REVIEW: Hershey’s Reese’s Cookies

Hershey's Reese's Cookies

The other week, an Impulsive Buy reader asked if I could review the new Reese’s Cookies. I instantly agreed because she claimed they were so good that they would give me an orgasm (1), and I am not one to miss out on an orgasm (2).

Although, after thinking about it, I began to hope that trying to orgasm (3) from the Reese’s Cookies wouldn’t turn out like the last product that someone claimed would give me an orgasm (4).

Remember those Herbal Essences shampoos? You know, the one with the commercials that have a beautiful woman having an orgasm (5) while washing her hair? Well I remember seeing that commercial and thinking if the Herbal Essences could make a woman have an orgasm (6) that easily, it must be damn quick on a guy.

However, after two weeks of washing my hair with it, I didn’t orgasm (7) once. At first, I thought there was something wrong with me biologically. Then I thought maybe I had to wash my hair longer. Or maybe I needed some kind of instrument to help. Despite all of my washing efforts, I didn’t have an orgasm (8).

However, a few months later I did orgasm (9) using the Herbal Essences shampoo, while looking through a Victoria’s Secret catalog. But it didn’t happen while washing my hair. It happened while “washing” my…

Oh wait, I think this is a bit too much information. I’m sorry, just ignore the last paragraph.

Anyway, finding the Reese’s Cookies turned out to be harder than trying to orgasm (10) while washing your hair with Herbal Essences shampoo. I checked all the usual places I shop at, but I couldn’t find them. I began thinking that the Reese’s Cookies were so good that people everywhere were buying them as quickly as the stores could put them on the shelves.

Then finally, this past weekend, while shopping for Herbal Essences shampoo, I found a box that contained Reese’s Cookies 4-packs. Fortunately for me, there were two packs left in the box. I pinched myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming and then grabbed the two packs like I was Cookie Monster.

Me want COOKIE!!!

When I got home I placed one of the packs into the freezer and eagerly ripped open the other pack. Each cookie consists of a crunchy chocolate cookie and a layer of peanut butter on top of it, with everything dipped in milk chocolate. It looked DAMN good and smelled DAMN good.

I quickly popped an entire cookie into my mouth. “Oh-oh-oh my goodness,” I thought to myself. “These are DAMN good, but where’s the orgasm (11)?”

“Maybe it was a dud cookie,” I said and then ate the rest of the pack, but again nothing happened.

Maybe I had to chew more slowly. Or let it melt in my mouth. Or look through a Victoria’s Secret catalog while eating them. However, I tried all of those things with the second pack of Reese’s Cookies I pulled out of the freezer, but still didn’t have an orgasm (12).

Although I didn’t have an orgasm (13), I wasn’t disappointed. The Reese’s Cookies were VERY satisfying and I wished I had more. They are so good, if the Girl Scouts made cookies exactly like these, Thin Mints would definitely be their bitch.

Yes, they are that good.

Orgasm (14).

Item: Hershey’s Reese’s Cookies
Purchase Price: 99 cents (4-pack)
Rating: 10 out of 10
Pros: Really, really, really good. DAMN good! Victoria’s Secret catalogs. Eating them might cause an orgasm (15) for some.
Cons: I didn’t get an orgasm (16) from them. Maybe difficult to find, because they are so good.

32 thoughts to “REVIEW: Hershey’s Reese’s Cookies”

  1. Am I reading this right? 4 cookies for a buck? Well they are certainly as expensive as buying an orgasm elsewhere.

  2. Doesn’t sound like you’re getting “any”, if you didn’t get any orgasms.
    Any cookies that is…

  3. The “bitch” line had me cracking up also. Thin mints used to be my favorite GSC, before the Girl Scouts came out with Samoas. I think that Thin Mints already the Samoa’s bitch, though. If your cookies are as good as you say, it’s possible they could have Girl Scout Samoan bitches, but they’d have to be really good to do that. However, after eating whatever I wanted for Easter and then watching “Super Size Me” last night and then stepping on the scale this morning…it’s like WOAH! I think I’m going to go jogging now. So it will probably be a while before I try the cookies…but I did really enjoy your review of them.

  4. OH. MY. GOD.

    I didn’t know they made such a thing! Did I mention Reese cups are my FAVORITE??

    Marvo, I’m almost orgasming (14) just THINKING about those cookies.

  5. *sniff*

    this is one of the reviews lost to the great server crash (part ii) of 2005.

    your review makes me long for the past and things gone forever.

  6. i think you counted the orgasms wrong, or else i’m not keeping up or something. you counted 4 twice. now i am going to hunt down those cookies and do a little orgasm (14, 15, or what) research.

  7. Dammit! I’ve been looking for these little bastards since friggin’ October! The “Super” Target here constantly has them in their sales circular, yet every time I have gone to get some nobody knows where the fuck they are. Amazing. I’ll still keep checking (like a moron) because I am addicted to Reese’s Big Cups and these look like they would be just as good.


  8. kevin – Yup, 4 cookies for a buck. I know, I know. A quarter and some kleenex could get you the same effect at certain establishments, but the 4 cookies were worth it. Just think of it as buying two candy bars.

    S – That’s okay, because when I do get one, it’s going to be frickin’ awesome.

    nat – Yup, the Reese’s Cookies would bitch slap the mint out of the Thin Mints.

    Chuck – The “Super Size Me” effect didn’t last very long for me. I watched the movie and I told myself that I wouldn’t eat anymore fast food. That idea stopped two months later, after i was craving a Big Mac. I’m no doctor, but there’s no trans fat in these cookies, so you can, at least, try them.

    Webmiztris – Orgasm (18), orgasm (19), orgasm (20) Twenty orgasms, A HA HA.

  9. Lord Jezo – Seriously, you need to change hosts. Anyway, thanks for the link to your review, I was looking for it last night. Just to let you know, freezing them makes them slighly better.

    fallenstarseven – Damn you, Victoria Secret’s catalogs! Note to self: You cannot multitask. Do not attempt to write review while “reading” Victoria Secret’s catalog.

    Kirkkitsch – I’m glad I’m not the only one who has problems finding them. I thought living on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean was the problem. The three places I checked in each store were the cookie aisle, candy aisle, and right next to the checkout stand. However, I didn’t find my packs in either of those places.

    Master Foley – Yes, you must try these.

  10. Hey Marvo,

    Since they come in a 4-pack I suppose there’s a good chance I may try them if I see them for sale. My biggest guilty feelings (regarding food) come from when I buy a package of cookies, such as Thin Mints, for example, and eat the whole box (of cookies.) While eating four of these definitely wouldn’t be healthy (actually, even one wouldn’t be healthy) it’s still a lot better than eating 40, I’m sure.

  11. Bridget Unnel – Um, I don’t think they come in a Milky Way version. I think it’s Reece’s, York, Almond Joy, and Hershey’s with Almonds.

    Chuck – Yeah, luckily I didn’t find the family pack of Reese’s Cookies. I would’ve scarfed that whole thing down in one sitting.

  12. Reese’s are almost as good as an orgasm, even without the Victora’s Secret catalog. I’m definetly going to have to try them (the cookies).

  13. Tommy – Reese’s are damn good. Victoria Secret’s catalogs are good. Put them together and you’ve got yourself a party for one.

  14. Maddie Dawg – Everyone wiggles a little when they walk, especially elephants. If they didn’t, they are either anorexic or a skeleton.

  15. Did someone say orgasm?? Hey, maybe they should put a pack of these cookies with every Victoria’s Secret catalog!

  16. rfduck – If they put a pack in every Victoria’s Secret catalog, I wouldn’t have to lie to people about why I have them mailed to my apartment. Instead I could just say, “I get the catalog because of the cookies.”

  17. First of all, I said “food orgasm” which is a totally different thing and often better from the regular, traditional orgasm. How is a food orgasm better? No risk of unwanted pregnancy or catching a sexually transmitted diesase. And you get oral pleasure that sends a warm, tingling sensation thoughout your body with every bite of sinful goodness.

    I purchased this item on a weekend visit to see one of my best friends who lives in Columbus, OH. We made the purchase at SuperTarget and got three rows of 8-10 cookies (can’t quite remember) for $2.50. You guys are getting ripped with 4 for $1.00. However, the bigger package didn’t last much longer than the 4 for $1.00 package. We inhaled those suckers.

  18. schmims – Ohhhhhh, my bad. 😉

    Andrea – I feel so left out. Why can’t I enjoy these cookies like everyone else? WHYYYY? 🙁

    Mads – Well they’re better than Thin Mints, so they’ll probably end up being equal to or better than Tagalongs. Enjoy.

  19. The Girl Scouts *do* make a cookie [almost] exactly like these. Their Tagalongs (or Peanut Butter Patties, if you’re old like me) are almost exactly like these new reese’s cookies except… they’re thicker! They have more peanut buttery goodness!

    But amen on the freezer storage. I put them in there [mistakenly] believing that it would keep me from eating them so quickly. I’m a moron.

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