REVIEW: Diet Dr. Pepper Berries & Cream

Dr. Pepper: How are you today, Marvo? Are you feeling okay? Because it looks like you’re getting a little chubby.

Marvo: Well…

Dr. Pepper: It looks like you’re beginning to form some man-boobies there. Let me touch them.

(Dr. Pepper touches Marvo’s man-breasts)

Dr. Pepper: Yes, you’re definitely forming some man-titties. Pretty soon you’ll need a training bra, unless you lose some weight.

Marvo: Is “man-titties” the clinical term? Anyway, I’m working on it, Dr. Pepper. But the reason why I’m here is because I need your help.

Dr. Pepper: Well, I’m a doctor, help is what I do. Let me guess. Erectile dysfunction?

Marvo: No.

Dr. Pepper: Irregular bowel movements?

Marvo: No.

Dr. Pepper: Sexually transmitted disease?

Marvo: No.

Dr. Pepper: Hairy palms?

Marvo: No, Dr. Pepper, I need help…

Dr. Pepper: Pull down your pants, Marvo.

Marvo: I don’t think that’s necessary, Dr. Pepper.

Dr. Pepper: Hey, I’m the doctor here. Do you have the prefix “Dr.” in front of your name?

Marvo: No.

(Marvo pulls down his pants)

Dr. Pepper: Oh, I see what the problem is. Excessive shrinkage. No wait, it’s just really cold in here. Okay, now cough.

(Marvo coughs)

Marvo: I still think this is unnecessary.

Dr. Pepper: This is all necessary. Being unhealthy is a serious issue. Fondling your man-boobies and staring at your schlong are things all doctors do. Cough again.

(Marvo coughs again)

Marvo: Wait, is “schlong” also a clinical term? Anyway, my visit isn’t really about me, it’s about other diet sodas.

Dr. Pepper: Other diet sodas? What do you mean?

Marvo: Can I put my pants up first?

Dr. Pepper: Not yet, I have to check the other side. But explain to me your concerns about the other diet sodas.

(Marvo sighs)

Marvo: Well you know how you have Diet Dr. Pepper, Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper, and the new Diet Dr. Pepper Berries & Cream? How come all three of them taste pretty good, while almost every other diet soda tastes like ass?

Dr. Pepper: Hmm, that a good question. Speaking of ass, could you please turn around and bend over? Anyway, I don’t know why other diet sodas taste so bad. I use the same artificial sweeteners as most of them. Okay, now you may feel a little discomfort with your bunghole.

Marvo: Is “bunghole” a medical term? OOOOH!

Dr. Pepper: I don’t really SCREW with artificial sweeteners.

Marvo: OOOOH!

Dr. Pepper: I like aspartame, but I know other diet sodas have tried to RAM Splenda down peoples’ throats.

Marvo: OOOH!

Dr. Pepper: Everything looks good back here. You can put your pants back up.

(Marvo pulls up pants)

Marvo: You know what else is good? Your Diet Dr. Pepper Berries & Cream. I’m surprised that I liked it because I’m not a big fan of raspberries. I just don’t like fruits with silent letters.

Dr. Pepper: What did you like about it?

Marvo: Well there’s a nice balance between the Dr. Pepper, raspberry, and vanilla flavors. Plus, there isn’t a bad aftertaste like most other diet sodas. Although I think it’s not as good as your Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper or original Diet Dr. Pepper.

Dr. Pepper: Is there anything you didn’t like about it?

Marvo: Besides the fact that I can’t find the non-diet version of it here on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean? Nothing else, really.

Dr. Pepper: Well is there anything else you’d like to discuss?

Marvo: Um. I know you’re not a real doctor, much like the doctors on ER, Scrubs, Chicago Hope, Dr. Demento, and Dr. Dre, both the former N.W.A. member and the former host of YO! MTV Raps, but I was wondering if you could tell people that even though diet sodas have zero calories and no fat, drinking two liters of it every day will not help make them skinnier, nor will it help with any diet.

Dr. Pepper: I’ll see what I can do.

Marvo: Thanks, Doc.

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to Impulsive Buy readers Derrick and Uncle C for suggesting Diet Dr. Pepper Berries & Cream. Also, next time you’re in the shower, remember to check your nuts for lumps.)


Item: Diet Dr. Pepper Berries & Cream
Price: $4.00 (12-pack)
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Pretty good diet soda. Nice balance of Dr. Pepper, raspberry, and vanilla flavors. No bad aftertaste. No calories. No fat. YO! MTV Raps.
Cons: Not as good as Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper and original Diet Dr. Pepper. Can’t find the non-diet version of it here on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Fruits with silent letters. Getting molested by Dr. Pepper.

40 thoughts on “REVIEW: Diet Dr. Pepper Berries & Cream

  1. At least Dr Pepper got me drunk first before I took off may pants. Sorry about not being able to find the non-diet version, I don’t do diet soda.

  2. I tried the new diet raspberries & cream flavor. GROSS!!!!
    Tastes like cough syrup, smells like cough syrup. YUK
    I’ll stick with my Diet Pepsi.

  3. I LOVED THIS STUFF. And I usually hate ANY diet pop. This is the first diet pop, that I didn’t pour down the drain after a few sips! I highly recommend this pop.

  4. Found the regular version here at the Harris Teeter in Arlington, VA. Not much help to anyone else that’s not here, but it exists. Look for a goofy purple can.

  5. Wah!

    I had this stuff a month ago, took pictures and everything and then forgot all about it.

    Win for you!

    Can you check me for lumps, plz?

  6. I thought this stuff was revolting. And I drink at least a can or two of Diet Dr Pepper a day. I guess it takes diff’rent strokes to rule the world.

  7. I’m with DB and Linda. It tastes like cough syrup to me. At first sip, it was interesting, but the immediate aftertaste was definitely cough syrupy.

  8. Yeah I want to try that stuff too… I can’t find it in Nova Scotia either…! Glad to see someone else in this province knows a good website when they see it!

  9. I never drink sodas, but while strolling through Target one day, I was offered a sample. Being a pake (and someone who LOVES to eat above all else) who was I to turn down some free food?

    All I can say is- this soda rocks. I nearly creamed myself after tossing down that little shot-size sample cup. This was good stuff.

  10. skibs – I haven’t seen the commercial for this. I guess I need to stop fast forwarding through the commercials.

    Rylan – Heck, I was surprised that I found it here on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

    Chuck – I guess it would’ve been better if Dr. Pepper was a woman.

    tanya – Yup, nothing cold and metallic was shoved up there. Also, no blowing. That would’ve been really weird.

    Domokun – Wait…You read the reviews while doing a handstand?

    Wednesday – Caffeine-free…I wouldn’t buy it.

    Tiff – I can’t find the regular version. Heck, I can’t find the regular version of the cherry vanilla version. I think there’s a conspiracy going on.

    Grins – Dr. Pepper isn’t so bad, except when he doesn’t use gloves.

    Andy – I’m sure there were also lots of shiny, cold metallic objects too.

    Katie – Wait…Does Dr. Phil have one? Dammit!

    Ultimate Best Vamp Ever – You could easily add rum, but you really should to that with the regular version.

    cybele – I think they have dice with flavors on them. They roll the dice and whatever they roll, it’s the new flavor.

  11. Mandy – Maine?

    Barb – You probably also wouldn’t like his generic store brand colleague, Dr. Skipper.

    klew – Oooh, viral marketing!!! Those bastards.

    Gia on Guam – I have nuts AND lovely lady lumps.

    Chantelle – Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. Or maybe someone is telling me that I’m getting a little chubby.

    laina – Yum-O!!!

    Karen – Of course I recycle, I’m a good Earthian. Plus, it helps make up for the Hummer. Just kidding.

    db cooper – I once wondered the same thing and yes, even men can get breast cancer.

    Uncle C – I should really check to see if Dr Pepper graduated from an accredited institution.

    LINDA – Thank goodness it didn’t make me drowsy like cough syrup. I drank 12 cans of the stuff.

  12. Alice – You should try the diet cherry vanilla Dr. Pepper. It doesn’t suck.

    Domokun – I hear that purple is the new black, but black is also the new black. I hate trends.

    Lord Jezo – Don’t you have someone who can check your lumps for you? Geez. Lazy ass.

    Webmiztris – Didn’t try it with booze, but I don’t think any diet soda tastes good with booze.

    K. Diddy – Yes, if everyone agreed with everyone else, the world would be boring.

    Jeffy – Well I think it’s better tasting than generic expired Robitussin.

    Ellen – I think I have more readers in Nova Scotia than I do on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

    Anna – Drunk Whitney Houston singing-unpleasant or crackhead Whitney Houston singing-unpleasant?

    Josie – Hmm…That would be another explanation for the “cream” in its name.

  13. They have the regular Berries & Cream around here. It’s a pretty good flavor. I think I prefer the Cherry Vanilla version more though.

    I like the the Dublin Dr Peppers with their real sugar best. My sister lives about a half hour away from Waco and their grocery store carries Dublin Dr Peppers in a 6-pack of cans for $1.99. She’s required to bring some with her if she plans of visiting me. ;)

    I’m still annoyed that they got rid of Red Fusion. It was nice and light tasting compared to most sodas. I haven’t been able to find anything else like it on the market.

  14. Seems to be directed towards guys. I wonder why that is.

    I’ve only seen one commercial for it, and yes, it was directed towards guys. I thought that was odd, considering that the slogan at the end was “Get Berried In Cream.” Um.

  15. random – Mmm…Real sugar soda. I wish all soda was made from real sugar. Anyway, I’ve never tried Red Fusion. I’ve seen it, but never tried it. I wonder if anyone on eBay is selling it?

    Anne – “Get Berried In Cream”? Sounds like a pr0n title. Oh wait, “Get Cream in Your Berry” also sounds like a pr0n title.

  16. Man, it’s gonna take some time for me to catch up with reading and commenting to all your posts! Sorry I was AWOL for a while! Exams and all…

    I think I saw this diet version in my campus store, but I’ve resisted so far since I fear it’ll taste like ass. Mayhaps I should give it a try.

  17. I saw a crushed Berries & Cream can in the parking lot trash basket today and had a wave of pity for the person who drank it.

  18. Toni – Trust me, I’ve had ass, and it definitely doesn’t taste like it.

    Anna – Especially if the person crushed the can on their forehead.

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