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Apple Strudel Pop-Tarts
By Marvo | March 25, 2006
I don’t know if Kevin Federline likes Pop-Tarts, but I do know that he has a rap album coming out. If K-Fed does like Pop-Tarts and if he wrote lyrics about Pop-Tarts for his album, I think they would go something like this:
My name is K-Fed, I’m richer than you.
Although it’s Britney’s money, I can spend it too.
I buy cars, motorcycles, bling, and booze,
But I also buy Pop-Tarts, any flavor I choose.
I get them by the crate, carton, or barge container,
The ones with chocolate are much greater.
Sometimes when I really can’t decide on a flavor,
I buy every single one and save them for later.
I’ve got a dozen toasters in a row when I have a Pop-Tarts party,
When Britney is away I consume Pop-Tarts and Bacardi.
If I eat two in a row, I call it a meal that’s hearty.
If I eat more than three, the room is gonna smell a little farty.
When I eat two at a time, I hold one in each limb.
When I want more, I give one to my homie Tim.
Yeah I eat a lot of Pop-Tarts, but how do I stay so slim?
I followed the weight loss plan from that Olsen twin.
I’ll stick one in the toaster before I get ready when I’m on the run.
Because I don’t have any hygiene I’m ready before it’s done.
I’d eat a whole box of Pop-Tarts if I want to do something fun.
Cuz I don’t have chores, responsibilities, or an occupation.
Tryin’ to shove a whole Pop-Tart down your mouth is very funny.
I pay members of my entourage to do it for me with Britney’s money.
I feed Pop-Tarts to Sean Preston when he gets hungry.
But I keep them away from Britney, cuz I don’t want her chubby.
Word.
I know K-Fed’s album hasn’t, as Britney would say, “dropped” yet, but I guarantee the Apple Strudel Pop-Tarts will be one billion times better, cause less headaches, be better at getting the hotties on to the dance floor, get more respected from other rappers, and be a better father to K-Fed’s kids.
The Apple Strudel Pop-Tarts are pretty good, although I’m not sure they are as good as the Frosted Apple & Cinnamon Pop-Tarts I had growing up, which was one of my favorite flavors back in the day. For those of you who are too young to remember “back in the day,” back in the day there were only something like six Pop-Tart flavors, half of them had frosting on them. Now it’s like Baskin-Robbins ice cream, with thirty something flavors.
The Apple Strudel Pop-Tarts aren’t as sweet as I remember the Frosted Apple & Cinnamon Pop-Tarts were, but still pretty tasty nonetheless. I’ve never had an apple strudel before, or any kind of strudel for that matter, so I don’t know if it tastes like one. However, it was apple-ish and a little cinnamon-ish.
I only had one gripe with it. I wished there was more frosting on the top of it, instead of the drizzle they have. I know the drizzle makes it look strudel-ish, but having a solid, huge layer of frosting on top would make it even better. But I guess I should be happy that there is some frosting, because Pop-Tarts without frosting are very lame.
Although, frosting-less Pop-Tarts don’t even come close to being as lame as K-Fed dropping some rhymes.
(Editor’s Note: The Impulsive Buy has reviewed a whole heck of a lot of Pop-Tarts over its existence. You can read previous Pop-Tarts reviews here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.)
Item: Apple Strudel Pop-Tarts
Purchased Price: $2.00 (on sale)
Purchased At: Safeway
Rating: 3.5 out of 5
Pros: Tasty. Good. Apple-ish and a little cinnamon-ish. Made with real fruit.
Cons: Needs more frosting on top. Not good frozen. K-Fed’s hygiene. K-Fed’s rhyming ability. K-Fed reproducing. PopoZão.
Related Reviews:
Hot Fudge Sundae Pop-Tarts
S’mores Pop-Tarts
Cookies and Cream Pop-Tarts
Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Pop-Tarts
Pop-Tarts Frosted Caramel Chocolate Snak Stix
March 25th, 2006 at 11:36 am
mmm…looks yummy with the crumb-type topping! I want one..
March 25th, 2006 at 12:42 pm
I admit it…I love brown sugar cinnamon frosted poptarts. And I love this line “When Britney is away I consume Pop-Tarts and Bacardi.” Poppazo, poppazo poppatart.
March 25th, 2006 at 4:08 pm
Mmm.. I remember those Frosted Apple & Cinnamon Pop-Tarts. Yum. Those were a special treat only when I was a kid. I don’t know if I can hang with the sweetness nowadays though, but you did say the Strudels were less sweet…
March 25th, 2006 at 5:17 pm
That color scheme reminds of the McDonald’s Apple Pies, if they ever used blue. Too bad they are all baked now, as the fried ones were better, even though you get 2 for $1.
March 25th, 2006 at 7:31 pm
skibs - I would’ve sent you one in a Double-Zipper Ziploc Bag, but I ate them all already. Sorry.
Grins - I like a little brown sugar too sometimes. Oh wait, you’re talking about Pop-Tarts.
PopoZao.
Bryan - I did say they were less sweet, but it kind of has been a LONG time since I had the Frosted Apple & Cinnamon Pop-Tarts. I don’t even know if they still make them. But these Apple Strudel ones are good.
klew - McDonald’s Apple Pies maybe baked now, but they still look like they were fried. Here on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean we had McDonald’s Taro Pies. They were all right, but the filling was lavender colored.
March 25th, 2006 at 7:39 pm
Do you think that K-Fed’s weight loss secret to stay slim after eating pop-tarts involves cocaine purchased with Britney’s money? Inquiring minds want to know! OK, maybe nobody really cares.
March 26th, 2006 at 4:28 am
“I’ll stick one in the toaster before I get ready when I’m on the run.
Because I don’t have any hygiene I’m ready before it’s done.”
I know next to nothing about that Federline guy, but I can’t understand why this line is just — well, believable. Hahahaha.
March 26th, 2006 at 5:39 am
lmao! thank goodness you have a creative commons license or else K-Fed might try to steal your dope rhymes! PO-PO-PO-PO-POPOTART, POPOTART!
March 26th, 2006 at 6:13 am
jeez. is someone whose-name-we-won’t-mention just slightly a tad bit hardly noticeable OBSESSED with pop tarts or what
March 26th, 2006 at 6:15 am
p.s. dawn’s comment = hilarious
March 26th, 2006 at 6:22 am
So is that the toaster you sleep with after the drinking the Sparks? Looks awfully clean after doing the dirty deed!
Awesome rap!
March 26th, 2006 at 9:37 am
gotta get me some popozao from these pop tarts!!
mmmm good
yo, dilly dawg, your rhymes are weak
they make my life seem bleak
hey hey japanese, your hairiness
they ain’t causin’ fairness
now hit up this link
you japanese … hm.
anata wa baka desu!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=yFYSHZQfXc0&search=spice%20boys
March 26th, 2006 at 11:29 am
One can never ahve too many poptarts reviews, although by now, you’ve gotten to most of my favorite flavors. Cheers for the tilde over the a. That Keven Federline is a stickler for Portuguese grammar.
March 26th, 2006 at 2:23 pm
Chuck - I don’t think it’s blow, I think he just dances and dances. He’s a former backup dancer, ya know.
Peachy - You should be glad you know very little about K-Fed, because that’s the way it should be. As an American, I would be ashamed if K-Fed spread to other countries. It’s too late for Canada, but not too late for the Philippines.
Webmiztris - Well technically he could use those dope rhymes, but he would have to pay me with Britney’s money.
TG - Did you say Pop-Tarts!?!
Sasha_Kitty - Nope, that’s not the toaster. I haven’t called her back since.
jefflo - My rhymes may be weak, but it’s still not as weak as watching those damn Asian kids lip sync pop songs and give all Asian people a bad name.
Tristyn - I’m all for tildes. As for breves, macrons, and diaeresis, not so much.
March 26th, 2006 at 6:51 pm
They still offer fried Apple Pies here at Micky D’s on this rock in the Pacific. What they don’t have here are those Teri Burgers…gawd I missed those!!! They ran a Teri-Burger promo at the Micky D’s over here and that’s what it took to break my “No McDonalds” policy after “SuperSize Me”.
March 26th, 2006 at 8:12 pm
Gia on Guam - It took laziness for me to break my “No McDonald’s” policy after “SuperSize Me.”
March 26th, 2006 at 8:25 pm
Mannnn… I LOVE Pop-Tarts. I got a box of them new (or at least new to me) chocolate caramel pop-tarts.. oh man.. Those were great. But any kind, Pop-Tarts are just awesome.
March 26th, 2006 at 8:28 pm
Oh…damn. Just remembered, sorry for the double post here..
A few of us are forming a vigilante mob to bring that bastard Hamburgalar to justice! He’s been causing trouble for Mr McD for way too long! Was wondering if you’d like to join our Fast Food Defense Movement?
March 26th, 2006 at 11:23 pm
Andy - Another new flavor is Mixed Berry, which I picked up with the Apple Strudel. As for the FFDM, I think the Hamburgler does need help, but mobbing him won’t do it. He needs to go to rehab. Your way sounds violent. I think we should create a trail of hamburgers to a nice padded cell, where doctors can detox him. If that doesn’t work cut off his hands.
March 27th, 2006 at 2:43 am
i was just craving pop tarts this weekend. i was actually 45 minutes into a two hour spin class when i was fondly remembering the apple cinammon pop tart. toasted just right when you broke them open the sweet “apple” filling oozed just a little bit. oy.
and the brown sugar cinammon, the mixed berry!!! portable, travelable rectangles of goodness
March 27th, 2006 at 9:36 pm
rose - Don’t forget, you can nibble Pop-Tarts to any shape you want. If I’m bored, I like to make octagons.
March 27th, 2006 at 10:53 pm
Bring back Milton the Toaster.
(Marvo, that’s before your time, I know… but Milton was the greatest!)
http://theimaginaryworld.com/disp33.jpg
And here he is with Pop-Tarts (which i don’t eat because the frosted ones contain gelatin and i never have been enough of a connoisseur to appreciate plain Pop-Tarts)…
http://theimaginaryworld.com/disp25.jpg
March 28th, 2006 at 7:21 pm
Karen - Milton the Toaster? I think that is the worst name for a toaster. Where’s the rhyming? Where’s the alliteration? They should’ve named it, Teddy the Toaster or Toady the Toaster.
March 28th, 2006 at 7:44 pm
I agree, Marvo!!
The best Milton “story” is the oddly-named Major Leaguer:
http://cbs.sportsline.com/mlb/players/playerpage/127049
Not to be confused with http://www.hasbro.com/miltonbradley/
(His may be the best name in baseball besides Coco Crisp.)
March 28th, 2006 at 10:39 pm
total lack of frosting. i got some of these the other day and i was irate. they should just sell big chunks of the poptart frosting. mmmmm.
March 29th, 2006 at 6:10 pm
i really feel like the apple strudel pop tart is a weak version of the apple cinnamon, which kicked ass. I also feel strongly that Kellogg’s has removed some of the filling which may or may not have to do with the fact that apple strudel is a weakling, compared to the apple cinnamon’s World’s Strongest Man-type Pop Tart flavor.
Who the hell came up with “Pop Tart”? I think it was a fan of Madonna…
March 29th, 2006 at 8:43 pm
Karen - Coco Crisp is the greatest athlete name ever, but Coco by itself is the one of the better stripper names ever.
laina - Or scrape off the frosting from another Pop-Tart. I think I would be just as good.
emily - Yes, the frosted apple cinnamon Pop-Tart rocked! You know what, they could cover the entire Pop-Tart with frosting. That would rock even more.
March 30th, 2006 at 6:03 pm
you think YOU would be just as good?? No man is the equal of poptart frosting.
March 30th, 2006 at 6:08 pm
laina - Oops, there’s an extra “I’ in there. I meant to say “…I think that would be just as good.” I know for a fact that Pop-Tarts are waaaay more attractive than me.
April 6th, 2006 at 9:58 am
HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
April 6th, 2006 at 3:02 pm
Anonymous - NO, YOU’RE HILARIOUS!!!
April 9th, 2006 at 6:33 am
I think these look tasty mctasty like!
Pop Tarts Rule!