Jack in the Box BBQ Bacon Sirloin Burger

Ladies and gentlemen. I am about to do something amazing right now. I am going to eat the Jack in the Box BBQ Bacon Sirloin Burger here in front of you in one sitting. I know what you’re thinking. You’re looking at the burger and thinking to yourself that it seems like an easy feat to accomplish, like beating a five-year-old at arm wrestling or making out with Tila Tequila.

But let me tell you that this here burger is no mere burger, ladies and gentlemen. The Jack in the Box BBQ Bacon Sirloin Burger features a seasoned sirloin patty on a bakery-style bun with bacon, American cheese, fried onion rings, and a BBQ sauce. This burger has the ability to make nutritionists cry, turn the obese obese-er, and make an Olsen twin look pregnant if eaten whole. Now watch as I stick this burger in my mouth.

Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.

Now you’re probably saying to yourself that sticking the burger into my mouth didn’t look too hard, but let me tell you that this burger had the capacity to make many things hard, like my arteries and Jack’s cock since these pricey sirloin burgers are making him a ton of money. Let me take another bite from the burger.

Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.

Ladies and gentlemen. I have taken several bites from the Jack in the Box BBQ Bacon Sirloin Burger and it appears that I have not been affected by it, but the truth be told, that I have been deeply affected by it. When I am done with this burger, 1,010 calories, 49 grams of fat, 5 grams of trans fat, 2,190 milligrams of sodium, and 91 grams of carbs will have entered my body. To rid myself of all of this, I am forced to do something extreme, called exercise. Let me partake in another bite from the burger.

Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.

Let me tell you ladies and gentlemen, it is difficult to completely consume this burger, because it is very bland. Despite all of its ingredients, none of them were noticeable. The BBQ sauce was very light in flavor, the onion rings had no taste, and the sirloin patty was disappointing. If this burger actually tasted good, I wouldn’t feel so bad about risking my health for it. It’s like I would have sex with Tara Reid, if I knew by doing so, she wouldn’t make anymore movies. Let me take another bite from the burger.

Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.

I give up! Uncle! Uncle! I am sorry to disappoint, ladies and gentlemen. Unfortunately, I am unable to consume the entire burger within one sitting. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to eat tofu and rice for the rest of the week to detox.

Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 burger – 1,010 calories, 49 grams of fat, 19 grams of saturated fat, 5 grams of trans fat, 150 milligrams of cholesterol, 2,190 milligrams of sodium, 690 milligrams of potassium, 91 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of dietary fiber, 16 grams of sugar, 52 grams of protein, and 1,000 grams of regret.)

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to yawnie and dramastically for suggesting this burger. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.)

Item: Jack in the Box BBQ Bacon Sirloin Burger
Price: $7.19 (small combo)
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 3 out of 10
Pros: Hearty burger. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Having sex with Tara Reid if it means she would no longer do any acting.
Cons: Motherfucking unhealthy. Lack of vegetables that aren’t deep fried. BBQ taste was almost nonexistent. Onion rings didn’t add anything, except a crunch. Making out with Tila Tequila.

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34 thoughts to “Jack in the Box BBQ Bacon Sirloin Burger”

  1. i can almost hear the agg, agg agg, agg, agg after you nom, nom, nom, nom, nom’ed your way through a unfairly heart-clogging part of that so-called burger…i still think it’s jacks way of telling us he owns our fat hearts…*sigh* i just know I’m going to end up eating this one day. damn you jack…

  2. I just ate the equivalent of one of these burgers in calories and fat. I was considering taking a visit to the vomitarium- then decided to play Rock Band instead.

    Sweat off the bad onions on the drums! Strum away the trans-fat on the Fender Stratocaster plastic guitar! Sing out the cholesterol like you’re exorcising the devil from the house of the Lord!

  3. This burger does look delicious. but apparently, it is not? why is that. it’s like angle shots on myspace, fat girls pretending to be skinny.

    on the other hand, I probably don’t need to eat anything like that. even if it was delicious.

  4. liz – Actually, it could use less calories and sodium. It should come with a nutritionist that keeps nagging you while you eat it.

    Bikerbabeee – I usually get a Jumbo Jack…mmmm…1.5 grams trans fat.

    Mara – I wish someone would make a burger with french fries in it.

    Molly – At least it’s not USDA-style meat.

    Scott – Thanks, buddy!

    Susu – Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.

    Jesse – Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.

    KrissPin – If Jack owns our fat hearts, I guess Ronald owns our fat asses.

    Michael John Grist – The only way you could get trans fat and cholesterol with music is if you plugged a real Fender Stratocaster, plugged it into an amp, turned the amp up to 11, and then play some Hendrix. The sound from the amp should push that crap out. Just remember to take a shower after.

    Shannon – Hello.

    Dawn – A double cheeseburger from McDonald’s is ten times better.

    Rose – Well if you do eat this burger and get fat from it, you can always do the angle shot on MySpace. 🙂

  5. Diana Ross – I wantflatabs

    Michael John Grist – Hmm…Do they make wireless guitars for Rock Band? That would give you more freedom to jump around, jump around, jump up, jump up and get down…Sorry, I was reliving my high school days with the House of Pain.

  6. 1010 Calories?! Forget that! I’d rather have a whopper or big mac instead. Fewer calories and probably more filling!

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