Author: Vin

REVIEW: Peanut Butter Oreo Cakesters (2024)

Vin 3 Comments

What is a Cakester exactly? Is it:

A. a baker of sweets?
B. a name that 90’s bullies would yell at portly children?
C. a soft-baked Oreo cookie?
D. a portmanteau of “cake” and “gangster?”

If you guessed “D,” you are correct. “Cakesters” are lackeys in the cake mafia. You might know them as the “Slob Mob.” Cakesters work under the Don who goes by the name “Cake Boss.” Yeah, I’m on to you, Valastro. That man is NOT our Buddy. When you hear him talking about “icing,” it ain’t about fondant.

Alright, if you guessed “C,” you’re also right, but now you know the clear inspiration for the name.

Oreo Cakesters came back in 2022, and now the peanut butter flavored crème version has returned. These are essentially just snack cakes with an Oreo nametag. They’re built like Oreos but it’s an entirely different experience. I’ve never even really thought they tasted too much like Oreos. Honestly, these could have any snack cake branding, so you’re probably wondering if they stack up to the big dogs in the snack cake arena?

Yeah, I think these are right in line with Hostess, Drake’s, Tastykakes and Little Debbie.

They taste like a slightly worse patty-shaped version of my all-time favorite, the Devil Dog. I’ve always preferred a snack cake that isn’t slathered in a sheet of plasticized chocolate.

The cake is a little denser than the typical, but it’s good because it helps emulate an Oreo a little better that way. Flavor-wise, the chocolate tastes vaguely like Oreo wafers at best, but it’s still quality.

The peanut butter filling is very nice texturally. It’s not Oreo crème, it’s more whipped to better fit the snack cake norm. I guess part of me is always disappointed by that. I’d kinda like to try that gritty Oreo crème between two cakes, but I like this too.

Flavor-wise, I have to say the crème is a little too mild. There are some bites where you don’t even really register the peanut butter. It gets swallowed up by the chocolate cake.

I wanted the peanut butter to punch me in the face like one of Buddy’s Cakesters when you don’t have his flour. (That’s what they call money… and also flour. It gets confusing.)

Here’s the thing though, peanut butter crème snack cakes tend to lean toward a synthetic pb flavor. Think of Funny Bones as an example – I’ve never been a huge fan of that peanut butter, and I feel like that’s the standard. These are better than Funny Bones.

Ultimately, I think original Cakesters are superior to these, but I probably like these a little better than regular overrated Peanut Butter Oreos. They’re satisfying if not a little boring, but still well worth a purchase. Peanut Butter Cakesters basically land smack in the middle of the entire Oreo product scale AND the snack cake scale.

Speaking of scales, I don’t wanna sleep with the fishes, so if you’re reading this, I was just messing around earlier, Mr. Valastro.

Purchased Price: $4.19
Size: 10.1 oz package (5 2.02 oz packs)
Purchased at: Shop Rite
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 Pack) 260 calories, 13 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 260 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 20 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Kirkland Signature Double Chocolate Chunk Cookie

Vin 10 Comments

Ah, the Costco food court.

There’s nothing better than spending hundreds of bucks to stock your bomb shelter, then trying to weave your tank of a cart around the guy filling a soda cup next to his parked orange flatbed that has an IMAX-sized TV hanging off it.

I just want a hot dog the size of my arm. Sir, can you scootch over a bit?

Everything’s bigger in Texas? I beg to differ; everything’s bigger in Costco. I don’t even wanna ponder what a Costco in Texas must be like, my megalophobia can’t take it!

Ok, now that I got all that hacky “Costco be big” stuff out of the way, let me tell you about the new Double Chocolate Chunk Cookie they’re baking fresh in the food court. It be big. This edible frisbee measures 7 inches across and 1 inch thick while weighing in at a whopping 5.5 ounces.

The “all butter” cookie features both bittersweet and semisweet chocolate chunks, and I reiterate – I love the Costco food court. This is a quality cookie.

I was a little confused by what “all butter” meant at first. How could it be “all butter?” If it was “all butter,” it would be a stick of butter. What about the chocolate? Is that “all butter?”

Well, after I took a bite, I got it. This sucker is buttery, probably a little too buttery. That, coupled with the massive lakes of gooey chocolate, make this a cookie you’re probably gonna want to share. It’s really good, but a few bites go a long way. I ate mine in shifts.

The first few bites had a delicious “out of the oven” softness because they’re served hot and fresh. When I let it sit for a little while, the edges crisped up while the center remained soft and lukewarm. I ate the last third the next morning for breakfast, and it was firm but still chewy. I can’t think of three better cookie experiences texturally, with the middle shift being my favorite.

If you’ve ever bought a box of chocolate chip cookies in the Costco bakery section, these are pretty much just them on steroids. It’s what I expected, and it’s what I got.

So, if you like Costco baked goods, you’re gonna like this. Try one… half of one at most. Just be aware of the challenge you’re in for. I’m a grown man (questionable), so I don’t use the word “tummy,” but the thought of eating this cookie in one sitting makes my tummy hurt. The mere thought has devolved my stomach back to a “tummy.”

I really should stress again how big this behemoth is. I called it a frisbee earlier, but it could probably be used as a discus in the Ozempics – which is a food-based Olympics I’m workshopping and you’re rolling your eyes at.

As far as the loss leaders at the glorious Costco food court go, I still think the hot dog and pizza are king, but this cookie is superior to the churro it’s replacing nationwide. Just go for it. You already bought enough food to feed an army; what’s another 750 calories?

Allow me to lay down a challenge – buy two cookies and a kiddie pool-sized vanilla ice cream, then make the world’s thickest Chipwich. You won’t do it. … Coward.

(Please do it and report back… Coward.)

Purchased Price: $2.49
Size: ~5.5 oz
Purchased at: Costco
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 750 calories. No other nutritional info is available.

REVIEW: Cheetos Flamin’ Hot Cinnamon Sugar Popcorn

Vin 7 Comments

Spicy cinnamon is a flavor profile that’s never really taken off.

Unless we’re talking pre-Great Depression era JawBreakers, Hot Tamales, Big Red gum, or a shot of the worst whiskey on the shelf, I can’t even think of anything else with that kinda burn that’s made it to the mass market.

Actually, that’s not entirely true. Back in high school, I developed a little bit of an addiction to cinnamon-flavored toothpicks. I used to chew on those Fire-pix so much that the corner of my lips started to look like bootleg Joker makeup.

The reason I bring those toothpicks up is because I needed one after eating a few handfuls of new Cheetos Flamin’ Hot Cinnamon Sugar Popcorn, a popcorn that almost turned me into a bootleg Joker because they left me wanting to watch the world burn!

Ok, that’s extreme, but this popcorn is Flamin’ Hot Garbage.

I’ll preface the review by saying I’m not the biggest fan of the “Flamin’ Hot” line from Frito Lay. I think the heat tends to alter the iconic flavors. With that said, I do like a little heat, I love cinnamon, and I dig Cheetos Sweetos. How could these possibly be a miss?

Before even getting into the flavor, this is just trash-tier popcorn. It tastes stale and has more rogue kernels than a treasonous misspelled army.

The “flavor” is the ultimate killer though.

If I reviewed these on the instant flavor burst of the very first bite… this would still be an extremely negative review.

These literally just taste like “hot.” That’s the flavor, “hot.” When you put a piece in your mouth, it’s like an air of cinnamon for half a second, and then it tastes like nothing but “hot.”

I expected these to taste like spicy Cheetos Sweetos with the sweetness still coming through. For something labeled “cinnamon sugar,” there is a blip of sweetness. Half a blip. A bl–. They barely taste like cinnamon, let alone sugar. Why couldn’t these be both sweet and hot? Have taste buds not evolved to experience both of those sensations at once?

It’s a shame because the level of heat is kinda perfect. I think it’s slightly less than the usual Flamin’ Hot stuff. I would have no problem eating a decent portion of these if they actually tasted good and weren’t popcorn rejected from the three-flavor Christmas tins. I enjoyed the after-burn feeling in my mouth more than the popcorn itself.

The pieces being bright red like regular Cheetos made me mad. The bewildering quote on the bag, “Deck the sweets with pops of heat,” made me madder. I’m not sure I’ve ever used the word “hate” in a review, but I think I hate these. I’m flamin’ hot!

Ok, ok, I’ll calm down. “Why so serious,” and whatnot. I just really wanted these to be something new and exciting.

Like my terrible book, “The Hangman’s Folly,” it was a novel idea with a totally botched execution. I’ll bump it up one for the idea, but this attempt at spicy cinnamon crashed and burned.

Purchased Price: $4.38
Size: 6.5 oz bag
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 2 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2 1/4 Cups) 160 calories, 10 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 130 milligrams of sodium, 15 grams of total carbohydrates, 4 grams of total sugars, 2 grams of fiber, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Loaded Hash Browns

Vin 5 Comments

I don’t start thinking about Christmas until coffee shops tell me to start thinking about Christmas.

If I walk into a random store on November 1st and see Christmas decorations? Bah, Humbug! Now, if I walk into Dunkin’ and see its Christmas menu is out, Mariah Carey and her golden pipes appear like an apparition out of thin air, and we dance like no one is watching.

I’ve been asked to leave three Dunkin’ locations and two Starbucks already this month, but I never argued, and they always asked nicely. It must be that holiday spirit Dunkin’ is bringing to the table with festive flavorings such as peppermint, spiced cookie, toasted white chocolate, and, of course, everyone’s favorite yuletide treat… Loaded Hash Browns.

Ok, that’s not exactly a Christmas staple, but if Dunkin’ says it is, who am I to argue? Potatoes, meat, and cheese are kinda Christmassy, and Uncle Kev always gets loaded at the family Christmas party.

Loaded Hash Browns will henceforth be a holiday season tradition. You got a problem with that? Take it up with Dunkin’. Not me. I clearly don’t like confrontation, but I do like these Loaded Hash Browns. I like them a lot, actually.

Your opinion will probably depend on how much you enjoy Dunkin’s hash browns. I think they’re a great little snack to counter their sugary treats, and any time I take advantage of a “Free Coffee with Purchase” deal, I usually order hash browns.

Loaded Hash Browns consist of said hash browns doused with (not much) jalapeño queso and topped with crumbled bacon.

I really enjoy Dunkin’s hash browns because they always have a little zestiness to them. The bacon is actually pretty flavorful as well, and while the jalapeño doesn’t exactly pop much, it does kick that proprietary zest up twofold. That said, these really aren’t spicy at all.

I’ve eaten this three times since its release, and each time the hash browns and bacon have been crisped to perfection. Getting consistently good bacon at any fast food place is rare, so it’s one of the big reasons I’ve kept going back.

On the flip side, the cheese sauce has been pretty lacking each time. That might bother some people, but I actually think it’s the perfect amount. You get a consistently crispy bite from hash brown one to hash brown nine. Dunkin’ advertises nine, but I got ten once. It was a Christmas miracle!

It’s not all perfection though. This little cup of browns is one of the saltiest things I’ve eaten in a while, and I chugged a shaker of salt for dinner last week.

At four bucks, I don’t consider this the best deal in the world, but you get a decent amount of bacon, and it’s a perfect “hold me over” snack that pairs well with a sweet drink. I kinda hope Dunkin’ goes even more “loaded” with the next iteration and crack an egg in there. Maybe that’ll be a Christmas ’24 thing.

My one major complaint is that I didn’t get a Christmas-themed cup once. If that happens again, I’m getting kicked out of another Dunkin’.

Purchased Price: $3.99
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 340 calories, 22 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 mg of cholesterol, 1240 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, and 9 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Everything Bagel Pringles

Vin 1 Comment

Last week, a strange mustachioed man sprinted up to me and asked if I could name Pringles’ newest flavor. I, being the eastern United States’ preeminent Pringles historian, replied to this definitely real person, “Hasn’t Pringles done everything?”

Without pause, the astonished and not made-up man’s eyes went wide with fear. He muttered under his breath, “How did you know?” Then he dropped a fresh can of new Everything Bagel Pringles at my feet and ran away in hysterics.

Not gonna lie (absolutely gonna lie, I am clearly lying); it was pretty weird. I didn’t even get any money, but hey, I got some Everything Bagel Pringles. Score.

I love Pringles and jump at any chance to review new varieties. I’ve actually been on a run of only reviewing “ring” based snacks, so it was nice to break away from that with these Pringles that are based on… bread shaped like a ring. Oh, man.

Wait a minute, pRINGles! “Ring” is right there in the name. I’m stuck in a ring-shaped loop!

Meh, whatever. At least I have snacks.

I didn’t know what to expect from these. There are a lot of elements to cover – cream cheese, onion, garlic, the various superfluous seeds, and even the bagel flavor itself. Can a chip do all that justice?

Yes and no. They’re really good, but “everything bagel” is a bit of a stretch. Also, Pringles aren’t chips, they’re crisps. You shoulda known that. I was just testing ya.

They smell like Sour Cream and Onion, which is fine, as those are my favorite OG Pringles. The flavor profile hits on onion and garlic, but they’re pretty mild. Cream cheese is the strongest flavor. I guess that’s appropriate to real life because my request of “just a little cream cheese” is always interpreted as “three pounds of cream cheese.” Sesame and poppy seeds barely have flavor as it is, so they brought nothing to the table.

These could have just been called “Cream Cheese and Chive,” but they probably need the “bagel” to move cans. Pringles don’t taste like bagels, though.

If I were to really pinpoint the flavor, I could think of one very specific food that is apparently called “Gournay Cheese.” My mother used to buy a little wheel of garlic and herb cream cheese-like spread made by a brand called Boursin around the holidays. I absolutely loved it on Wheat Thins. That’s what these Pringles taste like, almost to a T. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, I implore you to try it. If you do know, just imagine these are flavored after that and not an everything bagel.

I was gonna nitpick the appearance because these crisps look boring. They barely even sprinkled them with poppies, but ya know what? You can keep ’em. Poppy seeds taste like nothing and only exist to get stuck in your teeth.

These are definitely worth a try, even if they taste more like Gournay Cheese Spread on Wheat Thins. Maybe if I guessed that, the totally real man wouldn’t have run away from me.

Purchased Price: $2.49
Size: 5.5 oz
Purchased at: Shop Rite
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (14 crisps) 150 calories, 9 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 200 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of total carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of total sugars, less than 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of protein.