Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop-Tarts

I’m sorry, baby!

I’m sorry I called you a tease. I didn’t mean it. I also didn’t mean to call you sick and sadistic. My emotions just got the best of me. I know you can only be a grocery store and not the supermarket I dream of in my head.

I thought going to another grocery store would be a better fit for me, but it wasn’t. I found out that the grass wasn’t greener on the other side of the fence. It was a horrible experience.

It costs $4.50 for a gallon of skim milk at the other grocery store. You offered it to me for $3.50. Also, they only had TWO checkout registers open and one was the 10 items or less register. I had to wait in line. I know you would never let that happen to me.

We broke up over something stupid. It wasn’t even worth it and I see that now. Those Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop-Tarts, which I did find at the other grocery store, was such a stupid reason for me to think there was someone better than you. You’ll probably laugh at me when I tell you this, but I had to pay $3.25 for those Pop-Tarts. I know you wouldn’t have charged me that much.

The chocolate frosting and cookie dough filling of those Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop-Tarts weren’t even that good, frozen or toasted. It definitely wasn’t as delicious as the S’mores and Hot Fudge Sundae Pop-Tarts that you sold to me.

I now know I’m an unemotional shell who never took into consideration your feelings. You made me feel special, but I now see that I never made you feel as special.

What can I do to make it up to you?

I can get another savings card to replace the one I cut up. I can buy 12 yogurts for $7.80. I’ll wait in your parking lot and tackle anyone who tries to steal your shopping carts. Or I’ll bag my own groceries. I’ll do anything to make it up to you.

I promise I’ll never leave you again.

Just give me one more chance.

Item: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop-Tarts
Purchase Price: $3.25
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Good, but not the best Pop-Tarts I’ve had. I miss you.
Cons: Didn’t meet the hype that I created for it. I’m an asshole.