REVIEW LIGHTNING ROUND (FROZEN DESSERT EDITION) – 5/16/2013

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Here are some quick reviews of new-ish frozen products we’re too lazy to write full reviews for:

Ha?agen-Dazs Stracciatella Gelato

Item: Ha?agen-Dazs Stracciatella Gelato
Purchased Price: $2.99 (on sale+coupon)
Size: 14 oz.
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Delightful. Easier to scoop than regular Häagen-Dazs ice cream. Smooth gelato. Lots of chocolaty shavings made with cocoa butter; it looks like it was in a chocolate hailstorm.Fun name to say.
Cons: It doesn’t really taste that much different than ice cream. Chocolaty shaving are like speed bumps as you try to enjoy the smooth gelato. Looks and tastes like this ice cream. Name also sounds like an expensive violin and a throat infection. Only 14 ounces.
Nutrition Facts: 1/2 cup – 270 calories, 120 calories from fat, 13 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 90 milligrams of cholesterol, 40 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 25 grams of sugar, and 4 grams of protein.
Other reviews: Crazy Food Dude, Matt Hearts Ice Cream (video)

Ben & Jerry's Liz Lemon Greek Frozen Yogurt

Item: Ben & Jerry’s Liz Lemon Greek Frozen Yogurt
Purchased Price: FREE (I had a coupon)
Size: 1 pint
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: More of a sweet lemon than tart. Nice lemon aroma. Lemon Greek frozen yogurt and blueberry swirl go well together. Thank goodness it wasn’t only lemon. Easy to scoop. The addition of lavender sounds gross, but it gives the flavor a little something, something.
Cons: Although made with lemon oil, it has an almost artificial lemon flavor. Doesn’t contain live and active cultures. 30 Rock no longer on the air. Blerg! Thankfully, it’s not Lutz’s Lemon.
Nutrition Facts: 1/2 cup – 180 calories, 40 calories from fat, 4.5 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 70 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 21 grams of sugar, and 6 grams of protein.
Other reviews: On Second Scoop, Junk Food Guy, The Ice Cream Informant

Ben & Jerry's Pineapple Passionfruit Greek Frozen Yogurt

Item: Ben & Jerry’s Pineapple Passionfruit Greek Frozen Yogurt
Purchased Price: FREE (I had a coupon)
Size: 1 pint
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: It’s really Greekin’ good. Passionfruit pretty much overwhelms the pineapple, which is fine with me because I enjoy passionfruit. Smooth, creamy, and easy to scoop. Tastes like I’m in Hawaii…oh wait, I’m already in Hawaii.
Cons: Could use more pineapple chunks. Pineapple lovers might be upset with its mild pineapple flavor. Doesn’t contain live and active cultures. Hugging pineapples.
Nutrition Facts: 1/2 cup – 180 calories, 35 calories from fat, 4 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 65 milligrams of sodium, 30 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 26 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.
Other reviews: Junk Food Guy,

REVIEW: Jack in the Box Pizza Bites

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Jack in the Box Pizza Bites

Jack in the Box’s menu board has seen a number of deep fried finger food on it. Oh, let me count the salty, greasy ways. Stuffed jalapeños, mozzarella cheese sticks, chicken nuggets, egg rolls, chicken strips, onion rings, corn dogs, and now we can add their new Pizza Bites.

Yes, Jack in the Box is now offering something you might find being served as an appetizer at the birthday party of an 8-year-old. And, yes, it does seems like the fast food chain is heavily influenced by the finger food section in the frozen food aisle, and I look forward to Jack in the Box’s version of taquitos and Smucker’s Uncrustables.

Jack in the Box’s Pizza Bites are stuffed with the following stalwarts of pizza: pepperoni, mozzarella cheese, oven-dried tomatoes, garlic, and herbs. The exterior is called “pizza dough” on the fast food chain’s website, but it looks like the coating found on other deep fried finger foods. They come in either three or six pieces and are accompanied with a container (or containers if your get the six-piece offering) of Jack’s Buttermilk House Sauce. According to the press release, they were supposed to come with marinara sauce, but I didn’t receive any.

Their almost equilateral triangular-shape makes them easy to dip and, if you don’t have piece of paper around because you’re trying to live a “paperless” lifestyle, a decent replacement for a paper football. It will also make a game of paper football much more interesting if the loser has to eat the football, which will have landed on the ground enough times to collect hair, dirt, and possibly disease.

Jack in the Box Pizza Bites Closeup

The first time I tried the Pizza Bites they looked a little burnt, as if they were toasted over a campfire, but the innards were perfectly gooey. I decided to give them another try from another location and got pieces that were as golden brown as the skin of a 20-something sunbather. However, while they looked good, the innards appeared dried up like the skin of 60-year-old lifelong sunbather.

Jack in the Box Pizza Bites Innards

During both tastings, I found the breaded dough to be thick and slightly chewy with a strong crunch. I also thought the exterior did a wonderful job of muting the flavors of the cheese, pepperoni chunks, and oven-dried tomatoes. It’s a little strange there wasn’t some kind of sauce within the confines of the Pizza Bites, which could’ve made a difference. Heck, the marinara sauce probably would’ve helped. Since the Pizza Bites weren’t bursting with pizza flavor, but bursting with crust flavor, I was glad it came with the supplied Buttermilk House Sauce.

To be honest, even if I got perfectly prepared Jack in the Box Pizza Bites, I’d bet they’d have an unsatisfying pizza flavor that would make me yearn for a regular pizza…or crash an 8-year-old’s birthday party to get some appetizers.

(Nutrition Facts – 6 pieces – 500 calories, 189 calories from fat, 21 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 43 milligrams of cholesterol, 1969 milligrams of sodium, 413 milligrams of potassium, 56 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 7 grams of sugar, and 22 grams of protein.)

Other Jack in the Box Pizza Bites reviews:
Brand Eating
The Food Chain Review

Item: Jack in the Box Pizza Bites
Purchased Price: $3.89
Size: 6 pieces
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: More deep fried finger food at Jack in the Box. Crunchy crust. Makes a good ball replacement for paper football. Lots of cheese. Buttermilk House Sauce makes them decent, but it really should taste like pizza.
Cons: Breaded crust mutes other flavors. Cooking inconsistencies. No sauce inside the Pizza Bites. Deep fried finger food at Jack in the Box seems tame compared with deep fried finger food at county fairs. Do not eat the six piece one by yourself; share it with someone. Losing paper football and eating the Pizza Bites that’s fallen to the ground too many times.

REVIEW LIGHTNING ROUND – 5/14/2013

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Here are some quick reviews of new and limited edition products we’re too lazy to write full reviews for:

Lay's Wavy Roasted Garlic & Sea Salt

Item: Lay’s Wavy Roasted Garlic & Sea Salt Potato Chips
Purchased Price: $3.99 (on sale)
Size: 9.5 oz.
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Nice mild creamy garlic flavor. Satisfying crunch. Ruffles have r-r-r…oh wait, wrong chip. Seasoning builds up on fingers, giving me a little treat after my willpower tells me I should stop eating the chips.
Cons: Not enough garlic flavor to make me unapproachable when I breathe. I was expecting it to have a stronger garlic flavor. A little hard to find.
Nutrition Facts: 1 oz. – 160 calories, 90 calories from fat, 10 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 140 milligrams of sodium, 340 milligrams of sodium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 1 gram of sugar, 2 grams of protein, and 10% vitamin C.
Other reviews: Chip Review, Fatguy Food Blog

Jolly Time Butter Made With Smart Balance

Item: Jolly Time Butter Made With Smart Balance Popcorn
Purchased Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Size: 3 bags/box
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Respectable butter flavor. Made with 100 percent whole grain. No diacetyl butter flavorings or trans fat. No partially hydrogenated oil. Contains polyunsaturated and monounsaturated fats. Gluten free. May make watching the movie Battleship a little more tolerable.
Cons: Only three bags in the box. The texture of the popcorn feels a step below Orville Redenbacher microwave popcorn. If you eat a third of the bag (which is really easy to do), it’s not really healthy anymore.
Nutrition Facts: 1 cup popped – 40 calories, 20 calories from fat, 2.5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 75 milligrams of sodium, 4 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, and less than 1 gram of protein.

Pillsbury Limited Edition S'mores Toaster Strudel

Item: Pillsbury Limited Edition S’mores Toaster Strudel
Purchased Price: FREE (I had a coupon)
Size: 6 toaster strudels
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tastes better than S’mores Pop-Tarts. Crispy, flaky crust. Wonderfully gooey filling and icing. Balanced chocolate and creme flavor. There is enough icing to draw a campfire on top of it, but it’s a bit hard to draw nicely with the packet.
Cons: Doesn’t really taste like s’mores. Made with partially hydrogenated oil, so there’s a trivial amount of trans fat. Really lazy folks may not like having to add the icing themselves. Can’t eat them straight out of the box (well, you can but I wouldn’t recommend it).
Nutrition Facts: 1 pastry with icing – 180 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 180 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 10 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.

*made with partially hydrogenated oil

REVIEW: Milk Chocolate M&M’s Chocolate Bar

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Milk Chocolate M&M's Chocolate Bar

The color blind life can be challenging. I can remember struggling with colors since a young age, receiving criticism from my teachers for coloring the grass orange and pumpkins green in my coloring book – even though that’s what I actually saw. My inability to properly identify many of the colors soon brought forth a dislike for multicolored objects. Even sitting through an episode of Reading Rainbow was excruciating because of all the different colors in the logo – and I love LeVar Burton!

With so much color-related difficulty in my life, you might think that I would hate such a colorful candy as M&M’s, but no. For some reason, I love the little rainbow candy-coated pieces of chocolate. Sure, I might not be able to correctly tell you which colors I’m eating, but they still taste amazing. Plus, their tiny size makes them so easy to eat! My record is 154 M&M’s in three minutes. (I’m like Takeru Kobayashi, but instead of shoving wieners in my mouth, I eat candy.)

I was pretty excited when I heard about Mars’ new M&M’s Chocolate Bar. So excited, in fact, that my inner Tommy Wise broke free, and I thought, “Oh hi, Mars. M&M’s inside my candy bar? You think about everything, ha ha ha.”

But wait – haven’t I seen this M&M’s Chocolate Bar somewhere before? Oh, that’s right. Back in 2004, Mars introduced the M-Azing chocolate bar, which was only available in peanut butter and crunchy flavors. I can vaguely recall tasting an M-Azing bar and disliking it. Let’s hope this M&M Chocolate Bar does better.

I found the M&M Chocolate Bar at my local Target in the candy bar section next to the check-out line. At a mere seventy-nine cents per bar, it seemed like a true bargain.

Milk Chocolate M&M's Chocolate Bar Closeup

After removing the chocolate bar’s wrapper, I instantly noticed the imprinted design of an anthropomorphic M&M man. I don’t usually find anthropomorphic creatures on my candy bars, so this was a pleasant surprise. The chocolate bar is divided into eight sections for easy distribution among eight friends. Or if you’re like me and don’t have any friends, you’ll have to distribute the eight pieces to the various homeless men who follow you home from work everyday.

The brightly colored mini M&M’s can be seen peeking through the chocolate, giving the bar a subtle rainbow appearance. When compared to more commonly purchased chocolate such as the Hershey Bar, the M&M’s Chocolate Bar’s smell is a bit more rich and powerful, but the scent is pleasant nonetheless.

After taking my first bite of the M&M Chocolate Bar, I was surprised that the M&M’s contributed significantly less crunch than I expected. Since the M&M’s are the mini variety, they don’t add much texture to the bar. In fact, I found it pretty difficult to distinguish the M&M’s from the normal chocolate part of the bar while chewing. Everything blends together into one chocolatey mass.

Milk Chocolate M&M's Chocolate Bar Innards

Unfortunately, the chocolate used in the bar isn’t the best. It’s super sweet, almost too rich, and the M&M’s give it a somewhat chalky texture. Furthermore, it left a funny aftertaste and a strange feeling in my throat after eating all eight pieces.

Perhaps if Mars had used a higher quality chocolate in their new M&M’s Chocolate Bar, I might be a bit more of a fan. Although it’s super inexpensive, there are other chocolate bars on the market I would prefer to purchase. The M&M’s found inside of the bar fail to enhance the already unsatisfying chocolate base. Maybe if the M&M’s Chocolate Bar magically cured colorblindness, I’d consider purchasing it again, but next time, I’ll be passing this one by in the supermarket.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 bar – 220 calories, 110 calories from fat, 12 grams of total fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 30 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 grams of dietary fiber, 26 grams of sugars, and 3 grams of protein.)

Other Milk Chocolate M&M’s Chocolate Bar reviews:
Candy Blog

Item: Milk Chocolate M&M’s Chocolate Bar
Purchased Price: 79 cents
Size: 1.5 oz.
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Super cheap. Pleasant chocolatey scent. Awesome anthropomorphic M&M man imprint. References to Tommy Wiseau.
Cons: Low quality chocolate. M&M’s blend in with the rest of the bar. Funny aftertaste. Doesn’t cure color blindness.

REVIEW LIGHTNING ROUND (FREEZER AISLE EDITION) – 5/9/2013

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Here are some quick reviews of new-ish frozen food we’re too lazy to write full reviews for:

Ha?agen-Dazs Peanut Butter Pie Ice Cream

Item: Ha?agen-Dazs Peanut Butter Pie Ice Cream
Purchased Price: $3.99 (on sale)
Size: 14 oz.
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Rich peanut butter flavor that makes me want to spread it on a piece of bread and then top it with jelly. Holy crap! It’s loaded with chocolate cookie pieces and peanut butter ribbons. Smooth ice cream. So much peanut butter flavor. So good it makes me wish it was a pint instead of 14 ounces.
Cons: Being limited edition. Those with peanut allergies, stay far away. Still only 14 ounces.
Nutrition Facts: 1/2 cup – 310 calories, 21 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 70 milligrams of cholesterol, 130 milligrams of sodium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 19 grams of sugar, 7 grams of protein.

Lean Cuisine Spa Collection Salmon with Basil

Item: Lean Cuisine Spa Collection Salmon with Basil (New Recipe)
Purchased Price: $3.50 (on sale)
Size: 9 5/8 oz.
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Not completely horrible. Bland basil sauce. Decent sized piece of salmon. Awesome if you love peas! Lots of vegetables. It’s a new recipe, which means the previous recipe was worse than this.
Cons: It’s a new recipe, but I think they need another recipe. So many peas that they should rename it Lean Cuisine Spa Collections Peas with Salmon. Salmon was a bit dry. Not enough basil sauce to coat pasta and salmon.
Nutrition Facts: 250 calories, 2.5 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 20 milligrams of cholesterol, 500 milligrams of sodium, 450 milligrams of potassium, 38 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 6 grams of sugar, and 19 grams of protein.

DiGiorno Pizzeria Primo Pepperoni Pizza

Item: DiGiorno Pizzeria Primo Pepperoni Pizza
Purchased Price: $5.99 (on sale)
Size: 18.7 oz.
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Makes regular DiGiorno pepperoni pizza taste like swill. Lots of pepperoni evenly distributed. No artificial flavors. Noticeable amounts of basil, oregano, and thyme that gave the pizza a nice herb flavor. Crispy crust. Preservative free crust. Sauce had a nice bold tomato flavor.
Cons: If it’s better than a regular DiGiorno pepperoni pizza, why keep selling that swill known as regular DiGiorno pepperoni pizza. As bad for you as DiGiorno’s regular pepperoni pizza. Cheese seems to be the same stuff from their regular pizzas.
Nutrition Facts: 1/4 pizza – 340 calories, 130 calories from fat, 14 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 800 milligrams of sodium, 39 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 14 grams of protein.

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