REVIEW: Mystery Flavor Fruit Roll-Ups

General Mills is rebranding its fruit snacks to suit the modern era of lunchbox-toting kids and teens, but in the case of these Mystery Flavor Fruit Roll-Ups, it feels like it went with such a ’90s vibe that it’s targeting the parents and not the offspring. This pack leans entirely on a “weird green guys from outer space” theme that I can’t imagine resonating with today’s kids. But what do I know? The packaging is metallic, and I’ll be damned if weird alien cartoons and shiny things don’t intrigue me.

The pack includes two flavors, Mystery and Solar Melon. I was briefly disappointed that half of these were melon because it gives you fewer chances to guess the mystery flavor. If you’re not familiar with Fruit Roll-Ups, I would describe the flavor of all of them as “This is definitely a Fruit Roll-Up,” but if you can tell the difference between a berry one and whatever the Tie-Dye is, you’re a better person than me. Fruit Roll-Ups are a snack to be eaten as quickly as possible because if they’re fresh, they’re so sticky that you can barely get the plastic off before they collapse in your hand. Definitely do not put them on a plate to photograph like I did. The time from thinking you might give it a taste test to the time you’ve determined that you’d better just shove it all in your mouth before you never get it unstuck from you again is about 8 seconds.

Trying the Mystery flavor, I couldn’t get beyond that it just tasted like I expected a Fruit Roll-Up to taste. Delicious, but overall…normal. Maybe this whole alien theme was a ruse? Maybe space tastes like Fruit Roll-Ups? I didn’t have a clue. Luckily part of this rebranding is a focus on trying to interact beyond the eating of the snack, so General Mills wants you to visit its website, where you can vote on what the flavor is.

Thank Area 51, we have some parameters!

Faced with the choices of Cosmic Citrus Swirl, Stellar Strawberry Peach, Galactic Grape, and Mango Martian, things started to make sense, and I felt pretty confident choosing Strawberry Peach. The strawberry is the classic and dominant flavor, but there’s a little more there, and it will remind you of Peach Rings.

To its credit, the unmysterious Solar Melon is a perfect shade of alien-green and a welcome addition to the box. It manages to taste like a blend of fruits with a melon focus but not in an overly artificial way like many watermelon candies.

The sheets are printed with tongue tattoos in various alien, UFO, and space designs. Because eating a Fruit Roll-Up inherently involves playing with your food, I went ahead and applied a UFO-XING sign to my tongue. It worked like a charm, and by that I mean it left my tongue with an unintelligible giant blue blob on it. You can thank me later for not including that photo. It might not be the most original attempt at a mystery flavor, but eating these is a fun and tasty way to spend two minutes, and who knows, you might win a galactic fanny pack before you’re beamed back up to the mothership.

Purchased Price: $2.29
Size: 10-count box of 0.5 oz rolls
Purchased at: Mariano’s
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Mystery Flavor), 7 out of 10 (Solar Melon)
Nutrition Facts: (1 roll) 50 calories, 1 gram of total fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 50 milligrams of sodium, 12 grams of total carbohydrates, 7 grams of sugar (including 7 grams of added sugar), and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Mutant Mayhem Cowabunga Cinnamon Apple Cereal

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Mutant Mayhem Cowabunga Cinnamon Apple Cereal Box

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Mutant Mayhem Cowabunga Cinnamon Apple Cereal from General Mills looks like it might have the longest name in breakfast cereal history. It also appears the Cookie Crisp-making and Lucky Charms marshmallow-making machines were used to create it.

While the sweetened corn cereal pieces’ shape could be turtle shells, there’s no questioning what the marshmallow pieces are. They feature the faces of all four Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – Leonardo, Michelangelo, Donatello, and Raphael – with their eyes closed.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Mutant Mayhem Cowabunga Cinnamon Apple Cereal Marshmallows

When it comes to cereals that have movie tie-ins, most of them have had marshmallows, and almost all of them have been forgettable. Although none have come to mind that have been memorable, so I guess they all have been forgettable. But after trying the cereal with possibly the longest name in breakfast cereal history, I can say that I’ve tasted a movie tie-in cereal that I probably won’t forget. Although, my first taste of it didn’t impress me.

When I ate one, the flavor was almost none. When I ate two, to get any flavor, it was still too few. When I ate three, the taste screamed slightly softer than a banshee. When I ate four, the flavor really began to soar. Apple cinnamon oatmeal comes to mind when I eat this, and when eating spoonfuls with milk, the fruit and warm spices come through a bit more.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Mutant Mayhem Cowabunga Cinnamon Apple Cereal Closeup

I was surprised by how much flavor these had, maybe because of my past experiences with bland movie tie-in cereals. The marshmallows add pops of sweetness that enhance the cereal, and a second look at them makes me think of bow ties and bikini tops. As for the milk at the bottom of my bowl, unfortunately, I didn’t taste the cinnamon apple goodness in it.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Mutant Mayhem Cowabunga Cinnamon Apple Cereal is surprisingly good. If there’s a sequel to the TMNT movie, I’d be fine with reusing this cereal flavor for it.

DISCLOSURE: I received a free product sample from General Mills. Doing so did not influence my review.

Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 17.8 oz box
Purchased at: Received from General Mills
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 cup w/o milk) 140 calories, 1 gram of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 180 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 11 grams of sugar (including 11 grams of added sugar), and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Vanilla Spice Cheerios Cereal

Vanilla Spice Cheerios is the only Cheerios variety that has ever made me go down a 1990s music rabbit hole because I wanted to know if there was a Vanilla Spice in the Spice Girls. There wasn’t, and in the end, after finding out what Bell Biv DeVoe, Gerardo, and Boyz II Men were up to, I realized I was probably thinking of Vanilla Ice. Vanilla Spice Cheerios is also the least memorable flavor I’ve had.

You’d think combining vanilla and cinnamon cereals together would create something worthwhile, but I’m surprised by how bland this cereal is. Okay, “bland” is a harsh word that was used to describe me in high school…and me in college…and me at various workplaces after college…and this paragraph so far. There is some cinnamon flavor, so it’s definitely not as bland as I’ve been for almost my entire life.

But, um, the vanilla.

Is it there? With every spoonful, I keep asking myself that, and because it’s not noticeable I’m sure I could convince anyone in a blind taste test that this cereal is an equal mixture of Cinnamon Cheerios and original Cheerios. Even when I taste the pieces independently, they don’t scream, speak, or whisper vanilla, but they’re also not exactly plain Cheerios either.

I’m trying to remember if this was also the case with Vanilla Honey Cheerios that came out a year ago, but I don’t remember what it tastes like. Okay, my apologies, Vanilla Spice Cheerios. You and Vanilla Honey Cheerios are tied for the least memorable Cheerios varieties I’ve had.

Vanilla Spice Cheerios is a perfectly fine cinnamon-flavored Cheerios. But if you want that and with more flavor, you might as well get a box that has only Cinnamon Cheerios or purchase the excellent Cinnamon Cheerios Oat Crunch.

DISCLOSURE: I received a free product sample from General Mills. Doing so did not influence my review.

Size: 12 oz box
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 1/3 cup w/o milk) 150 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 0.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 140 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar (including 8 grams of added sugar), and 3 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Tres Leches Toast Crunch Cereal

During my decades of dessert dining, I’m unsure if I’ve had tres leches cake. But how could I not have had something that sounds delicious — a pound cake that’s soaked in a mixture of whole, evaporated, and condensed milks and then topped with whipped cream. As complex as that sounds, the folks at General Mills have developed a new Toast Crunch variety based on that dessert that I may or may not have had.

The company says that the cereal brings the cake’s flavor to the cereal bowl and is packed with cinnamon and extra indulgent Cinnamilk with the same crunchy texture as Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

If I’ve never had tres leches cake, I’m going to want some tres leches cake très vite because I’m going to assume the dessert is as delicious as this cereal. Yeah, I know. One is Spanish, and the other is French, but it looks cool in text.

First, I’d love to spend a lot of time with an open bag of this stuff in a phone booth, pod in a Japanese capsule hotel, or coffin because its delightful aroma reminds me of a cinnamon roll’s cream cheese frosting. That aromatic introduction leads to a unique and complex cereal flavor that gives me as much joy as eating the original Cinnamon Toast Crunch, dry or with milk. Actually, maybe even more.

There’s definitely a cake taste that’s somewhat similar to what I’ve experienced with the vast number of birthday cake products I’ve crammed into my mouth over the years, but not over-the-top sweet like most of those. Beyond that, there’s a butteriness that makes my tongue wonder if that’s from the cake flavoring or the cereal trying to present a milkiness. Whatever it is, it adds a bit of sweet complexity that goes exceptionally well with a not-quite-as-intense-as-Cinnamon-Toast-Crunch cinnamon flavor.

With its strong cake and cinnamon flavors, I really want to call this Cinnamon Cake Crunch, but Tres Leches Toast Crunch is more fun to say. Also, and this might be my imagination, there’s a little something something in the taste that could be interpreted as whipped topping.

Overall, Tres Leches Toast Crunch is très bien. Yeah, I know Spanish and French again. It’s so wonderful that, like my beloved Apple Pie Toast Crunch, I want this to exist forever year round.

FOREVER, General Mills! FOREVER!

DISCLOSURE: I received a free product sample from General Mills. Doing so did not influence my review.

Size: 12 oz box
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 cup w/o milk) 170 calories, 4 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 2.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 230 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar (including 12 grams of added sugar), and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: General Mills Kit Kat Cereal

Does Kit Kat Cereal taste like a Kit Kat?

No, it doesn’t. Its flavor doesn’t even remotely remind me of the iconic candy bar — not the Hershey’s version, the Nestle version sold everywhere other than the US, or even Norway’s Kvikk Lunsj (Google it). Even its crunch differs significantly from the crispiness of the wafers coated in chocolate. “Gimme a break,” you might say, but I’ve been eating and reviewing cereal long enough to know that I shouldn’t set my expectations that high for a product that’s supposed to taste like something else. What I expected was something chocolatey with a decent crunch, and that’s what we’ve got here with this breakfast option.

The cereal’s shape is similar to the four-fingered candy bar, but its looks also bring a puffed-up, less ridged Golden Grahams to mind. One sniff from the opened bag brought memories of Cocoa Pebbles and Cocoa Puffs, and its sweet scent also summoned thoughts that this might be the most chocolatey cereal I’ve ever shoved into my mouth. It isn’t, but it’s enough to satisfy my sweet tooth.

A darker Cocoa Puffs is the best description I can give of its flavor, which doesn’t quite match the milk chocolatey goodness that coats an actual Kit Kat. Also, a part of me wonders, and I don’t want to start a conspiracy here, that this could be a tweak of Cocoa Puffs Brownie Crunch. Most of the flavor comes from a coating, but under that is the whole grain wheat and rice flour cereal that has some cocoa notes but leans more to the bitter side. The chocolate is most noticeable when eaten dry but weakens a bit in milk. While the leftover liquid looks like it might have some notable flavor, it doesn’t.

While the product has the common “cocoa processed with alkali,” there’s a less typical ingredient. Nope, it’s not the trisodium phosphate. The second to last ingredient is rosemary extract. Before you let out an “ew,” a quick search revealed that it’s probably used as a preservative and not for aromatherapy if you light pieces on fire.

Oh, speaking of things that involve fire, if you combine this with Golden Grahams and pick up a bag of Lucky Charms Just Magical Marshmallows, out now for a limited time, you’ve possibly got yourself a decent s’mores-flavored cereal mashup.

Overall, Kit Kat Cereal will not allow you to have a bowl of tiny candy bar-tasting cereal. But you will get a good, chocolatey breakfast offering that might be better than Cocoa Puffs but not as tasty or as chocolatey as Cocoa Pebbles.

DISCLOSURE: I received a free sample from General Mills. Doing so did not influence my review.

Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 11.5 oz box
Purchased at: Received from General Mills
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 cup w/o milk) 170 calories, 5 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 2 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 220 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 10 grams of sugar (including 10 grams of added sugar), and 3 grams of protein.