McDonald’s McSkillet Burrito

The fast food apocalypse shall soon be upon thee! Flee now to high ground and thou lives may be spared from obesity and being pillaged and robble, robble, robbled by the evil Hamburgler.

I am not a witch, nor a soothsayer, but in the back cover of my hardbound printing of “Fast Food Nation,” there is a message written in what I first thought was blood, but later found out was ketchup, that said, “When the four burritos of the rising sun meet, the fast food apocalypse shall drown the Earth.”

With the introduction of the McDonald’s McSkillet Burrito, I fear the worst is one step closer to being a reality. Hardee’s unleashed their 920-calorie Country Breakfast Burrito earlier this year. Jack in the Box recently brought into this world their Sirloin Steak & Egg Burrito. If Burger King, brings forth a breakfast burrito, I can only presume the fast food apocalypse will follow.

What would a fast food apocalypse be like?

I imagine kings and clowns will battle for supremacy; big, dumb, purple Grimaces will fall from the sky; Jack in the Box antenna balls will come to life and mess with your radio reception or tell you how shitty of a driver you are; Jared Fogle will weigh 425 pounds again; and zombie Colonel Sanders will roam the Earth, eating human flesh and proclaiming that it tastes like chicken. It may seem like a big bad dream that could only be caused by licking a toad or Amy Winehouse’s skin, but if one more breakfast burrito hits the market, the world is doomed…DOOMED I TELL YOU!!!

The possibly world-ending McDonald’s McSkillet Burrito contains cheddar cheese, jack cheese, American cheese, skillet potatoes, chunks of sausage, bell peppers, onions, scrambled eggs, and salsa all wrapped up in a soft tortilla. All of those ingredients equal a decently hefty burrito that could be a part of a complete non-nutritious breakfast. The salsa pretty much dominates the flavor of the burrito, which of course makes it quite spicy and makes me like it a lot. On a scale of one to ten, with one being pussy mild and ten being the burning sensation caused by unprotected sex with Paris Hilton, I would rate its spiciness a six.

I was hoping that the potatoes were crunchy like their hash browns, but unfortunately they weren’t and didn’t really add anything to the burrito. Another problem I had with the McDonald’s McSkillet Burrito was the fact that there weren’t enough “Mc’s” in its name. I think the McDonald’s McSkillet McBurrito has a nice McRing to it. Finally, as hefty as it was, I wish it were huge like a Chipotle burrito (Warning: slightly annoying flash animation, if you click the link), but then again if it was, the fat and sodium content would probably kill me before the fast food apocalypse could.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 burrito – 610 calories, 36 grams of fat, 14 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 410 milligrams of cholesterol, 1390 milligrams of sodium, 44 grams of carbs, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 4 grams of sugar, 27 grams of protein, 20% Vitamin A, 10% Vitamin C, 20% calcium, 25% iron, and -5 minutes of life.)

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to TIB reader Molly for letting me know about the McSkillet Burrito, but if the fast food apocalypse comes, I won’t be glad she did.)

Item: McDonald’s McSkillet Burrito
Price: $3.29 ($2.49 in other places)
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Good and spicy. Heftier than I thought it would be. Nice variety of ingredients. Kings and clowns killing each other.
Cons: Could be a little bit bigger. Not enough “Mc’s” in its name. Trans fat. Potatoes might’ve been better if crunchy. If you’re not into spice, this might not be nice. Fast food apocalypse. Being robble, robble, robbled.

29 thoughts to “McDonald’s McSkillet Burrito”

  1. I almost want to try this, but one thing, I hate eggs. so I may not, I’ll stick to my hashbrown and sausage biscuit with strawberry jelly. it’s a safe bet.

    and a little story for you, about BK breakfast:
    I used to love cheesey tots from BK, they were my breakfast savior, I ate them often. then they snatched them off of the market. I sent an email to BK telling them they ruined my breakfast experience, and that I was going to kill myself. now, they are back, but not as good and they COUNT HOW MANY YOU GET. not large, small, medium. but 6,9,12. -sigh-

  2. I might have to try this…I’m surprised that you enjoyed it as much as you did. McDonalds is wretchedly horrid for your body, but I can’t help it. I adore there breakfasts…

  3. I don’t understand, nor do I approve of, putting potatoes in a burrito. Wrapping a starch up in another starch is ridiculous – they don’t sandwich french fries between two buns, why the need to stick potatoes in a tortilla?

  4. Karen – The difference is I WILL GET saturated and trans fat from McDonald’s, but I MAY GET mercury and parasites when I go to a sushi bar.

    Renee – Nope, we don’t have one of those here. Also, when KFC starts serving breakfast, that’s when I will be totally scared and be forced to exhume the body of Colonel Sanders and separate his skull from the rest of his body.

    Shannon – The sausage is one of the major things that makes it good and makes it part of a complete unhealthy breakfast.

    Rose – I believe those came out at the same time as the Chicken Fries…I still can’t believe those fried tampons are still on the menu.

    Nevis – I usually get their Big Breakfast, which is basically a Sausage Egg McMuffin broken up into its individual pieces.

    joseph – I’ve actually seen people stick french fries into their Big Macs. These people were large.

    Webmiztris – I guess you’ll be sticking with the double cheeseburger.

  5. so marvo, i just saw a commercial for a jack-in-the-box breakfast burrito. you should warn everyone to stock up on bottled water and things for the fast food apocalypse.

  6. Julie – But if I warn everyone, that would mean less bottled water for me. I think I’ll just buy the bottled water and then sell it for an inflated price.

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