REVIEW: White Castle Microwaveable Cheeseburgers

White Castle Microwaveable Cheeseburgers

It seems like there’s been a trend to make things bigger. SUVs are getting larger, 15-pound cheeseburgers are being sold, the breasts of 18-year-old girls are artificially increasing, and Joan Rivers’ mouth seems to get louder and wider with every awards show.

But it’s good to know there are items that buck this trend and keep things small, like cell phones, digital cameras, wages at Walmart, the portions at five-star restaurants, and testicles in cold water.

A company that has also kept it small is White Castle, which is famous for their small, squarish hamburgers and their ability to attract people with a case of the munchies.

Unfortunately, being several thousand miles away from the nearest White Castle restaurant, I haven’t experienced the wonder of White Castle hamburgers. However, the national grocery store chain I shop at just so happens to have in stock frozen White Castle Microwaveable Cheeseburgers.

Of course, I’m sure the frozen burgers can’t compare with fresh White Castle burgers, because if I’ve learned anything about freezing environments, it’s that it makes everything in it miserable and it can shrink testicles.

The frozen White Castle cheeseburgers are almost identical to their fresh counterparts, they both have the patented burger patties with five holes, a whole lot of onions, and a small slice of American cheese, in between a small bun. However, the hard frozen White Castle cheeseburger would probably do more harm in a food fight.

One of the problems I had with these frozen burgers was the microwave heating instructions. Despite following them with great accuracy, I ended up with burgers with slightly cold edges. Sticking them in the microwave for a few more seconds resulted in soggy buns.

Fortunately, Impulsive Buy reader Kimdog let me in on her highly scientific heating instructions, which she spent minutes months honing.

Take the two burgers and nuke them on high for about 20 seconds. Open the microwave and take the tops of the buns off and remove them from the cooking interior. At the same time rotate the burgers by 180 degrees.

Restart the microwave and cook until you see the cheese bubble (usually about another 40 or so seconds). Open the microwave and put the tops of the buns back on the burgers and close the door.

Let them sit in the dark lifeless microwave for about another minute. This will warm and moisten the bun tops with out drying them out.

Kimdog’s heating instructions helped a little bit, but the burgers still weren’t completely heated.

As for the taste of the burgers, how can I put it? Um…it’s like I was eating grease. But something in that greasy taste kind of made them addicting. I don’t know if it’s the onions, the burger patty, or the holes in the burger patty, but something about it made it taste pretty good.

However, at $5.49 per six-count box, it made them slightly less tasty. (How much do fresh White Castle burgers cost?)

If you divide the price by six, each burger comes out to be about 91 cents. Personally, I’d rather grab six McDonald’s one dollar Double Cheeseburgers, which are bigger and just as tasty.

If I really wanted to, I could’ve eaten the entire box because the burgers are so small. However, eating just two of them left a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don’t know if this is common with White Castle burgers, but after my recent experiences with Olestra, I didn’t want to take the chance of eating the entire box.

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to Impulsive Buy reader Chuck, who let me know about the 15-pound cheeseburger.)

Item: White Castle Microwaveable Cheeseburgers
Purchase Price: $5.49
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tasty. Lots of dietary fiber. Kind of addicting. Makes for a great snack.
Cons: Greasy. Pricey. Soggy buns in the microwave. Inconsistent results with heating instructions on the box.

39 thoughts on “REVIEW: White Castle Microwaveable Cheeseburgers

  1. Heh in college we called them “sliders”, cuz of the repercussions of yer 3AM run to White Castle ;)

  2. I once saw my father eat eighteen White Castle hamburgers.

    It was…nauseatingly impressive. Or impressively nauseating.

  3. I once made the mistake of trying the frozen white castle burgers … by buying a box at costco. We were eating White Castle Microwaveable Cheeseburgers for weeks. Not a good thing.

  4. again, you have successfully put the ew in review. i hate those little greasy nasty burgers – and i hate little onions, and i hate soggy buns. so white castle is not the place for me.

  5. I guess microwave wattages may effect the scientific heating instructions. When I was in college, we had the White Castle clone- Krystal in our town. Pretty much the same thing. But after I watched Harold and Kumar, I found myself desirous of some WC goodness. Hence the development of my scientific process.

  6. Microwaving a frozen white castle burger actually seems more appealing than eating the steamed crap they offer at their locations.

    Atleast it always tasted so damned nasty it seemed steamed, and not grilled, especially since there was never a tiny drop of grissle on the nasty ass burgers.

  7. Hey Marvo, thanks for the mention. I’ve never tried White Castle, myself, as everyone I’ve talked to that’s been there told me it sucked. Plus, the nearest one to me is in Chicago. Anyways, glad you survived the review with no bad gastronomical effects.

  8. If you ever come to the States you have to go to a real White Castle. They are the best when they are fresh and hot. They are still a little pricy considering their size. They are about $0.79 for a cheesburger and like $0.59 for a hamburger. In case you really wanted to know!!! I do love them though I think it is worth it!! The little feeling you got in the pit of your stomach happens to just about everyone I think. It comes with the territory of eating them.

  9. OK, you had a link to 15 pound cheeseburgers and Joan Rivers mouth, but you forgot the link to breasts of 18 year old girls. Nothing happened no matter how desperately I clicked.

    Oh yeah, that white castle review thing – I think eating them sober is not recommended – I’m surprised it didn’t say that on the package.

  10. yeah, those don’t sound very good. I’ve never had a White Castle burger, but I also bet they’re MUCH better fresh. Except the onion thing. I didn’t know White Castle burgers were piled with onions. Ick!

    OH! And that place with the 15-pound burger is only about an hour from my house!! I bet that place is PACKED due to all the news coverage they’ve been getting recently!

  11. If you ever do make it to a real WC make sure you get a Crave Case.

    http://img9.echo.cx/my.php?image=1001np0021ac.jpg

    30 burgers of goodness. Or, if you are really daring kick it up to the ultimate White Castle experience of the Crave Crate

    http://img115.echo.cx/my.php?image=cravecrate8qc.jpg

    100 burger mega pack!!!! Makes me moist just thinking about it. Never found enough people to order one of them but I always see the crate sitting there just waiting to be mine. One day.. one day..

  12. Mmmmmm White Castle!

    As For What You said About Girls Breast Getting Bigger.
    I Swear It’s The Hormones They Are Putting In The Food.
    When I Was In School None Of The Girls Had Bodies Like They Do now…..Or Dressed The Way The Girls Do Nowadays.

  13. Leeenda – Oooh, definitely experience a little bit of the “slider” effect. But I think I get that from all fast food and Celine Dion.

    Aarika – EIGHTEEN!!! I think you should try to break the family record.

    ladygoat – That happened to me with Hot Pockets, but now I hardly eat Hot Pockets, so something good came out of it.

    Megan – I know you’re going to eat a couple when you get back to the States. ;-)

    kimdog – I tried tweaking your instructions, but I still kept getting soggy buns. Maybe I’m meant to have soggy buns for the rest of my life.

    ninjabong – I don’t know. Frozen foods never seem to taste better than their fresh counterparts.

    Mellie Helen – Dammit! I could’ve tried that burger when I went to Vegas during Thanksgiving. Next time it shall be mine.

  14. Chuck – I just had mild gastronomical effects. With all the crap I’ve been eating recently, I swear I’m going to review salads for a week.

    Becky – 59 cents for that small thing! So does it get cheaper when you buy in bulk?

    Thumper – (Butt cheeks clenched) Please don’t say Rectum Rockets. Oooh.

    mw – I was going to either link to Britney Spears’ website, the Girls Gone Wild website, or RateMyBoobs.com, but I thought about the children that visit the Impulsive Buy.

    Webmiztris – For someone living in bumfuck nowhere, you sure have access to a lot of things. Chippendales, Dane Cook performances, and 15-pound burgers. Chippendales visits this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean every so often, but I’m not into sausage.

    Lord Jezo – I’ll give you a dollar if you eat the 100 burger mega pack by yourself in one sitting.

    Damon – I don’t know if it’s the hormones in the food, because my breasts aren’t getting bigger.

  15. Marvo-
    I Think It Only Applies to Women (The Breast Thing).
    The Hormones are Causing Both Male And Females To Reach Puberty At An Earlier Age.
    If You Start Growing Breast Please Do A Review On Them!

  16. Speaking personally as an 18 year old girl, some of us are still owners of petite breasts and content to keep it that way. Means I can go braless without incurring injury or saggage, and that guys who are attracted to me are looking beyond the sweater mittens. Or ass men, because I did manage to get one of those. Anyway, I’m not given to shock and awe from that whitecastle review, so I think I’ll give the microwaveable ones a miss.

  17. One of the things that has always puzzled me is HOW PEOPLE can eat those things! Reconstituted onions. Small, greasy “beef” patties. Soggy buns. Yet the places thrive! (like Krystal’s in the South.) I don’t know why Harold & Kumar were jonesin’ on the sliders! Frozen ones? I’ll PASS!

    But, as always, the review excels!

  18. Genny from the Burbs – I knew I should’ve put a “some” in that line. Anyway, I hear all these stories about young women getting breast implants from their parents for their 18th birthday. My friend, who is a hall director at a dorm, says many of her female residents actually talk about their breast implants. I go for women who keep it real.

    Heathen – “Belly Bombs.” “Rectum Rockets.” “Tummy Tornados.” “Grease Givers.” They all fit the description well.

    nat – If I want reconstituted onions, greasy beef patties, and soggy buns, I’ll go to McDonald’s. Thanks for the compliment.

  19. OK Man Boobs Don’t Count :)
    Unless That Excites You!…lol

    Genny from the Burbs –
    I Was Talking About Girls younger Than you!
    Not All Girls, but Compared to when I was in school…
    There is a big difference.
    Iam All About Natural Anyways :) Size Doesnt Matter.

    It’s Pretty Funny That There was a review about White Castle Burgers and we end up having a discussion about breast!
    Amazing :)

  20. I don’t think any other fast food has made me feel as sick as after eating a White Castle burger — yet, after I recover, I’m always left wanting more. They must put cocaine in the onions.

  21. Jay Nickola – Hmm…Maybe I should review a tobacco water pipe on Monday.

    Damon – Man boobs don’t count. Got it.

    ProfessorK – Wouldn’t it make more sense to put weed in the burger? Come with the munchies, eat the burger, prolong the munchies, and eat more burgers.

  22. Chana – I love those little dudes, too. Wait. Are you talking about White Castle burgers or the Smurfs?

  23. I love White Castle burgers. It is my goal in life to one day make a pilgrimage to a White Castle restaurant, as they have none in Hawaii (or west of the Mississippi for that matter…), sit down, and eat those glorious little cheeseburgers until my heart bursts.

    Until then, the frozen ones will do. I have eaten and entire box in one sitting with no ill effects. My rectum is doing just fine. For me, even a frozen soggy White Castle burger is better than a “freshly made” McDonalds burger.

  24. kaos – If it was possible, I would trade in our Cheesecake Factory for a Hardee’s, Olive Garden, and White Castle. If not the Cheesecake Factory, then one of our Chili’s and a Walmart.

    Webmiztris – But we still have prostitutes and cock fighting.

  25. I love the slyders so much. They definitely taste better fresh. Oh and the buns are soggy/moist in the restaurant too, its just how they are. It’s definitely an acquired taste. I hope to one day win the lottery and open up a White Castle in every state for all to enjoy.

  26. Nope it does not get cheaper when you buy in bulk. You would think so right but no way. They have deals where you can get like a big box of them it is the same price per burger as if you would buy them indvidually!! Kind of a rip off for such a small burger but really good I think.

  27. Archebaldo – I wonder why White Castle hasn’t expanded past the midwest? They should’ve right after Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle came out.

    Becky – Heck, I think KFC chicken gets cheaper when you buy in bulk.

  28. I am at least the third generation in my family that loves “Belly Bombs” and I’ve been eating them for at least forty five years. They’re great but I do admit that you have to have a taste for them and some people never develop one (my wife, for example). I have never tried the frozen ones since I live in an area (Long Island) that has many locations of the chain but I can’t believe that they could be as tasty as the real thing. Your review was great and the comments very interesting.

  29. Oooooooooh, I wanna try! I’ve always liked trying greasy, icky foods, just to see how my stomache would hold! lol, Anyone wanna take a bet?

  30. james armet – You’re lucky to have that many White Castles in your area. All I’ve got are two McDonald’s three miles apart and about a dozen Starbucks.

    stoogegirlus – Oooh, you’d be perfect for Ruffles Light potato chips. (Note: I will not be responsible for any results from eating Ruffles Light potato chips.)

  31. Now I’m going to have to check out the ratemyboobs.com page. Have you ever been to the mullet webpage? They rate mullets. While not boobs, they are still interesteing and rather hypnotic. My own are real by the way. And, just for the record, boobs are much more interesting than burgers.

  32. Amy in GA – But when I’m at Hooters I get the pleasure overload of having boobs AND burgers.

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