Category: Reviews

QUICK YOGURT REVIEW: Evolution Fresh Inspired by Dannon Pineapple Passion Fruit Greek Yogurt

Marvo 2 Comments

Evolution Fresh Inspired by Dannon Pineapple Passion Fruit Greek Yogurt

This yogurt has 120 calories, so this will be a 120 word review.

Instead of an evolution, perhaps the yogurt should’ve gone through several revolutions in a blender because it’s a pain to mix evenly.

The yogurt layer is unusually thick and the thin fruit layer, which has pineapple and mango purees, pineapple bits, and passion fruit juice, sticks to the bottom like half-hardened glue.

Though it contains very little passion fruit juice, the fruit makes up 90 percent of the yogurt’s flavor and aroma. Pineapple is first in name, but last in flavor. Surprisingly, it isn’t overly sweet (thanks agave) and the Greek yogurt isn’t very tart.

I liked it, but I wish it had a stronger fruity punch.

Evolution Fresh Inspired by Dannon Pineapple Passion Fruit Greek Yogurt 2

Purchased Price: $1.50
Size: 5.3 oz.
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 120 calories, 0 calories from fat, 0 grams of fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 45 milligrams of sodium, 170 milligrams of potassium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 15 grams of sugar, 12 grams of protein, and 15% calcium.

REVIEW: Blue Bunny Seasonal Selections Spiced Pumpkin Pie Ice Cream

Adam 2 Comments

Blue Bunny Seasonal Selections Spiced Pumpkin Pie Ice Cream

Pumpkin pie – homemade, if you please, in a graham cracker crust, if you prefer, and hopefully served following a 3,500 calorie expedition through turkey, stuffing, and mashed potatoes – has long ago reached that point of singular dessert transcendence in which the evolutionary process takes over, undergoing a transformation into all manner of other delicious items. Case in point? Ice cream, including Blue Bunny’s new Spiced Pumpkin Pie Ice Cream.

Pumpkin-flavored ice cream is unapologetically delicious, although hardly earth-shattering. Virtually every major ice cream player has capitalized on mixing pumpkin puree and the usual suspects of spices within the magical confines of frozen cream and sugar, and none have been downright bad. That said, Blue Bunny has got some stiff competition, especially when they’ve forgone the standard whipped cream topping for, ahem, “marshmallow swirl.”

They certainly nailed the spice aspect if nothing else. It’s floral and powerful. It’s multifaceted and gives each lick a sophisticated ethos of falling leaves and cool temperatures. Frankly, when middle schoolers learn about the spice trade in their history classes and ask the proverbial “so what?” teachers should shove an ice cream cone of this in their faces and make them say thank you to the Portuguese.

Blue Bunny Seasonal Selections Spiced Pumpkin Pie Ice Cream 2

The taste of pumpkin is solid, but by no means exceptional. You know that flavor pumpkin pie takes on in the oven? That deep, brown sugar and caramelized natural sugar flavor? Yeah, it’s not there. If you’re like me and looking for an exceptionally deep pumpkin flavor, Blue Bunny’s rendition just doesn’t compete with the pumpkin bases of Edy’s and Hershey’s.

What does compete is the graham cracker ribbon. Some graham crackers suffer from staleness or overly fake flavors when put into ice cream. Not this one. The flavor is classic and mellow with the right mixture of crunch and whole wheat flavor to remind you of Nabisco’s Honey Maid Graham Crackers. It’s a nice counter to the assertive pumpkin spice, and needed textural contrast to the smooth base.

Blue Bunny Seasonal Selections Spiced Pumpkin Pie Ice Cream 3

While the pie crust pieces in the ribbon are exceptional, the ice cream base begs for more of them. Those of you familiar with Turkey Hill’s Pumpkin Pie Ice Cream will notice how little graham pieces there are and how they aren’t as crunchy in Blue Bunny’s version. Likewise, the ice cream base feels like it should be richer. Don’t get me wrong, it’s smooth and creamy, but the taste of cream just seems overshadowed by the floral notes of the spice. As far as the marshmallow swirl? Eh, can we just leave that on the sweet potato casserole? The only white swirly stuff I want on my pumpkin pie is whipped cream.

It’s a scientific fact that you can’t screw up pumpkin pie and Blue Bunny’s Spiced Pumpkin Pie Ice Cream is no exception. Yet like Red Velvet and other desserts turned into ice cream, it could do better, especially in an ice cream aisle filled with so many competitors.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – 150 calories, 70 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 25 milligrams of cholesterol, 65 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 0 gram of dietary fiber, 15 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Blue Bunny Seasonal Selections Spiced Pumpkin Pie Ice Cream
Purchased Price: $4.99
Size: 1.75 quarts
Purchased at: United Supermarkets
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Exceptional pumpkin spice flavor. Smooth texture and mouthfeel. Graham cracker swirl tastes like Nabisco Honey Maid Graham Crackers. Educational resource for apathetic middle schoolers.
Cons: Pumpkin flavor lacks baked depth and richness. Too sweet. Needs more graham cracker ribbons. Marshmallow fluff instead of whipped cream.

REVIEW: Hostess Donettes Maple Glazed Mini Donuts

Margaret 2 Comments

Hostess Donettes Maple Glazed Mini Donuts

Hold the phone, lower the pitchforks, and pause the Science Channel Documentary on Unicycle Wheel Hubs because, potentially freeing us from the burden of choosing between pancakes and doughnuts ever again, Hostess has stocked the shelves with new Donettes, all gussied up with maple frosting.

This promise bodes well in a person whose fingers twiddle at the mere thought of a powdered Donette poofing the cusp of one’s upper lip. While we are few, I know there are other, like-minded packaged doughnut enthusiasts out there. These Donettes? They offer a bright new hope for both Donette aficionados and indecisive breakfast eaters alike, so put away the doughnut pan and that bottle of Aunt Jemima. There is no need for syrup where we’re going.

Hostess Donettes Maple Glazed Mini Donuts 2

Mini doughnuts can be like small dogs: bold, yippy, potentially overrated, and/or cute. You never know what you’re going to get. In this way, they are always surprising. Here, we’ve got a crumbly cake of a doughnut. It’s moderately soft and, while not exactly fresh (hey, it’s been in a sack for a few weeks), it’s also not too dry, greasy, or messy to be offensive.

The glaze is all around and cracks through with a good combination of gritty and smooth. When combined with the neutral cake beneath, the taste comes through with vanilla, artificial maple flavor, straight sugar, and…science!

Sometimes, science has positive outcomes, like when you build a space satellite or invent a gym sock that always smells pleasant. Other times, science has negative outcomes, like when you create a shrink ray and your neighbor’s baseball crashes through a window and you accidentally shrink your offspring (lookin’ at you, Wayne Szalinski).

Here, science did okay. While all the preservatives saved the Donettes from mold and sustained its certain cakey quality, there’s still a bit of a metallic afterglow in the cake that keeps me from giving these an A-plus endorsement. Don’t get me wrong: it’s not like you’re eating the crushed metallic remains of the Terminator or anything, but the slight chemical aftertaste keeps the flavor from being the full-throttle, running-from-rampage, Terminator 2 Arnold Schwarzenegger-type of a Donette it could be.

Hostess Donettes Maple Glazed Mini Donuts 3

As packaged donuts go, these succeed fairly well. They’re not too sweet, messy, or dry and have a delicious sugared glaze that crackles into maple-like sugar as you bite in. They’re also not perfect. Indeed, you may find yourself pushed away by the slight chemical aftertaste, the fact that they’re not doused in Grade-B maple syrup, or the non-fresh nature of Donettes as a whole.

On the other hand, if you enjoy packaged doughnuts, have a predilection toward maple syrup flavors, and struggle with Pancake-Doughnut Indecisiveness (a serious social issue), you may never have to make a decision about breakfast again, and that’s a platform I can get behind. Less stress. More mini doughnuts.

(Nutrition Facts – 3 mini donuts – 190 calories, 80 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 105 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 18 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.)

Item: Hostess Donettes Maple Glazed Mini Donuts
Purchased Price: $1.99
Size: 10.5 oz package
Purchased at: Kroger
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Not too dry. Crackly, maple-forward glaze. Thoughtful balance of sweet glaze and neutral cake. Wayne Szalinski. Infinitely pleasant-smelling gym socks. Science Channel Documentaries on Unicycle Hubs.
Cons: Still kinda dry. Cake doesn’t taste like much. Yippy small dogs. Accidentally shrinking one’s offspring.

REVIEW: Mtn Dew Game Fuel Berry Lime

Dan 17 Comments

Mountain Dew Game Fuel Berry Lime

I’m a bit past my gaming “wonder years” when I would spend hours on end using one hand to make Kirby eat his enemies whilst blindly stuffing corn chips into my own gaping maw with the other.

Growing up means learning to manage my time more wisely. Gobbling down Doritos with two hands is way more efficient!

Despite this, I’ve vowed to never become that uncool adult who calls every Xbox “a Nintendo” and insists Pokémon is pronounced “Pokee-mans.” So to stay hip, I’ve decided I need to start drinking Mtn Dew Game Fuel again.

Wait, kids don’t say “hip” anymore? My apologies. I believe the correct term is “#$wag.”

I haven’t had a sip of Game Fuel since it was first released in Citrus Cherry flavor to promote Halo 3 in 2007. I’ve mentioned before how I still have 3 cans of sealed Halo 3 Dew in my basement, and while they probably have the corrosiveness and flavor of Xenomorph blood now, they remind me of a simpler time when Mtn Dew actually spelled out the word “Mountain.” Back in my day, vowels were cool! Whippersnappers!

But now in its 6th iteration, Game Fuel is back to promote Call of Duty: Black Ops 3. Citrus Cherry has returned, as usual, but 2015’s flavor n00b is Berry Lime.

Mountain Dew Game Fuel Berry Lime 2

With the color of a melted Gumby, the tempting turquoise liquid hissed at me as I cracked it open. And as I took a sip, that hiss became a bite. The fizzy carbonation here is strong enough to lift you into the ceiling, which now has to be washed and sterilized! So you get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir!

But the burn of the bubbles is paired pleasantly with the initial hit of berry flavor. The berries form a potent good cop/bad cop duo: first, a wave of bright, friendly blueberry sweet-talks your taste buds, but then a puckering tang of blue raspberry lays the smack down on ‘em with a surprise suplex from behind.

It’s a charming one-two punch that segues smoothly into the palpable lime aftertaste. More light and tropical than it is sour, this lime is what really appeals to me, because it tastes almost exactly like a liquefied Lime Skittle. And everyone knows Lime was the best Skittle before it was unceremoniously killed off and replaced with that bastard Green Apple Skittle.

R.I.P., Lime Skittle: I’ll pour a little bit of Dew out for you, my homie.

As the candied lime flavor peters out, I’m left again with the unfortunate back-of-mouth-funk and throat-stickiness that all new Dews seem to give. But unlike the grittiness of the recent Mtn Dew Black Label’s real sugar, the corn syrup here leaves my throat feeling slimier than a ’90s Nickelodeon game show.

Mountain Dew Game Fuel Berry Lime 3

The whole experience really is a bit like a more carbonated (thumbs up) and more artificial (thumbs down) version of Black Label. But it’s still as addictive as Minesweeper, and it’s hard to stay mad at a drink that simultaneously reunites me with my dearly departed Lime Skittle while also making me feel like I’m a vampire suckling on the life essence of a Blue Raspberry Jolly Rancher.

So while it probably won’t make me a Major League Gamer, this nostalgic and tasty Dew will at least make sure I don’t confuse Mario with Chef Boyardee.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bottle – 280 calories, 0 grams of fat, 85 milligrams of sodium, 75 grams of carbohydrates, 74 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, and 113 milligrams of caffeine.)

Item: Mtn Dew Game Fuel Berry Lime
Purchased Price: $1.79
Size: 20 fl oz bottle
Purchased at: Campus convenience store
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Two berries of blue in my Dew = woo-hoo! Lime Skittle memories. Willy Wonka levels of carbonation. Flavor suplexes. Repeatedly whispering the phrase “tempting turquoise” to myself in an empty room.
Cons: Nickelodeon levels of throat sliminess. Probably too sweet to drink with Doritos. Whpprsnpprs. “Thank you Chef Boyardee, but our princess is in another pasta can.”

REVIEW: Silk Pumpkin Spice Almond Nog

Marvo 4 Comments

Silk Pumpkin Spice Almond Nog

I like almond milk. It gives me a break from soy milk, which gives me a break from regular cow milk, which gives me a break from soda, which gives me a break from water, which gives me a break from food, which gives me a break from having a conversation with someone who won’t shut up about The Walking Dead. I’m sure it’s a wonderful TV show, but I’m not going to watch it. So you don’t need to convince me.

I also like pumpkin spice and am not sick of everything being pumpkin spice-ified. So seeing my two likes together in one carton made me as excited as a Walking Dead fan minutes before a new season starts.

Silk Pumpkin Spice Almond Nog isn’t the first pumpkin spice product from the brand. It has a pumpkin spice soy milk, which I enjoy and have purchased a few times. Since Silk has added pumpkin spice to their almond milk, it wouldn’t be surprising if we see the autumn spices with their coconut milk, cashew milk, and whatever nut milk Silk develops in the future. My money is on Brazilian nut.

Silk’s Pumpkin Spice Almond Nog has wonderful scent. When I pulled back the safety ring and took a whiff, it was like what I imagine motorboarding two pumpkin pies would smell like. It has an orange tint that looks like the result of a Creamsicle that’s been completely melted into a puddle mixed with the tears of a child who’s crying because he or she dropped that Creamsicle. Its texture is about the same as almond milk, not as creamy as soy milk, but not as thin as skim milk.

But its texture is also a bit weird and I’m not sure how to describe it. I guess it has an artificial creaminess to it. Actually, now that I think about it, all Silk products, thanks to thickening agents and emulsifiers, have an artificial creaminess, but this nog seems different than the other products.

Silk Pumpkin Spice Almond Nog 2

While the beverage’s aroma reminds me of the Thanksgiving dessert staple, its flavor does not. The spices are there — with cinnamon being the strongest, followed by ginger and nutmeg — but instead of pumpkin pie, its taste reminds me of cinnamon pancakes drowning in Mrs. Butterworth’s or Aunt Jemima. Yes, that does sound tasty but not at all what I was hoping for and I did not enjoy it much.

Also, I don’t know if many people care about this, but this beverage is nutritionally empty. A cup of Silk’s almond milk has 45 percent of your recommended calcium and 50 percent of your recommended vitamin E. A half-cup of this provides no calcium or vitamin E. Almonds are a great source of vitamin E, so how could it not have any vitamin E?

If you need a non-dairy pumpkin spice beverage fix, there are other options. I know there’s Almond Dream pumpkin spice-flavored milk and Califia Farms has a pumpkin spice latte with almond milk, but I haven’t had them so I can’t compare. But I can compare it with the Silk Pumpkin Spice soy milk and I think the soy milk version is much better tasting.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup – 50 calories, 10 calories from fat, 1 gram of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 8 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Silk Pumpkin Spice Almond Nog
Purchased Price: $4.69
Size: 1 quart
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Free of soy, dairy, gluten, lactose, cholesterol, eggs, casein, and carrageenan. Smells nice. The Walking Dead (so everyone says).
Cons: Free of decent flavor. Provides no vitamin E, which is weird because it’s made with almond milk. Not as good as Silk’s pumpkin spice soy milk. Weird texture.