I had HUGE plans for these SPAM Breaded Pork Patties.

I hoped to top one with pineapple chutney and then put it on a bed of homemade coleslaw with a side of mashed sweet potatoes.

Then I wanted to drizzle another one with a made-from-scratch barbecue sauce, top it with a slice of smoked gouda and coleslaw, and put in a toasted King’s Hawaiian dinner roll.

Another idea was to place it on a bed of steaming rice, smother that with gravy made from SPAM drippings, top all that with a fried quail egg, and then add a side of coleslaw.

However, much like I have no idea why coleslaw is involved with every recipe, I also have no idea how to make chutney, mashed sweet potatoes, barbecue sauce, gravy from SPAM drippings, or coleslaw. So none of my HUGE plans came to fruition.

Instead, I added them to my Japanese curry, which I do know how to make because it only involves boiling the water the curry mix dissolves in. I also stuck one in a breakfast sandwich for SPAMs and giggles. In both preparations, they were enjoyable.

The patties, of which there are 18, look smaller than slices one would get from a slab of SPAM, even with the breading. I’m talking width and length. When it comes to thickness, the image on the box doesn’t accurately show how thin they are in real life.

There are three ways to prepare the frozen patties — oven, stovetop, or air fryer. I went with my toaster oven because my kitchen hasn’t moved into the present with all those fancy doodads, like them Instagram Neti Pots and sous-veni-vidi-vici cookers.

The breading isn’t heavily seasoned, so the porky and slightly greasy SPAM flavor comes through, but it’s dampened a little from the coating. The crust also covers up the pinkness of the processed pork product, which has known to turn off taste buds. The breading also has a satisfying crispiness, especially along the edges, that maintained its texture with curry. In the breakfast sandwich, not surprisingly, it tasted like the canned meat in a breakfast sandwich. Although, the patty looked kind of ridiculous in it.

Of course, if you hate SPAM, these aren’t going to change your mind about the product.

I regularly eat SPAM, but I don’t buy cans of it because the introvert in me hates having to ask store employees to release a few from under lock and key. My consumption comes from pre-cooked foods that have it, like SPAM Musubi or whatever our fast food chains offer.

But these breaded SPAM patties are something I’d buy again because they’re not behind anything to thwart shoplifters, their flavor has that recognizable porky taste I enjoy, they have a crispy exterior, they seem to be versatile, and they’re extremely convenient.

Maybe next time I’ll be more creative with them.

Purchased Price: $9.59
Size: 27 oz./18 patties
Purchased at: Costco
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (2 patties) 290 calories, 22 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 33 milligrams of cholesterol, 700 milligrams of sodium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, and 8 grams of protein.