-up. Back then, the Orange Mocha Frappuccino was a completely fictional drink, and I could reference Zoolander quotes all the time without getting weird looks. (My last realtor wasn’t amused when I said, “the apartment has to be at leastâ€¦ three times bigger than this!”)
I do have fond memories of those pre-yuppy, Frappuccino-drinking days, so I had high hopes for the newest version, the Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccino. To make sure that I was judging the new Frappuccino on the right scale and not against, say, my usual Starbucks order (grande skim latte, no sugar, extra espresso shot if my first meeting of the day is before 9:00 am), I purchased a regular mocha Frappuccino to remind myself what these types of drinks taste like. And I was reminded that these types of drinks taste really good. If it weren’t for that stupid metabolism, I would totally start ordering these again.
Given that I apparently have the exact palate of my 16-year-old self, I would say that the Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccino was better than the regular one, but really not by very much. The barista added three scoops of cookie crumbles and three pumps of chocolate mocha sauce to my drink. I think the crumbles were of some kind of Oreo-esque chocolate cookie, but it was honestly hard to tell what flavor they were because the taste of the mocha syrup was so much stronger. At first, the crumbles were underwhelming in their contribution to texture, too, since they were blended down to the exact same size as the ice. As the ice began to melt, however, the cookie crumbles allowed the Frappuccino to retain some crunchiness. Even then, the crunchiness was a little too close to graininess for my liking.
The real positive differentiator for the new Frappuccino was the chocolate whipped cream on top. Its hint of chocolaty sweetness made it more interesting than regular whipped cream, yet it remained much milder than the rich mocha flavor of the drink itself and acted as a nice change of pace.
Since the whipped cream was the part I liked best, I guess I should recommend that you forgo the extra cost of a specialty Frappuccino and just order any Starbucks drink with chocolate whipped cream instead of regular. Then again, all Frappuccinos are half-off from now until May 13 from 3 to 5 pm, so this is as good a time as any to try the Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccino for yourself. Just be careful of the hordes of yuppies â€“ our sock/cardigan combos might get too crazy for you to handle.
(Nutrition Facts – 16 ounces – 470 calories, 18 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 260 milligrams of sodium, 76 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 69 grams of sugar, and 6 grams of protein.)
Item: Starbucks Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccino
Size: Grande/16 ounces
Purchased at: Starbucks
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Regular mocha Frappuccinos are already good. Cookie crumbles added some crunchiness. Chocolate whipped cream was mildly sweet and a nice change of pace for the drink itself. Half-off Frappuccinos this week. Zoolander quotes.
Cons: Cookie crumbles didn’t add any taste. Crunchiness was too close to graininess. Lots of sugar and fat. Having the same palate as 16-year-old me. My metabolism. Complaining about my metabolism.