REVIEW: DiGiorno Tuscan Style Chicken Crispy Flatbread Pizza

If you don’t skip past the commercials in your DVR recordings, you probably know DiGiorno’s (or if you’re Canadian, Delissio’s) slogan is, “It’s not delivery. It’s DiGiorno.”

I’ve had many DiGiorno frozen pizzas over the years and pizza from either Pizza Hut, Domino’s, Papa John’s and I’ll just throw in Little Caesars for the hell of it, and I’m pretty sure no one will confuse a DiGiorno pizza with one of those other restaurant pizzas. I’m sure with one look, most people can easily tell the difference.

Besides, why would they want to be confused with a delivery pizza because there are way too many negative connotations with being a delivery pizza.

For example, delivered pizzas have a tendency to be greasier than a Wall Street financial analyst and can provide enough oil to power a biofuel car. Do they really want stigma of being confused with delivery pizza and all the porn references that go along with it? Those references involve pizza being delivered by a strapping young lad to a house that contains either a sexy cougar, teen babysitter, sorority girls, horny housewife or, in certain European countries, sheep.

Not even the new DiGiorno Tuscan Style Chicken Crispy Flatbread Pizza could be confused with a pizza delivered by someone with an insulated pizza case.

This flatbread pizza is made with grilled white meat chicken, spinach, oven-roasted tomatoes, garlic and a creamy red sauce. It smells nice, but the pizza is 11 inches in diameter, which is kind of small. The flatbread turned out crispy, but thankfully not like a cracker. Its flavor is bland and it tastes like diet Cheez-Its, which is surprising because I’ve enjoyed all of the DiGiorno pizzas I’ve tried in the past. Also, it seems like there isn’t much sauce on the pizza. I guess the saying “pizza is like sex, because it’s never bad” isn’t true because eating this pizza is like having drunk sex with a sheep — you thought it would be fun at the time, but later you’ll regret it.

If that’s not considered bad, I don’t know what is.

The only positive item I found with the DiGiorno Tuscan Style Chicken Crispy Flatbread Pizza wasn’t the pizza itself, but the plastic wrapping around it, which is extremely easy to open. Just grab the tab and pull it apart. The folks who work on the plastic packaging at DiGiorno really need to focus their attention on women’s bras.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/3 pizza – 14 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 1 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 680 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, 14 grams of protein, 10% vitamin A, 25% calcium and 6% iron.)

Item: DiGiorno Tuscan Style Chicken Crispy Flatbread Pizza
Price: $6.49 (on sale)
Size: 14 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 3 out of 10
Pros: Plastic wrapping is super easy to open. Flatbread was crispy. Pizza porn. DVRs. Being able to skip through commercials.
Cons: Bland tasting. It’s like a diet Cheez-Its. At 11 inches, it doesn’t seem too big. European sheep pizza porn. Unhooking bras in the dark. Drunk sheep sex.

24 thoughts to “REVIEW: DiGiorno Tuscan Style Chicken Crispy Flatbread Pizza”

  1. Haha, can’t be easier to open than your front door and a pizza box though. That sucks…I really was under the impression that most every pizza was at least “good”. It’s tough to make a nice crust sometimes….I’ve got a really good whole wheat crust…you oughtta try it 😛 It’ll change your mind about “healthy” pizza.

  2. Geez, even from the picture, it looks like the sauce is getting overpowered.

    Also, sheep can own property in Europe?

  3. You knocked that one out of the park, the pizza delivery porn reference is a masterpiece.

  4. Fresh bad pizza is way cheaper then frozen pizza.
    For the price of a DiGiorno I can get pizza AND crazy bread from Little Cesears.

    And the whole bra opening thing? It can suck for us too.. lol

  5. I thought Pizza Delivery Porn was a cliche until Mr. Grinder and I were choosing an adult video. We saw one with some kind of pizza orgy featuring a huge pizza with a hole cut in the middle of the box and some dude’s sausage poking through. Not very practical, and a lot dangerous.

  6. Hmm, I have always like DiGiorno pizzas…bummer for Tuscan chicken. Would it have been better with other toppings??

  7. @Bear Silber: If I ever end up in your neck of the woods, I’ll make sure to stop by.

    @maxchain: Maybe in some countries, but I’m pretty sure most countries don’t.

    @rob: I know, especially the sheep part.

    @lex: Little Caesars pizza can get crazy cheap, like $5 for a medium.

    @grinder: Dick in a Pizza!!! I smell a Timberlake and Samberg collaboration.

    @skibs: When I was looking at this in the freezer case at the store, I thought about getting one with normal ingredients, like pepperoni or Italian sausage, but noooooo, I had to get the weirdest one. I wish my stomach had its own brain.

  8. Wow, that wasn’t a crazy made up blog joke about Canada, it’s real!

    Also you know, there are some pretty great pizza places in New York that I can’t compare to anywhere else but I DO love a nice and lazy frozen pizza. In fact, I occasionally go so far as to claim I love frozen pizza more than restaurant pizza. This is a disappointment on DiGiorno’s end. At least I’m taking your word that it is!!

  9. I have never confused Digiorno with delivery…but their traditional one with the self rising crust wasn’t that bad. This one does sound like one of those experiences you’d rather forget, and hope that nobody was nearby taking pictures.

  10. It’s a shame that this is bad because it looks pretty good. Still, I guess one can never expect much from a frozen pizza.

  11. I had one of the Digiorno flatbread pizzas a few weeks ago and it wasn’t the flavor that you reviewed…that was a good frozen pizza and will buy another one when it’s on sale.

    I’d never thought that I’d say “Detroit” and “mouth-watering” in the same paragraph, but there was some national survey that was released last month that put Detroit at #3 best pizzas in the country behind NY and Chi-town.

    Here’s a photo gallery of some of the winners…

  12. @Neil the hammer: If only, New York pizza joint could deliver to Hawaii.

    @orb205: I’m surprised about that too. It’s like the whole Dreyer’s/Edy’s thing.

    @Chuck: I’m not famous enough to have paparazzi, so I’m pretty sure there wasn’t anyone taking pics.

    @Shannon: Yum.

    @Orchid64: I have high expectations for everything and everyone…I will be a horrible parent.

    @Geddy Lee: Hmm…I guess that’s another thing to add to my list of things I know about Detroit, along with cars and Eminem.

    @Zac Pritcher: I think it’s the flavor I tried, I think the other flavors are probably much better.

  13. you’ve reviewed for one version of it, but the best frozen pizza on the planet if the California Kitchen Thin Sicilian, hands down.(the full sized one cooked in the oven on the rack) It’s actually one of my favorite pizzas period. Then I again I disagree with most people. I prefer frozen pizza more than store bought. I guess it is what I grew up on and I don’t like the grease.

  14. @Rpu – “I prefer frozen pizza more than store bought.” – That’s so sad…where do you live. I’m apt to deliver a pie to you personally!

  15. My coworker went to Europe and said when she went to Italy, the food was really plain and bland. No creamy Alfredo sauce or bucca di beppo-type “quasi-Italian cuisine.” Maybe digorno was trying to make an “authentic” Italian-style pizza? Too bad us fat, flavor-hungry Americans won’t stand for bland!

  16. Wow, this is my favorite frozen pizza ever! Can’t believe you hate it to much. I hate cheez-its too, don’t see a similarity =(

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