Where are your balls, McDonald’s?
Hardee’s comes out with the Monster Thickburger, Burger King releases the Enormous Omelet Sandwich, and you introduce the Fruit & Walnut Salad?
It’s like Cadillac introducing a bigger, eight-door Escalade with spinning wheels, Hummer selling a heavier, boxier H3 with tank tracks, and Ford coming out with another Pinto.
The combination of apple slices, red grapes, candied walnuts, and low-fat yogurt dipping sauce was pretty decent, but where’s the gluttony?
I know you’re trying to be more healthy, but couldn’t you have tried to make it overly healthy?
You could’ve made it the Xtreme Fruit & Walnut Mammoth Salad, which would contain insane amounts of things that are good for you, like dietary fiber, vitamins, and minerals.
I’m not talking about one sliced apple, a handful of grapes, a small airplane snack-sized bag of candied walnuts, and a small cup of fat-free yogurt that I got with the regular Fruit & Walnut Salad.
I’m talking about a whole bushel of apples, enough yogurt to dip your head into, enough red grapes to make your own bottle of wine, and enough nuts to prevent the lemmings from jumping into the ocean.
All of that in a deep, gigantic bowl that just barely fits through the drive-thru window and makes your automobile tip over like the slab of dinosaur ribs does during the ending credits of the Flintstones.
All of that has to contain enough dietary fiber to make my bowel movements so irregular that I might need adult diapers, enough calcium to make my bones stronger than adamantium, and enough antioxidants to make me feel like I could survive a few years of living a hardcore rockstar lifestyle with excessive booze, drugs, and women.
Also, why are there only two types of fruit in the Fruit & Walnut Salad? If a Monster Thickburger can have several slices of cheese, why can’t the Fruit & Walnut Salad have several types of fruit? Maybe some mangoes, lychee, pears, cantaloupes, and strawberries.
Anyway, despite the McDonald’s Fruit & Walnut Salad not being gluttonous enough, it was a decent meal. The candied walnuts are what really makes this salad tasty, so if you’re allergic to nuts, I’d suggest you pass on the Fruit & Walnut Salad, unless you’re feeling dangerous.
(Editor’s Note: If you’re allergic to nuts and are feeling dangerous, The Impulsive Buy will not be responsible for any allergic reaction caused by you feeling dangerous.)
Item: McDonald’s Fruit & Walnut Salad
Purchase Price: $3.29
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Decent taste. Healthy. Good source of dietary fiber. Low sodium. Better tasting and looking than a Ford Pinto.
Cons: Tastes better with walnuts, which is bad for those who are allergic to them. Weak variety of fruits. Not enormous, monster, or gluttonous enough. Not overly healthy.
48 thoughts to “REVIEW: McDonald’s Fruit & Walnut Salad”
whats good for you is never what you like.
but then, i remember reading that walnuts cause more cancer, than coffee does heart attacks.
I like McDonald’s regular salads. Of course, when you include regular dressing to make it taste good, they have as many calories as a Big Mac. It’s hard to eat healthy these days, but at least eating a salad makes you LOOK like you’re eating healthy.
…enough nuts to prevent the lemmings from jumping into the ocean? That sounds like…a lotta nuts, Marvo. Hee.
Fast food places should try to avoid anything that resembles health food. They always get it wrong. Who calls apples and grapes a fruit salad? They are cheap that’s why they used them. Other fruits cost too much.
I like the cheap fruits, Amy, but I don’t like MickeyD’s enough to ever try this salad.
Did you get a fruit buzz?
cheap fruits are good as long as they don’t charge you 4 bucks for a small bowl of them. Apples and a few grapes are not worth $4. Neither are airplane nuts and unflavored yogurt. We should take a stand and say, deep fry it!!!! Everything served from a fast food place should have a thick coating of grease. That’s our right as Americans.
I had one of these this weekend. It needs more yogurt, dammit!
I don’t trust any salads that come from McDonald’s. I have tried them and they are always gross. The lettuce is always wilted and it has never been a good experiance. Was the fruit at least fresh and cold that is all that matters. Well that and if they would give you enough yogurt!!
Lemmings don’t jump off cliffs. That was actually an urban legend started by Disney.
here ya go, found a link…
Pros: You eating salad.
Cons: You getting your salad from Mickey D’s.
I hear Wendy’s has some good salads, but I haven’t checked it out. I’m hoping there’s a good Chinese Chicken Salad coming up in your lineup this week!
I’d rather have a Sausage McMuffin with egg. I just read a study that they will increase your lifespan by 3-5 years!
I think this is officially my new favorite site. Hilarious.
I thought it was DoDo birds and Fox, not Disney, courtesy of Ice Age, that had suicidal creatures. And wasn’t it melons not walnuts?
blech – Wendy’s salads are BAD. i just read the comment above and remembered. The entire bottom of the dish the salad was in was filled with water. I didn’t know this of course. I put my salad dressing in and mixed it up and it was like…soup. GROSS.
oh. what’s lychee?
Hey, I got one of those a week or so ago and I didn’t get my freaking walnuts! And the apples were *bland.* Zero taste. The only thing I liked was the grapes. I probably wuld have liked the walnuts if I hd gotten them.
I feel cheated…
I ate vegetarian for a year (more to see if I could than for any moral reasons, gave it up when I got mono and lost a substanial amount of weight) and I’ve never trusted fast food salads since. And this? I could make in the comfort of my home better and for less money.
Marvo, for your next review, go to Mimi’s Cafe (if you have them in Hawaii) and try out their salads. The chopped steak salad also has candied walnuts, but their raspberry viniagrette dressing is awesome. Their cobb salad is also delish.
SCORE! Salad week will rock my socks!
I saw a billboard for this salad. Looks disgusting.
and fast food salad is just crappy! (Massive understatement)
I love candied nuts. But I’m allergic to walnuts. (nothing to serious, they just make my mouth itch like crazy.) Damn you, McDonalds.
SEV – Don’t eat walnuts too often because they look too shriveled and I don’t drink coffee because I prefer my bitterness in pill form.
Chuck – I think “fast food salad” is an oxymoron. However, add the word “fried” in there and it’s no longer an oxymoron.
Aarika – Yup, because that’s a whole lot of lemmings.
Amy in GA – Of course, the fast food industry is known for making food that doesn’t resemble anything like the food in their commercials.
hillarie – If McDonald’s sold this Fruit & Walnut salad any cheaper, I’d have to wonder about it.
clearlynuts – Sorry, I didn’t sprinkle it with cocaine.
Amy in GA – I don’t know if Jack in the Box still does this with their tacos, but I remember when they first came out, they deep fried them. Man, that was awful. It took days for my stomach to feel normal again.
thanks for reviewing this! it looked so good on the commercials and i was so tempted. but now i think i am over it. you know what i’m still curious about though? most of mcdonalds stuff is not made in the restaurant right? i mean it’s like premade and just heated up or whatever. so do you think they send these salads premade? or do they cut the fruits in every restaurant? i don’t know why i’m so curious about this.
btw, did you know McDonalds has taro pie now? Like same as their apple pie i think. i don’t know if it’s at all the locations but i saw a sign on the one on beretania.
Priss – Yeah, I was forced to not double dip, so I could ration the yogurt.
Becky – The apples had small patches of brown, but all apples turn brown faster than I do sitting on a beach.
alex – Damn you Disney! Damn Yoooooou!
Mellie Helen – There will be a Wendy’s salad review this week. Maybe with a finger? (Note to Wendy’s and its lawyer: The previous line was a poor attempt at topical humor. I know the finger in the chili was an attempt by that crazy woman to get money from Wendy’s. Please do not sue me. I love your Frosty dessert.)
Kirkkitsch – Don’t you mean it will increase my waistline by 3-5 inches?
Shellubra – Thank you. Welcome to The Impulsive Buy. Come again.
Amy in GA – The Disney cartoon alex is talking about is an old school cartoon, which was released in 1958, back when Donald Duck wasn’t senile and didn’t forget to put on his pants.
Webmiztris – Lychee is a fruit that is plentiful during the summer months here in Hawaii. They’re about the same size as a strawberry. It has a hard protective skin around it and a large seed in it, both of which you don’t eat. It’s a very sweet fruit with a hint of a flowery taste. It’s very addicting. I once ate 150 lychee in one sitting. You can read more about them here.
Thumper – The same thing happens to me at McDonald’s too. I’ll order a Big Breakfast, but they’ll forget to give me my hash browns. It’s happened to me four times.
Genny from the Burbs – I’ve been thinking about becoming a vegetarian for a month, but I’m afraid The Impulsive Buy would be very boring.
Marvo! First you want to become more manly and then you start eating salads? This is the perfect way to meet the girls! (Hilton and whatnot.) You go where they are. To the salads. Ehh… No I do not have anything useful to say!
Although that’s probably true, Walnuts also increases the amount of synapses your brain can send out, thus making you smart.
Toni – I don’t think we have any Mimi’s Cafe in Hawaii. Hmm, let’s see. Mimi’s Alterations. Mimi’s Jewelry. Nope, no Mimi’s Cafe. Is it only a Cali thing?
KT – Sorry, but Salad Week might disappoint you because they are all fast food salads. I was thinking about reviewing prepackaged salads, but those really look nasty.
wired – If you like you could buy your own honey roasted peanuts and sprinkle them on top of the salad, but it really is kind of bland without the walnuts.
lightpinksheep – I highly doubt they cut the fruits in the restaurant. That’s waaay too much manual labor for someone to do in a McDonald’s kitchen.
macOtto – My mom says I should hang out in bookstores to meet women, but the women that hang out in bookstores are usually smart and can smell my stupidity as soon as I enter the store.
chenu – Damn, I’m gonna need a whole lot of walnuts to make me smart.
I love this site. Enough compliments….
Just to completely mess up the rating system, you shoudl give something a six. Everyone will get all screwed up.
Where did your self-proclaimed gay twin go to? He’s disapoofed.
It is possible to get a McDonald’s chicken salad with fried chicken on it. Of course, they call it “crispy” and not “fried”. I usually choose the grilled chicken instead when I get one, since the regular dressing is unhealthy enough already.
~Moi~ – Actually, I’ve given a couple of products a zero rating and I’ve hardly given products a 5 rating. The only way I would give a six rating if it was something cheap, something very useful or delicious, and something that lasts a long time. My gay twin visits once in a while, but he’s busy trying to get people to visit here.
Chuck – You know what might be good? Chicken McNuggets Salad with Hot Mustard Sauce. Mmm…Yum.
Mellie Helen – So I guess Mim’s Cafe is a pretty good place to eat. I’ll keep that in mind the next time I end up in California.
No lychee here. I think I’m going to cry now…
You know when you posted that link about lychee’s, at first i thought something catastrophic happened after you ate 150 of ’em and the link was a description (or photos…nevermind). I don’t know if I was dissapointed or relieved when it turned out to be wikipedia.
re:Chicken McNuggets Salad
Why not make one from the dollar menu? 2 side salads + chicken sandwich, and buy some mustard sauce (they sell those things for a quarter each I think?) AND you’ll have a mayo-sandwich on the side!!
hmm… Double Cheeseburger Salad…
You have a point about the salad not being huge. Nothing is ever even meal sized. Remember the salad shaker? Some leaves of lettuce and slivers of cheese in a cup? No way!
I think your reviewing fast food salads is a great idea. I’d like to try them but with the weird ideas these places get I’m always wary. For example, the hot meat/cold greens fad. Luckily this does not turn out too bad for my McDonalds never heats up the chicken enough to wilt the greens.
interesting….I don’t think we have lychee here in bumfuck. 🙂
Priss – Sorry about that. Maybe you could find some canned lychee there. Although it will probably cost you a pretty penny.
wired – If by catastrophic, you mean, I spent a lot of time on the toilet for the next few days, then yeah, it was catastrophic.
gko – Hmm…Very interesting idea. I think I shall try it.
catmz – I would’ve tried non-fast food salads, but they’re too healthy.
Webmiztris – Sorry, but you might find them at your local asian grocery foods store…Oh wait, you probably don’t have one of those in bumfuck either.
Lol the walnuts are probably coated with some mixture of margarine (partially hydrogenated) and sugar. I know McDonald’s need to make most of their food full of trans fats :D.
BPyser1 – According to the McDonald’s website, the Fruit & Walnut Salad has no trans fats. But then again, it could be a conspiracy by them.
Something about the yogurt dip skeeved me out — not so much that it was yogurt, but that it was yogurt from McDonald’s. Like maybe they slipped from some beef extract (http://www.commondreams.org/headlines01/0504-02.htm) in there for flavor.
Editrix – I definitely don’t think there was any beef extract added in for flavor, because there wasn’t much flavor in the yogurt.
Have you tried any of the salads from Jack-in-the-Box? They are pretty good…expensive, but good!
Justina – I haven’t tried JITB salad yet, but I will in about 30 minutes.
See… I love this salad. I love it because I am anti-melon, and nearly every other fruit salad in the world comes with unholy watermelon or ass nasty honeydew or gacktastic canteloupe. It’s sort of fun to eat too, cause I love dipping things into stuff.
kimdog – I love watermelon, honeydew, and canteloupe, but I think these fruits taste better during certain seasons, and I haven’t found a place that sells good fruit salad with these fruits. Besides it’s more fun to buy the melons from the store, cut them in half and use a spoon to eat them. Maybe sprinkle a little sugar. That’s good stuff.
kimdog – Nice to know that I’m not the only melon hater out there.
Marvo- Mimi’s Cafe rocks! They give you ginormous portions of food for very reasonable prices. I especially LURVE their liver and onions, since you can get your extra toppings of stuff like bacon and mushrooms. Oh, and their carrot bread that they give for free to snack on is TO DIE FOR.
Toni – First off, liver…Blech! Well the next time I’m in California (probably next year) I’ll make sure to stop at one of the Mimi’s Cafes.
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