REVIEW: Neapolitan M&M’s

Neapolitan M M s

When I read that M&M’s were making a Neapolitan variety, my first thought was “Is that still a thing?” I haven’t had Neapolitan ice cream since I was a kid in the 80s. My mother would bring home tubs of the cheapest store-brand tri-colored treat and daintily shave off layers from all flavors equally. Then I would excavate every molecule of strawberry ice cream until it looked like David Copperfield made it disappear with jazz hands and a hypnotic stare.

Never mind that chocolate was actually my favorite ice cream; I had to take the strawberry. This irritated my mother to no end. But she kept buying Neapolitan and I kept eating a neat one-third of it.

Now it’s 2018 and I don’t think I’ve heard Neapolitan referred to as a flavor in more than 20 years. I wanted to try the M&M’s, but wondered if I could resist the urge to only eat the pink ones.

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The aroma inside the bag was mostly chocolate. The visual was a bit of a surprise – the vanilla pieces were a rich cream color instead of white. Yes, I know, the bag clearly depicts them as cream-colored, but I was taken by the overall packaging color scheme – which was WHITE. Just sayin’.

Despite there being three colors, the flavors of the pieces are the same. Yes, I know, the bag clearly says all three flavors in every piece, but I thought the pink ones might be strawberry-dominant, cream more vanilla, etc. This disconnect didn’t affect my feelings about them overall, but again – just sayin’.

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My first taste impression was a strong strawberry and chocolate flavor. But instead of taking me back to the freezer with an ice cream scoop, Neapolitan M&M’s brought me back to the breakfast table. They are the solid orb version of a bowl of Frankenberry and Count Chocula cereals combined. The strawberry was a pretty spot-on facsimile of Frank, my personal strawberry flavor touchstone. My memory of Neapolitan strawberry is a much more subtle flavor than Frank. The chocolate was close enough to The Count to make the comparison, although hardcore Chocula fans might disagree. I’d expected a real ice cream experience, but my love of monster cereals made it still a successful combo in my opinion.

I couldn’t immediately find the vanilla. But as I plowed through the bag and thought about the cereal comparison, the case of the missing vanilla was solved. It’s the milk in the cereal bowl. It made total sense because most M&M’s vanillas taste like milk to me. It took a bit to find because it’s a supporting actor here – Frank and The Count are center stage, which was alright by me.

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Overall, I thought these were fun and tasty. Kids will love them because of the child-friendly flavors, as will nostalgic adults. I think M&M’s are most successful when they’re tinkering with fillings/textures (nuts, caramel, crispy), but these are on the higher end of the flavor-only M&M’s varieties. Bella Napoli!

(Nutrition Facts – 1 oz./16 pieces – 140 calories, 7 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 15 milligrams of sodium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 18 grams of total sugars, 17 grams of added sugars, and 1 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $3.19
Size: 8 oz. bag
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Nostalgic flavor combination that smacks of Monster Cereal goodness. All three flavors in every piece kept me from eating only the pink ones
Cons: Not really ice cream-ish (if that’s a deal breaker for you). Showing/telling me things on the packaging that I ignore and am later surprised by.

REVIEW: Peeps Pancakes & Syrup

Peeps Pancakes  Syrup

Well, it seems that Valentine’s Day has come and gone. Left in its wake are wilted roses, broken hearts, and a ransacked holiday aisle at the grocery store.

But wait! What’s that, beyond the carnage of unwanted Sweethearts and Palmer’s chocolate-flavored hearts? It’s Easter to the rescue! Here comes the (REAL) chocolate bunnies! The Reese’s Eggs! The Cadbury Crème Eggs! Jellybeans! And let’s not forget a rainbow of marshmallow Peeps! Yellow Peeps, pink Peeps, blue Peeps, green Peeps, and…brown Peeps?

Taking the next step in marrying breakfast with dessert, Just Born Inc. teamed up with Kroger to bring Pancakes & Syrup Peeps into Easter baskets everywhere for the frugal price of only $1.99 per ten-chick pack. Being the cash strapped, deal hunting college student that I am, I decided to pick up two packs, on sale, for $3.00.

Ripping open the bag, I immediately pick up on the promised syrup aspect, although I can’t say I smell anything that reminds me of pancakes. I’d compare the smell more to maple extract than to a pancake breakfast complete with all the fixin’s.

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Before I taste them, though, let’s take a moment to dissect how these chicks look. Now, I understand that they were trying to make me think “syrup” by coloring this variety of Peeps light brown, but this particular shade, combined with the shape that Peeps normally have, reminds me of a small pile of poop. Not that I want my marshmallows to be particularly photogenic or anything, but I still think that Peeps & Co. could have stood to work on the aesthetics of these guys a little more before they hit shelves.

But the big question is, “How do they taste?”

Well, I definitely get the syrup flavor. It’s not like an authentic maple syrup flavor, though. It’s more of like a “pancake” syrup flavor that’s going to remind you of Aunt Jemima’s. It actually kind of makes me nostalgic for my old dieting days when I doused everything with Walden Farms Sugar-Free Syrup. I guess that that’s maybe where the “natural & artificial flavor” is shining through.

I’m still not getting anything that reminds me of pancakes, though. Either they forgot to put it in, or the syrup flavor is overpowering it. Other than that, it’s a standard Peeps experience, complete with soft, plushy chicks that have a crunchy sugared coating.

Normally I’d just end it here, but I want to pursue this breakfast/dessert merger for a minute and bring these Peeps into the realm of syrup-ception by dicing up a few, cooking them INTO pancakes, and then dousing THEM in syrup for the ultimate in early morning sugar bomb.

And the results are nothing short of spectacular!

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The Peeps kind of melt into the dough to create these little maple-marshmallow pockets in the pancakes, and the lake of real maple syrup on top just brings the whole experience full circle. Forget about cereal, THIS is the way marshmallows were meant to be eaten for breakfast!

(Nutrition Facts – 4 chicks – 110 calories, 0 calories from fat, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of total carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 24 grams of sugars, and 1 gram of protein.)

Purchased Price: $1.50 (on sale)
Size: 10 chicks
Purchased at: Kroger
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Signs of spring! On sale! Soft and plushy! Delicious when cooked into real pancakes!
Cons: Tastes like “pancake” syrup. No pancake flavor on their own. Kind of looks like little piles of poop.

REVIEW: Ruffles Mozzarella ‘N Marinara Potato Chips

Ruffles Mozzarella  N Marinara Potato Chips

Ah yes, mozzarella and marinara – the Italian M&M’s.

Actually, in my case, it’s “mutzadel and madanada.” I make no apologies for the way I pronounce these words.

Not to further sound like a stereotype but I’ve probably eaten mozzarella and marinara more than any food in my lifetime. Between pizza, Sunday sauce* dinners, mozz sticks, fresh mozzarella balls, meatball subs, etc. I was practically raised on ’em. If I had my own food pyramid, mozzarella and marinara based foods would have a section and said section would probably be right beside potato chips. (I never said I had the healthiest diet.)

As much as I love all the foods mentioned, I’m not an elitist snob about it. I still enjoy chain pizza, string cheese, or your run of the mill fast food mozzarella stick. For all these reasons, I felt like I would be a great judge for Ruffles’ Mozzarella ‘N Marinara chips.

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Right out of the gate, these chips nail the smell. I got all the elements I wanted –- tomato sauce, cheesy tanginess, and a bit of onion and garlic. It was a good start.

The taste absolutely delivered on that smell.

There’s a tangy flavor that for a split second that actually reminded me of Cheddar and Sour Cream Ruffles. The cheddar quickly morphed into a milder mozzarella flavor. That flavor is definitely more along the lines of a Polly-O/Sargento/Belgioioso store-bought cheese, but like I said, I like em all. Oh, and cheddar is listed in the ingredients if you’re wondering.

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The tomato sauce flavor rides the line perfectly. It doesn’t overpower the mozz in any way and actually takes a backseat to what I assume are Italian breadcrumb flavors. Even though these aren’t technically called, “mozzarella stick,” they taste like ’em to me. The Italian style herbs, garlic, onion, and parsley flavors you expect from the fried outer coating are all there.

The aftertaste is distinctly that of a mozzarella stick dipped in a cup of marinara. The flavors are perfect, but if I have one complaint it’s that I could have used even more of it.

I don’t normally want my chips saturated in finger-painting flavor dust, but I could’ve used even more of a coating. This is a very minor nitpick.

While mozzarella sticks are obviously an opposing texture, the ridged Ruffles were the best choice for this flavor. Regular Lay’s style chips would have been too flimsy and greasy. Plus, as a dumb child who choked on mozzarella sticks on numerous occasions, these are much safer to eat!

I’m struggling to find many other complaints. Besides wanting a tad more flavor, I did get a little agita after eating about four servings of these, but you gotta expect a little agita after eating mutzadel and madanada.

These were exactly as advertised for me. Cheddar and Sour Cream are in my pantheon of great chips, and I loved the All Dressed variety, but these might be my new favorite Ruffles.

(Nutrition Facts – about 11 chips – 150 calories 9 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $4.29
Size: 8.5 oz. bag
Purchased at: Stop & Shop
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Extra crispy mozzarella sticks. One of the better flavor translations Frito Lay has done. Not as big a choking risk as real mozzarella sticks. Reminds me of all my childhood favorites.
Cons: A little agita. Could probably use more flavor dust. *I don’t wanna hear your crazy “gravy” arguments.

REVIEW: Krispy Kreme Hershey’s Gold Doughnut

Krispy Kreme Hershey s Gold Doughnut

Last year, Hershey’s made one of their strongest moves in a decade with its Gold Peanuts & Pretzels Bar, utilizing a caramelized creme “golden” base over the usual cocoa. It’s a masterpiece in the realm of mainstream sweet and salty bars and Hershey’s is wasting no time at all pumping out new ways for us to consume their latest behemoth.

After collaborating with 7-Eleven to make a drinkable cappuccino version of the bar, the chocolate company opted to make sweet, sweet food love with one of the greatest treats in the fast food universe – Krispy Kreme’s Original Glazed. The new limited-time Hershey’s Gold Doughnut takes the O.G. and tops it with pieces of Hershey’s Gold and a salted caramel icing.

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The aroma is strong. The leading smell is the ample Gold bar pieces, which carry a sweet nuttiness akin to peanut brittle, accented by the extra push of salty caramel and the unmistakable golden aura of fried yeast dough. The salted caramel icing is perfectly drizzled on top of the already amazing original glaze and studded with so many candy pieces that it left a handful of bits at the bottom of the bag like coveted escaped french fries.

Biting into this golden trophy of a doughnut reveals some of the most immaculate textures the fast food world could ever provide, and boy is it SWEET. The soft and fresh bouncy glazed doughnut is taken to new heights with the added chew of the Gold bar pieces. The crunch of the pretzels and peanuts provide a stark contrast to the fluffy base.

The only flavor that doesn’t come through as strongly as I would like are the peanuts. But the creamy, fatty essence of the golden chocolate does well to bring a bit of extra depth to the overall profile. The salted caramel icing is aggressively sweet but has a legitimate salty pop and thick sticky texture that makes it stand out from the original clear glaze.

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The ultimate test of this glazed greatness is to see how it holds up in the microwave – and my god does it deliver. A quick 8-second zap in the micro launches the flavors and textures into the melty, salty stratosphere for a taste that made me throw my head back in euphoria. Everything is heightened, the caramel fully activated, and the bar pieces are still firm enough to deliver a slightly melted chew atop the fried gooey decadence.

This is a wonderful doughnut, but in the grand scheme of the sweet and salty symphony it’s missing a bit of bass. While the treble is through the roof with very high highs of sweet and salty sending my upper register through the roof, I’m missing a bit of balance to weigh the flavors down and complete the movement that spawns an encore. It’s a worthy update to the very strong original, but short of the perfect score.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 doughnut – 280 calories, 15 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 135 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 20 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $1.89
Size: N/A
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Awesome sweet and salty flavors. KK didn’t mess with their perfect glaze. Caramel is actually salted. Microwaving it will cause euphoria.

Cons: Peanuts get lost a bit in the mix. Can be overwhelmingly sweet and salty without enough fat to balance.

REVIEW: Snickers Peanut Butter Crisper

Snickers Peanut Butter Crisper

How does that age-old saying go?

Put peanut butter on anything and it automatically gets better.

Yeah, I think it goes something like that. Or at least, I’m hoping it does.

In 2015 Snickers released the Snickers Crisper, and while it’s still a fine candy it’s actually my least favorite Snickers of all time. Conversely, Snickers Peanut Butter is my second favorite, coming in very close to the classic original bar of perfection.

The Crisper bar omits the signature nougat for a layer of crisped rice, and the newest Snickers follows the same pattern but adds a layer of peanut butter atop of the caramel, all shrouded in sweet milk chocolate. So does the equation of A (anything) + PB (peanut butter) = magic apply here? Fingers crossed.

Good news — it absolutely does.

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The fatty, smooth, and salty peanut butter adds the chewy lip-smacking depth that I missed from the original Snickers Crisper, which I thought fell a little flat in terms of sugary crave-ability. The rice crisps in the first crisp bar couldn’t quite hold up to the standard set by the original Snickers’ nougat. But here I don’t miss it at all and I really like the textural crunch that the rice crisps provide in tandem with the pillow of beautiful peanut butter.

The sticky, crackly, sugary mashup of caramel, crisps, peanuts and peanut butter reminds me of the oft-forgotten Whatchamacallit bar, although dare I say, it’s even better? The fun semi-wafery texture also harkens back to my beloved Reese’s Sticks with a bigger, more formidable chomp.

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The thickness of PB Crisper allows for a more generous layer of peanut butter that never gets lost from the first bite to the last. It blends perfectly with the caramel to create a lovely sweet and salty bite with just enough reprieve from the crisps to never taste too cloying. The milk chocolate is of usual Mars quality, with just the right amount of creaminess to round out (or square out?) a wonderfully smash-able treat that is very much nut-forward over cocoa.

Snickers Peanut Butter Crisper only makes a minor change to its original version, but it’s one that works incredibly well. Sometimes it’s the littlest of adjustments that can make all the difference, and I’m glad I paid at least a little attention in algebra because for Snickers, A + PB truly does equal taste bud magic.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 square bar – 110 calories, 6 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 55 milligrams of sodium, 13 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 9 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $2.19
Size: 4 pack
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Perfect balance of sweet and salty. Thick layer of peanut butter. Awesome crispy crunch. Finally gives meaning to algebra.
Cons: Too easy to eat too many. Maybe could be EVEN better with nougat?!

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