Frawg Slurpee

Frawg Slurpee

Damn you, Cap’n Crunch! Damn you!

Not only have you given me mild laceration on the roof of my mouth, you’ve also started this trend that’s been sweeping across the minds of professional marketers to misspell wordz. See! I put a frickin’ “z’ at the end of “wordz.”

Look at what you and products like Mini Swirlz, Kibbles ‘n Bits, and Xtreme Right Guard have done. Even Ashton Kutcher has mess’d me up. See! He caus’d…DAMMIT…me to take out the “e” in the suffix “-ed,” like in his show Punk’d.

And now we’ve got 7-Eleven and their green apple-flavor’d Frawg Slurpee.

Thanks to all these product namez, my English degree has suddenly become less valuable than it already was with my poor grammatical skillz. If I sound worri’d, it’s because I am worri’d. But I’m not worri’d because I’m slowly turning into the world’s worse Scrabble player because there aren’t any apostrophez in Scrabble, I’m worri’d about the children.

Although, not as much as Britney’s future spoiled brat baby.

If this continues, imagine what my future child’s (or illegitimate child’s) second grade book report on Arnold Lobel’s Frawg and Toad Together would look like.

My book report is on Arnold Lobel’s Frawg and Toad Together. It is about Frawg and Toad and their adventurez. There are five storiez in the book. There is a story about a list, a garden, cookies, being brave, and a dream. What I learn’d from the book is that Frawg is smart, but Toad is a dumbass, because he doesn’t know how plantz grow or to think on his own.

I lik’d Frawg and Toad Together because it was fun to read and it was short. I also lik’d the picturez. My daddy said he also likes bookz with picturez, xcept his bookz have picturez of ladiez. Sometimes instead of looking at bookz with picturez of ladiez, he goes on the computer and looks at picturez of ladiez.

The end.

Thanks Frawg! Not only have you possibly messed up my future, your fluorescent green color takes me back to my crappy middle school years, when I had this fluorescent green jacket and I would get teas’d every time I wore it.

The cool kids would point to me and say, “Green is the horny color,” or “Green, green gasoline, don’t forget your ding-a-ling.”

You’re lucky that you have sweet, sweet caffeine and look like Slurm, because if you didn’t I wouldn’t even bother with your very light and slightly tangy green apple taste, which remind’d me of a weak apple Jolly Rancher.

Item: Frawg Slurpee
Purchase Price: $1.29 (40-ounce)
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Sweet, sweet caffeine. Kind of good tangy taste. Green is the horny color. Also available as a fountain drink. Looks like Slurm.
Cons: May mess up spelling abilities. Light green apple taste, like a weak apple Jolly Rancher.

27 thoughts to “Frawg Slurpee”

  1. Genny from the Burbs – Yup, Slurms MacKenzie really could party hard.

    cybele – That would definitely be the worst Slurpee ever.

    Toni – What did you write? 😉

    gko – You know cuz, da buggah was lik’ dat wen I went fo’ git da Darth Dew one too. Wuz all bus’ up.

    Zach – All glory to the HypnoToad!!!

    megan – But you can use it here all you want. 🙂

    dramastically – When I was little, I liked saying the word incestuous, until I learned what it meant.

    Webmiztris – Mmm…Sonic. I wish we had one too. Sooo many drink choices.

    Lorien – I make myself giggle when I clean my belly button.

  2. I honestly liked Frawg…. eh. It’s better in soda form though, definately. The best Slurpee ever is still the Sprite Slurpee that was out for 2 FREAKIN’ WEEKS for Grinch Stole Christmas. Seriously, bring that back.

  3. Brandon – After reading your comment, I walked down to the 7-11 and picked me up some Frawg soda, and you’re right, it’s better in soda form.

  4. That is some funny stuff!

    That color green, well, that color may not occur in nature. Although a half-a-bottle of tequila will get your kidneys to excrete something similar in shade!

    Loved the review!

  5. Mark – I once drank a quarter of a bottle of tequila and when I went to take a leak it looked like tequila. 😉

  6. theinfamousj – rEaLly?!? I tHouGhT STuDenTs wRiTE liKE tHIs.

    You are getting me back for living on the mainland where everything is cheaper, aren’t you? :: cries in a corner :: But for what it is worth, they actually tend to over-lowercase. Including on chemical formulas (I’m a chemistry teacher … a new one at that) which drives me crazy. Oh, but they capitalize the p and lowercase the H in pH.

    But please, please, don’t regress to high school. I beg of you.

  7. theinfamousj – To be honest, it took me awhile to write that sentence. It’s hard writing like that. I actually had to think about when I should hit the Shift key. 🙁

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