Category: Reviews

REVIEW: Burger King Extra Long Jalapeño Cheeseburger

Marvo 5 Comments

Burger King Extra Long Jalapen?o Cheeseburger

With all of these “Extra Long” sandwiches Burger King has been pushing, I wonder if the fast food chain is bragging or overcompensating for something.

Anyhoo, the fast food chain’s latest limited time only menu item to use their hoagie bun is their Extra Long Jalapeño Cheeseburger. It features two flame-grilled 100 percent beef patties, mayo, ketchup, two slices of American cheese, iceberg lettuce, white onion slices, and marinated jalapeños.

Marinated jalapeños? Sounds fancy.

Well, after pulling out one of the jalapeño slices from my burger and trying it, I have to say it is fancy. Marinated jalapeños is a fancy name for pickled jalapeños because they taste and crunch exactly like them.

If you’ve tried all the previous Extra Long sandwiches, you’ve probably realized that this is basically their Extra Long Cheeseburger with jalapeños on it. If you’ve figured that out, congratulations my flame-grilled loving friend.

Burger King Extra Long Jalapen?o Cheeseburger 2

I counted six jalapeño slices on my cheeseburger. It’s enough to get a little jalapeño in almost every bite, but it’s not enough to add any significant heat thanks to the other parts of the burger. Eating the jalapeños separately brings a spiciness to my mouth that Burger King’s Fiery Chicken Fries could only dream of. But when eating the sandwich whole, the lettuce, ketchup, onions, and mayo are the firefighters that extinguish the jalapeños’ flames. Someone should totally make a sexy calendar with them.

While the peppers don’t bring the spicy, they do bring a flavor that’s familiar if you’ve had marinated…I mean, pickled jalapeños before. Their salty and peppery flavor is the most dominant in the burger. While the other toppings are strong enough to douse the jalapeños’ spiciness, they can’t hold a candle to the peppers’ flavor. All I could taste were the beef patties and their unique Burger King flavor, the American cheese, and the jalapeños.

Burger King Extra Long Jalapen?o Cheeseburger 3

Burger King’s Extra Long Jalapeño Cheeseburger is okay and I would probably buy it again. But I do wish it was spicy enough to make me sweat a little. Also, Burger King could’ve gotten a little creative with it. Instead of the ketchup and mayo, they could’ve brought back their Angry Sauce (which is probably in the same storage facility as The King and his scary gigantic head) and used it to give the burger a unique flavor.

(Nutrition Facts – 590 calories, 310 calories from fat, 35 grams of fat, 13 grams of saturated fat, 1.5 grams of trans fat, 90 milligrams of cholesterol, 1190 milligrams of sodium, 45 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, and 26 grams of protein.)

Item: Burger King Extra Long Jalapeño Cheeseburger
Purchased Price: $6.99 (small combo)
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Decent burger I’d probably buy again. Jalapeños’ flavor. Enough jalapeños to get a little bit in almost every bite. One really green leaf of lettuce (seen in middle photo).
Cons: Not much creativity went into this burger. Lettuce, ketchup, onions, and mayo are the firefighters that extinguish the jalapeños’ heat. Sexy calendars of burger condiments. Marinated jalapeño is a fancy name for pickled jalapeño.

REVIEW: Lay’s Do Us a Flavour Montreal Smoked Meat Potato Chips (Canada)

Michael 4 Comments

Lay's Do Us a Flavour Montreal Smoked Meat Potato Chips

It’s a good thing I don’t live anywhere close to Montreal, because if I did, I’d be at Schwartz’s (which is the most famous –- and arguably the best -– smoked meat joint in that city) for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And brunch. And a mid-afternoon snack. And what’s that Taco Bell thing? FourthMeal? Yeah, that too.

Suffice it to say, I’m a fan of Montreal smoked meat, so when I found out it was going to be one of the new Do Us a Flavour flavours, I knew I’d be eating the hell out of it (admittedly, I was probably going to eat the hell out of any new chip flavour regardless, but I digress).

When you think about it, Montreal smoked meat, with its distinctive spicing and universally appealing flavour profile (seriously, if you don’t like Montreal smoked meat or its close cousin, pastrami, and you’re not a vegetarian, then you’re a monster and I have nothing but scorn for you), I’m surprised it’s taken Lay’s this long to get there. It seems so obvious.

Lay's Do Us a Flavour Montreal Smoked Meat Potato Chips 2

It’s a natural flavour for a chip; the chip performs a similar function, taste-wise, as the starchy bread. Plus, these sandwiches are often served with French fries or even latkes, so smoked meat + potato is definitely a combination you can feel good about.

But of course, as seemingly perfect as this flavour is, there’s no guarantee that Lay’s isn’t going to mess it up (*cough*Butter Chicken*cough*).

Happily (and shockingly, given how thoroughly they bungled the butter chicken flavour), this is pretty much the ideal version of this chip. Everything about it is just right: the spicing, the slight mustard flavour, the pronounced but not overly assertive peppery bite… it’s weirdly perfect.

Lay's Do Us a Flavour Montreal Smoked Meat Potato Chips 3

I kinda wish it was paired with the more assertive crunch of a kettle chip, but then I wish that of pretty much every non-kettle-chip chip, so that’s probably more about my own personal preferences than anything else.

Seriously though, you need to try these chips. They absolutely nailed the flavour. It’s like they took a smoked meat sandwich and used some kind of magic ray to transform it into a bag of chips.

It’s like the future is here, and you can eat it.

(Nutrition Facts – 50 grams/per 27 chips – 270 calories, 17 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 260 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 1 grams of fibre, 1 gram of sugar, and 3 grams of protein..)

Item: Lay’s Do Us a Flavour Montreal Smoked Meat Potato Chips (Canada)
Purchased Price: $2.99 CAN
Size: 170 gram bag
Purchased at: Sobeys
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Captures the flavour of Montreal smoked meat perfectly. Magic. The future.
Cons: Would probably work a bit better as a kettle chip. Proximity-based inability to eat Schwartz’s for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and FourthMeal.

REVIEW: Lay’s Do Us a Flavour Butter Chicken Potato Chips (Canada)

Michael 8 Comments

Lay's Do Us a Flavor Butter Chicken Potato Chips (Canada)

I mentioned, in my review of the Cinnamon Bun chips from last year’s batch of Do Us a Flavour finalists, that every year seems to have a “water cooler flavour” — an oddball flavour that’s present more for its conversation-starting abilities than its appropriateness as a chip.

I guess butter chicken is it for this year, though as far as weird chip concoctions go, it’s more Tom Cruise than Mel Gibson — weird, but not off-puttingly so.  

Of all the Indian dishes to condense into chip form, butter chicken is probably the safest. It’s one of India’s most well known culinary exports, likely because its flavours are more mellow than many Indian dishes, and thus more accessible to western palates.

For the unaware, it essentially consists of chunks of chicken in a creamy, mildly-spiced sauce, usually served with rice or naan bread.

It seems like an odd flavour for Lay’s at first, but then you think, “yeah, I think I could picture that on a chip. I’d like to try that.”

Honestly, I’d still like to try that, because while these chips basically taste okay, they do an abysmal job of recapturing the flavour of butter chicken.

I don’t know if Lay’s was concerned that any exotic flavour might turn people off (even one as comparatively mild as butter chicken), but they clearly played it way too safe. The flavour of these chips is so far removed from anything even remotely resembling butter chicken, that I don’t think I ever would have been able to guess what it was supposed to be if I hadn’t already known.  

Lay's Do Us a Flavor Butter Chicken Potato Chips (Canada) 2

I mean, maybe if you forced me — really forced me — somewhere by hour four or five, several hundred guesses in, I’d be like “I don’t know, butter chicken??” and your eyes would light up. We’d wordlessly high-five, then both go home and never speak of it again. But our friendship would slowly fizzle out, because really, how couldn’t it?  We’d been through too much.

Seriously though, these chips taste nothing like butter chicken. The flavour is so unrecognizable it that I legitimately thought that there might have been some kind of factory mishap, and that the wrong flavour somehow ended up in the bag I tried. But I spoke to someone else who had the exact same experience, so I guess that’s how it’s supposed to taste?

Lay's Do Us a Flavor Butter Chicken Potato Chips (Canada) 3

The chips are moderately salty, with cheesy tang and not a whole lot of complexity of flavour. In the aforementioned guessing ordeal, I’m pretty sure my first few dozen guesses would all be cheese-related. They basically just taste like cheddar cheese chips, with an ever-so-subtle whiff of a curry-like aftertaste, if you really, really concentrate. 

The chip itself is plain old Lay’s, which in this case is ideal. I’m pretty sure the more assertive taste of a ruffled or kettle chip would completely overwhelm the very mild flavours here.

I mean, it’s not bad, I guess. There’s certainly nothing offensive about it.  I like cheese-flavoured chips, so I basically enjoyed these, even if “bland” is one of the first words to spring to mind. But it’s kind of weird how little they taste like butter chicken.  

(Nutrition Facts – 50 grams/per 27 chips – 270 calories, 17 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 290 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 1 grams of fibre, 2 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.)

Item: Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Butter Chicken Potato Chips (Canada)
Purchased Price: $2.99 CAN
Size: 170 gram bag
Purchased at: Sobeys
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Inoffensive. Kind of tastes like cheddar cheese chips.
Cons: Bland. Tastes absolutely nothing like butter chicken. Killer of friendships.

REVIEW: Brach’s Peanut Butter Cup Candy Corn

Vin 7 Comments

Brach's Peanut Butter Cup Candy Corn

It’s August and I’m eating candy corn…

I guess I just have to accept the fact that summer is dwindling down. Pretty soon it’ll be “pumpkin spice this,” and “apple cinnamon that,” and everything will say “Harvest” on it for some reason. 

So to get an early jump on fall (or “autumn” for all you fancy pants, snooty types) I decided to pick up a new twist on the Halloween staple — Brach’s Peanut Butter Cup Candy Corn.

Candy corn must be an adult thing, because I hated them as a kid, but have grown to appreciate them.

I think my hatred had something to do with the fact that the worst houses used to give them out on Halloween. I would have gladly taken a bag of chips, pennies, or *ugh* “Smarties” over them. To me, candy corn were the nut-low Halloween handout. I vividly remember an old man giving me a handful of loose candy corn and not even complimenting my insanely detailed Army Soldier costume.

Brach's Peanut Butter Cup Candy Corn

When I first opened the bag I got an awesome, authentic waft of peanut butter cup. Unfortunately as I went in for a closer, deeper sniff, that smell got considerably worse. If you bought a “peanut butter” scented seasonal candle, I imagine it would smell like these…and clear rooms.

I popped a few and was pleasantly surprised. The bag boasts they are made with “real honey,” and I could taste a hint of it. I guess that’s always a plus. These have the standard candy corn texture — waxy then gritty and chalky.

At first there is a strong peanut flavor, but it’s not necessarily peanut butter. If you had a blindfolded taste test, I don’t think you’d immediately jump to “peanut butter.” You’d know instantly what you were eating, but not which flavor. These are probably better than standard candy corn, but somehow almost taste the same. Halfway through chewing my brain just said “candy corn” and disregarded the flavor since the texture is so unique to candy corn.

Brach's Peanut Butter Cup Candy Corn Closeup

That didn’t make much sense to me, so I ate each color individually. You’re dealing with a genius here, ladies and gentlemen.

White tasted like pure sugar. Not much more to say there.

Tan tasted like peanut. If you’ve ever had a piece of taffy that was “peanut” flavored, not “peanut butter,” that is the flavor. This might be a dated reference, but they reminded me of a Goldenberg’s Peanut Chew (which have always been underrated) or a Mary Jane. So these have a throwback molasses-y peanut flavor your grandparents would have loved!

Brown is an artificial chocolate flavor. Ever have a chocolate flavored Italian Ice cup from the grocery store? That was what I instantly thought of. What’s up Luigi’s? I see you.

Ya know those variety bags of candy corn that have the standard parking cones mixed with big orange, brown, and tan pieces shaped like cats, pumpkins, witches, and, I don’t know, probably costumed Minions these days? That’s what these are! They basically took all those flavors and just combined them. So imagine eating a handful of the mixed bag. That’s a peanut butter cup candy corn.

So, if you’re expecting a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup in the shape of a candy corn, you might be disappointed. If you enjoy candies that were introduced decades before your birth, you’re in business. Either way, if you plan on filling a dish with candy corn this Halloween, give these a shot.

(Nutrition Facts – 19 pieces* – 140 calories, 0 calories from fat, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 36 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 28 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Brach’s Peanut Butter Cup Candy Corn
Purchased Price: $1.99
Size: 9 oz. bag
Purchased at: Rite Aid
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Strong peanut flavor. Good aftertaste. Real honey. Your Grandparents’ favorite candies getting shoutouts. Luigi’s Italian Ice.
Cons: Not Reese’s. Smell worse up close. Bad Halloween memories. “Autumn.” Smarties. *Would 20 pieces have been too hard to calculate?

REVIEW: Papa John’s Grilled Chicken Margherita Pizza

Kelley 8 Comments

Papa John's Grilled Chicken Margherita Pizza

Ol’ Papa John just can’t seem to stop turning other things into pizza. He has a seemingly insatiable love for it, whether it’s a Philly Cheesesteak, a cheeseburger, Fritos chili pie, spinach dip, or even a cookie. Okay, sure, the last one isn’t that far-fetched, but still.

I have a few suggestions for future Papa John’s mash-ups:

Deluxe Nachos Pizza – nacho cheese sauce base, all the usual nacho toppings, maybe some tortilla chip crumbles on top. Tagline: “This is nacho grandma’s pizza!”

Lobster Roll Pizza – mayonnaise/lemon base topped with buttered lobster chunks, celery and scallions. Tagline: “We’re on a roll with this pizza!”

General Tso’s Pizza – teriyaki glaze base topped with crispy glazed chicken, broccoli and hot peppers. Tagline: “There is tso much flavor baked right into this pizza!”

Matzo Ball Pizza (seasonal item) – matzo crust with a schmaltz base, topped with chicken, carrots, shallots and garlic. Tagline: “Don’t pass over this deal!”

Just some food for thought, if you will. Also, I fully expect some of these to become realized in the future. You’re welcome, Papa.

With all this talk of crazy pizzas, you may think this review is about a crazy pizza. Well, think again! Also, read the title of this review!

Papa John’s newest creation is the Grilled Chicken Margherita Pizza, a name that evokes one of the oldest, simplest and most traditional pizza creations straight from Italy. It’s history time!

The year is 1889. Italy has been unified for 28 years, but the southern portion is still as salty as pasta water about it. The Italian king and queen decide to visit Naples, which used to be the capitol of Westeros – er, sorry, the Kingdom of the South, in an attempt to convince them that hey, it’s all good, bros.

The queen is totally sick of the gourmet French cuisine that is normally served to royals, because who doesn’t, so she summons famous pizza-tosser Raffaele Esposito to bake her three pies. Goldilocks-style, she rejects the garlic one and the anchovy one, but finds the one with tomatoes, mozzarella and basil to be juuuust right.

The queen’s name? Daenerys Targaryen, of course.

Oh, wait, sorry again. It was Margherita.

And thus, the Margherita Pizza was born. Or was it? There’s strong evidence that this whole story is bogus, so take it all with a big grain of Italian sea salt.

Pizza Margherita is one of only three pizzas with a Traditional Guaranteed Specialty EU label, which means that it comes with some very strict rules in regards to preparation. Papa John’s has, of course, followed none of those rules.

I mean, they’ve got the basic components. Tomatoes, mozzarella and basil are present, but in no way are the arranged in the way of a traditional Pizza Margherita.

Papa John’s describes the Chicken Margherita Pizza as “loaded with grilled all white meat chicken, basil pesto sauce, fresh cut Roma tomatoes, mozzarella and pizza sauce”.

Upon opening the box, I was greeted with the scent of tomatoes and a hint of pesto. Not a bad start. I also noticed there was a healthy amount of both tomatoes and chicken spread across the pizza. Topping coverage is important, people. It’s the #1 way a pizza can give me a sad face. Okay, pineapples are #1. But it’s a close second.

The tomatoes were absolutely juicy and tasted fresh, bursting between my teeth. That sounds more gross than delicious, but it wasn’t. The chicken was moist and tender, and seemed to be seasoned with something, but I couldn’t quite tell what, as they were covered in sauce.

Papa John's Grilled Chicken Margherita Pizza Slice

While I enjoyed the chicken, it seemed to suspiciously resemble, in both structure and texture, those pre-cooked chicken strips you can buy in bags at the grocery store from Tyson or Foster Farms. I like those chicken strips perfectly fine, but let’s just say it’s a good thing Papa John’s didn’t throw “fresh” in the description of the chicken.

If you do a Google Image Search for “margherita pizza”, you will see some very pretty pictures of pies covered with circles of melted white deliciousness. You will also get hungry. This is what mozzarella on a margherita pizza is supposed to look like.

Papa John’s did not do that. The mozzarella on their Chicken Margherita Pizza looks like…well, it looks like mozzarella on a pizza. Absolutely nothing special about it. Fresh mozzarella has a distinct taste to it, and this was just the same ol’ cheese PJ’s uses on the rest of their pizzas. It stinks of not trying.

One of the things I was most enthusiastic about in regards to this pizza was the pesto sauce. I love pesto. I love pesto so much. And while, once again, this is definitely not part of a traditional margherita’s design, I appreciated the attempt at including at least some form of basil.

That is, until I tasted the pesto on its own. It seemed like it was watered down – where was the boldness, the garlic, that rich, savory taste I love so much about pesto? It was there, it was just too faint.

And then they went and added pizza sauce to it. Why? Papa, you already had tomatoes as a topping; couldn’t you have just made the entire base pesto and ran with it that way? With the pizza sauce and the pesto mixed together, the former overwhelmed the already underwhelming latter, furthering my pesto disappointment. It just became muddled.

I’ve spent a lot of time griping about Papa John’s Chicken Margherita Pizza, and I feel my points are justified. But it’s a completely edible pizza at the end of the day. I liked the chicken and the tomatoes were really fresh and juicy. I guess I just wish they hadn’t pretended that it actually is a margherita pizza. That name comes with certain expectations that certainly were not met. I also wish they’d kept the pizza sauce off and gone with a really robust pesto base. The combination of all these factors just left me disappointed. You could say it was more of a mehgherita pizza, amirite guys?

(Nutrition Facts – 1/6 of a small pizza – 230 calories, 90 calories from fat, 10 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 600 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, 9 grams of protein, 4% vitamin A, 4% vitamin C, 10% calcium, and 8% iron.)

Item: Papa John’s Grilled Chicken Margherita Pizza
Purchased Price: $12.00
Size: Small
Purchased at: Papa John’s
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Fresh, juicy tomatoes. A history lesson! Chicken was moist and tender. I’m pretty proud of those fake pizzas and taglines. The idea(?) of a pesto pizza.
Cons: Totally not a margherita pizza. Picky queens. Pesto tasted watered down. Ending the review with a bad pun. Addition of pizza sauce was unnecessary and muddled everything up.