REVIEW: White Castle Microwaveable Cheeseburgers

White Castle Microwaveable Cheeseburgers

It seems like there’s been a trend to make things bigger. SUVs are getting larger, 15-pound cheeseburgers are being sold, the breasts of 18-year-old girls are artificially increasing, and Joan Rivers’ mouth seems to get louder and wider with every awards show.

But it’s good to know there are items that buck this trend and keep things small, like cell phones, digital cameras, wages at Walmart, the portions at five-star restaurants, and testicles in cold water.

A company that has also kept it small is White Castle, which is famous for their small, squarish hamburgers and their ability to attract people with a case of the munchies.

Unfortunately, being several thousand miles away from the nearest White Castle restaurant, I haven’t experienced the wonder of White Castle hamburgers. However, the national grocery store chain I shop at just so happens to have in stock frozen White Castle Microwaveable Cheeseburgers.

Of course, I’m sure the frozen burgers can’t compare with fresh White Castle burgers, because if I’ve learned anything about freezing environments, it’s that it makes everything in it miserable and it can shrink testicles.

The frozen White Castle cheeseburgers are almost identical to their fresh counterparts, they both have the patented burger patties with five holes, a whole lot of onions, and a small slice of American cheese, in between a small bun. However, the hard frozen White Castle cheeseburger would probably do more harm in a food fight.

One of the problems I had with these frozen burgers was the microwave heating instructions. Despite following them with great accuracy, I ended up with burgers with slightly cold edges. Sticking them in the microwave for a few more seconds resulted in soggy buns.

Fortunately, Impulsive Buy reader Kimdog let me in on her highly scientific heating instructions, which she spent minutes months honing.

Take the two burgers and nuke them on high for about 20 seconds. Open the microwave and take the tops of the buns off and remove them from the cooking interior. At the same time rotate the burgers by 180 degrees.

Restart the microwave and cook until you see the cheese bubble (usually about another 40 or so seconds). Open the microwave and put the tops of the buns back on the burgers and close the door.

Let them sit in the dark lifeless microwave for about another minute. This will warm and moisten the bun tops with out drying them out.

Kimdog’s heating instructions helped a little bit, but the burgers still weren’t completely heated.

As for the taste of the burgers, how can I put it? Um…it’s like I was eating grease. But something in that greasy taste kind of made them addicting. I don’t know if it’s the onions, the burger patty, or the holes in the burger patty, but something about it made it taste pretty good.

However, at $5.49 per six-count box, it made them slightly less tasty. (How much do fresh White Castle burgers cost?)

If you divide the price by six, each burger comes out to be about 91 cents. Personally, I’d rather grab six McDonald’s one dollar Double Cheeseburgers, which are bigger and just as tasty.

If I really wanted to, I could’ve eaten the entire box because the burgers are so small. However, eating just two of them left a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don’t know if this is common with White Castle burgers, but after my recent experiences with Olestra, I didn’t want to take the chance of eating the entire box.

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to Impulsive Buy reader Chuck, who let me know about the 15-pound cheeseburger.)

Item: White Castle Microwaveable Cheeseburgers
Purchase Price: $5.49
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tasty. Lots of dietary fiber. Kind of addicting. Makes for a great snack.
Cons: Greasy. Pricey. Soggy buns in the microwave. Inconsistent results with heating instructions on the box.

39 thoughts to “REVIEW: White Castle Microwaveable Cheeseburgers”

  1. One of the things that has always puzzled me is HOW PEOPLE can eat those things! Reconstituted onions. Small, greasy “beef” patties. Soggy buns. Yet the places thrive! (like Krystal’s in the South.) I don’t know why Harold & Kumar were jonesin’ on the sliders! Frozen ones? I’ll PASS!

    But, as always, the review excels!

  2. Genny from the Burbs – I knew I should’ve put a “some” in that line. Anyway, I hear all these stories about young women getting breast implants from their parents for their 18th birthday. My friend, who is a hall director at a dorm, says many of her female residents actually talk about their breast implants. I go for women who keep it real.

    Heathen – “Belly Bombs.” “Rectum Rockets.” “Tummy Tornados.” “Grease Givers.” They all fit the description well.

    nat – If I want reconstituted onions, greasy beef patties, and soggy buns, I’ll go to McDonald’s. Thanks for the compliment.

  3. OK Man Boobs Don’t Count 🙂
    Unless That Excites You!…lol

    Genny from the Burbs –
    I Was Talking About Girls younger Than you!
    Not All Girls, but Compared to when I was in school…
    There is a big difference.
    Iam All About Natural Anyways 🙂 Size Doesnt Matter.

    It’s Pretty Funny That There was a review about White Castle Burgers and we end up having a discussion about breast!
    Amazing 🙂

  4. I don’t think any other fast food has made me feel as sick as after eating a White Castle burger — yet, after I recover, I’m always left wanting more. They must put cocaine in the onions.

  5. Jay Nickola – Hmm…Maybe I should review a tobacco water pipe on Monday.

    Damon – Man boobs don’t count. Got it.

    ProfessorK – Wouldn’t it make more sense to put weed in the burger? Come with the munchies, eat the burger, prolong the munchies, and eat more burgers.

  6. Chana – I love those little dudes, too. Wait. Are you talking about White Castle burgers or the Smurfs?

  7. I love White Castle burgers. It is my goal in life to one day make a pilgrimage to a White Castle restaurant, as they have none in Hawaii (or west of the Mississippi for that matter…), sit down, and eat those glorious little cheeseburgers until my heart bursts.

    Until then, the frozen ones will do. I have eaten and entire box in one sitting with no ill effects. My rectum is doing just fine. For me, even a frozen soggy White Castle burger is better than a “freshly made” McDonalds burger.

  8. kaos – If it was possible, I would trade in our Cheesecake Factory for a Hardee’s, Olive Garden, and White Castle. If not the Cheesecake Factory, then one of our Chili’s and a Walmart.

    Webmiztris – But we still have prostitutes and cock fighting.

  9. I love the slyders so much. They definitely taste better fresh. Oh and the buns are soggy/moist in the restaurant too, its just how they are. It’s definitely an acquired taste. I hope to one day win the lottery and open up a White Castle in every state for all to enjoy.

  10. Nope it does not get cheaper when you buy in bulk. You would think so right but no way. They have deals where you can get like a big box of them it is the same price per burger as if you would buy them indvidually!! Kind of a rip off for such a small burger but really good I think.

  11. Archebaldo – I wonder why White Castle hasn’t expanded past the midwest? They should’ve right after Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle came out.

    Becky – Heck, I think KFC chicken gets cheaper when you buy in bulk.

  12. I am at least the third generation in my family that loves “Belly Bombs” and I’ve been eating them for at least forty five years. They’re great but I do admit that you have to have a taste for them and some people never develop one (my wife, for example). I have never tried the frozen ones since I live in an area (Long Island) that has many locations of the chain but I can’t believe that they could be as tasty as the real thing. Your review was great and the comments very interesting.

  13. Oooooooooh, I wanna try! I’ve always liked trying greasy, icky foods, just to see how my stomache would hold! lol, Anyone wanna take a bet?

  14. james armet – You’re lucky to have that many White Castles in your area. All I’ve got are two McDonald’s three miles apart and about a dozen Starbucks.

    stoogegirlus – Oooh, you’d be perfect for Ruffles Light potato chips. (Note: I will not be responsible for any results from eating Ruffles Light potato chips.)

  15. Now I’m going to have to check out the page. Have you ever been to the mullet webpage? They rate mullets. While not boobs, they are still interesteing and rather hypnotic. My own are real by the way. And, just for the record, boobs are much more interesting than burgers.

  16. Amy in GA – But when I’m at Hooters I get the pleasure overload of having boobs AND burgers.

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