Author: Brandon

REVIEW: Burger King Brownie Batter Shake

Brandon 6 Comments

Burger King Brownie Batter Shake Top

What is Burger King’s Brownie Batter Shake?

Burger King suggests that its new drinkable dessert features “rich, fudgy brownie batter” blended with its “signature” vanilla soft serve, topped with whipped cream. One thing is very accurate about this description — this thing definitely had whipped cream on it.

How is it?

Here’s a word I’d use to describe this shake that you probably don’t want to read in a milkshake review: gritty! That’s right, this thing tasted like the person making it had been at the beach all day before realizing that it was 10-til-4 and they wouldn’t have time to shower before their scheduled evening shift at BK. It was pretty intense. It was chocolatey, sure, but mostly in a very artificial, very Hershey’s syrup-esque way. Mostly, I was overwhelmed by the textural unpleasantness.

Burger King Brownie Batter Shake

Less than halfway through, I realized I’d had enough. Have you ever had a quarter of a milkshake before declaring yourself done? It’s a strange feeling.

Anything else you need to know?

Sonic did a chocolate brownie batter shake last March that managed to feature small bits of soft brownie in it. I was sort of surprised that this wasn’t the tactic here. This was, very literally, just liquid brownie batter mixed into vanilla soft serve. No decadent, chewy chunks or anything like that. Just chocolate grit.

Conclusion:

Burger King has been on a good run lately with the delicious Garlic & Bacon King and the phenomenal Ch’King sandwich, so I maybe had my hopes up too high. Also, it’s a shake, right, and how can you possibly mess that up? Oh wait, I know — by making the shake in the middle of a New Mexico sandstorm, that’s how.

Purchased Price: $3.59
Size: N/A
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 740 calories, 31 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 14 grams of saturated fat, 670 milligrams of sodium, 104 grams of total carbohydrates, 80 grams of total sugars, 3 grams of fiber, and 15 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Sonic Banana Pudding Shake

Brandon 11 Comments

Sonic Banana Pudding Shake Cherry

The first thing you should know before we really get into this review is that I love banana-flavored anything. Are you one of those insane people who pitch your banana Laffy Taffy or Runts? I will gladly take both off your hands. But my lust isn’t relegated to artificial banana flavoring alone, oh no. I am just as wild about bananas that come in a pie or in bread. You might say that I *checks notes* go ape for bananas.

There is, however, one blind spot in my yellow-fruit fanaticism: banana pudding. Honestly, it has less to do with my disinterest in that particular flavor and more to do with the fact that my pudding consumption is probably below average. According to an actual website I saw on the internet, 150 million Americans ate pudding in 2020; I’m honestly not sure if I was one of them. (And if I did, it was a very unimpressive amount — likely a single pudding cup.)

So how, then, would I find Sonic’s new Banana Pudding Shake? Let’s review.

Sonic’s shake-take on this Southern dessert classic features vanilla ice cream, banana pudding, banana pieces, Nilla wafers, whipped topping, and a maraschino cherry. As expected, this shake is VERY banana-centric.

The pudding was indiscernible from the vanilla ice cream, which was probably due to, you know, the blending process. So really, it ended up tasting like soupy banana ice cream. Thick chunks of banana abounded throughout the concoction necessitating the need for a spoon at times.

Sonic Banana Pudding Shake Top

The whipped topping was creamy and sweet and provided a nice blanket for a mess of crushed up Nilla wafers. Speaking of, I was surprised and impressed that the wafers held their crunch for as long as they did; Nilla makes a sturdy wafer, it seems. The cherry was probably fine, but I don’t know since my daughter stole and ate it when I wasn’t looking.

Sonic Banana Pudding Shake Soupy

This is the part of the review where you might be wondering how this compares to Sonic’s regular banana shake. Well, for starters, it’s much runnier. The pudding compromises the consistency of the treat, as one might expect. It does, however, also elevate the banana taste as well as add a nuanced layer of additional creaminess. The wafer pieces are also a noticeably different component, adding a welcome textural variance to the affair.

So is it worth it? For sure, but ONLY if you’re crazy about banana. This thing may even be too much for a casual banana fan. And if you don’t like bananas at all, it’s sort of weird that you read this whole thing. But thank you for your time, regardless, and I hope you have a great day.

Purchased Price: $3.79
Size: Small
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (small) 760 calories, 38 grams of fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 24 grams of saturated fat, 100 mg of cholesterol, 370 milligrams of sodium, 94 grams of total carbohydrates, 64 gram of total sugars, less than 2 grams of fiber, and 11 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Burger King Garlic & Bacon King

Brandon 16 Comments

Burger King Garlic Bacon King Full

Ah, garlic. Aggressively odiferous plant. Repellent of vampires. Destroyer of kisses. Enhancer of… well, I was going to say “enhancer of Italian food,” but garlic is like cuteness at a kitten convention — it’s everywhere, basically. Including this new burger from Burger King, which it’s calling the Garlic & Bacon King (GBK).

Burger King’s website doesn’t really explain what is on the GBK, but other sites use this description: “a new premium burger made with two quarter-pound flame-grilled beef patties topped with three half-slices of bacon, new garlic pieces, two slices of American cheese, and mayo on a soft sesame seed bun.”

I got the single which is also an option. That also reduced the number of cheese slices by one, which was totally fine, and I’m pretty sure the single came with two pieces of bacon instead of three. (Again, this made sense.)

The real story here is the inclusion of “new garlic pieces.” Now, if you read this but haven’t seen a picture, this is pretty broad, right? Are we talking minced-up garlic mixed in with the mayo? Loose cloves lying sleepily atop the patty? The possibilities are endless. (Okay, well, maybe there are only two or three actual possibilities. But still.)

Burger King Garlic Bacon King Gaaaarlic

In this case, we’re talking thin garlic petals that have been deep fried. And there are a TON of them. An overwhelming amount, in fact. If you do not like garlic, there is no way on Earth you like this burger. There is no subtlety here, oh no. This is a giant poke in the eye with a big, greasy, garlic-coated finger. And to borrow an expression from the youth of today, “I am here for it.”

I’m not sure I had a single bite that didn’t have a crispy, garlicky petal in it. Also, please note that I said “crispy.” Despite a 10-minute car ride home and some photography after, they were amazingly crisp. Texturally (and of a similar potency), the garlic reminded me of the French’s Crispy Fried Onions your Aunt Lydia puts on the green bean casserole each Thanksgiving. These things were STRONG, but delicious.

Burger King Garlic Bacon King Split

Everything else about the burger was pretty standard BK fare. The bacon was thick, well-cooked, and salty, the mayo was appropriately creamy, and the cheese was perfectly fine fast food American cheese. I will say, the patty tasted a bit more charbroiled than I think BK’s patties typically are. I’m not sure how these things are prepared, so I don’t know if it was something in the preparation, or if it’s something with the meat, or perhaps some combination. In any case, it tasted fresh and meaty, and I felt like it elevated this particular burger.

While this isn’t in the same league as the new BK Ch’King sandwich, it is a nice LTO that’s worthy of a go. Just don’t do it before heading to a make-out party or inviting any vampire friends over for a board game night.

Purchased Price: $5.99
Size: Single patty
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: Unavailable at this time (Okay, well, the website says the single I had has 214 calories, and something about that seems off. There are no other stats.)

REVIEW: Arby’s Premium Chicken Nuggets

Brandon 15 Comments

Arby s Premium Chicken Nuggets Spill

Until I sat down to write this and started Googling for background info, I had absolutely no idea that Arby’s — noted proprietor of meat — didn’t have chicken nuggets on its menu. Maybe it’s because I’ve seen the chicken tenders and just assumed it also served poultry in a more nuggeted form; maybe it’s because when traveling to the land of curly fries and Beef’n Cheddar, who feels it necessary to order nuggets?

I never had before, and, in case you don’t feel like reading a full review of Arby’s new Premium Chicken Nuggets, I probably won’t again. That isn’t to say they are appalling or abhorrently bad; they’re just… boring.

Arby’s touts its new offering as having “100% chicken breast,” which seems legit and is pretty par for the course, I guess. It’s offering them in Arby’s kids’ meals (as a 4 or a 6 piece) and as a 9-piece solo meal or as part of its “2 for $6” promotion, which also includes the Classic Roast Beef and the Classic Beef’n Cheddar. And while $3 for 9 nuggs is a reasonable deal in today’s market (Maybe? To be fair, I haven’t comparative nugget priced in a while.), you’d be better served doubling up on the B&C, honestly.

Arby s Premium Chicken Nuggets Innards

The thing about these is that there is nothing special about them. The seasoning is bland (and by “bland,” I mean “non-existent”) and the nuggets themselves are drier than a mummy’s tongue. These things are no different than frozen nuggets that come from a truck that maybe you’d find at a neighborhood swimming pool or waterpark snack bar. Fresh from the fryer (and these were), they are hot and salty.

Arby s Premium Chicken Nuggets Shapes

Additionally, they are decently sized. Unlike McDonald’s or Wendy’s uniformly sized nuggets, these are all like snowflakes, like the kind you’d get at, oh, say, Chick-fil-A. The smallest piece was the size of two Hershey’s Kisses mushed-up together, and the biggest was the size and shape of an obese walnut. If you’re getting them for $3 as part of the promotion, it’s a reasonable deal; if, however, you’re getting them in the meal or as a solo item ($3.99), you’re moving out of the “good deal” territory.

Anyway, if you’re looking for a perfectly acceptable sauce delivery vehicle, these will do. You know, like almost any other nugget. If, however, you want a nugget that can headline based on the strength of its own merit, this isn’t the one for you. Arby’s would do well to stick with the RB and leave the chicken to those who typically traffic in bird.

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: 9-pieces
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (9 nuggets) 470 calories, 23 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat,75 milligrams of cholesterol, 1360 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, and 38 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Cap’n Crunch’s Chocolate Caramel Crunch Cereal

Brandon 5 Comments

Cap n Crunch s Chocolate Caramel Crunch Cereal Box

What is Cap’n Crunch’s Chocolate Caramel Crunch?

Everyone’s favorite sea-based military cereal mascot is back with his newest flavor since 2019’s less-than-stellar “Cotton Candy” offering. This time, he’s bringing chocolate to the high seas (which he has done multiple times in the past), but pairing it with caramel, which, to the best of my research, is a flavor he has never attempted, ever.

How is it?

Cap n Crunch s Chocolate Caramel Crunch Cereal Dry

Not bad at all!

I can’t recall if I’ve ever had any of the previous chocolate varieties the Cap’n has offered, but this one starts off with a mild cocoa aroma and taste, and then BOOM, you’re in Caramel City. The caramel even makes it chew differently, with a bit more stickiness than standard Crunch Berries. There are light undertones of butter and salt, giving the whole affair a bit more complexity than you might expect from the wild-eyed, possibly-deranged sugar peddler of the sea.

Cap n Crunch s Chocolate Caramel Crunch Cereal Spoon

Anything else you need to know?

According to Wikipedia, there have been 30 or more varieties of Cap’n Crunch since Pamela Low developed the original in 1963, and of those 30+, only a handful have become regular offerings. So if you try this and like it, buy enough to make a strong impression, lest this version goes the way of Mystery Volcano Crunch, Deep Sea Crunch, Punch Crunch, Vanilly Crunch, or Galactic Crunch.

Conclusion:

Cap’n Crunch Chocolate Caramel Crunch is an insane amount of Cs for any one product. It also feels like one too many “crunches.” Even still, it’s a fine addition to the fleet. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going back to this fascinating Cap’n Crunch Wikipedia entry. (Did you know that “Captain Crunch Adams” was a short story character created in the 1940s by Allan Burns, who later created The Mary Tyler Moore Show and The Munsters? Or that cereal developer Pamela Low also had a hand in developing Heath, Mounds, and Almond Joy?)

Purchased Price: $2.79
Size:11.8 ox box
Purchased at: Hy-Vee
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 cup) 150 calories, 2 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 230 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 16 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein