Author: Jenna

REVIEW: Kellogg’s ICEE Cereal

Jenna 1 Comment

As someone who spent a large portion of my formative years at the Jersey Shore, ICEEs were more than just a treat. They were a symbol of summer, a form of salvation from the heat, and now, thanks to Kellogg’s, it can add “Mixed Berry Breakfast Cereal” to its resume too.

It is UNCANNY how much this smells like ICEEs. I’m not sure if “cereal odor engineer” is an actual job title, but if it is, bravo to this cereal odor engineer! Interestingly, though, the taste was not quite so evocative. I had to shovel down a few bites before I could even figure out what flavor my mouth was experiencing. My eloquent first thought was… “cereal.” I know, but seriously between the small ball shape, colors that certainly cannot be found in nature, crunchy-on-the-outside-but-airy-on-the-inside texture, and flavor that combines sweetness, maltiness, and a hint of bitter artificiality, they check every box that sugary breakfast cereals are infamous for (if only they came with a prize too!).

Do the red puffs and the blue puffs taste any different? My expert verdict is: a little. I got a faint whiff of cherriness from the red and blue-raspberry-ness from the blue, but honestly, I think the colors did a lot of work in helping to convince my brain that they were distinct. The website I bought this from explicitly lists purple as one of the piece colors too (neat to note that those few pieces weren’t just brightly hued screwups after all), but I can’t say they had any unique flavor of their own. And just like combining red and blue gives you purple, combining red ICEE pieces and blue ICEE pieces in the same mouthful gives you something new, too… a total mess.

The cereal tasted much better when I was eating only reds or only blues; the minute I mixed up a big spoonful, all I could taste was a funky artificiality that bizarrely reminded me of banana. It wasn’t exactly BAD, but I can’t say it totally hit the mark either.

Of course, I also have to mention this cereal’s rad gimmick, a cooling sensation like what was used in last year’s Coca-Cola Starlight. At first, I just chalked my chilly mouth up to cold milk, but when I ate a few dry pieces, lo and behold, the cooling effect was just as strong, leaving not just the roof of my mouth but even my throat feeling frosty and tingly. Perhaps this wasn’t strictly necessary, but it was a pretty cool touch (pun not intended, actually, but welcome nonetheless). And hot tip (or, ahem, cool tip): if you enjoy this effect, definitely slurp up all the milk at the bottom of your bowl, too.

So, am I glad I tried these? Sure! Did I ultimately need the ginormous two-pack I bought? Probably not! Will I reach for these again when the craving for a frozen fruity beverage strikes? Doubtful! But will I gladly snarf them down for a quick, quirky, and not necessarily quality breakfast? ICEE-lutely!

Purchased Price: $7.98
Size: 2 13.2 oz bags
Purchased at: SamsClub.com
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 1/3 cup serving with no milk) 130 calories, 1 gram of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Nissin Breakfast Cup Noodles

Jenna 1 Comment

“Have a backup…” a friend advised when I told them about my plan to pack Nissin Breakfast Cup Noodles for lunch (or, considering their namesake, more like brunch). When they realized I wasn’t joking, they added, “Maybe buy some Alka-Seltzer and Pepto Bismol too.” But life is short, and how many chances does one get to try noodles that taste like pancakes with maple syrup, sausage, and egg? That being said, I did bring a backup lunch just in case, but to my utter shock and delight, I didn’t need it.

The design on the cup offered a sunny start. The bright blue backdrop and vibrant cartoony illustration of a heaping helping of syrup-soaked pancakes, with a side of fluffy scrambled eggs and plump breakfast sausage doesn’t resemble what’s inside at all, but it’s still lovely!

What you get after peeling off the lid, pouring water up to the fill line on the inside of the cup, and doing an excited/happy/”oh gosh, what have I gotten myself into” dance in front of the microwave for four minutes, is a pile of greyish-yellow noodles in a pool of greyish-orange broth, topped with pea-sized bits of greyish-brown sausage and egg that’s… actually a regular (if slightly fluorescent) shade of yellow. (Your mileage may vary, but my cup had SIGNIFICANTLY more egg than sausage.) Don’t let the murky appearance fool you, though: there’s a wonderful taste in store.

The first word that came to my mind to describe the broth was “mellow.” I was expecting it to be saltier, but this stuff was straight-up sweet: maple-y, a bit malty, and all in all, surprisingly so hearty that I almost forgot that it had been created by simply combining dry, seasoned noodles and tap water.

The handful of sausage pieces were certainly not the most beautiful specimens in terms of appearance or texture (they could be described as both “gristly” and “grisly”). But they did a nice job adding a burst of flavor—savory, again with a strong streak of maple, plus an interesting peppery aftertaste.

As for the fluffy but dense eggs, despite their abundant quantity, they didn’t really have much flavor on their own, thoroughly overpowered by the broth. Once more, their defining characteristic was mapleness!

The stars of the show, the noodles, were similar. They were warm and comforting, but I got the feeling that their sweet-and-a-lil-zesty flavor came more from the broth and toppings rather than the soft, gummy strings themselves. (Fun fact — and added bonus, if you’re anything like me — it also smelled exactly like Post’s Waffle Crisp cereal.)

This novelty really surprised me. Not only was I not expecting Nissin Breakfast Cup Noodles to genuinely taste like breakfast, but I was also not expecting it to genuinely taste good, and it delivered tremendously on both counts. I am slightly befuddled, slightly disturbed, and totally pleased to tell you that if you enjoy noodles, breakfast, convenient packaging, or the terrifying-yet-thrilling anticipation of a food that doesn’t taste how you think it will, you really should try this. Seriously!

Purchased Price: $9.32 (I bought online from a third-party seller, but the retail price is meant to be just $1.18)
Size: 2.93 oz
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 container) 380 calories, 15 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 1020 milligrams of sodium, 54 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 10 grams of sugar (including 9 grams of added sugar), and 8 grams of protein.

REVIEW: McDonald’s New Lemonade (2023)

Jenna 4 Comments

Sweet, tart, refreshing… lemonade is so popular for a reason, sure. But it can also be pretty easy to mess up. In ye olden days of about a few weeks ago, back when McDonald’s used to serve syrupy Minute Maid lemonade, it wasn’t exactly the nectar of the gods, but it was predictable. The Minute Maid has now been replaced by McDonald’s new lemonade (ironically referred to on its menu as “classic”), which was an unknown quantity for me.

To briefly break down the difference, this new brew is described by Mickey D’s as “made with real lemon juice, bits of lemon pulp and real cane sugar.” Conversely, Minute Maid is maid with high fructose corn syrup instead of sugar, and it also doesn’t contain pulp. So, these two citrusy sips have their distinctions, and you can taste them.

I was a little concerned that I wouldn’t be able to find the words to review something as straightforward as lemonade, but from my very first taste, one word flashed brightly in my mind, as bold as Ronald McDonald’s wig: TART. I had wondered whether this new lemonade might be on the saccharine side like its predecessor, but there was nothing mild about its lip-puckering intensity. That cane sugar does lend some welcome notes of sweetness to avoid feeling like you’re straight up licking a lemon, but the dominant flavor is definitely sour.

I had also suspected that this lemonade might taste watered down, but I’m pleased to report that that was not the case. The taste was rather smooth and robust, so much so that when I had to take a phone call mid review and returned to find my ice cubes melted, the flavor was hardly diminished (in fact, with the sharp edges of sourness slightly toned down the lemonade might have even tasted better).

Of course, I also have to mention the potentially-controversial addition of pulp, and I have to mention that I barely noticed it. The pulp was most obvious when I peered at the bottom of my cup, and yes, when I jostled the cup I could clearly see it swirling throughout, but its presence was less felt in the taste, with most pulp bits short and thin enough that I hardly realized they were there as I drank. The occasional larger chunk was more apparent, but I found that these just added some welcome texture.

Overall, the potent pucker power of McDonald’s new lemonade might be a touch too tart for some tastes, but if you can suck it up — literally! — this juice is worth the squeeze.

Purchased Price: $2.60
Size: Small
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 150 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 10 milligrams of sodium, 37 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 34 grams of sugar (including 34 grams of added sugar), and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dairy Queen Churro Dipped Cone

Jenna 11 Comments

Successfully purchasing Dairy Queen’s new Churro Dipped Cone involved facing my two biggest fast food fears. On my first attempt, Dairy Queen had run completely out of what I’d come all the way there to get. On my second, I endured several awkward moments of blank stares from an employee who’d never heard of what I was ordering and had to confirm its existence through a lengthy chat with his manager. Fortunately, I was ultimately able to claim my prize, a big (seriously, am I the only one who didn’t realize just HOW large Dairy Queen’s “large” size is?), beautiful, rust-colored confection.

After all that hubbub, the Churro Dipped Cone — Dairy Queen’s classically curvaceous vanilla soft serve outfitted with a new churro-flavored shell — tasted like victory. It also tasted like, well, a churro. Sort of? It was certainly sweet and cinnamon-y (an apple cider donut was actually the first baked good it reminded me of, though maybe it’s just because I’ve had one recently), with a particularly zesty aftertaste thanks to the smattering of actual cinnamon sugar that coats the coating. But since it’s just churro-inspired without featuring any actual churro pieces, the classic crunchy texture is lacking. Though that’s not to suggest that the churro coating doesn’t have a lovely texture of its own! It was so thick that each time I bit off a flake, I was rewarded with an audible THUNK, and the ensuing experience of chomping into each hefty shard and savoring the sweetness and hint of spice as it melted in my mouth was wonderful.

Aesthetics-wise, I also appreciate that my cone didn’t look too uncannily perfect. The method behind DQ’s dipping madness involves dunking a naked vanilla cone into a vat of liquid which then solidifies around it into the iconic crisp coating. That means that each Churro Dipped Cone is unique, like the snowflakes that were fittingly falling around me as I sampled my seasonally inappropriate dessert. Mine certainly didn’t have the most even application, alternating between visibly thicker layers and bald patches with no coating at all. Those had the side effect of making it particularly messy to eat since, as the ice cream melted, droplets started gushing out through the gaps and all over my hands. I’m thankful the Dairy Queen employee had way more foresight than I did and provided me with a large bundle of napkins, all of which got used!

Prying off a bit of churro shell or lapping up some stray ice cream dribbles is all well and good, but my biggest gripe is what happened when I ambitiously tried to capture both elements in the same mouthful. The coldness of the ice cream immediately overpowered the mild flavor of the coating, suddenly rendering the subtle churro notes more or less tasteless. Dairy Queen’s vanilla ice cream is top-notch – rich, sweet, and creamy. It hits all the notes you’d expect and about as well as you could expect it to, but it wasn’t what I intended or expected to be the star of the churro show.

All in all, this tasty treat is as good an excuse to make a Dairy Queen run as any, but I’m not sure it will satisfy any actual churro cravings.

Purchased Price: $4.08
Size: Large
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 630 calories, 28 grams of fat, 22 grams of saturated fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 220 milligrams of sodium, 682 grams of carbohydrates (EDITOR’S NOTE: This is the number on the DQ website, the medium has 40 grams so it’s probably 68 grams), 62 gram of sugar, and 12 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Domino’s Loaded Tots

Jenna 16 Comments

The only thing I like as much as pizza is non-pizza products from pizza places, so Domino’s new Loaded Tots had me tantalized. There are three topping variants, but I started by pulling off one naked tot, which was standard, but well-executed fare -– salty, starchy, with an impressively crisp exterior and fluffy interior. Onto the true taste test!

Melty 3-Cheese

It was unsettling to see so many pitch-black burnt bits of cheese along the edges, but the majority of the tots were coated in a more palatable shade of white/orange cheese blend. The prominent sharpness of cheddar was accompanied more mellowly by the creaminess of mozzarella and tanginess of provolone, a tasty cheesefest.

In mine, most of the cheese had settled to the bottom and congealed into a thick slab that the tots were resting on top of. This slab apparently also included Alfredo sauce, but I can’t say that the flavor shined through. In any case, the dense bed of solidified cheese actually was a positive for me since it avoided the classic problem of tot toppings falling off and scattering (though it did mean I ended up barbarian-ishly tearing off chunks with my hands rather than eating with a fork as I’d more civilly intended).

Cheddar Bacon

These tots looked very similar to the Melty 3-Cheese, so much so that I wondered if I’d accidentally been given two orders of the same thing. Upon closer examination, I was able to distinguish some fattier bacon strips. But most of the bacon came in the form of crispy bits with a color, size, and shape that were really similar to the dollops of charred melted cheese. (Though there was also an intense bacon-y smell that helped me differentiate.)

The topping – which combined said bacon with our old friends mozzarella and cheddar, as well as a garlic Parmesan sauce – was still quite congealed but more successful at perching atop the tots. Despite not being the most visually distinct, the bacon packed quite a punch taste-wise, giving this flavor a meatier, smokier quality, with some yummy complexity added by the garlic sauce.

Philly Cheesesteak

This variant definitely looked the most photogenic, laden with an even-less-congealed version of the same mozzarella and cheddar combo as the Cheddar Bacon, plus Alfredo sauce, slabs of onion, slices of green pepper, and thin strips of steak that are described on the website as “tender.” I’d agree… but only when it comes to the centers, as the edges of the steak strips were as blackened as the aforementioned burnt cheese edges.

On their own, the ingredients tasted great – the peppers zesty, the onions sweet with a nice zing, the steak rich, and the cheese/sauce mixture as appealing as it was in the other two Loaded Tots. But taken all together, they became oddly indistinguishable to me, with all the elements canceling each other out to result in an amalgamation that was intensely savory but ultimately ambiguous.

These were all equally pretty good, but I still doubt I’d order any of them again. Loaded tots are a nice novel way to combine carbs, cheese, meat, sauce, and vegetables, but come on! If you’re already set on ordering from Domino’s, pizza would be a much more satisfying way to get your flavorful fix.

Purchased Price: $6.99 each
Size: N/A
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (¼ an order) Melty 3-Cheese – 210 calories, 13 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 25 milligrams of cholesterol, 510 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of sugar, and 6 grams of protein. Cheddar Bacon – 240 calories, 16 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 590 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of sugar, and 7 grams of protein. Philly Cheese Steak – 200 calories, 12 grams of fat, 5 grams of saturated fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 530 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of sugar, and 6 grams of protein.