Godiva Milk Chocolate Mocha Belgian Blends

Oh, I feel it!

I feel the power from the Godiva Milk Chocolate Mocha Belgian Blends pulsating through my hands, arms, Bowflex-built-chest, hairy runner’s legs, and ballerina twinkle toes.

It’s like when Prince Adam holds the Sword of Power above his head and turns into He-Man, except instead of a weak young prince being turned into a mound of muscle usually seen at Gold’s Gym or in a gay man or lonely housewife’s wet dream, the Godiva Belgian Blends transformed me from a weak young quasi product review blog editor into a weak, young, snobby, think-I’m-better-than-everyone mutha fucker that should have his ass beaten.

The same change also happens to me whenever I’m drinking Evian or Perrier, when I’m behind the wheel of a Mercedes Benz or BMW, and when I’m watching foreign films with subtitles. Just to let you know, I have pissed off many people and lost several friends while watching the French flim Amelie.

I’m not too sure about the reason why I turn into such a prick whenever I’m doing something like sipping on a San Pellegrino mineral water while watching the Mexican film Amores Perros, but I think it has something to do with the fact that I’m doing something that I think is über cool and something that not many people do. Just like me putting that umlaut above the “u” in “über” is totally cool and something not many people do.

You don’t believe the Godiva Milk Chocolate Mocha Belgian Blends has that type of effect on me?

Well I’ll just have to prove it to you.

Let me hold the Godiva Belgian Blends in my hand, then I’ll think of a topic, then tell you why I think it sucks, and then tell you about something that I think is better. What I’m going to say is not how I truly feel, instead it is the Godiva Belgian Blends that’s doing the talking.

Okay, I got the topic — Starbucks coffee.

Pff! Starbucks sucks! You gotta wait in frickin’ long lines, the coffee is overpriced, and there are all those weird cup size names. The only things I call “tall” are trees, giraffes, skyscrapers, light posts, transvestites, and anyone else whose height is above 5 feet 8 inches. If you want to be cool, go fly to Colombia, pick your own coffee beans right of the tree, stick them in a burlap sack, transport the burlap sack with the coffee beans on a back of a donkey, then give the beans to Juan Valdez to grind and brew for you — all for just a few pesos. That’s real coffee for cool people.

See, I’m a prick with this Godiva Belgian Blends drink in my hands.

I know the Godiva Milk Chocolate Mocha Belgian Blends made me rant about Starbucks, but after tasting it I have to say that it tastes like a watered down version of the Starbucks Mocha Frappuccino drink. The mocha flavor was way too faint for my tastes and if there was Godiva chocolate in the drink, I couldn’t tell since that flavor was a little too faint as well.

But there are two slightly redeeming qualities about the Godiva Milk Chocolate Mocha Belgian Blends. First, it has sweet, sweet caffeine. Although it’s last on the ingredients list, so it probably doesn’t have much to last me through the opening credits of a King of Queens rerun. Second, I picked it up at the un-Godiva-like price of $1.59. I think it’s the only Godiva product I can afford that won’t mess up my budget for all those trip to Colombia I take.

(Editor’s Note: THE Lord Jezo at 78west reviewed the French Vanilla Latte version of this product late last year. You can review his review here.)

Item: Godiva Milk Chocolate Mocha Belgian Blends
Price: $1.59 (9.5 ounces)
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 2 out of 5
Pros: Caffeine, although not much of it. Cheap for a Godiva product. My ballerina twinkle toes. The movie Amelie.
Cons: Tastes like a watered down version of the Starbucks Mocha Frappuccino. I’m an asshole when holding it in my hand. Trips to Colombia. My behavior when watching the film Amelie.

22 thoughts to “Godiva Milk Chocolate Mocha Belgian Blends”

  1. Personally, I’ve always been a fan of Lady Godiva. Godiva chocolates – not so much. But they do sell chocolate covered espresso beans, so that’s a plus.

  2. I’ve always preferred (almost) free tap water. I know Marvo on his burnt little rock in the middle of the ocean can’t understand what drinkable tap water is, but visit Colorado and I’ll show you.

  3. The Dark Chocolate one is pretty good. All the chocolate was stuck on the bottom and I had to shake the bottle for a good 5 minutes to get it dislodged. Totally weak!

  4. But…won’t you get shot for hanging around Columbia? I’m not sure any coffee is worth dodging bullets for.

  5. The Middle Aged Queer – But it doesn’t taste good.

    Hunter – I don’t think they’re worth the $1.59 I paid for them.

    Chuck – I hear Lady Godiva was a hottie. I would’ve liked to go dive a with that Godiva.

    Celeste – Actually, I think it’s more pricey in Asia, but yes pretty much pricey everywhere.

    Mad Cow – Actually, the town I was raised in has some pretty good tap water. Also, I thought Coors Light comes out of faucets in Colorado.

    Stacie – They are good if I’ve just crossed a desert and had nothing to drink for days.

    KT – But not as weak as the flavor in the Godiva Milk Chocolate Mocha Belgian Blends.

    Sep – If you pay the right people, you won’t get shot.

  6. How many calories does it have? Also, maybe you could start including in your reviews how many calories and how much fat.

  7. Considering Starbucks now has drive thru’s and I would probably have to say, get out of my car and go into a store to buy one of these, I’ll stick with Starbucks. Overpriced, yes, but Creme Chai Frapp mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, can’t say no.

  8. Marvo, when I read that first line, I swear, I thought you were getting laid.

    But that does look good. Packaging is everything.

  9. govtdrone – It has 200 calories. 3.5 grams of fat. 2.5 grams of saturated fat. 0 grams of awesomeness.

    Lord Jezo – I’d let Audrey Tautou do a whole lot more than just hook up with me.

    Danette – Well, actually not total garbage. I did recycle the bottle.

    Barb – I wish all stores had drive thrus. Personally, I’m waiting for a Jamba Juice drive thru.

    Webmiztris – I’m sure it’s even better on a cold day or when you need a fix of caffeine.

    Brie – But packaging can be deceiving. Like on the outside, I look clean cut and innocent, but on the inside I’m pure evil — and a little bit of nougat.

  10. ahh, mocha, my favourite flavour ^_^ although if the flavour is so weak, i’ll just stick to mocha flavoured soymilk…

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