Author: Brandon

REVIEW: Arby’s Premium Chicken Nuggets

Brandon 15 Comments

Arby s Premium Chicken Nuggets Spill

Until I sat down to write this and started Googling for background info, I had absolutely no idea that Arby’s — noted proprietor of meat — didn’t have chicken nuggets on its menu. Maybe it’s because I’ve seen the chicken tenders and just assumed it also served poultry in a more nuggeted form; maybe it’s because when traveling to the land of curly fries and Beef’n Cheddar, who feels it necessary to order nuggets?

I never had before, and, in case you don’t feel like reading a full review of Arby’s new Premium Chicken Nuggets, I probably won’t again. That isn’t to say they are appalling or abhorrently bad; they’re just… boring.

Arby’s touts its new offering as having “100% chicken breast,” which seems legit and is pretty par for the course, I guess. It’s offering them in Arby’s kids’ meals (as a 4 or a 6 piece) and as a 9-piece solo meal or as part of its “2 for $6” promotion, which also includes the Classic Roast Beef and the Classic Beef’n Cheddar. And while $3 for 9 nuggs is a reasonable deal in today’s market (Maybe? To be fair, I haven’t comparative nugget priced in a while.), you’d be better served doubling up on the B&C, honestly.

Arby s Premium Chicken Nuggets Innards

The thing about these is that there is nothing special about them. The seasoning is bland (and by “bland,” I mean “non-existent”) and the nuggets themselves are drier than a mummy’s tongue. These things are no different than frozen nuggets that come from a truck that maybe you’d find at a neighborhood swimming pool or waterpark snack bar. Fresh from the fryer (and these were), they are hot and salty.

Arby s Premium Chicken Nuggets Shapes

Additionally, they are decently sized. Unlike McDonald’s or Wendy’s uniformly sized nuggets, these are all like snowflakes, like the kind you’d get at, oh, say, Chick-fil-A. The smallest piece was the size of two Hershey’s Kisses mushed-up together, and the biggest was the size and shape of an obese walnut. If you’re getting them for $3 as part of the promotion, it’s a reasonable deal; if, however, you’re getting them in the meal or as a solo item ($3.99), you’re moving out of the “good deal” territory.

Anyway, if you’re looking for a perfectly acceptable sauce delivery vehicle, these will do. You know, like almost any other nugget. If, however, you want a nugget that can headline based on the strength of its own merit, this isn’t the one for you. Arby’s would do well to stick with the RB and leave the chicken to those who typically traffic in bird.

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: 9-pieces
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (9 nuggets) 470 calories, 23 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat,75 milligrams of cholesterol, 1360 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, and 38 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Cap’n Crunch’s Chocolate Caramel Crunch Cereal

Brandon 5 Comments

Cap n Crunch s Chocolate Caramel Crunch Cereal Box

What is Cap’n Crunch’s Chocolate Caramel Crunch?

Everyone’s favorite sea-based military cereal mascot is back with his newest flavor since 2019’s less-than-stellar “Cotton Candy” offering. This time, he’s bringing chocolate to the high seas (which he has done multiple times in the past), but pairing it with caramel, which, to the best of my research, is a flavor he has never attempted, ever.

How is it?

Cap n Crunch s Chocolate Caramel Crunch Cereal Dry

Not bad at all!

I can’t recall if I’ve ever had any of the previous chocolate varieties the Cap’n has offered, but this one starts off with a mild cocoa aroma and taste, and then BOOM, you’re in Caramel City. The caramel even makes it chew differently, with a bit more stickiness than standard Crunch Berries. There are light undertones of butter and salt, giving the whole affair a bit more complexity than you might expect from the wild-eyed, possibly-deranged sugar peddler of the sea.

Cap n Crunch s Chocolate Caramel Crunch Cereal Spoon

Anything else you need to know?

According to Wikipedia, there have been 30 or more varieties of Cap’n Crunch since Pamela Low developed the original in 1963, and of those 30+, only a handful have become regular offerings. So if you try this and like it, buy enough to make a strong impression, lest this version goes the way of Mystery Volcano Crunch, Deep Sea Crunch, Punch Crunch, Vanilly Crunch, or Galactic Crunch.

Conclusion:

Cap’n Crunch Chocolate Caramel Crunch is an insane amount of Cs for any one product. It also feels like one too many “crunches.” Even still, it’s a fine addition to the fleet. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going back to this fascinating Cap’n Crunch Wikipedia entry. (Did you know that “Captain Crunch Adams” was a short story character created in the 1940s by Allan Burns, who later created The Mary Tyler Moore Show and The Munsters? Or that cereal developer Pamela Low also had a hand in developing Heath, Mounds, and Almond Joy?)

Purchased Price: $2.79
Size:11.8 ox box
Purchased at: Hy-Vee
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 cup) 150 calories, 2 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 230 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 16 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein

REVIEW: Tropical Mango Pop-Tarts

Brandon 2 Comments

Tropical Mango Pop Tarts Box

What are Tropical Mango Pop-Tarts?

Forget the taste of charred hot dogs on a sweltering July evening, the feel of ice cold watermelon juice dripping down your chin as you stand on a gently swaying boat dock at the lake, or almost choking to death by the pool because you’re eating your Doritos too fast and your cousin shoots you in the face with his Super Soaker, the REAL taste of summer is the new summer line from Pop-Tarts. Joining Tropical Mango are Creme Pies of the banana and lemon variety, as well as Peach Cobbler.

How are they?

A little lackluster.

Tropical Mango Pop Tarts Crust

As you can see in the pictures, the jacket icing is nothing more than a drizzle. While most Pop-Tarts are fully iced, and a handful are naked, only a couple are adorned with a thin doodle like this Tropical Mango version. I can’t help but think these Tarts — which are very mildly flavored to begin with — would be better fully covered.

Tropical Mango Pop Tarts Filling

The filling itself is extremely, almost jarringly sweet, but it does bear a distinct mango flavor. Unfortunately, it’s just barely noticeable.

Anything else you need to know?

Of the four new flavors, mango is the only one with the Spanish word for new — “Nuevo” — on the box. That’s fine and all, but as we are all well aware, India actually produces and consumes more mangoes than any other nation on Earth. Therefore, I’m petitioning Kellogg’s to add “naveen va” — which is Hindi for new — to the other side of the box.

Conclusion:

Though mangoes are a perfectly delightful fruit, they don’t translate well into the realm of toasted pastries. I’d be surprised if these become anyone’s favorite. Or stick around. Even in India, where folklore says that mango trees can grant wishes. (I’m serious, they love their mangoes.)

Purchased Price: $2.29
Size: 13.5 oz box (8 count)

Purchased at: Sun Fresh
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2 pastries) 380 calories, 11 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 400 milligrams of sodium, 68 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 23 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Wendy’s Bourbon Bacon Cheeseburger

Brandon 6 Comments

Wendy s Bourbon Bacon Cheeseburger Full

In general, I am fairly apathetic when it comes to food infused with booze. Would you like to whisky-up your chicken? Okay. Wanna put beer in your chili or maybe your cheese? Sure, why not. Bourbon in your BBQ sauce? Whatever boils your potato, chief. Mostly, in my experience, adding beer or bourbon to your food is fine, but tends to land on the side of “maybe not worth whatever calories it’s adding.”

Especially when it comes to fast food.

While a local gastropub might be able to make you notice the “subtle undertones of oak in a rich BBQ sauce married with a 12-year-old, single batch bourbon,” a fast food place always runs the risk of ending up with something that tastes like your buddy got drunk and accidentally knocked his Natty Light into the cheese dip.

Wendy s Bourbon Bacon Cheeseburger Toppings

So imagine my surprise when I really ended up liking Wendy’s new Bourbon Bacon Cheeseburger. Wendy’s describes it as “a quarter-pound of fresh, never frozen beef topped with Applewood smoked bacon, American cheese, crispy onions, and a sweet, smoky bourbon bacon sauce that is, essentially, a sauce made with real bourbon and real bacon.” That’s the actual copy.

Anyway, this isn’t a Bourbon BBQ sauce, which is what I kept thinking, but a Bourbon bacon sauce. And how is this sauce? Extremely sweet with only a very subtle tang. You’d be hard-pressed to get anything boozy from it, which, as a person who’d prefer their food to taste as little like alcohol as possible, I’m fine with.

According to Wendy’s, some of the sauce’s 30 ingredients include brown sugar, sugar, molasses, “uncured bacon base,” another kind of molasses, and, as you may have surmised, bourbon whiskey. But once again, I didn’t taste booze, or bacon, just sugar. And it’s good! It complements the salt of the bacon strips expertly. If you’ve ever had the good fortune to eat candied bacon, you will recognize this combination. It works.

Wendy s Bourbon Bacon Cheeseburger Split

The “crispy” onions also managed to stay reasonably crispy, which was a welcome surprise. The bun was warm and soft and seemed fresh, and the cheese was… present. To be honest, I didn’t really notice the cheese. This thing might’ve gotten by without it.

Despite all of these positive attributes, though, there was a pretty big negative -— the meat. While I’ve traditionally championed Wendy’s patties, this particular burger was dry and under-seasoned. Maybe I’ve had too many fantastic non-chain burgers lately, or maybe Wendy’s grill-master was having an off night. Either way, the bland meat puck took this sandwich down a notch or two. Even still, it’s worth a try if you’re looking for something a little different than most fast food offerings currently in the market. (Did you see the part about “candied bacon”? I rest my case.)

Purchased Price: $5.99
Size: N/A
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 710 calories, 41 grams of fat, 16 grams of saturated fat, 1.5 grams of trans fat, 85 milligrams of cholesterol, 1400 milligrams of sodium, 51 grams of carbohydrates, 2 gram of dietary fiber, 15 grams of sugar, and 34 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Sonic Twisted Texan Cheeseburger

Brandon 4 Comments

Sonic Twisted Texan Cheeseburger

I am always on board when an American fast food chain in a non-US location unveils its version of regional American fare.

Take, for instance, McDonald’s “Big America Burgers” in Japan. The most recent iteration of this popular offering gave Japanese consumers the Texas 2, the Idaho, the Miami, and the Manhattan burgers. Some of these have very reasonable — and dare I say interesting — inclusions. A hash brown on the Idaho burger, for example, is a particularly fetching choice. And then sometimes, something seems to get lost in translation. While I applaud the pastrami topping on the Manhattan, I’m a little perplexed by the mozzarella and “sour cream sauce.”

Ditto, McDonald’s “Great Taste of America” burgers, which have popped up multiple times in the UK, the most recent being 2019. While I am impressed that the “Alabama Chicken” has a white BBQ sauce, the “New York Stack” is all over the road by serving it on a sesame and poppy seed bagel (nice!), but topping it with “bacon, cheese, creamy coleslaw, ketchup, mustard, lettuce, and pickles.” Because nothing says “New York” like mixing up your coleslaw with ketchup, mustard, and cheese, right?

Sonic Twisted Texan Cheeseburger 1

Sonic’s “Twisted Texan” Burger (or footlong, quarter-pound hot dog, if you’d rather) doesn’t really come close to some of those weird combinations, to be sure, but it also isn’t very inspired. It is a regular quarter-pound beef patty on a regular bun, topped with its regular chili, a cheese slice, and “crispy onion strings.” Do these things work well together? Sure, I suppose so.

I’m on record as being a fan of Sonic’s patties, and I usually have good luck with its buns, too. Its chili — which is almost like a Coney-style chili-sauce, if you’ve never had it — is great on its dogs and tots, and it’s fine here. The single slice of cheese got lost in the mix, which ultimately made it inessential; a second slice might’ve added more oomph.

Sonic Twisted Texan Cheeseburger 2

Now that brings us to the onion strings.

While the first bite or two of the burger noticeably benefited from them, the “crispy” exterior of the strings quickly turned to mush, making the veggie indistinguishable in consistency and taste from the chili. I’m not sure how you combat this unless you use whole onion rings. (Which, you know, could’ve been done; I’m not sure that onion strings are any more or less “Texan” than onion rings.)

In the end, this is just an okay burger, but I’m not sure what screams “TEXAS!” about it, other than the red chili. Which, I mean, is sort of Texas-y? But it’s also something that you can get a really good bowl of just about anywhere. How could have Sonic made this more of a Texas thing? Oh, I don’t know… by putting it on Texas toast, perhaps? Or maybe adding brisket. Or a tiny little, sandwich-sized cowboy hat. Anything more than just “chili and onion strings.”

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: N/A
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 1030 calories, 68 grams of fat, 17 gram of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 110 milligrams of cholesterol, 1940 milligrams of sodium, 68 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, and 33 grams of protein.