REVIEW: McDonald’s Dipped Cone

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McDonald’s Dipped Cone

Having survived the Great Mid-Atlantic Derecho of 2012 and discovered my stash of home bound ice cream to have turned into soup once the power came back on, you might say I’ve been in a cautious mood when buying ice cream over the last week.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have a great appreciation for the richest and most indulgent dairy I can get to blow my savings on, but seeing mold in the viscous brown goo that used to be your Belgian Milk Chocolate Gelato will make you think twice before spending the big bucks again. Thankfully, that’s why places like McDonald’s exist.

McDonald’s has been selling soft serve since pretty much forever (heck even Wikipedia didn’t have a start date) but so far as I can tell, they’ve only recently launched the Chocolate-y Dipped Cones to the nationwide audience. Nope, that’s not a typo. It’s “Chocolate-y” as in does not contain actual chocolate (read: cocoa butter not included) but instead is made from a mixture of sugar, coconut oil, hydrogenated coconut oil, and cocoa.

Man, talk about a step down.

Still, with temperatures approaching a billion degrees in the Mid-Atlantic, I felt inclined to try it out. Also, I figured McDonald’s had invented some proprietary magic shell chocolate dispenser to coat the “reduced fat soft serve” in, but watching the girl behind the counter dunk the cone into a bucket of liquidity chocolate goo pretty much debunked that theory. Nevertheless, the coating clung to the soft serve tighter than a lid on a pickle jar, creating a hard reflexive sheen that could probably fry an ant if angled correctly toward the summer sun.

It was into that sun which I cautiously stepped, hoping my cone would last for a few worthwhile licks before the heat and humidity extracted its revenge on my summer bliss.

One, of course, faces an eating dilemma with soft ice cream encapsulated in hard ice cream form, but I found it worthwhile to approach the chocolate shell as if I was trying to get to the center of a tootsie pop. The chocolate flavor is sweet, a tad cool, and surprisingly smooth for being so artificial, reminding me of a chocolate ice cream bar with an especially thick chocolate shell. Not as pronounced and richly indulgent as a Magnum Bar, mind you, but this is McDonald’s and it’s 1,000 degrees out, so I’m willing to overlook that.

McDonald’s Dipped Cone 02

In any case I eventually ventured to splinter the shell and take a whack at the soft serve. Like Han Solo released from carbonite, the vanilla soft serve is not completely melted, and still retains its sweet and cool shape. Neither bursting with vanilla bean flavor nor having the lickable richness and smooth mouthfeel of egg based soft custard, it’s serviceable on its own, but delicious when combined with the shell.

McDonald’s Dipped Cone 04

It’s a treat worth savoring for a good five minutes, and the only real downside of the whole experiences come once the integrity of the binding site between the shell and cone is broken. At this stage you might as well stuff the rest of the cone into your face as quickly as possible, or else you risk an afternoon of sticky fingers, much like I did.

McDonald’s Dipped Cone is a surprising find in a fast food dessert market saturated with oversized milkshakes and coffee drinks disguised as milkshakes. It’s also an affordable option should you be looking to cool down without having your cool down treat immediately melt all over you.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cone – 270 calories, 110 calories from fat, 12 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat*, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 35 grams of carbohydrates, 27 grams of sugar, 1 gram of fiber, 5 grams of protein, 15% calcium.)

*Contains Hydrogenated Oils

Item: McDonald’s Dipped Cone
Purchased Price: $1.49
Size: 4.5 ounces
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Chocolate-y shell has smooth sheen and lickable, bittersweet cocoa flavor. Tastes like a really thick chocolate bar. Soft serve ice plays well with with hard coating. Doesn’t melt even under intense heat. Affordable dessert that won’t break the calorie bank.
Cons: Soft serve is run-of-the-mill. No actual chocolate involved. Contains hydrogenated oil. “Volcano effect” of melting ice cream once shell is compromised.

NEWS: Jack in the Box Now Serving A Waffle Breakfast Sandwich

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Update: Click here to read our Jack in the Box Waffle Breakfast Sandwich review

Jack in the Box has a new waffle breakfast sandwich. As of this posting, there isn’t anything about it on the Jack in the Box website. But there’s a bit of information on Twitter, especially images. You can see real life images here, here, here, and here.

The Waffle Breakfast Sandwich appears to come with sausage, egg, and cheese in between two round waffles.

Since Jack in the Box offers breakfast all day, you can order their Waffle Breakfast Sandwich for breakfast, lunch, dinner, after your late night massage parlor visit, or after your late night pedicure. (Dear Women: There’s a nails places here that stays open until midnight. Is that weird or are there places in your area where you can get a pedicure at 11:30 PM?)

A Jack in the Box Waffle Breakfast Sandwich has 479 calories, 33 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 271 milligrams of cholesterol, 983 milligrams of sodium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 6 grams of sugar, and 19 grams of protein.

If you’ve tried Jack in the Box’s Waffle Breakfast Sandwich, let us know what you think in the comments below.

Thanks to @dobalina on Twitter for letting us know about the sandwich!

REVIEW: Pizza Hut Garlic Bread Pizza

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Pizza Hut Garlic Bread Pizza

To be honest, I never thought Pizza Hut had the ingenuity to make a pizza using garlic bread.

I knew they had the gall to stick cheese and pepperoni in the crust and have enough chutzpah to do something absurd in the future, like top a pizza with their Meaty Marinara Tuscani Pasta and then stuff the crust with their Creamy Chicken Alfredo Tuscani Pasta. However, simply topping a slice of garlic bread with meat, cheese, and sauce was something I didn’t expect.

Up to five toppings can be added to Pizza Hut’s Garlic Bread Pizza, but since I lack the chutzpah that Pizza Hut has, I ordered mine with just pepperoni. A part of me regrets not spending the extra money for more toppings because it would’ve been funny to see how the five toppings would fit on the pieces of garlic bread that measure three inches long and four inches wide.

As you can see in the photo above, Pizza Hut was liberal with the pepperoni. Because each garlic bread slice was given four slices of sausage, it was easy for me to get a little bit of pepperoni in every bite. Unfortunately, Pizza Hut wasn’t as liberal with the cheese and sauce. Each garlic bread had a thin layer of mozzarella cheese and an even thinner layer of sauce. I read elsewhere the pizza comes with container of marinara sauce, but mine didn’t.

Pizza Hut Garlic Bread Pizza Closeup

If you love garlic, so much so that your co-workers refer to the scent you’re wearing as eau de garlic, this pizza will probably not satisfy your cravings for your favorite aromatic seasoning. When I first opened the pizza box, I couldn’t detect any garlic aroma; it smelled like a normal pizza. Only when I brought a piece up to my nose could I notice the recognizable smell of garlic bread. The garlic flavor was noticeable, but not overpowering. I do wish it was a little stronger, though.

Pizza Hut Garlic Bread Pizza Toastiness

While examining the pizza, I didn’t see any bits of minced garlic, but I did notice butter, so I assumed Pizza Hut used a garlic butter to flavor the bread. However, that’s okay because I’m sure 2010 Paula Deen would totally approve of that. Although, maybe not because they didn’t use a Deenspoon of butter, which I believe is roughly a quart of melted butter. Because Pizza Hut used significantly less butter than a Deenspoon, the pizza was not very greasy.

Pizza Hut Garlic Bread Pizza Thickness

The slices of toasted garlic bread were about an inch thick; had nice, soft innards; and a crispy crust. Some slices had herbs affixed to them, but they didn’t seem to add any flavor.

Despite wanting the garlic to be a little stronger and the lack of cheese and sauce, Pizza Hut’s Garlic Bread Pizza was one of the tastiest items I’ve had in a while from The Hut. Both issues I listed aren’t deal breakers. The garlic isn’t overwhelmed by any of the other ingredients and the pizza maybe light on cheese and sauce, but it’s not light on flavor.

(Nutrition Facts – Not available on website, but imagine something made with butter, cheese, and pepperoni can’t be very good for us.)

Item: Pizza Hut Garlic Bread Pizza
Purchased Price: $11.99*
Size: 9 pieces
Purchased at: Pizza Hut
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Damn tasty. Simple. Nothing is stuffed into the bread. Soft bread and crispy crust. Generous amounts of pepperoni. Not too greasy. Herbs sprinkled on bread make it look pretty.
Cons: Thin layer of cheese and an even thinner layer of sauce. Garlic and butter flavor might not be strong enough for some. Maybe not as filling as slices of pizza. Using a Deenspoon of butter on anything.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, we tend to pay more for things, so you will most likely pay less than I did — probably $8.99.

REVIEW: Hot Pockets Snackers Baked Mac & Cheese Bites

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Hot Pockets Snackers Baked Mac & Cheese Bites

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results; but they also say if at first you don’t succeed, you should try, try again.  So, are “they” advocating madness?  These are the kind of thoughts that run through my head as I review my second mac & cheese-based product in two reviews.  And a pretty good indicator of why I majored in English rather than Philosophy.

Hopefully you’re all familiar with Hot Pockets, or the slightly lower-calorie alternative Lean Pockets, my preferred indulgence because I like to pretend I could still swim a mile in less than 20 minutes (nope) and we can’t all eat like Michael Phelps. 

You may also be aware of HP’s “Snackers” brand, an attempt to offer a smaller alternative to their usual burrito-sized offerings.  The bag contains 12 pieces (3 servings) of pastry crust stuffed with macaroni & cheese and promises to microwave in just over a minute, which is big because regular Hot Pockets take 2 full minutes and who has that kind of time these days?  Not me, that’s an extra review and a half I could have written.  These things require a craftsman’s touch!

(By the way, I know 4 pieces may not sound like much as a serving size, but given how thick each triangle is, trust me that it isn’t insignificant.  I guess technically you could eat a full package as a meal, but that would be a lot.  Count on either splitting them with a friend or just not having a side dish if you decide to down the whole bag at once.)

Hot Pockets Snackers Baked Mac & Cheese Bites Closeup

Diving in, the crust is fairly light and flaky. This reaffirms the package’s boast that they’re baked, not fried.  If you’ve ever had a Hot Pocket before, you know what to expect, although these taste just a bit lighter.  And as I alluded to regarding the thickness, you’re not getting hosed as far as how much mac & cheese is stuffed into each one.  I certainly didn’t feel short-changed, and microwaving the triangles caused most of them to either spill out some cheese onto the plate or at least partially crack open, reinforcing the point. 

That said, they’re not messy — I didn’t have any problems with cheese spilling out unexpectedly or big pieces flaking off, so feel free to eat these one-handed on the couch without a napkin like the savage you are.  No one is judging.

The macaroni itself is a good consistency, soft but with just enough firmness to be appealing.  It actually looks pretty similar to Kraft Mac & Cheese, but the cheese is a bit different, slightly creamier than Kraft’s flavor without being especially sharp. 

Also, it’s a little hard to describe, but the cheese almost feels like a different component than the macaroni; there’s a lot of it, and it tends to ooze around the cracks and crevices formed by the pasta and spill out in large quantities.  I’m not complaining because it tastes the same either way, but rather than truly coating the macaroni, the cheese feels more like it’s sharing space with it.  They don’t exactly meld, but it’s plentiful and tasty, so I can’t complain too much.

Probably the only other criticism I would level against the Macaroni & Cheese Bites is that they lack that certain edge, the extra component that really distinguishes good products from great products. 

Don’t interpret that as a criticism — I like the Bites, and I wouldn’t at all mind getting them again.  But an extra flavor of cheese inside, maybe something with more bite like colby jack, would’ve really put it over the top.  But as it is, this is a good, solid snacking choice that’s quick and easy to make and will fill you up.  You could do a lot worse.

(Nutrition Facts — 4 pieces — 220 calories, 80 calories from fat, 8 grams of total fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 460 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of total carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 3 grams of sugars, and 6 grams of protein)

Item: Hot Pockets Snackers Baked Mac & Cheese Bites
Purchased Price: $3.99
Size: 10 oz. / approx. 12 pieces
Purchased at: Acme
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Bypassing one useless degree for a slightly-less-useless one.  Light, fairly soft crust.  4 pieces makes a good snack.  Only takes a minute and change to make.  Triangles are stuffed full of mac & (especially) cheese.  Swimming references, because when people only notice your sport once every four years, you’ve gotta jump on that opportunity.
Cons: We have yet to break the 1-minute microwave mark.  Pasta and cheese feel more like amiable co-inhabitants than a happy couple.  Not being able to eat like Michael Phelps.  Could use a little more kick.  Not lacking in fat and sodium

REVIEW: Kellogg’s Eggo Granola Chocolate Chip Waffles

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Kellogg's Eggo Granola Chocolate Chip

Blueberry was the first ingredient Kellogg’s began baking into their almost Simpson’s skin-colored frozen waffles. Later, they made a waffle with chocolate chips.

Just like a beginning chainsaw juggler getting comfortable with throwing one chainsaw into the air and later moving up to two chainsaws when they haven’t lost a limb after several throws with one chainsaw, Kellogg’s started off with one ingredient, but became brave and added another. One of the first results of that bravery was their Limited Edition Seasons S’mores Waffles.

And now Kellogg’s is doing it again with their new Eggo Granola Chocolate Chip Waffles.

Actually, if you want to get technical, they baked three ingredients into these new waffles: chocolate chips, granola pieces, and rolled oats. Ah yes, granola — a hippie sustenance, Nature Valley’s cash cow, and the other reason, besides keeping hydrated, why it’s so important to have water while hiking.

The chocolate chips and rolled oats are super easy to spot in each waffle. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for the granola pieces, which involves a closer inspection. The chocolate chips stand out because, obviously, their dark color makes them look like blackheads on the Simpson’s skin-colored waffles. As for the rolled oats, they’re noticeable because they look like trilobite fossils encased in waffle batter.

Kellogg's Eggo Granola Chocolate Chip Closeup

Sadly, while these Eggo Granola Chocolate Chip Waffles were warming up in my toaster, they didn’t make my kitchen smell like Eggo Homestyle frozen waffles were being pounded with heat from toaster filaments. When I took them out of the toaster, they had a nondescript aroma. I couldn’t even detect the scent of the chocolate chips while putting my nose close enough to the waffles that it looked like I was snorting cocaine off of them.

The chocolate chips, granola pieces, and rolled oats are, for the most part, spread evenly throughout each waffle. But that really didn’t matter because, without syrup, these Eggo Granola Chocolate Chip Waffles were as bland as white cotton panties. The chocolate flavor was so faint that I wondered if the semisweet chocolate Kellogg’s used in these waffles was really sub-sweet chocolate or hypo-sweet chocolate.

The rolled oats and granola pieces (which were made using sugar, honey, and molasses) also didn’t bring anything to this waffle party, except two grams more fiber than Eggo Homestyle Waffles. I thought the granola would at least add a little crunch, but my molars didn’t detect any. Thankfully, the waffle itself was crispy on the outside and soft inside.

Of course, waffles are eaten with syrup, and a light coating of the caramel colored sugar gravy did make these waffles much more tolerable. However, because the waffle itself had little flavor, all I pretty much tasted was syrup.

Overall, I think hippies would say the Kellogg’s Eggo Granola Chocolate Chip Waffles are a waste of granola.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 waffles – 200 calories, 70 calories from fat, 8 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 350 milligrams of sodium, 80 milligrams of potassium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein, and a bunch of vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Kellogg’s Eggo Granola Chocolate Chip Waffles
Purchased Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Size: 8 waffles
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Thank goodness for caramel colored sugar gravy. Decent source of fiber. Fortified with vitamins and minerals. Rolled oats look like trilobite fossils. Prefixes.
Cons: The waffle itself is extremely bland. A waste of granola. Faint chocolate flavor. Granola doesn’t add crunch or flavor. White cotton panties. Having to type “Kellogg’s is” kind of irks me.

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