Axe Snake Peel Shower Scrub

The six F’s I earned in college…Check.

Owning Carmen Electra’s rap CD…Check.

Getting aroused by a Photoshopped nude image of Rosie O’Donnell…Check.

That experiment involving peanut butter, a microwave, and a body part that rhymes with the word “machinist”…Check.

Oh, hello there.

I’m just making a list of things I want to scrub away with the new Axe Snake Peel Shower Scrub. According to its advertisements I’ve seen in magazines and on television, it can scrub away the shame caused by questionable hook-ups.

I figured if it’s powerful enough to scrub away the shame of hooking up with either a female Romanian bodybuilder with more armpit hair than most men, that “woman” met via the “Anything Goes” personals section of a local alternative newspaper, or the “25-year-old” party girl on MySpace who turned out to be a 54-year-old party woman, but partied so hard that she looked 74 years old, it could also help me get rid of all the shameful things I’ve done in my life.

The Axe Snake Peel Shower Scrub uses desert minerals and cactus oil to deeply clean and exfoliates to remove dirt, dry skin, and possibly that incident with a mime, monkey, and a bath tub full of mayonnaise.

After using the Axe Snake Peel Shower Scrub for several days, I can’t seem to scrub away the shame of owning the LaToya Jackson Playboy issue or that time I let a dog lick my face for longer than I should’ve and imagined it was Natalie Portman with really overactive saliva glands.

The Axe Snake Peel Shower Scrub has not been able to scrub away the shame I accumulated over the years, but I do think its masculine scent will keep away any possible questionable hook-ups, because it just doesn’t smell good. In the bottle, it smells good. All over my body, not so much.

How do I know this?

Well after taking a shower with the Axe Snake Peel Shower Scrub, I walked over to the convenience store down the street. While there, I passed by a very cute college girl in the candy aisle. Right after I passed by her, she began coughing, like she smelled something bad.

I think I was that something bad.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to find out if it’s possible to use the Axe Snake Peel Shower Scrub to help me scrub away the shame of using the Axe Snake Peel Shower Scrub.

Item: Axe Snake Peel Shower Scrub
Price: $4.39
Purchased at: Kmart
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: It’s yellow. Desert minerals exfoliate the skin. Nice grippy bottle. Rich lather.
Cons: Like most Axe products, it smells lame. The desert minerals are redundant if you use a loofah. Women possibly won’t like the scent. Probably better repels women than attracts them. My list of things I need to scrub away.

37 thoughts to “Axe Snake Peel Shower Scrub”

  1. “I can’t seem to scrub away the shame of owning the LaToya Jackson Playboy issue or that time I let a dog lick my face for longer than I should’ve and imagined it was Natalie Portman with really overactive saliva glands.”

    To quote my sister’s friend-there are some things in life that I’d prefer not knowing, and that was one of them.

    BTW, thanks for linking to my NoFace for Film website! But to be clear, while it’s mostly DVD reviews, I also review newer films and trailers.

  2. Domokun – I’ve been wanting to try that Lush jello-looking soap. I like Jello. I may eat it before cleaning myself with it.

    Andy – I think the smell alone would prevent me from going into a tub of horseradish. I could probably feel the burn several feet away.

    Mandy – They break you like stick. Twirl you like ragdoll. Benchpress you.

    skibs – Aloe is sooo soothing, but its smell makes me gag.

    Abi – How about peach-mango?

    Gia on Guam – Okay. Can I call it that scratchy towel thing that makes good lather?

    Wednesday – Just like sand, I don’t think I want desert minerals stuck in my crack. Oh the irritation.

    Bourne – Chickens have large talons. They also have breasts.

    nat – Sometimes, depending on how gaudy his jewelry is, you can also see “Axe Guy” a mile away.

    Peek – Nope, not successful. Images of Latoya Jackson still dance around my head.

    Karen – The kitchen and bathroom cleaning Scrubbing Bubbles?

    Toni – I’d like to know everything, because I figure it would help me in Jeopardy.

  3. The Lush jello is fun all by itself, but it’s more fun if you freeze/cool it down before taking it to the shower–easier to wrangle.

  4. Is there any other kind? I looooove the old Scrubbing Bubbles commercials. They were cool, they were hot, they were adorable!

    Not as cool, hot and adorable as Carmen Electra, but I’m a chick, what can I say? My appreciation for beautiful women only reaches so far…

  5. I got my husband a free sample of this stuff off the internet. I don’t even notice a smell to it. maybe while using it, but it doesn’t linger on his body. and unless that stuff can scrub away VD, talk about false advertising! lol

  6. The scratchy towel thing that makes good lather is a Japanese Wash Towel. I’ve used them since I was a small child. Needless to say, back-zits…never a problem.

  7. Natalie Portman with really overactive saliva glands – dogs can’t imitate that experience. No AXE for you or any male!

  8. Domokun – If I remember, I shall go to the Lush store here and pick one up.

    Karen – The Scrubbing Bubbles keep reminding me of the Legion of Doom’s secret swampy headquarters.

    Webmiztris – Or scrub away Tom Cruise, who technically could be considered a VD because he causes itching, irritation, and open sores.

    Abi – Hey, don’t knock it until you try it. It smells kind of nice.

    Gia on Guam – They go on sale at Longs Drugs for $1.99 when their Savings Book comes out.

    Sasha_Kitty – Okay, the smell of the dog may throw it off a little.

  9. Rylan – Not surprised. Maybe it’s time to re-cycle that stuff.

    Mellie Helen – Fine sandpaper is okay. No coarse stuff. 😉

  10. I think the words “cactus” and “snake” would have given it away as a sucky body wash. I don’t trust deserts.

    They’re shady.

  11. Funny review! Maybe you want to add trying to scrub away the shame of “Touch” axe shower gel. I bought some Axe gel (Phoenix and Touch), THEN found this article online. If I only did it in the other order… However the Phoenix and Kilo scents are pretty good actually- no musky old man smellm like Touch.
    I tried this desert stuff and it smells good in the bottle, but after that, can’t really smell it at all! Oh well. This is making the process of buying soap a lot harder than it should be 🙂

  12. roychipoqua – I swear, one of these days there will be a soap that glows in the dark and some people will use it to clean, while others will use it when streaking at night.

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