The way I see it, turning 100 is a pretty big freaking deal. Unless you happen to be a member of the Yoda species, in which case turning 100 is something to the equivalent of turning 15. Stuck somewhere between the celebratory awkwardness of entering the teen years that comes with a 13th birthday and the license to act like an idiot of the 18th birthday, turning 15 can be pretty mediocre.

I don’t look for mediocrity in my cookies (I leave that for granola bars and Subway sandwiches), and I sure don’t expect mediocrity when it comes to my all-time favorite brand of cookie hitting the century mark. So when I missed out on being invited to the party of reviews for the Limited Edition Birthday Cake Oreo, I was pretty perturbed. Fortunately, Oreo’s slightly younger brother Golden Oreo Fudge Creme is also celebrating the brand’s 100th birthday, although I’m not sure how that exactly works when I consider I’m 23 and have no recollection of the Golden Oreos or Fudge Cremes from my elementary school days.

I also don’t recall resealable packages, but hats off to Nabisco for standardizing this marvel of cookie engineering on their products. As anyone who has ever eaten stale Oreo crumbs will tell you, a chewy Oreo is a soulless Oreo, not to mention one which loses its trademarked cocoa smell. Even before fully unveiling the “lift here” tab on my box, I was immediately greeted by a slightly different aroma, although one no less nostalgic or pleasing. The cloying fragrance of sprinkles (‘jimmies’, to you old folks) is approaching sticking a funfetti cupcake up your nose territory, but nearly a decade and a half removed from Discovery Zone birthday parties, so I’ll take it. Like Qin Shi Huang’s army of terracotta soldiers the Fudge Cremes are unchipped and arrayed in perfect order, inviting the kind of unabashed ebullience of digging in that you’d expect from a six year old beholding said birthday cupcake.

I may not be six years old anymore, but I can still work my way through a box of cookies like one. The first taste, however, is more dull sheen than chocolate frosting, with the fudge creme and sprinkles tasting decidedly like fake fudge cream and tasteless morsels of dextrose and chemically engineered sprinkles. The cookie base is a weak crisp of shortbread flavor but little more, while the creme — that deliciously smooth yet somehow fluffy blanket of rich white synthetic filling — is lost within a crater of shortbread and filling of fake fudge.

“Fudge” might not exactly be what I said to myself after this first and certainly lackluster taste, but there is redemption of momentary disgruntledness. Should you leave your entire box in a hot car during this fit of It’s-my-birthday-and-I’ll-cry-if-I-want-to-rage, only to later return, you’ll find the sheeny, tasteless fudge to have melted into the kind of finger-licking chocolate frosting goo that comes from putting a chocolate donut in the microwave. Melting into the still crispy golden base, it’s somehow full of an admirable synthetic flavor that even the folks at a Whole Foods would find tempting.

Right off the store shelves, the Oreo Fudge Creme’s 100th birthday is a lot like celebrating your 15th birthday. But with a warm car and a little time, it’s a chocolate frosting coated treat that recalls the best of bygone birthday parties, minus the actual presents, of course.
 

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 130 calories, 60 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 40 milligrams of sodium, 25 milligrams of potassium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein.)

*made with partially hydrogenated oil

Other Limited Edition Birthday Cake Golden Oreo Fudge Cremes reviews:
Foodette Reviews

Item: Limited Edition Birthday Cake Golden Oreo Fudge Cremes
Price: $2.99 (on sale)
Size: 11.3 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Fudge coating smells just like chocolate frosting, and once melted, tastes like it too. Finger licking goodness of melted fake chocolate. Resealable packaging kicks the heck out of cookie jar freshness. Smells like a birthday party at Discovery Zone, minus the crappy pizza. Oreo still going strong at the big 1-0-0.
Cons: Sprinkles that taste too much like sprinkles. Creme filling that made the original Oreo so great is overpowered. ‘Fudge’ coating is tasteless sheen of palm oil when not melted. Cookie base is less than memorable. Smelling like cupcakes for an entire day. 15th birthday blues.

Salt-N-Pepa got pissed when baby-pop didn’t make it fast when giving them a kiss and I think Santa will be just as upset when he finds out some poor kid left out Limited Edition Peppermint Creme Oreo cookies for him this Christmas Eve.

I can imagine what will happen and I think it’ll be a Christmas story that will be shared for generations.

Twas the night before Christmas and Santa made his way down into another home.
Over his shoulders were his big bag of Christmas gifts and bigger bag of coal.
In this household, no kids were naughty so they’ll all get gifts from Saint Nick.
Oh, wait! Santa checked his list twice and it appears little Timmy was a little dick.

After the presents were stuffed in their appropriate stockings above the fireplace,
Santa saw his obligatory cookies and milk on a coffee table next to an empty vase.
As he walked closer to the treats left out for him, his face began to radiate with glee.
He let out a soft squee and then said, “Looks like Nabisco made another Oreo variety.”

“Enjoy these Limited Edition Peppermint Oreos,” said the note left with the snack.
Santa said, “I will,” and then prepared himself to dive into the cookies that are black.
So he grabbed the glass of milk and poured the liquid into the empty vase on the table.
There’s no way Santa trusts any milk sitting out for hours, even if it’s shelf-stable.

Santa picked up a Peppermint Oreo cookie and noticed the pink colored creme.
He thought the color was off and wished the cookie had a red and black color scheme.
He was also sad the chocolate cookies didn’t have festive imprints that warm his soul.
Like snowflakes, snowmen, or the depressed face of a child who received a lump of coal.

Before Santa tried the new Oreo flavor, he looked around to see if anyone was spying.
After scanning the room a few times, he noticed two pairs of children’s eyes prying.
Santa released an annoyed sigh as he reached into a coat pocket to pull out magic dust.
He had to blow it towards the curious children to prevent them from making a fuss.

The children’s eyes got heavy and their memories got cloudy thanks to the magic glitter.
When they became unconscious, Santa erased their memories using some transmitter.
He then walked over to the stockings of the children lying unconscious on the ground,
and replaced the gifts he was going to give them with lumps of coal, about a pound.

Santa could now enjoy a Peppermint Oreo cookie, which he hoped would be fulfilling.
So he picked one up, twisted off the top chocolate cookie, and licked the creme filling.
While sampling the pink creme, he said, “This tastes like something I’ve had in the past.”
After putting the cookie back together and eating it whole, his jolly face turned aghast.

“Blitzen!” Santa yelled while also spraying chocolate cookie crumbs across the room.
“Peppermint Oreos should taste different than Candy Cane Oreos,” he verbally assumed.
Santa was sick of Candy Cane Oreos because kids have been putting them out for years.
He hoped this year things would be different, but the familiar flavor didn’t ease his fears.

Oh, by the way, Blitzen is considered profanity at the North Pole, it basically means “shit.”
And, yes, it’s named after the laziest and most worthless reindeer, Santa will admit.
Blitzen got his name because he’s a lush and with other reindeer he doesn’t get along.
And now you know why his name is said last in the Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer song.

Santa felt the two Oreo flavors tasted the same, even though there are some differences.
Candy Cane Oreo having half white creme and crunchy sprinkles are such instances.
But to Santa those didn’t matter because when you eat thousands of cookies in one night,
flavor matters the most, so it’s wrong for Nabisco to make two Oreo cookies that taste alike.

But Santa liked both Candy Cane and Peppermint Oreos even if they tasted the same.
Thankfully, the creme was made using peppermint oil; artificial flavoring is lame.
Santa thought the Limited Edition Peppermint Oreos have a minty flavor that’s tight.
They’re like Thin Mints, which he thinks more kids should put out on pre-Christmas night.

While Santa was disappointed Peppermint Oreos tasted similar to Candy Cane Oreos,
what he discovered next about them really turned his HO HO HO’s into NO NO NO’s.
A package of Peppermint Oreos has one-third less cookies than a package of regular ones.
This infuriated Santa and now he was looking to visit Nabisco and kick some Nabisco buns.

So he flew up the chimney to set off in his sled to Nabisco Headquarters in New Jersey.
Thanks to a drunk Blitzen delaying them, there was no time to kick ass; they had to hurry.
Santa yelled, “Blitzen! Take a Blitzen on Nabisco,” and the reindeer did what he was told.
Then as they flew off to deliver the rest of the presents, Santa let out a loud, “HO HO HO!”

THE END

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 140 calories, 60 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 3 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 110 milligrams of sodium, 40 milligrams of potassium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein.)

Item: Limited Edition Peppermint Creme Oreo
Price: $3.99
Size: 10.5 ounces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: As good as Candy Cane Oreos. Thin Mints-like. When women squee. Uses peppermint oil for flavor, not artificial flavors. The look on children’s faces when they find out they got a lump of coal for Christmas.
Cons: Tastes like Candy Cane Oreos. Has 1/3 less cookies than a package of regular Oreos. Blitzen the Reindeer. Pissing off Salt-N-Pepa because you didn’t kiss them fast enough. What happens when you spy on Santa.