Author: Marvo

REVIEW: Jack in the Box Really Big Chicken Sandwich

Marvo 15 Comments

The Jack in the Box Really Big Chicken Sandwich isn’t really big.

Heck, I don’t think it can be even considered just “big” by today’s fast food standards, which have been set by burgers like BK’s Steakhouse XT and whatever monstrosities Carl’s Jr. and Hardee’s come up with. To me, even the Big Mac shouldn’t be regarded as “big” when compared with the latest fast food burgers.

The sandwich has two chicken patties, but even with them it looks small. But if the Really Big Chicken Sandwich can be considered big, then there are certain men out there who should have no reason to buy a 450-horsepower sports car to make up for particular inadequacies in their nether regions.

The size of this Jack in the Box chicken sandwich disappoints me not only because I feel it’s false advertising, but also because if there’s a fast food company that should understand what “really big” is it’s Jack in the Box, whose fake CEO has a head so comically large that I’m surprised people who come near him don’t get caught in his gravitational field and orbit around his head.

Jack in the Box’s Really Big Chicken Sandwich is made up of two crispy chicken patties with two slices of Swiss-style cheese, lettuce, tomato, bacon, and mayo-onion sauce in between a bun. The sandwich kind of looks like the reproductive result of what would happen if a KFC Double Down and a McDonald’s Big Mac got all hot and oily with each other.

While I don’t think it’s really big, I do think it’s a mighty tasty sandwich, mainly due to the mayo-onion sauce and an ingredient that seems to make almost everything better. No, not the tears of a child whose ice cream has fallen off of its cone and onto the ground; I’m talking about bacon.

The strips of pig may not be visible in the pictures above and they may not be crispy, which is almost always the case with fast food bacon, but they do add a pleasant smokiness to the sandwich. The chicken patties were crispy and flavorful; the cheese was hardly noticeable; the lettuce and tomato allowed me to say I ate a serving of vegetables; and the bun was surprisingly durable and not bad tasting.

A Jack in the Box Really Big Chicken Sandwich small combo will run you $3.99, even in Hawaii, which is a reasonable price for what you get. But it would be an even better deal if the Really Big Chicken Sandwich was actually really big.

Wait a second…If the Really Big Chicken Sandwich isn’t really big, then shouldn’t we also be wondering if it’s really a chicken sandwich?

(Nutrition Facts – 1 sandwich – 748 calories, 44 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat* (*contains less than 0.5 grams of trans fat due to the use of partially hydrogenated oils), 85 milligrams of cholesterol, 1834 milligrams of sodium, 471 milligrams of potassium, 56 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar and 30 grams of protein.)

Item: Jack in the Box Really Big Chicken Sandwich
Price: $3.99 (small combo)
Size: Small Combo
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tasty sandwich. Bacon gives it a smokiness. Affordable combo price. Awesome source of protein and potassium. Mayo-onion sauce is tasty. Eating vegetables. Durable bun. Tears of a child whose ice cream has fallen onto the ground.
Cons: Not a really big chicken sandwich. Awesome source of sodium and fat. Cheese was hardly noticeable. Looks like what would happen if a KFC Double Down and a McDonald’s Big Mac hooked up.

ANNOUNCEMENT: Pepsi Baobab Winners!!!

Marvo 5 Comments

Here are the two winners of the recent Pepsi Baobab prize drawing and their favorite fruit(s):

1. margaret (who likes mangoes, bananas and grapefruit)

2. Raymond (who likes apples)

The winners have been emailed and I hope to soon send their sodas on their merry way from my kitchen to their lips.

Congratulations to the two winners and thank you to everyone who entered.

REVIEW: Gerber Simply Strawberry Yogurt Blends

Marvo 6 Comments

Over the years, I’ve reviewed a number of products meant for those whose vocabulary consists of a lot of gurgles and WAAAHHHHHHs. I don’t try them because of my fetish that involves wearing diapers, using regressed motor skills and vocabulary, and being treated like an infant, which some call paraphilic infantilism, while others call it “whatever floats my boat.” I review these products because if I don’t, the mommy review bloggers win.

Just kidding, mommy review bloggers. I love you guys. Now will one of you sling me over your shoulder and burp me.

I don’t remember what types of food my parents gave me as an infant. But if I don’t remember, it must’ve been either so bad that I’ve repressed any memories of them or most of it ended up in my bib instead of my mouth, which tends to happen nowadays when I’m being fed in my man-sized baby chair. Today, I believe babies eat better than I did when I was an actual baby and not when I role play as a baby and pretend to be excited by the jingling of keys in front of me.

Case in point, the new Gerber Simply Strawberry Yogurt Blends.

If I were a real baby, I’d make my parents pick this stuff up for me by using my limited motor skills to reach for it or cry when we pass by it at the grocery store. If I were a “baby,” I’d make my “parents” pick this stuff up by dropping subtle hints like saying “Pssss” and then pointing at it or writing it down on the list of things I’d like them to do while I’m pretending to be a baby.

Each container is about the size of a snack pack pudding cup and within it is a creamy and smooth yogurt with a pleasant mild strawberry flavor. Unlike most adult yogurts, there isn’t fruit on the bottom so there’s no need to stir, which makes it easier for whoever my “mommy” is. The yogurt gets its strawberry flavor via strawberry puree, juice concentrate and natural strawberry flavor.

It’s like a Yoplait Go-Gurt except in cup form and not as tart. It’s good enough that I’d probably eat it whenever I’m in or out of diapers. I think my adult taste buds like it because of the 11 grams of sugar in it, which makes it quite sweet. But I’m not sure if it’s good to feed that amount of sugar to an infant.

According to the label, it’s for children who are “sitters,” which means they sit independently, pick up and hold small objects in their hands and reach for food or a spoon when hungry. I didn’t know toddlers could be split up into groups like that. I guess it’ll be something new to try next time I’m in diapers.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 container (3.5 ounces) – 100 calories, 3 grams of fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 60 milligrams of sodium, 160 milligrams of potassium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein, 4% vitamin A and 20% calcium.)

Item: Gerber Simply Strawberry Yogurt Blends
Price: $3.50
Size: 4 pack
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Nice strawberry flavor. Smooth and creamy. No artificial sweeteners. No refrigeration needed before opening. No artificial flavors. Good source of calcium. Jingling of keys. Made with whole milk and real fruit. No preservatives. Mommy review bloggers. My desire to dress up like a baby.
Cons: 11 grams of sugar. Getting more food on my bib than in my mouth. No chunks of real fruit. Getting into my man-sized baby chair. Trying to burp me. Food choices for babies born in the 1970s. My desire to dress up like a baby.

REVIEW: Lean Cuisine Market Creations Chicken Alfredo

Marvo 12 Comments

While most frozen food entrees that involve steaming, like the Healthy Choice Cafe Steamers line, come with a bowl to help steam the dish in the microwave, the new Lean Cuisine Market Creations Chicken Alfredo is prepared differently.

Instead, they decided to chuck the bowl and, apparently, go the microwaveable frozen food feed bag steamer route, which you just throw into the microwave for five minutes. I guess a feed bag makes sense since we’re all just horses trotting through the great plains of life and need sustenance as we mosey along. Although I do wish Lean Cuisine included a strap so that I could attach the bag to my face.

Of course, I could be “domesticated” or “follow instructions” and pour the contents of the bag onto a plate and use a fork to eat it. But it’s just easier to place my mouth at the opening and let the Lean Cuisine goodness slide towards my face, like I’m trying to get the last potato chip crumbs. Sure, the hot white meat chicken, penne pasta, broccoli, yellow carrots, orange carrots and Alfredo sauce in the bag burned my face, but to me the first-degree burns were worth it because I didn’t have to wash dishes.

Yes, I am one lazy mofo.

But I won’t have to worry about those burns anymore because the Lean Cuisine Market Creations Chicken Alfredo is something I would not eat again.

While there were ample amounts of chicken and vegetables; the noodles came out just right; the vegetables didn’t turn out soggy; and it, surprisingly, looks really good in the photo above, especially the vegetables, its flavor wasn’t equally as appealing. Its biggest downfall was the chicken, which seemed like it was marinated in Mexican spices, making it taste like someone snuck in some Taco Bell into my Lean Cuisine.

The sauce could’ve been the lifesaver here and masked the flavor of the chicken, but since it’s a Lean Cuisine meal the sauce can’t be rich or too flavorful, unless it wants to be called Tubby Cuisine or Hungry-Man. But even if the Alfredo sauce is kind of bland, having a good amount of it in the bag might’ve helped, but there’s barely enough to coat everything.

I guess you could say they’re being “lean” with the Alfredo sauce. Or you could also say they’re being “lazy” with the Alfredo sauce, just as lazy as me.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 package – 280 calories, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 680 milligrams of sodium, 970 milligrams of potassium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, 20 grams of protein, 70% vitamin A, 20% calcium, 30% vitamin C and 10% iron.)

Item: Lean Cuisine Market Creations Chicken Alfredo
Price: $4.99
Size: 10.5 ounces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 3 out of 10
Pros: Looks good, especially the vegetables. Lots of chicken, vegetables and penne pasta. No preservatives. Filling. Low in saturated fat. Contains poly- and monounsaturated fats. Can eat it straight from the bag, if you’re lazy or don’t follow instructions.
Cons: Chicken tasted weird, like it was marinated in Mexican spices. Barely enough Alfredo sauce to coat ingredients. Burns from eating it straight out of the bag. Being a lazy mofo. No strap included to attach bag to my face.

PRIZE DRAWING: Because I Have Bottles of Baobab

Marvo 137 Comments

I have two unopened bottles of the limited edition Pepsi Baobab, which I reviewed last week.

There are a number of things I could do with those bottles, like sell them on eBay for $5 plus shipping; wait six months, let them become more scarce and then sell them on eBay for $7 plus shipping; or wait five years, sell them on eBay for $10 plus shipping and hope the buyer doesn’t give me negative feedback when they get sick from drinking a five year old soda. Or I could have an Impulsive Buy prize drawing and have two lucky readers each win a bottle.

Yeah, that’s what I’ll do.

To enter The Impulsive Buy’s Pepsi Baobab prize drawing, leave a comment with THIS post. You may say whatever you like, but your comment MUST include what your favorite fruit is.

Please don’t forget to fill out the email field because I’ll be emailing the winners for their mailing addresses. The Impulsive Buy will stop accepting entries on Sunday, June 27, 2010 11:59 p.m. Hawaii Standard Time. Only one entry allowed per person and it’s open to everyone who’s 18 years old or older.

Good luck!

Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you links to cute cat videos that you’ve probably already seen. The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you cute cat photos. Bribes will not be accepted. Offering kittens will not influence the results. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail, damaged mail, or cutsy wootsy kitty cats that warm your cold heart and bring a smile to your face.