Axe Snake Peel Shower Scrub

The six F’s I earned in college…Check.

Owning Carmen Electra’s rap CD…Check.

Getting aroused by a Photoshopped nude image of Rosie O’Donnell…Check.

That experiment involving peanut butter, a microwave, and a body part that rhymes with the word “machinist”…Check.

Oh, hello there.

I’m just making a list of things I want to scrub away with the new Axe Snake Peel Shower Scrub. According to its advertisements I’ve seen in magazines and on television, it can scrub away the shame caused by questionable hook-ups.

I figured if it’s powerful enough to scrub away the shame of hooking up with either a female Romanian bodybuilder with more armpit hair than most men, that “woman” met via the “Anything Goes” personals section of a local alternative newspaper, or the “25-year-old” party girl on MySpace who turned out to be a 54-year-old party woman, but partied so hard that she looked 74 years old, it could also help me get rid of all the shameful things I’ve done in my life.

The Axe Snake Peel Shower Scrub uses desert minerals and cactus oil to deeply clean and exfoliates to remove dirt, dry skin, and possibly that incident with a mime, monkey, and a bath tub full of mayonnaise.

After using the Axe Snake Peel Shower Scrub for several days, I can’t seem to scrub away the shame of owning the LaToya Jackson Playboy issue or that time I let a dog lick my face for longer than I should’ve and imagined it was Natalie Portman with really overactive saliva glands.

The Axe Snake Peel Shower Scrub has not been able to scrub away the shame I accumulated over the years, but I do think its masculine scent will keep away any possible questionable hook-ups, because it just doesn’t smell good. In the bottle, it smells good. All over my body, not so much.

How do I know this?

Well after taking a shower with the Axe Snake Peel Shower Scrub, I walked over to the convenience store down the street. While there, I passed by a very cute college girl in the candy aisle. Right after I passed by her, she began coughing, like she smelled something bad.

I think I was that something bad.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to find out if it’s possible to use the Axe Snake Peel Shower Scrub to help me scrub away the shame of using the Axe Snake Peel Shower Scrub.

Item: Axe Snake Peel Shower Scrub
Price: $4.39
Purchased at: Kmart
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: It’s yellow. Desert minerals exfoliate the skin. Nice grippy bottle. Rich lather.
Cons: Like most Axe products, it smells lame. The desert minerals are redundant if you use a loofah. Women possibly won’t like the scent. Probably better repels women than attracts them. My list of things I need to scrub away.

37 thoughts on “Axe Snake Peel Shower Scrub

  1. Wow, my thoughts exactly. I also found it a bit disconcerting that it was WAY thicker than any other bodywash I’ve ever used before. I ended up using less because I didn’t feel like crushing the bottle to get my usual amount out. Plus, it smells nice and citrusy in the bottle, but becomes foul and musty once it hits your body. The only scent of theirs I’ve ever liked is Tsunami, but – of course – they won’t make that one into a bodywash.

  2. I got a free sample of this stuff. I thought it was good, and smelled better than the stuff I usually buy from Sams Club in the big pump bottles.

    Is a loofah that poofy thing that is like a cloud that they hive away at bath and body works?

  3. I need to use this to scrub the shame of having that 54year old myspace party woman over to party with me so I can meet up wih her 25year old myspace party daughter only having to tell me stories of you trying to hook up with her and ignoring her daughter :\

  4. Maybe a company could come out with an S&M body peel that did a more effective job of scrubbing things away, and possibly throw in some free nipple clips with each bottle sold.

  5. What is it with Axe shower gels reeking once they get on your skin? It does a nice job scrubbing, but it smells kinda funky when you’re done.

  6. I think it’s been to long for me cause it took a good 1.5 minutes to figure out what body part rhymes with “machinist”.

  7. Funny you should write about this, I almost bought this today. I bought the Re-Load blue “flavor” instead. After I showered with it, I was surprised that the smell actually diminished once I got out of the shower – not musky really, just sorta nonexistant.

    Nothing like the Irish Spring I normally use which you can smell on your skin until late night. But the Re-Load was nice a foamy, at least!

  8. Rhawb – I say you create a petition to turn Tsunami into a body wash. Petitions ALWAYS work. No? Petitions MOSTLY work. No? Petitions SOMETIMES work. No? Petitions RARELY work. No? Actually, petitions NEVER work.

    Muneer – Yup, that’s a loofah. Greatest bath inventions since soap…and the shower radio…and the rubber ducky.

    DaDead – Two words: Paper bag

    Chuck – Yeah, I could lose my epidermis. I’ll just grow a new one.

    Jess – It’s like the Axe shower gels suck up the BO and then leaves it on your skin.

    Gia on Guam – Maybe I should’ve said “body part that rhymes with rock”?

    Joe – When I picked up this one, I noticed the blue and green ones, but I heart yellow. Yes, I’m a colorist.

  9. It’s just more shame. You need another exfoliant to remove this one. Lush products. Just saying.

  10. I dunno.. you get a bathtub full of mayo and there is always a good time! Now a bathtub full of horseradish, and ya may have a problem.

  11. I didn’t think anyone over the age of 20 used Axe products until I met the guy I’m dating…and I’m ashamed to say, as a woman in her late 20s, that I actually really like the smell of the spray he uses. But the ads are just wrong. I mean, what’s so bad about ‘roided-up female Romanian bodybuilders?

  12. Pretty cool named Axe product, although to me “desert minerals and cactus oil” sounds like a fancy way of saying Aloe Vera.

  13. Gia’s right, the poofy things are called bath poufs.

    Desert minerals = sand. Sand is a wonderful exfoliant, however. It’ll exfoliate you right down to the muscle layer if you apply enough force.

  14. “Axe me no more questions and I’ll tell you no more lyes.”

    Scrubbing Bubbles’d be my choice over this stuff…

  15. “I can’t seem to scrub away the shame of owning the LaToya Jackson Playboy issue or that time I let a dog lick my face for longer than I should’ve and imagined it was Natalie Portman with really overactive saliva glands.”

    To quote my sister’s friend-there are some things in life that I’d prefer not knowing, and that was one of them.

    BTW, thanks for linking to my NoFace for Film website! But to be clear, while it’s mostly DVD reviews, I also review newer films and trailers.

  16. Domokun – I’ve been wanting to try that Lush jello-looking soap. I like Jello. I may eat it before cleaning myself with it.

    Andy – I think the smell alone would prevent me from going into a tub of horseradish. I could probably feel the burn several feet away.

    Mandy – They break you like stick. Twirl you like ragdoll. Benchpress you.

    skibs – Aloe is sooo soothing, but its smell makes me gag.

    Abi – How about peach-mango?

    Gia on Guam – Okay. Can I call it that scratchy towel thing that makes good lather?

    Wednesday – Just like sand, I don’t think I want desert minerals stuck in my crack. Oh the irritation.

    Bourne – Chickens have large talons. They also have breasts.

    nat – Sometimes, depending on how gaudy his jewelry is, you can also see “Axe Guy” a mile away.

    Peek – Nope, not successful. Images of Latoya Jackson still dance around my head.

    Karen – The kitchen and bathroom cleaning Scrubbing Bubbles?

    Toni – I’d like to know everything, because I figure it would help me in Jeopardy.

  17. The Lush jello is fun all by itself, but it’s more fun if you freeze/cool it down before taking it to the shower–easier to wrangle.

  18. Is there any other kind? I looooove the old Scrubbing Bubbles commercials. They were cool, they were hot, they were adorable!

    Not as cool, hot and adorable as Carmen Electra, but I’m a chick, what can I say? My appreciation for beautiful women only reaches so far…

  19. I got my husband a free sample of this stuff off the internet. I don’t even notice a smell to it. maybe while using it, but it doesn’t linger on his body. and unless that stuff can scrub away VD, talk about false advertising! lol

  20. The scratchy towel thing that makes good lather is a Japanese Wash Towel. I’ve used them since I was a small child. Needless to say, back-zits…never a problem.

  21. Natalie Portman with really overactive saliva glands – dogs can’t imitate that experience. No AXE for you or any male!

  22. Domokun – If I remember, I shall go to the Lush store here and pick one up.

    Karen – The Scrubbing Bubbles keep reminding me of the Legion of Doom’s secret swampy headquarters.

    Webmiztris – Or scrub away Tom Cruise, who technically could be considered a VD because he causes itching, irritation, and open sores.

    Abi – Hey, don’t knock it until you try it. It smells kind of nice.

    Gia on Guam – They go on sale at Longs Drugs for $1.99 when their Savings Book comes out.

    Sasha_Kitty – Okay, the smell of the dog may throw it off a little.

  23. Rylan – Not surprised. Maybe it’s time to re-cycle that stuff.

    Mellie Helen – Fine sandpaper is okay. No coarse stuff. 😉

  24. I think the words “cactus” and “snake” would have given it away as a sucky body wash. I don’t trust deserts.

    They’re shady.

  25. Funny review! Maybe you want to add trying to scrub away the shame of “Touch” axe shower gel. I bought some Axe gel (Phoenix and Touch), THEN found this article online. If I only did it in the other order… However the Phoenix and Kilo scents are pretty good actually- no musky old man smellm like Touch.
    I tried this desert stuff and it smells good in the bottle, but after that, can’t really smell it at all! Oh well. This is making the process of buying soap a lot harder than it should be 🙂

  26. roychipoqua – I swear, one of these days there will be a soap that glows in the dark and some people will use it to clean, while others will use it when streaking at night.

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