There is a semi-large, local to Kansas City pizza chain that makes a really fine cheeseburger pizza. I just thought I’d throw that out there to let it be known that a tasty cheeseburger pizza is within the realm of possibility.

What this local chain does right, it’s worth noting, is add pickles (you know, sliced pickle “chips”) and gobs of mustard. Now, I’m not even a mustard and pickle person on my REGULAR cheeseburger, let alone when I consume a pizza masquerading as a cheeseburger. But on this particular pie, it works.

Sadly, unless you are in the KC Metro area, you can’t have this unorthodox delight. Instead, I present to you, Domino’s depressing new cheeseburger pizza. According to the chain, their pizza is made with “a ketchup-mustard sauce, American cheese, beef, fresh onions, diced tomatoes, shredded provolone and cheddar cheese.” Opening the box, I was pleasantly surprised to see how well it had been constructed. The smell was appealing, too, but only in a generic, “yep, that smells like a pizza, alright” sort of way.

The visual and olfactory positives would be the high points of this forgettable dining experience.

The first thing I noticed when taking a bite was the overpoweringly obnoxious falsity that is American cheese. I’ve unwittingly ended up with American cheese on another Domino’s pizza at some dark point in the past, and all I really want to know is why? American cheese has its place in the world, sure – on an actual cheeseburger, mixed up in some scrambled eggs, melting messily atop a McDonald’s breakfast sandwich – but the desire to include it on a pizza is peculiar, no matter what the pizza purports to be.

The next thing I noticed was that I DIDN’T notice the sauce. As previously stated, the pizza was supposed to have a ketchup-mustard sauce. There was something under the cheese, I think, but all I really detected were subtle notes of slightly tangy wet.

Onions were present, but there were few and they added little, and the beef was your standard pre-formed, pre-cooked, straight-from-a-box, hamburger pellet that seems to find its way onto any national chain pizza when “beef” is involved. (Somewhere there is a beef pellet factory churning out hundreds of thousands of pounds of this product annually, I’m sure.)

Two things surprised me in a good way: the diced tomatoes added a pleasant and necessary juiciness to the proceedings (and I say this as someone who is generally anti-hot tomatoes in most situations) and the hand-tossed crust tasted fresh and flavorful, with a buttery, crunchy exterior and a soft, pillowy interior.

In fact, the crust was so enjoyable, and the construction and freshness of the overall pizza so impressive, I found myself excited to try Domino’s again at some point in the near future. Only, you know, not this particular pizza. And okay, probably not for full price. But the next time they run one of their 50% off specials? I will definitely consider probably giving them another shot. Maybe.

Purchased Price: $11.99 (promo price)
Size: Large
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 slice) 380 calories, 19 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 880 milligrams of sodium, 35 grams of carbohydrates, 1 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, and 15 grams of protein.

I am an Iowa native.

Why is this relevant?

Because Iowa is home to the first taco pizza! Happy Joe’s, a Midwest pizza chain, supposedly invented it in 1974. I grew up on the “original” taco pizza with refried beans, taco-seasoned meat, lettuce, tomatoes, taco chips sprinkled on top (my favorite part), and taco sauce on the side.

Although Domino’s Chicken Taco Pizza lacks many of those ingredients, I wanted to give it a try. I could’ve added my own chips and salsa, but sadly my kitchen lacked these add-ons when I ordered mine. It does includes American cheese, taco seasoning, grilled chicken, onions, green peppers, tomatoes, provolone cheese, and cheddar cheese. It looks like it was built in this order as well.

It has no traditional sauce, instead replaced by American cheese and taco seasoning. With my pizza, these base ingredients were not equally distributed with my first slice being heavy with the seasoning, while my second slice was more American cheese. The seasoning is what really gives this its taco essence. Plus, I don’t know a lot of folks who include American cheese in their usual lineup of taco ingredients.

The other components were better distributed, but kind of blended together with no single ingredient overpowering the others. As expected, there were obvious texture differences — a chunk of chicken tastes and feels different from a green pepper string.

The provolone and cheddar cheeses also blended together and started congealing, which pizza cheese does if not immediately eaten. That was likely due to time delays from my pizza being ready until I actually got to bite into it. (I had to wait about 30 minutes from the time Domino’s Pizza Tracker indicated mine was ready until it finally hit my mouth!) So it was lacking in cheesy ooziness as well as a strong scent, which are two components that typically get me excited to dive into a pizza.

Domino’s has touted this (as well as its new Cheeseburger Pizza) as “designed for delivery” given that tacos and burgers are not food items that always deliver well. This pizza is not a taco replacement, but it is a solid Domino’s offering with some taco-flavored inspiration (mostly the seasoning).

Some of the ingredients could be found in a taco, although the onion and green peppers seem more fajita-esque. To enhance it with your own taco-flair, I recommend adding some chips (hard-shell bits or crumbled Doritos) and salsa.

While I do not think Domino’s Chicken Taco Pizza compares to the “original” taco pizza, I would probably order it again if wanting a change from any traditional pizza.

Purchased Price: $11.99
Size: Large
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 slice) 350 calories, 16 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 780 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 3 grams of sugar, 1 gram of added sugars, and 16 grams of protein.