Category: Reviews

REVIEW: Smucker’s Uncrustables Taco Bites and BBQ Chicken Bites

Ann 5 Comments

Smucker s Uncrustables Taco Bites and BBQ Chicken Bites

What are Smucker’s Uncrustables Taco Bites and BBQ Chicken Bites?

Smucker’s Uncrustables is stepping outside of its proven sweet-based lineup and into the savory space with two heat-and-eat “meat in bread” items — BBQ Chicken Bites and Taco Bites. Uncrustables has done grilled cheese before, but now we’re talking full-on USDA approved animal products, ya’ll.

How are they?

First, let’s assume these are targeted toward and made for kids. They have a different palate than (most) adults, so I set my expectations at “they should be as good as any other kid-food option.”

Smucker s Uncrustables Taco Bites 2

I started with the Taco Bites, hoping for that standard taco seasoning flavor and some cheesy goodness since the front of the package said these included cheese. I used the printed microwave heating directions since there weren’t any for a toaster oven.

Smucker s Uncrustables Taco Bites 3

Biting into these was like biting into a black hole. I know my jaw closed, but around what? The bread on the outside was a dry whole wheat bun. There was an aftertaste of taco seasoning like it was a distant childhood memory, but that was about it. The filling-to-bread ratio was way off, with every bite being mostly dry bread followed by a little bit of the beef crumble.

Smucker s Uncrustables Taco Bites 4

For the second bite in the pouch, I tore off the top layer of bread and folded the rest in half to try to simulate doubling the meat filling. This was much better and led to my discovering that the seasoning on the beef itself is pretty good when it’s not battling the flavor sucking sponge of the whole wheat bun prison it’s delivered in. I predict many a kid will eat the yummy filling and leave the bread exoskeleton behind.

Smucker s Uncrustables BBQ Chicken Bites 5

With my expectations significantly lowered, I moved on to the BBQ Chicken Bites. The same microwave directions had my food ready in 40 seconds.

Smucker s Uncrustables BBQ Chicken Bites 6

The bread used in the BBQ Chicken version was SO MUCH BETTER. It was moist (yeah, I said it) almost like a wheat brioche and was an immediate improvement. The filling was too sweet for my BBQ preferences, but, again, assuming this is for kids, I can see why it leaned into sweet BBQ instead of smoky or savory. The poultry pieces were surprisingly large and looked like legit whole shredded chicken breast meat. There was also a definitive sauciness to the inside that was lacking in the taco version.

Is there anything else you need to know?

I mean, they certainly don’t have a crust. Moniker appeased.

Also, I can see where the crazed parent, desperate to get food into their screaming hungry kid’s mouth, would appreciate something that’s pretty impressively balanced in nutrition and ready in 40 seconds.

Conclusion:

I’m always a fan when a brand innovates outside of its proven space. I think these bites, overall, were designed for kids with care and consideration (I mean, only 170 milligrams of sodium in two BBQ Chicken Bites means someone was paying attention when these were developed).

That being said, the Taco Bites have a lot of room for improvement (please switch the bread. PLEASE!) before I’d buy them again. The Chicken BBQ Bites were pretty delicious even for “kid food,” and I’ll be happy to munch on them as afternoon snacks (there’s not enough food to be an adult meal, that’s for sure) until they’re gone.

Purchased Price: $3.99 each
Size: 6 oz. box/3 pouches
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 4 out of 10 (Taco Bites), 7 out of 10 (BBQ Chicken Bites)
Nutrition Facts: (1 twin pack pouch) Taco Bites – 160 Calories, 5 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 310 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 6 grams of protein. BBQ Chicken Bites – 130 Calories, 3.5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, and 8 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Java Monster 300 Triple Shot

Marvo 1 Comment

Java Monster Triple Shot

I present to you a Java Monster Triple Shot Energy Coffee review with a number of words that equals the number of milligrams of caffeine each can has —- 300.

(Yes, including these words and those above. So it’s really 258 words below.)

Monster Energy might be trolling Starbucks with this new coffee drink line because, if not for a tap of the space bar, it would’ve been a trademark violation. You see, Starbucks, last year, came out with an energy coffee line called Tripleshot, which is a followup to the brand’s Doubleshot line.

Java Monster Triple Shot features, you guessed it by looking at the large numbers on the labels and reading the first paragraph above, 300 milligrams of caffeine per can, and it comes in two flavors — French Vanilla and Mocha. Starbucks’ Tripleshot has a not round number of 225 milligrams of the stimulant, but is currently available in five flavors.

Java Monster Triple Shot French Vanilla
Java Monster Triple Shot French Vanilla

While Java Monster Triple Shot can pump a Spartans army at the Battle of Thermopylae’s worth of caffeine into your bloodstream, I feel that’s the only noteworthy thing it has.

Both varieties smell, look, and taste similar to their regular Java Monster counterparts, but it seems as if some flavor was sacrificed in order to get to 300 milligrams of caffeine. To me, they’re slightly less flavorful than any regular Java Monster, especially the French Vanilla variety. Yes, I shook them.

Java Monster Triple Shot Mocha
Java Monster Triple Shot Mocha

With that said, Jave Monster Triple Shot drinks are perfectly fine coffee beverages if you want or need a whole lot of caffeine in 15 ounces. But if you don’t need to pump your bloodstream with that much, I’d recommend sticking with the regular Java Monster line, which has 188 milligrams per can. Or you could purchase a can of Starbucks’ Triple-no-space-shot.

300 words.

Purchased Price: More than anyone should pay on eBay
Size: 15 oz. cans
Purchased at: eBay
Rating: 7 out of 10 (both flavors)
Nutrition Facts: (1 can) French Vanilla – 200 calories, 3.5 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 210 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 32 grams of sugar, and 7 grams of protein. Mocha – 200 calories, 3.5 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 220 milligrams of sodium, 35 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 32 grams of sugar, and 7 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Croissant Stuffers

Vin 5 Comments

Dunkin Croissant Stuffers Side

What are Dunkin’ Croissant Stuffers?

Dunkin’ is looking to kickstart its own “is a hot dog a sandwich” like debate by offering two new croissants stuffed with meats and cheeses.

How are they?

I’m prepared to say there are a couple of tasty new breakfast sandwiches (???) on the market.

I don’t know what it is about these little rolls that always turns me into a (probably offensive) caricature of a Frenchman, but when I eat one I just have to say “Qua-sahn,” and follow that up with that stereotypical “huh-huh” grunt laugh and a fake mustache twirl. So gimmie a second while I do my routine.

—

Ok, now that I got that out of my system, it’s time to shove these into it.

The actual croissants are perfectly textured. They were as buttery and flakey as you’d expect, but that’s not to say the overall sandwiches (???) were without their flaws.

Dunkin Chicken Bacon Cheese Croissant Stuffers

Chicken, Bacon & Cheese – First of all, Everything seasoning is a game-changer. I’d eat an Everything Croissant every morning without remorse. The stuffing is where this one went off the rails a bit.

Dunkin Chicken Bacon Cheese Croissant Stuffers Innards

If you are expecting a lot of chicken and bacon, well, this is basically the anti-Arby’s, because they don’t have the meats. There was a tiny piece of rubbery bacon weaved through and a flimsy piece of chicken that got dwarfed by the flavors of bacon and Colby Jack – which was the best part of the stuffing. If you’ve ever had a Chicken Bake from Costco, this tasted kinda like a Lean Pockets version of that with less chicken and no dressing.

Dunkin Three Cheese Croissant Stuffers

Three Cheese – This one wasn’t exactly teeming with stuffing either, but the mix of mozzarella and cheddar was delicious. There’s also a baked-on layer of Swiss on the outside of the croissant, which brought it all together. I’d call Three Cheese borderline great, but I still wish there was more cheese overall. Also, Dunkin’ should’ve added Colby Jack to this one too.

Dunkin Three Cheese Croissant Stuffers Innards

Anything else you need to know?

I’m a huge fan of the Cheddar Bagel Twists Dunkin’ sells, and the way the Swiss was baked on the Three Cheese Stuffer reminded me of those. Baked-on cheese is underrated.

Oh, and if you’re hungry, these aren’t exactly huge portions, so you might wanna grab one of each.

Conclusion:

Croissant Stuffers are a nice light breakfast. I’m happy the croissant is the star of each show, but I imagine the majority of people are gonna be left unfulfilled by the lack of stuffing in these sandwiches.

That’s right, I have declared them a sandwich.

Purchased Price: $3.49 each
Size: n/a
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Chicken, Bacon & Cheese), 8 out of 10 (Three Cheese)
Nutrition Facts: Chicken, Bacon & Cheese – 330 calories, 18 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 710 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of total carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 6 grams of sugar, 14 grams of protein. Three Cheese – 320 calories, 17 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 500 milligrams of sodium, 30 grams of total carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 6 grams of sugar, 12 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dairy Queen Raspberry Fudge Bliss Blizzard

Denis 8 Comments

Dairy Queen Raspberry Fudge Bliss Blizzard

What is the Dairy Queen Raspberry Fudge Bliss Blizzard?

One of the new additions to Dairy Queen’s 2020 Summer Blizzard Menu, this one features real raspberries, soft fudge pieces, and choco chunks mixed by the magical Blizzard machine with vanilla soft serve.

How is it?

I give this one an “A,” as in adequate, acceptable, average…that’s all I could find for synonyms starting with the first letter of the alphabet. My issue here is that I did not get much of a raspberry taste, and therefore, not much bliss.

Dairy Queen Raspberry Fudge Bliss Blizzard Raspberry Bits

The promotional photos from DQ feature good-sized chunks of raspberries perched atop a mountain of soft serve covered with two types of chocolate. My Blizzard, however, had what would best be described as flecks or specks of raspberries. My hopes that the fruit chunks had simply sunk down a bit during the melting that occurred from the drive-thru window to my house were dashed after a furious digging expedition yielded nothing.

Dairy Queen Raspberry Fudge Bliss Blizzard Top Choco

The raspberry taste was quite mild and no match for the double dose of chocolate, which was amply mixed throughout and on top of the Blizzard. The soft fudge and choco chunks worked nicely together with the different textures, and the flavors merged well with the vanilla soft serve. But if you are expecting a distinctive raspberry flavor, you might be let down.

Is there anything else you need to know?

Because it has real raspberries, this Blizzard is really good for you! OK, no it isn’t. Not even close. But it is less unhealthy for you and has fewer calories, fat, and sugar than most other varieties. Plus, a medium has 20 percent of the recommended daily value of Vitamin C, so all you need to do is throw down five of these and you’ll be all set for the day. Disclaimer: you’ll also have to run a marathon plus some extra miles to work off the 4,000 calories.

Conclusion:

“You’re not bad, but I am disappointed in you” is what I tell my kids when they do something stupid, and it’s also what I told this Blizzard as I consumed it. Look, it’s hard to make a bad Blizzard using any combination of candy, chocolate, and fruit, although eggplant and olives are technically both fruits, so it wouldn’t be an impossible task. So this is still a good Blizzard, but it’s also pretty forgettable.

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: Medium
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (Medium) 800 calories, 32 grams of fat, 19 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 55 milligrams of cholesterol, 310 milligrams of sodium, 117 grams of carbohydrates, 6 grams of dietary fiber, 89 grams of sugar, and 16 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Sonic Queso Burger

Louis 7 Comments

Sonic Queso Burger

Though not scientifically accurate, I believe the addition of queso to most things gives them at least a 75% rise in both their likeability and deliciousness factors.

Made up of mostly cheddar, this world-renowned cheese sauce has blessed everything from the most basic of store brand corn chips to the most expensive of cuts of beef, probably.

That being said, Sonic’s latest experiment in fast food tastiness, the Queso Burger, proves this unified theory in literally buckets of cheese, and I, for one, would love to be entirely dowsed by it.

Sure, at first glance, the Queso Burger might not look like anything spectacular, with only a small drop of bright yellow cheese dripping down the side of my specimen. But taking a large bite from the burger will elicit the most heat-friendly of smiles as the explosions of warm meat and hot queso dance a brave bolero across my yum-addled tongue.

Sonic Queso Burger Bunoff

But there’s a bit more to the Queso Burger than the haughty helping of much-loved queso. Parting the burger in two reveals a more than healthy batch of not only grilled onions, but also – hot damn! – Hatch green chiles, liberally swimming in the cheese sauce over the sweaty meat, begging you to lick them off the bread lustfully.

Served on the requisite toasted bun with just a squirt or two of ketchup and mayonnaise, the Sonic Queso Burger is a surprising hothouse of Tex-Mex flavors. This powerful meat-treat was merely hinted at with its last burger, the Sweet n’ Tangy Bacon Cheeseburger. It’s excitingly progressive when a business like Sonic taps into their Latin side, ain’t it?

Sonic Queso Burger Side

This mixture of queso and chiles is pure lit dynamite, one that I would like to see on Sonic’s tater tots, onion rings, and — oh please oh please oh please — a variety of breakfast burritos. But, until that morning blissfully occurs, the Queso Burger is Sonic’s Cinco de Mayo gift to us all.

And be sure to order a tall Rt. 44 when you get this burger because you might need it.

Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: N/A
Rating: 10 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 800 calories, 51 grams of fat, 16 grams of saturated fat, 1.5 grams of trans fat, 105 milligrams of cholesterol, 1360 milligrams of sodium, 52 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 10 grams of sugar, and 32 grams of protein.