REVIEW: Arby’s Meat Mountain

Arby’s Meat Mountain

Not since the Carl’s Jr. and Hardee’s Most American Thickburger – or maybe that one Pizza Hut variation that had pigs-in-a-blanket as the crust – has there been a fast food offering as audacious as Arby’s Meat Mountain.

So monstrous this tribute to American ingenuity/gluttony that the cashier actually ASKED me if I was serious when I ordered it. In fact, I had to tell her “yes” no less than three times before she rang up the purchase.

Arby’s Meat Mountain 2

You remember those old episodes of Scooby Doo when Shaggy would get the munchies and come marching out of the kitchen with a towering sandwich filled with who-knows-what all the way to the ceiling? Well, that’s pretty much what Meat Mountain is. Underneath one greasy star-cut bun, you get all of the following ingredients: angus beef, cheddar cheese, chicken tenders, corned beef, pepper bacon, pit-smoked ham, roast beef, roast turkey, smoked brisket, and Swiss cheese.

So basically, it’s like eating Noah’s Ark in sandwich form. It’s a 1,000-calories plus behemoth that doesn’t even fit in the company’s stock wrappers – my order came in a wadded up ball of wax paper that, folded out on the table, came out to nearly two feet in length.

Arby’s Meat Mountain 3

Arby’s Meat Mountain 4

In that, I suppose Meat Mountain is more of a limited-time-challenge than a limited-time-offering. You don’t eat it for the pleasurable gustatory sensation, you eat it because it’s a direct threat to your manhood (or womanhood.) One does not simply review Meat Mountain; rather, one seeks to survive it.

Not that it’s a surprise to anybody, but the sandwich is definitely a hassle to eat. It’s so big you really can’t fit your mouth around it without taking out a layer or two of meat first, so you may find yourself tearing chunks of Meat Mountain apart instead of shoveling it down your throat (let’s call that one the velociraptor technique.)

Arby’s Meat Mountain 5

Does the medley of meats come together harmoniously? Not really, but it’s still pretty awesome. It’s not so much the divergent tastes of the product that’s weird as it is the alternating textures. One bite it’s crunchy and a little spicy, the next it’s sinewy and chewy and just a wee bit soggy. That said, getting a mouthful of cow, chicken, pig and turkey all at once does make you feel like a khakis-clad T-Rex, and ultimately, that’s the feeling you’re paying $10 for.

One look at this thing and you’ll know right away whether or not you can handle it. Just one word of caution for all you iron-stomached adventurers out there, who think you’re ready to go napkin to napkin with this mammoth burger: while the sandwich isn’t as oily as you’d expect, it is unbelievably salty, packing a whopping 3,000-plus milligrams of sodium. So be sure you have a cola nearby before tackling this beastly creation – or at the very least, a sizable armada of Arby’s sauces.

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(Nutrition Facts – 1,030 calories, 460 calories from fat, 51 grams of total fat, 20 grams of saturated fat, 1.5 grams of trans fat, 225 milligrams of cholesterol, 3,640 milligrams of sodium, 58 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of dietary fiber, 8 grams of sugars, 87 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $10
Size: N/A
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Being able to eat an entire barnyard in one sitting. The feeling of savory, crispy bacon dancing next to corned beef on your tongue. Dipping your turkey-chicken-beef-ham-bacon sammich into a pool of horseradish-pepper-ketchup-and-honey-mustard sauce and realizing what it’s like to be the king of all existence for a few fleeting seconds.
Cons: EVERYTHING is super-duper-extra-salty. Some of the meats don’t gel together well at all. The look on the cashier’s face when you ask if it comes in a vegan-friendly version.

11 thoughts to “REVIEW: Arby’s Meat Mountain”

  1. Maaaan, the more I think about it, screw that cashier! As a reviewer I often have to buy weird things, and also being just terribly antisocial, I’m always worried that the cashier is going to make a remark about it. Just shut up and take my money!

    I was going to try this thing out but I was actually worried about the cashier saying something (I know, my anxieties aren’t exactly impressive) before I read this review. Now I’m REALLY unsure.

  2. I tried it about 4 months ago. The cashier also asked me a few times if I were sure. Then it was like chaos erupted in the kitchen. They were all running around trying to get it made. Was pretty hilarious.

    I enjoyed it but I had to take the chicken off and eat it separate. It was just too much for the little bun.

    Would I order and eat it again? Hell no!

    Here is a picture of mine http://i.imgur.com/9moAO7O.jpg

  3. Oh wow. That looks like regret in sandwich form. Tasty regret, but not tasty enough for the extra time spent on the commode after eating it. (And I *like* Arby’s.)

  4. The cashier didn’t question me at all, but I’d called the day before to make sure it was a real thing. My ten year old wanted one for his birthday and I didn’t want to drive all the way to Arbys and find out they wouldn’t make us one. Split between three boys, it actually was the right amount of food.

  5. Holy crap. That’s more than a day’s sodium in one sandwich. It looks delicious, but probably not delicious enough to make up for not being able to wear shoes for 48 hours because of the water retention. What’s the difference between Angus beef and roast beef…? Would I notice a taste difference if there was only one rather than both?

  6. I tried this a few years ago the first time it was ever revealed. Admittedly, it was a lot harder to find then as it wasn’t published on Arby’s website menu. The free fish filet was not offered back then, however, so I may have to give this another go lol. I concur with the 8/10 review as it was a great hearty value but some meats didn’t get a chance to shine and the cheese felt nonexistent.

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