Tag: KFC

I want to mouth kiss the KFC Chickengineer who came up with the KFC Famous Bowl. I don’t care if it’s a man, woman, bionic chicken, or the computer that reads the thoughts of Colonel Sanders preserved brain, which holds the only list of all 11 secret herbs and spices.

When I find that person, I’m going to treat their mouth just as good as they treated mine when I ate their way to feed me popcorn chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, and cheese in bowl form.

I also want to mouth kiss the KFC Chickengineer who developed their new KFC Cheesy Bacon Bowl, but not because I was to thank them for creating it, but to help me get rid of all the saltiness in my mouth.

You’d think combining a KFC Famous Bowl with bacon would be one of the tastiest forms of gluttony ever and make the computer that’s hooked up to Colonel Sanders preserved brain feel the emotion of happiness, because after all, like resting my head on the bosom of a well-endowed woman, bacon makes everything better. However, with the KFC Cheesy Bacon Bowl, that’s not the case.

The bacon comes in small chopped bits and, before being eaten, my KFC Cheesy Bacon bowl looked like it was caught in a bacon hailstorm or a drunk bacon fairy went a little crazy with the bacon dust. Actually, the amount of bacon isn’t surprising because there’s a lot of everything in this bowl, especially mashed potatoes, gravy, and meaty pieces of popcorn chicken. I was surprised by how heavy the KFC Cheesy Bacon bowl was. So much so, that I felt compelled to weight it.

It’s hard to taste the bacon, because there are so many pieces to this fast food puzzle called the KFC Cheesy Bacon Bowl. It’s there, but it gets lost among the chicken and gravy. The bacon doesn’t make it better. All it really does is make it saltier, and that’s sad because I had high expectations for the combination of the KFC Famous Bowl and bacon. As matter of fact I was so eager to eat it that I forgot to take a photo of it before mowing it down with my KFC-issued spork, hence the half eaten bowl above.

However, with that said, I have to say I enjoyed the KFC Cheesy Bacon Bowl. But just as much as the original KFC Famous Bowl, because they’re pretty much the same tasty amalgamations.

(Nutrition Facts – Not available on website yet, but a regular KFC Famous Bowl has 680 calories, 280 calories from fat, 31 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 2,130 milligrams of sodium, 74 grams of carbohydrates, 6 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 26 grams of protein.)

Other KFC Cheesy Bacon Bowl reviews:
Grub Grade

Item: KFC Cheesy Bacon Bowl
Price: $4.99 (most other places $3.99)
Size: More than a pound
Purchased at: KFC
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: As good as the KFC Famous Bowl. Heavy. Lots of bacon bits. Sporks. The KFC Famous Bowl. Meaty pieces of popcorn chicken. Lots of mashed potatoes. Lots of gravy.
Cons: Bacon doesn’t make it better. Bacon makes it saltier. Just as unhealthy as a KFC Famous Bowl. Not being able to meet the KFC Chickengineer who created the KFC Famous Bowl and make their mouth feel as good as they made mine.

Thanks KFC.

The name of your new KFC Doublicious Chicken Sandwich probably just gave the Black Eyed Peas a title for a new mindless and shallow song that will make my car’s speakers weep as it’s played in heavy rotation on the radio, make my TV’s speakers groan as it’s played during timeouts at NBA games and make my computer’s speakers take their own lives by blow themselves out when that song randomly starts playing on Pandora, thanks to my Miley Cyrus station.

Are you really willing to take responsibility for clogging ears, like you clog arteries with lyrics that may go like this?

You know I’m Doublicious.
This beat is phat and expeditious.
These lyrics make me seditious.
Carrots cake is not nutritious.

And you may think it ends with being overplayed on the radio, at NBA games and on the internet, but thousands of people will have that song set as their muthafrickin’ ringtone. Oh, but it doesn’t stop there either. It will continue to pollute the airwaves by being featured on a Now That’s What I Call Music! compilation, then children are going to cover the song on a Kidz Bop album, and if there’s another direct-to-DVD Air Bud or Beverly Hills Chihuahua movie, it will probably be on the soundtrack.

And that’s still not the end of it because a Black Eyed Peas song never dies, it either gets recycled or comes back to life over and over again to eat away at your brain, like a musical zombie. But there’s no head to shoot off with a shotgun.

Shoving Black Eyed Peas lyrics down my ears is like trying to make me buy the Original and Grilled KFC Doublicious Chicken Sandwiches again, because I don’t want to do either regularly.

On paper, both KFC sandwiches look good. The Original Doublicious includes an Original Recipe filet topped with bacon, Monterey Jack cheese and the Colonel’s Sauce, while the Grilled Doublicious has a grilled filet with Monterey Jack cheese, lettuce and honey mustard BBQ sauce. Both sandwiches come with a Hawaiian sweet bread bun.

With the bun, KFC is trying to create a sweet and savory combination, which is perhaps the reason for the name Doublicious, or double delicious, if you will. However, I felt the bun wasn’t as sweet or as soft as the Hawaiian sweet bread I grew up with. The bun also had perfectly placed grill marks on the inside of it, which looked just as off-putting as the grill marks found on KFC’s Grilled Chicken. But what’s even more disturbing was the size of each Doublicious sandwich, which were quite small for the $4.49 I paid for each of them.

While they may not be hearty sandwiches, I did think they were both good, but the sweet and savory combo punch didn’t knock me to my feet. As I mentioned earlier, I thought the bun wasn’t as sweet as the Hawaiian sweet bread I grew up with, but I think its sweetness and flavor gets lost even more with the sweetness of the sauces.

The cheese in both sandwiches don’t have any impact on flavor. The bacon in the Original version makes the sandwich a little more savory and the lettuce in the Grilled one makes it appear healthier. As for the chicken filets, the Original one was a little crispy, while the Grilled one was a little creepy with the weird grill marks on them.

While both sandwiches are sweet and savory, I think they are so because of their sauces. The flavor of the chicken and their secret herbs and spices get lost with the sauces. It makes me wonder why KFC is trying to hide what they’re known for. It’s like they don’t believe the flavor of their chicken can stand on its own.

I wish KFC would believe in what makes their chicken finger lickin’ good, just like I wish a particular hip-hop group would stop making songs with lyrics that go like this:

I’m on the supersonic boom.
Y’all hear the spaceship zoom.
When, when I step inside the room.
Them girls go ape-shit, uh.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 sandwich – Original – 470 calories, 23 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat* (*may contain less than 0.5 grams of trans fat), 80 milligrams of cholesterol, 980 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 7 grams of sugar and 33 grams of protein. Grilled – 360 calories, 11 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 85 milligrams of cholesterol, 940 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 9 grams of sugar and 34 grams of protein.)

Item: KFC Doublicious Chicken Sandwich (Original & Grilled)
Price: $4.49 each
Size: 187 grams (Original)
Size: 200 grams (Grilled)
Purchased at: KFC
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Original)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Grilled)
Pros: Good. Use of Hawaiian sweet bread bun. Good source of protein. Bacon. Black Eyed Peas before Fergie. KFC’s secret herbs and spices.
Cons: Damn small. Pricey for what you get. Sweet and savory flavor is dominated by sauces and didn’t blow me away. Not double delicious. Black Eyed Peas songs being played EVERYWHERE. Great source of sodium. Grill marks on bun freak me out. Can’t kill a Black Eyed Peas song.

The new KFC Original Boneless Filet makes me wonder if the company has choked their creative chicken too many times. After coming out with noteworthy products, like their Kentucky Grilled Chicken and Fiery Grilled Wings, they came out with a product that’s basically the stuff they stick in between buns to make some of their sandwiches.

It’s like KFC came up with the idea during their refractory period after choking their creative chicken, because as every man knows, it’s difficult to get anything to come up during a refractory period. That includes good ideas.

To give you an idea of how big a KFC Original Boneless Filet is, just imagine four McDonald’s Chicken McNuggets fused together into something that would make McNuggets even more unnatural. It’s lightly breaded and seasoned with the Colonel’s secret herbs and spices and then dumped into a sleeve usually reserved for KFC’s potato wedges.

If you’re familiar with KFC’s chicken, then you know what their Original Boneless Filet tastes like. It’s the same flavor you’ve learned to love, although beyond that there’s nothing exciting about its flavor and, even though it looks like a giant chicken nugget, it doesn’t come with a dipping sauce. The chicken was tender and somewhat juicy, but the exterior coating wasn’t crispy and seemed like it was just there to provide some friction to make sure the deep-fried chicken doesn’t slide out of its sleeve. Overall, the KFC Original Boneless Filet wasn’t original, nor does it get me excited.

Personally, I like bones in my chicken because they remind me I’m eating an animal and that I’m higher on the food chain than them. Yeah! Suck on that chickens! While I suck on my fingers, because you’re finger lickin’ good. I also like having bones around in case I have to defend myself against a rancor.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 filet – 170 calories, 7 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 55 milligrams of cholesterol, 360 milligrams of sodium, 4 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 0 grams of sugar and 23 grams of protein.)

Item: KFC Original Boneless Filet
Price: $5.99 (meal)
Size: 96 grams each
Purchased at: KFC
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: No bones. KFC herbs and spices. Chicken was tender. Being higher on the food chain than a chicken.
Cons: Same stuff found in their sandwiches. Coating wasn’t crispy. Doesn’t come with a dipping sauce. Refractory periods. Choking one’s creative chicken too many times. Having to defend yourself against rancors.

The new KFC Fiery Grilled Wings aren’t covered in a sauce, like KFC’s other chicken wing alternatives. Instead they’re marinated in peppers and then grilled. I like the idea of having a sauceless spicy wing because it’s less messy. Although I really do enjoy cleaning my fingers when they’re covered in sauce, because when I do it, it’s not a chore, it’s an art.

Starting with my thumb, I lick the entire length of my finger, from the bottom to the top. When I reach the tip, I flick it with my tongue a few times and then lick around the tip, moving my tongue in a circular motion. I count “one Mississippi” in my head to time each circular lick. Then I wrap my entire mouth around my finger, tightly sealing my lips around my finger’s base.

While my finger is in my mouth, I push my tongue up against the underside of my finger to help make sure I’m getting every little morsel off of it. As I slowly pull my finger out of my orifice, I tighten my grip around it with my lips and then count, “one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi, four Mississippi, five Mississippi.” When my lips reach the tip, I smack my lips and then slowly lick them from one side to the other to make sure all the flavor is in my mouth and not anywhere else. Then I repeat the process with the other fingers.

When I want to shake things up a bit, I’ll stick two or three fingers in my mouth at one time. When I’m feeling really adventurous I’ll stick four fingers in. And when I’m under the influence of something, I’ll attempt to fit my entire fist in my mouth.

But again, since the KFC Fiery Grilled Wings aren’t covered in sauce, I won’t need to do any sucking, licking or Mississippi counting.

I enjoyed KFC’s Kentucky Grilled Chicken and I like this smaller, spicier version just as much. However, if you don’t like spicy hot food in your mouth and then coming out your other end, you should avoid these because they will light your ass on fire. On a scale of 1-10 with three being the heat generated by putting your laptop on your lap and 10 being the burning sensation while peeing due to a night of unprotected sex with someone/something you shouldn’t have had unprotected sex with, I feel the KFC Fiery Grilled Wings come in at a seven.

The hot spices also add just enough flavor to not overpower the taste of the Kentucky Grilled Chicken that I know and love. The combination of hot spices with the regular spices added to the grilled chicken make for a delicious bird limb.

If there’s one thing that bothered me about them, it’s the lack of wing pieces. As you can see in the photo above, I received one wing piece and the rest were drumsticks. Actually, now that I think about it, I don’t know if it’s really a negative, since I prefer drumsticks over wings because they’re easier to eat.

Overall, I really liked the KFC Fiery Grilled Wings and if you enjoy spicy wings, you’ll probably like them too. But if you enjoy the sensation of sucking and licking sauce off of your fingers in a NSFW way and/or don’t like spicy food, I wouldn’t recommend these chicken wings.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 wing – 70 calories, 4 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber and 7 grams of protein.)

(NOTE: Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, the KFC Fiery Grilled Wings are slightly more expensive than most places. Their advertised price is $3.99 for five pieces. Also, check out Junk Food Betty’s review.)

Item: KFC Fiery Grilled Wings
Price: $4.99
Size: 5 pieces
Purchased at: KFC
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Delicious bird limbs. Spicy hot. Flavorful. Lack of sauce makes it cleaner to eat. Being able to spell Mississippi correctly. Sucking and licking sauce-covered fingers in a NSFW way.
Cons: Spiciness might be too much for some eaters. Lack of wing pieces might be a problem for some. Those who enjoy sucking and licking sauce-covered fingers will be disappointed.

The Kentucky Grilled Chicken makes me feel like I’m in some alternate universe where fast food doesn’t fill your body with large amounts of saturated fat and sodium, everyone uses a Mac and Oprah is the benevolent ruler of the world, occasionally giving her favorite things away to some of her citizens.

It’s a world where everyone recycles and things run on solar power.
Homeless people wouldn’t reek of body odor because they shower.
It’s a place where celebrity nipple slips occur with less frequency.
Singer Amy Winehouse doesn’t look so scary, like a banshee.

It’s a planet where traffic goes smoothly like water through a pipe.
Lots of leg room in coach class on every flight making it a delight.
It’s a place where Simon is nice to each American Idol reject.
Paula Abdul doesn’t abuse alcohol to make herself look wrecked.

It’s a world where phones and people remain quiet through the movie.
Without the need to workout, every man and woman has a nice booty.
It’s a place where Lindsay Lohan is winning Oscar Awards.
Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt aren’t such attention whores.

It’s a planet where everyone has fresh breath the entire day.
You can make a plate for yourself before you leave the buffet.
It’s a place where the Octomom wouldn’t make front page news.
Everyone would know the true sexual preference of Tom Cruise.

But alas, I’m not in an alternative universe because I still have a flat ass and most fast food places still provide food that can slowly kill us. So I’m glad KFC is making an effort to make fast food somewhat healthier with their Kentucky Grilled Chicken. Pieces of the new chicken have between 70 to 180 calories and four to nine grams of fat. It’s significantly lower than pieces of KFC’s original recipe fried chicken which have between 130 to 360 calories and 8 to 24 grams of fat. A drumstick and breast of the new grilled chicken contains 250 calories, 8 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, and 640 milligrams of sodium, which is about the same amounts found in a Lean Cuisine Meatloaf microwaveable meal.

Of course, if you get side dishes it instantly increases the nutritional intake to the normal fast food levels that you know and loathe.

The Kentucky Grilled Chicken is marinated and seasoned with a blend of six secret herbs and spices and is slow-grilled. Its appetizing smell was similar to other grilled chicken I’ve had before. The meat was juicy, tender and really tasty. It doesn’t taste like any of the KFC fried chickens, instead it tastes more like roasted or rotisserie chicken.

However, everything is not perfect with the Kentucky Grilled Chicken. The grill marks on them seem too perfect, making them somewhat unnatural looking, like the breasts of many contestants vying for the love of some B-list celebrity on a VH1 reality show. And, like regular KFC fried chicken, you’re going to need a lot of napkins (or KFC-labeled sanitary wipes) because these grilled pieces of chicken are quite greasy.

Overall, I really enjoyed the Kentucky Grilled Chicken because it’s tasty and I don’t feel so bad after eating it, like I would with a Big Mac Value Meal.

Fast food that’s tasty AND not too bad for you?

It gives me hope that someday, when Oprah rules the world, she will give me one of her favorite things. I’m wishing for either a car or an Amazon Kindle.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 wing – 80 calories, 4 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium and 10 grams of protein. 1 breast – 180 calories, 4 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 110 milligrams of cholesterol, 440 milligrams of sodium and 35 grams of protein. 1 drumstick – 70 calories, 4 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium and 10 grams of protein. 1 thigh – 140 calories, 9 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 80 milligrams of cholesterol and 10 grams of protein. Yes, the long list of nutrition facts is finally over. Yay!)

(Note: Of course Grub Grade reviewed them. If they didn’t, I would’ve lost all faith in humanity.)

Item: KFC Kentucky Grilled Chicken
Price: $4.99
Size: 2-piece meal
Purchased at: KFC
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Juicy, tender and really tasty. Significantly healthier than KFC’s Original Recipe chicken. I would eat these regularly. An alternative universe where Oprah rules the world. When Oprah gives away her favorite things.
Cons: Greasy. Grill marks seem unnatural. If you get the meal with side dishes, the nutritional values go up significantly. Unnatural boobs. Excessive napkin use. Amy Winehouse nightmares.