REVIEW: Go Girl Glo Energy Drink

Excuse me, women of the world. Come a little closer.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to come on to you and use any of my panty-dropping pick up lines. I just want to talk and have a stimulating conversation with you while we have a non-romantic candlelight dinner that starts off with oysters as an appetizer, some nice Merlot, mango glazed chicken for the main course, and chocolate covered strawberries for dessert. All of them being aphrodisiacs is just a coincidence, and in no way, shape, or form have these choices been premeditated weeks in advance.

What I’d like to talk to you about are the things you women do that make you feel good about yourselves. You get facials, get a perm, drink frozen margaritas, wax body parts, watch Oprah, pluck eyebrows, drink Crystal Light, apply makeup (which you look beautiful without), and buy shoes with four inch heels. Those all are fine, especially the shoes with four inch heels applying uncomfortable pressure on my chest, but I’m worried about this Go Girl Glo Energy Drink.

Why am I worried? Because this energy drink claims to promote healthy skin and if it truly does, women everywhere will be wrapping their lips around it and the 75 milligrams of caffeine and 500 milligrams of taurine per can could turn armies of women into armies of peppy Rachael Rays. One Rachael Ray is fine, two would be tolerable, but three or more are grounds for sedatives…or a cage match between them all.

To help promote healthy skin, Vitamin E and aloe vera powder were added, which bothers me because I don’t know if you’ve ever smelled the leaf of an aloe vera plant, but if you haven’t go do that right now, and after you gag a few times from one whiff of it, come back here. I’m not sure how either of these ingredients in such little amounts can help your skin, but if drinking a can of beer can make any woman look beautiful to me, then why not an energy drink with Vitamin E and aloe vera.

According to the can, the champagne-colored beverage is supposed to be a combination of pomegranate and star fruit, but it kind of tasted like plain yogurt. It’s not bad, but it’s not great and I prefer the flavor of the original Go Girl Energy Drink. Speaking of the original Go Girl Energy Drink, Glo also has the “Super Citrimax” herbal appetite suppressant, which I didn’t notice because I’m a glutton. I also didn’t notice a boost of energy, despite the caffeine and taurine in it, so maybe I shouldn’t have to worry about armies of Rachael Rays.

However, I did find something else that really does give me a boost of energy, suppresses my appetite, and helps with my complexion.

It’s called sleep and maybe you and I should get some together.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 can – 35 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 9 grams of carbs, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 8 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, 10% Calcium, 6% Vitamin E, 25% Vitamin B6, 35% Vitamin B12, 6% Iron, 25% Riboflavin, 10% Folate, 500 milligrams of taurine, 508 milligrams of Super Citrimax, 10 milligrams of CoQ 10, 10 milligrams of aloe vera, 75 milligrams of caffeine, and 0 grams of glo.)

Item: Go Girl Glo Energy Drink
Price: $1.79 (12 ounces)
Purchased at: Wal-Mart
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Decent tasting. Tastes like plain yogurt. Low calorie. Vitamins and minerals. Portion of proceeds donated to ovarian cancer research and awareness. Sleep. Shoes with four inch heels. My guaranteed-to-work pick up lines. Multiple Rachael Ray cage match. Four inch heels applying uncomfortable pressure on my chest.
Cons: I’m not sure if one can will make a difference with your skin. Caffeine and taurine didn’t give me an energy boost. Addition of aloe vera seemed weird. Three or more Rachael Rays.

27 thoughts to “REVIEW: Go Girl Glo Energy Drink”

  1. What a sweetie you can kind of sort of be. By the way, powdered aloe vera is different from actual aloe vera and does nothing. Your trivia for today.

  2. stephanie – If anyone needs makeup, it’s probably me.

    MCW – If I snort the powdered aloe vera through a rolled up hundred dollar bill off of a stripper’s ass, I bet it would do something.

  3. If this drink made women’s nipples more perky and not just their personality, I’d definitely be a fan of it. That’s about the only thing I miss from winters in Wisconsin….cold weather definitely perked things up if you know what I mean.

  4. Chuck – I know what you mean. I hate when my nipples get hard on a cold, breezy day and poke through my shirt. It’s embarrassing…especially when my third nipple gets hard.

  5. Marvo, are you telling us fans that you want to become a girl, lol? I am just kidding. I would drink this bc I heart Pomegranate. That would be the only reason I would drink it. As for Rachel Ray..I would fight her in a culinary battle. 3 hours…she wouldn’t beable to take.

  6. Even just one more Rachael Ray could mean world destruction. I just hate everything about her, she’s like a woman in a James Bond movie without sex appeal. Remember Rosa Klebb? [IMG][/IMG]

  7. You’re sending mixed messages. Do you want enough Rachel Rays to have have a cage match or not? I think you should further explore your love/hate relationship with Miss Ray.

  8. I should like to see a Rachael Ray cage match. Although an amry of Edge’s could totally take her. Oh, crap I just advertised the fact I watch WWE. *hides*

  9. I figured that pink Tab energy drink would be the one with the lamest marketing for women, but this definitely takes the cake.

  10. I need a drink that improves vision- i thought you wrote “super climax”, and was about to order a case. Or 4.

    One Rachael Ray is more than enough.

  11. You have this thing with energy drinks lately…and I too thought you said super climax the first time..then I read the review. I am extremely down with taking on Rachel Ray in a cage match, with Cherry Jell-o surprise in the ring. I could pin her in two rounds.

  12. *sigh* i miss caffeine. oh, world of terrible energy drinks, i will rejoin you someday.

  13. Hey if people are willing to spend hundreds of dollars for products they put on their face that do nothing for their complexion, I’m all for them spending less money on a beverage to get the same placebo effect especially when it has taurine in it!

  14. It is a woman’s drink? Where do they put the estrogen, at the bottom of the can? Is that like putting the estrogen near the filter tip of the Virgina Slims?

  15. Doodoolicious – If only I could handle a beer. If I ever get to a second bottle, I’m would totally be making out with lamp posts.

    Shannon – I could definitely beat her at a culinary battle. My tongue endurance is amazing. Oh wait, you typed culinary, not cunni…oh, never mind. My bad.

    Paula – Klebb’s glasses are hot and I bet when she takes them off I look much hotter.

    Karen – If the cage match involved a pool of baby oil…

    Nevis – Rachael Ray and some WWE Divas in a whipped cream cage match would be AWESOME.

    Lannie – If there’s a pink energy drink with lace going around it, that would be the lamest marketing for women. Bring it on energy drink companies.

    demondoll – If it was “super climax” this energy drink would quickly take over The Rabbit Vibrator as a woman’s best friend.

    bikerbabeee – No, I would want that to stretch for ten round with each round adding something wet and slippery.

    dramastically – Hey, did you ever drink that Cocaine energy drink I gave you?

    Energy Guru – I spend nothing on my face, so maybe it’s good I spent a little money on this.

    Maratea – I thought they put sugar, spice, and everything nice in Virginia Slims.

    Christine – Yeah, only sweet little old ladies and 70s male porn stars get perms.

  16. Marvo, we’ll see that third nipple soon. Hope you are fibbing…don’t you get de-furred in a couple of days??

  17. Shannon – I would lose in a culinary battle or I would try to win by forfeit by cutting off her arms.

    Natalia – Getting a perm is one of the things on my list of things to do before I die, but right now my hair is too short.

    Jeremy Hobbs – SMELL IT!!!

    miss petite america – Yes, it is and it works wonders as a mosquito repellant.

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