Iâ€™m sorry, baby!
Iâ€™m sorry I called you a tease. I didnâ€™t mean it. I also didnâ€™t mean to call you sick and sadistic. My emotions just got the best of me. I know you can only be a grocery store and not the supermarket I dream of in my head.
I thought going to another grocery store would be a better fit for me, but it wasnâ€™t. I found out that the grass wasnâ€™t greener on the other side of the fence. It was a horrible experience.
It costs $4.50 for a gallon of skim milk at the other grocery store. You offered it to me for $3.50. Also, they only had TWO checkout registers open and one was the 10 items or less register. I had to wait in line. I know you would never let that happen to me.
We broke up over something stupid. It wasnâ€™t even worth it and I see that now. Those Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop-Tarts, which I did find at the other grocery store, was such a stupid reason for me to think there was someone better than you. Youâ€™ll probably laugh at me when I tell you this, but I had to pay $3.25 for those Pop-Tarts. I know you wouldnâ€™t have charged me that much.
The chocolate frosting and cookie dough filling of those Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop-Tarts werenâ€™t even that good, frozen or toasted. It definitely wasnâ€™t as delicious as the Sâ€™mores and Hot Fudge Sundae Pop-Tarts that you sold to me.
I now know Iâ€™m an unemotional shell who never took into consideration your feelings. You made me feel special, but I now see that I never made you feel as special.
What can I do to make it up to you?
I can get another savings card to replace the one I cut up. I can buy 12 yogurts for $7.80. Iâ€™ll wait in your parking lot and tackle anyone who tries to steal your shopping carts. Or Iâ€™ll bag my own groceries. Iâ€™ll do anything to make it up to you.
I promise Iâ€™ll never leave you again.
Just give me one more chance.
Item: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop-Tarts
Purchase Price: $3.25
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Good, but not the best Pop-Tarts Iâ€™ve had. I miss you.
Cons: Didnâ€™t meet the hype that I created for it. Iâ€™m an asshole.