Here are the two winners of the recent Pepsi Baobab prize drawing and their favorite fruit(s):
1. margaret (who likes mangoes, bananas and grapefruit)
2. Raymond (who likes apples)
The winners have been emailed and I hope to soon send their sodas on their merry way from my kitchen to their lips.
Congratulations to the two winners and thank you to everyone who entered.
Over the years, I’ve reviewed a number of products meant for those whose vocabulary consists of a lot of gurgles and WAAAHHHHHHs. I don’t try them because of my fetish that involves wearing diapers, using regressed motor skills and vocabulary, and being treated like an infant, which some call paraphilic infantilism, while others call it “whatever floats my boat.” I review these products because if I don’t, the mommy review bloggers win.
Just kidding, mommy review bloggers. I love you guys. Now will one of you sling me over your shoulder and burp me.
I don’t remember what types of food my parents gave me as an infant. But if I don’t remember, it must’ve been either so bad that I’ve repressed any memories of them or most of it ended up in my bib instead of my mouth, which tends to happen nowadays when I’m being fed in my man-sized baby chair. Today, I believe babies eat better than I did when I was an actual baby and not when I role play as a baby and pretend to be excited by the jingling of keys in front of me.
Case in point, the new Gerber Simply Strawberry Yogurt Blends.
If I were a real baby, I’d make my parents pick this stuff up for me by using my limited motor skills to reach for it or cry when we pass by it at the grocery store. If I were a “baby,” I’d make my “parents” pick this stuff up by dropping subtle hints like saying “Pssss” and then pointing at it or writing it down on the list of things I’d like them to do while I’m pretending to be a baby.
Each container is about the size of a snack pack pudding cup and within it is a creamy and smooth yogurt with a pleasant mild strawberry flavor. Unlike most adult yogurts, there isn’t fruit on the bottom so there’s no need to stir, which makes it easier for whoever my “mommy” is. The yogurt gets its strawberry flavor via strawberry puree, juice concentrate and natural strawberry flavor.
It’s like a Yoplait Go-Gurt except in cup form and not as tart. It’s good enough that I’d probably eat it whenever I’m in or out of diapers. I think my adult taste buds like it because of the 11 grams of sugar in it, which makes it quite sweet. But I’m not sure if it’s good to feed that amount of sugar to an infant.
According to the label, it’s for children who are “sitters,” which means they sit independently, pick up and hold small objects in their hands and reach for food or a spoon when hungry. I didn’t know toddlers could be split up into groups like that. I guess it’ll be something new to try next time I’m in diapers.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 container (3.5 ounces) – 100 calories, 3 grams of fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 60 milligrams of sodium, 160 milligrams of potassium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein, 4% vitamin A and 20% calcium.)
Item: Gerber Simply Strawberry Yogurt Blends
Price: $3.50
Size: 4 pack
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Nice strawberry flavor. Smooth and creamy. No artificial sweeteners. No refrigeration needed before opening. No artificial flavors. Good source of calcium. Jingling of keys. Made with whole milk and real fruit. No preservatives. Mommy review bloggers. My desire to dress up like a baby.
Cons: 11 grams of sugar. Getting more food on my bib than in my mouth. No chunks of real fruit. Getting into my man-sized baby chair. Trying to burp me. Food choices for babies born in the 1970s. My desire to dress up like a baby.
M&M’s are quickly turning into the American version of what Kit Kats are in Japan.
With so many variations and flavors, I honestly can say that I haven’t had Plain… Oh, excuse me, Milk Chocolate M&M’s since they nixed the beige color that reminded me of the nurse’s office at my elementary school minus the ethnically diverse posters about how head lice affects everyone and how it’s good to wash your hands after pretty much everything you do, except after washing your hands because then you’ll end up on that show Obsessed.
Before even trying the new Pretzel M&M’s I knew I was going to like them, because Mars used my favorite M&M’s character to pitch them — Orange M&M.
He isn’t a sleaze like Red M&M, who I swear on the Strawberried Peanut Butter M&M’s package had a rapey look in his eyes and was about to slip something into my drink. As for Yellow M&M, he’s simply Red’s lackey. And even though I’m far from being a feminist, my mother’s crazy burn-your-bra 1970s values rubbed off on me a little bit, because I find it’s morally wrong that the only female M&M is one ad away from becoming the first mascot to be on a Girls Gone Wild DVD.
I like Orange M&M because he’s on edge most of the time. Plus, he’s awkward and endearing, similar to Woody Allen. Although I don’t think Orange M&M would marry his adopted daughter (Red M&M probably would though). I also like Orange M&M because he always pitches the flavor of M&M’s I enjoy, including Crispy and Pretzel M&M’s.
Pretzel M&M’s are spherical and they probably could be used as emergency ammunition in a paintball gun battle, not only because they’re about the same size but because they’re as hard as the Red M&M gets when the Green M&M gives him a candied-coated lap dance.
I usually let an M&M melt in my mouth, because like a good little consumer, I listen to what ads tell me to do. However, I felt it was extremely difficult to do so with these M&M’s when I knew there were pretzels hiding in them. Pretzel M&M’s have a nice crunch factor as well as a delicate salty taste that might be too delicate for pretzel purists.
I can’t really call the rat dropping-sized nugget a pretzel; it’s more like a little, semi-salty ball that could be a serious choking hazard when popping them in your mouth during your commute, or when realizing there’s a sex scene between Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head in Toy Story 3 (Sorry if I ruined it for you).
Like the balls themselves, the package is quite small, but it’s just enough chocolate to tide you over until M&M’s releases another new flavor. Maybe they’ll take a page from Kit Kat’s book and make a wasabi pea-flavored M&M.
One can only hope and dream.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 bag (1.14 ounces) – 150 calories, 5 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 150 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 15 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, 2% calcium and 2% iron.)
Item: Pretzel M&M’s
Price: 74 cents
Size: 1.14 ounces
Purchased at: The Store That Ironically Doesn’t Sell Walls
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Nice blend of savory and sweet. Orange being the spokescandy for the product and not feeling threatened by him. My mother’s feminist values. Lower in fat than other flavors of M&M’s. Woody Allen movies. Could be used as backup ammunition.
Cons: Might not salty enough for some. No wasabi pea-flavored M&M’s. The lack of a Brown M&M mascot (Seriously, that’s fucked up and maybe a little racist). Choking hazard for those not used to small balls in their mouth.
While most frozen food entrees that involve steaming, like the Healthy Choice Cafe Steamers line, come with a bowl to help steam the dish in the microwave, the new Lean Cuisine Market Creations Chicken Alfredo is prepared differently.
Instead, they decided to chuck the bowl and, apparently, go the microwaveable frozen food feed bag steamer route, which you just throw into the microwave for five minutes. I guess a feed bag makes sense since we’re all just horses trotting through the great plains of life and need sustenance as we mosey along. Although I do wish Lean Cuisine included a strap so that I could attach the bag to my face.
Of course, I could be “domesticated” or “follow instructions” and pour the contents of the bag onto a plate and use a fork to eat it. But it’s just easier to place my mouth at the opening and let the Lean Cuisine goodness slide towards my face, like I’m trying to get the last potato chip crumbs. Sure, the hot white meat chicken, penne pasta, broccoli, yellow carrots, orange carrots and Alfredo sauce in the bag burned my face, but to me the first-degree burns were worth it because I didn’t have to wash dishes.
Yes, I am one lazy mofo.
But I won’t have to worry about those burns anymore because the Lean Cuisine Market Creations Chicken Alfredo is something I would not eat again.
While there were ample amounts of chicken and vegetables; the noodles came out just right; the vegetables didn’t turn out soggy; and it, surprisingly, looks really good in the photo above, especially the vegetables, its flavor wasn’t equally as appealing. Its biggest downfall was the chicken, which seemed like it was marinated in Mexican spices, making it taste like someone snuck in some Taco Bell into my Lean Cuisine.
The sauce could’ve been the lifesaver here and masked the flavor of the chicken, but since it’s a Lean Cuisine meal the sauce can’t be rich or too flavorful, unless it wants to be called Tubby Cuisine or Hungry-Man. But even if the Alfredo sauce is kind of bland, having a good amount of it in the bag might’ve helped, but there’s barely enough to coat everything.
I guess you could say they’re being “lean” with the Alfredo sauce. Or you could also say they’re being “lazy” with the Alfredo sauce, just as lazy as me.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 package – 280 calories, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 680 milligrams of sodium, 970 milligrams of potassium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 4 grams of sugar, 20 grams of protein, 70% vitamin A, 20% calcium, 30% vitamin C and 10% iron.)
Item: Lean Cuisine Market Creations Chicken Alfredo
Price: $4.99
Size: 10.5 ounces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 3 out of 10
Pros: Looks good, especially the vegetables. Lots of chicken, vegetables and penne pasta. No preservatives. Filling. Low in saturated fat. Contains poly- and monounsaturated fats. Can eat it straight from the bag, if you’re lazy or don’t follow instructions.
Cons: Chicken tasted weird, like it was marinated in Mexican spices. Barely enough Alfredo sauce to coat ingredients. Burns from eating it straight out of the bag. Being a lazy mofo. No strap included to attach bag to my face.
I have two unopened bottles of the limited edition Pepsi Baobab, which I reviewed last week.
There are a number of things I could do with those bottles, like sell them on eBay for $5 plus shipping; wait six months, let them become more scarce and then sell them on eBay for $7 plus shipping; or wait five years, sell them on eBay for $10 plus shipping and hope the buyer doesn’t give me negative feedback when they get sick from drinking a five year old soda. Or I could have an Impulsive Buy prize drawing and have two lucky readers each win a bottle.
Yeah, that’s what I’ll do.
To enter The Impulsive Buy’s Pepsi Baobab prize drawing, leave a comment with THIS post. You may say whatever you like, but your comment MUST include what your favorite fruit is.
Please don’t forget to fill out the email field because I’ll be emailing the winners for their mailing addresses. The Impulsive Buy will stop accepting entries on Sunday, June 27, 2010 11:59 p.m. Hawaii Standard Time. Only one entry allowed per person and it’s open to everyone who’s 18 years old or older.
Good luck!
Fine Print: The Impulsive Buy promises your email address will not be used to send you links to cute cat videos that you’ve probably already seen. The Impulsive Buy also promises your mailing address will not be used to send you cute cat photos. Bribes will not be accepted. Offering kittens will not influence the results. The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for lost mail, damaged mail, or cutsy wootsy kitty cats that warm your cold heart and bring a smile to your face.