Like an escape hatch hidden behind a library bookshelf in the 19th medieval literature section, red velvet cake is so much more than it seems. It is what chocolate cake would be if it were recruited as a spy, stealthily dying its natural brown cake a burnt red and shunning its chocolate frosted exterior for a plain, smooth buttercream, possibly even with some cream cheese added in (scandalous!).

But we know that these red dyes and swirly buttercreams are just fancy looks, right? At its heart, red velvet cake is still just a humble, fudgy chocolate cake, and I don’t mess around when it comes to chocolate cake. These little Lindt truffles are no exception: I want nothing short of chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate…oh yeah, and a dab of buttercream. Bring forth your cocoa-iest, Lindt!

Let us pause to celebrate Lindt’s interactive packaging. Not only does bursting open the bag bring forth smells of sugar and milk chocolate, but the act of unwrapping and beholding one of the white chocolate orbs provides you with a warm bubbly feeling and sense of accomplishment. It’s similar to the sensation of completing all 256 secret levels in Super Mario Brothers, only without golden coins, Luigi, or the need to defeat a spikey-shelled turtle creature with anger problems.

Chomping down, there’s an immediate crackle from the white chocolate shell, which leans more on the “Buttercream” rather than the “Cream Cheese” side of the Frosting Spectrum (very scientific). The insides are smooth and, I’m pleased to discover, taste like actual chocolate.

Sure, there’s some red dye going on, saturated fat out the wazoo, and vegetable oil helping it all hold together, but it graciously doesn’t obstruct from the rich, milk chocolate flavor sustained here. It ends up being about a 30:70 flavor ratio between the white chocolate “buttercream” flavor and milk chocolate fudgy flavor and, while I’m not sure what recipe, ingredient, or Harry Potter magic made this so intensely chocolate-cakey, I approve of it.

Having had far too many dry, crusty red velvet cakes in recent years, I confess I underestimated these truffles. While this isn’t the truffle I expected, it’s unquestionably a delicious one and I will happily finish the bag. They have crisp white chocolate, fudgy insides, and, when looked at in a certain light, turn your tongue red.

Oh, and they taste solid: sweet, white-and-milk chocolatey, a tad earthy, very sweet with a crunchy shell and smoothy-groovy insides. In this, Lindt proves that there is no need to have such a noisy fuss over cake. Indeed, you can avoid the oven and actually find something not only decent, but absolutely delicious.

So, if you want some cake without the flour, hassle, waiting, or just want to eat something smaller than a manhole cover, now you can join the over five million people who talk to their therapist about their mild addiction to red velvet on a weekly basis.

(Nutrition Facts – 3 truffles – 220 calories, 160 calories from fat, 17 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 25 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates, 0 gram of dietary fiber, 15 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $4.49
Size: 6 oz. bag
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Crispy shell. Smooth, fudgy insides. Actual white chocolate used. Turns tongue red (sorta). Cake without an oven. Escape hatches hidden behind library shelves. Warm bubbly feelings attained by completing 256 levels of Super Mario Brothers.
Cons: Will disappoint cream cheese lovers. Questionable red dye. Oodles of saturated fat. Awkward discussions with therapist about red velvet cake addiction. Spikey-shelled turtle creature with an anger problems.