Here’s the winner of the $25 McDonald’s Gift Card:
Jp
In case you were wondering, Jp would like to party with Grimace.
Congratulations to Jp!
Also, thank you to all of you who participated. For those of you who are disappointed you didn’t win, we’ve got another gift card prize drawing coming up later this month. So keep an eye out for that.
Burger King loves coming up with product names that end with -er as much as I love watching Maru the Cat videos on YouTube. First, there was the Whopper. Then, Burger King released the Stacker. And now, there’s the Topper.
BK Toppers come in three varieties:
Deluxe – American cheese, lettuce, onions, pickles and Stacker sauce.
Mushroom and Swiss – Mushrooms, Swiss cheese and Griller sauce.
Western BBQ – Onion rings, American cheese and Sweet Baby Ray’s Spicy BBQ sauce.
All come with a 3.2-ounce beef patty, cheese, and a sesame seed bun.
If you find yourself having to choose one because you lack the funds to buy two or three, I’d suggest avoiding the Mushroom and Swiss one. Its mushroom flavor is definitely strong. It made my mouth taste like I just tried to get rid of a bag of psychedelic mushrooms by eating them while cops break into my bathroom, which has a toilet clogged from trying to flush my weed stash, hence the reason why I’m eating all those mushrooms. But what makes this burger the least appealing of the three is the Griller sauce. I have no idea what Griller sauce is, but whatever it is, it makes the burger a bit too salty. It’s as if I’m French kissing a mermaid.
Update: The new BK Chef’s Choice Burger also has the same sauce and I enjoyed it, so it’s pretty much the mushrooms that ruin this burger. Sorry, grill sauce.
Because my mind is like the World Book Encyclopedia of fast food, the first thing I noticed about the Deluxe and Western BBQ BK Toppers is that they both have ingredients similar to past Burger King burgers. As Grub Grade points out in their review, the Western BBQ BK Topper is basically a Burger King Rodeo Cheeseburger. As for the Deluxe BK Topper, it sounds like a smaller version of the discontinued BK Big King.
Anyhoo, unlike the Mushroom and Swiss BK Topper, both the Deluxe and Western BBQ BK Toppers were worth the $2.49 I paid for each of them. So it’ll be worth the $1.99 you’ll probably pay because you don’t live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.
If you enjoy the tangy, Thousand Island dressing flavor of a Big Mac, you’ll like the Deluxe BK Topper. The pickles and onions are larger than what you’ll find in a Big Mac, but it’s almost as messy as a Big Mac. It’s a tasty burger, but I have to say the Western BBQ BK Topper tops it. (Tops. Get it? I. Am. Lame.)
The BBQ sauce sets the Western BBQ BK Topper apart from the others. According to this article, Burger King is using Sweet Baby Ray’s Spicy BBQ sauce. While tasty, I wouldn’t consider the sauce to be spicy hot. However, the sauce’s flavor made me wish it came in Costco-sized tubs so that I could dunk the Mushroom and Swiss BK Topper into it to make it taste better. The onion rings gave the burger a little crunch and a bit of onion flavor that complimented the beef patty and BBQ sauce.
Overall, the BK Toppers are a pleasant addition to the Burger King menu. Well, the Deluxe and Western BBQ ones, but two out of three ain’t bad.
(Nutrition Facts – Deluxe – 420 calories, 26 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 55 milligrams of cholesterol, 820 milligrams of sodium, 30 grams of carbohydrates, 7 grams of sugar, 15 grams of protein. Mushroom and Swiss – 410 calories, 27 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 55 milligrams of cholesterol, 850 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of sugar, 16 grams of protein. Western BBQ – 400 calories, 23 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 720 milligrams of sodium, 39 grams of carbohydrates, 10 grams of sugar, 16 grams of protein.)
Item: REVIEW: BK Toppers (Deluxe, Mushroom and Swiss, & Western BBQ)
Price: $2.49 each
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Deluxe)
Rating: 4 out of 10 (Mushroom and Swiss)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Western BBQ)
Pros: Western BBQ BK Topper is damn tasty. Deluxe BK Topper is tasty. Thick patties. BBQ sauce is pretty good. Inexpensive. Even more inexpensive if you get to pay the $1.99 price. Maru the Cat.
Cons: Mushroom and Swiss is the worst. Griller sauce is salty. Available for a limited time. Weed clogged toilets. Deluxe is kind of messy. Having to eat a bag of psychedelic mushrooms before the cops get you.
Eating the Jack in the Box Outlaw Burger really does make me feel like an outlaw, if being an outlaw means not listening to the recommendations of my doctor who says I should avoid eating things like the Jack in the Box Outlaw Burger.
YEEHAW!
If you happen to find yourself at a Jack in the Box, you can rustle either the Outlaw Burger, Outlaw Spicy Chicken Sandwich, or if sodium intake is no object, both. I chose the Outlaw Burger because, according to a t-shirt I read, real outlaws eat beef. Also, according to t-shirts I’ve read, a lot of women are bitches.
YEEHAW!
The Jack in the Box Outlaw Burger is constructed using a beef patty topped with onion rings, two slices of American cheese, hickory smoked bacon, lettuce, tomatoes, and bourbon BBQ sauce on a sesame seed bun. Jack in the Box claims the Outlaw Burger is new, but I think Jack getting hit by a bus in 2009 made him forget the Outlaw Burger was originally introduced in 2006. Even though this blog was around then (when it and I were much skinnier), I never tried it.
In a previous review, I mentioned I didn’t think too highly of Jack’s bourbon BBQ sauce, but for some strange reason I like it in the Outlaw Burger. Although, I do wish the person who made my sandwich squirted on a little more BBQ sauce.
Despite the inadequate BBQ sauce squirtage and ordinary Jack in the Box beef patty, I really enjoyed the Jack in the Box Outlaw Burger. There were decent-sized bacon strips, which were, surprisingly, crispy and provided a little smoky flavor. The onion rings added a bit of crunchiness, but the onion flavor could’ve been stronger. As for the two slices of American cheese…well, they allow the burger to contain four of the five USDA food groups and, looking at the photo above, they’re also the glue that prevents the onion rings and bacon from falling out of the burger.
YEEHAW!
The Outlaw Burger is probably one of the better tasting burgers Jack in the Box currently offers. Sadly, it’s only available for a limited time. So while it’s here, I’m going to ride with an Outlaw Burger, and maybe die with an Outlaw Burger.
YEEHAW!
(Nutrition Facts – 1 burger – 725 calories, 39 grams of fat, 16 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 72 milligrams of cholesterol, 1,558 milligrams of sodium, 61 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, and 28 grams of protein.)
Item: Jack in the Box Outlaw Burger
Price: $7.98 (combo)
Size: Medium combo
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: One of the better tasting burgers at Jack in the Box. OMG! The bacon actually turned out decent. Bourbon BBQ sauce with this burger. Eating it makes me feel like an outlaw. YEEHAW!
Cons: Needed more BBQ sauce. Onion rings needed to bring more flavor. Not new. Contains trans fat. Great source of sodium and saturated fat. Pulling quotes from Lonesome Dove.
Today, is National Noodle Day.
For realsies.
You could celebrate by going to your favorite ramen place, having the workers yell “irasshaimase” to you when you enter, and slurp noodles to your heart’s content.
Or you could visit your local Italian restaurant, share a plate of spaghetti with your significant other, and recreate the famous scene in Lady and the Tramp.
Or you could spend 75 cents, boil some water, and spend your evening with a Cup Noodles. Or you could eat P.F. Chang’s new Home Menu Noodle Entrees.
The new frozen entrees come in four varieties:
Garlic Chicken with Dan Dan Noodles – White meat chicken with a savory garlic sauce, bell peppers, bok choy and yakisoba noodles
Pepper Steak with Chow Fun Noodles – Steak with a sweet and peppery sauce, bell peppers, onions and chow fun noodles
Grilled Chicken Teriyaki with Lo Mein Noodles – Grilled chicken with a teriyaki sauce, pineapple, red bell peppers, onions and lo mein noodles
Firecracker Shrimp with Yakisoba Noodles – Lightly battered shrimp with spicy sauce, carrots, edamame, onions and yakisoba noodles
P.F. Chang’s Home Menu Noodle Entrees feature robust sauces, marinated meats, and unique “noodle nests” that unravel in the skillet midway through cooking as the noodles get coated in a flavor-packed sauce. Each package serves two and are available now in a frozen aisle near you.
I need a smoothie to wash away the taste of the new Yoplait Chocolate Banana Smoothie. My mouth tastes like a chocolate fondue party is happening in my mouth, but instead of suburbanites, it’s being attended by hobos, hippies, and others who think deodorant is unnecessary.
Also, my mouth happens to be a room where hot yoga classes are held. Everything is creating a combination of chocolate and armpit sourness.
Just like the Boston Red Sox at the beginning of this baseball season, I had high hopes for Yoplait’s Chocolate Banana Smoothie. I thought merging a cup of skim milk with Yoplait’s chocolate-flavored frozen yogurt pieces and frozen banana slices would turn into a tasty, refreshing 16-ounce smoothie that would make me temporarily forget about the Boston Red Sox’s complete choke job, but it ended up being the salt rubbed into my wounds.
I like chocolate, I enjoy bananas, and I’m really fond of the original Yoplait Smoothie flavors, so I thought Yoplait’s Chocolate Banana Smoothie was going to be another home run. However, something went horribly wrong with this attempt to steal away profits from Jamba Juice.
There’s only two good things about Yoplait’s Chocolate Banana Smoothie. It blends easily and it has a wonderful smoothie consistency. It’s not too thick, but also not watery. Oh, there’s a third good thing about this smoothie. It’s cold. But it’s only a good thing if you pour the smoothie on top of your head to cool you down, because pouring it inside of your head via your mouth might not be enjoyable, because as I mentioned before, it’s kind of gross.
Everything about its flavor is unpleasant, from the chocolate-flavored frozen yogurt to the banana to the artificial sweeteners. There’s a repulsive sourness in each sip, which probably originates from the frozen yogurt. It even smells repugnant. On top of all of that, the smoothie has an annoying grittiness.
Overall, this Yoplait Chocolate Banana Smoothie is not bananas.
N-O-T-B-A-N-A-N-A-S.
What?
You thought I would end this review with a baseball reference.
Fine.
Overall, this Yoplait Chocolate Banana Smoothie is as horrible as the number of strikeouts Orioles third baseman Mark Reynolds racks up each year.
(Nutrition Facts – 8 ounces prepared w/skim milk. 130 calories, 10 calories from fat, 1 gram of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 80 milligrams of sodium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, 15 grams of sugar, and 6 grams of protein, 4% vitamin A, 6% vitamin C, 70% calcium, and 4% iron.)
Item: Yoplait Chocolate Banana Smoothie
Price: $3.49 (on sale)
Size: 7.6 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 2 out of 10
Pros: Blends easily. Nice smoothie consistency. Cold.
Cons: This shit is not bananas. N-O-T-B-A-N-A-N-A-S. Gritty. Its strong artificial sweetener taste. My excessive use of baseball references in this review. Unsure if it contains live and active cultures, since it doesn’t say on the packaging.
