Berry Krispies

“Suri Cruise is the reincarnation of Xenu and will rule over the Galactic Confederacy. That’s why no one has seen her.”

Shut up, Berry Krispies!

Every time I eat a bowl of these Berry Krispies, I hear strange things besides the usual snap, crackle, and pop. At first, I thought it was kind of cool with the Berry Krispies saying things like, “Oooh, Eva Longoria…I’d like to tap dat ass,” or the Yakov Smirnoff joke, “We have no gay people in Russia — there are homosexuals but they are not allowed to be gay about it. The punishment is seven years locked in prison with other men and there is a three year waiting list for that.”

However, it’s been six bowls and all that Berry Krispies talking has just gotten plain irritating, because it’s beginning to say things I don’t want to hear or things that just don’t make any sense, like “You will never get laid, unless you pay for it” and “One day, cars will be fueled by karma and Larry the Cable Guy will be ruler of a country he will purchase and will name LarryLand.”

All this talking wouldn’t be so bad if I could have a meaningful conversation with the Berry Krispies. We could talk about the meaning of life, our goals and dreams, why the Detroit Tigers don’t suck this year, or why I haven’t gone out on a date in a year and a half.

Unfortunately, the Berry Krispies seem to have a mouth of its own and ignores me, which makes me feel like I’m Debbie Matenopoulos when she was on The View.

The chatter also wouldn’t be bad if the Berry Krispies were actually tasty. They have a strong berry smell, but unfortunately it doesn’t translate into a strong berry taste. However, if you don’t like your cereals too sweet, then this maybe the cereal for you.

But if you like sweet, then I should let you know that Fruity Pebbles kicks Snap, Crackle, and Pop’s asses so bad that they are definitely Fred and Barney’s bitches, which for some reason, I don’t think Snap, Crackle, and Pop mind at all.

Even the colors of the Berry Krispies didn’t compare with the colors of Fruity Pebbles and Froot Loops, which are more vivid and possibly what unicorn poop looks like.

Oh man, that last line sounds like something Berry Krispies would say.

“Unicorn poop has magical powers that can cure any disease or get you a date.”

Shut up, Berry Krispies!

(Editor’s Note: For those of you who are readers of the neglected Cereal Mashup, I just want to let you know that it is neglected no more. I just posted a new cereal mashup review and I’ve got 14 boxes of cereal sitting in my kitchen waiting to be mashed up.)

Item: Berry Krispies
Price: $3.50 (on sale)
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 2 out of 5
Pros: Snap, crackle, and pop. Good for those who don’t like really sweet cereals. Yakov Smirnoff.
Cons: Can’t have a meaningful conversation with Berry Krispies. Says some weird things. Colors aren’t as vivid as Froot Loops or Fruity Pebbles. Not as good as Fruity Pebbles. Gets soggy really quickly. Being Fred and Barney’s bitches. The whereabouts of Suri Cruise.

26 thoughts to “Berry Krispies”

  1. Shoulda just eaten the damned Cinnamon Waffle one like I told you, but no, you just don’t listen. Betting those waffles don’t talk smack like the 3 Crispie Fairies.

  2. So there’s eentsy bits of LSD in every bite, eh? Now THERE’S a marketing gimmick!

  3. I wish my cereal would talk to me. Wait, no i don’t, i already have my roommates screaming at me to get my crap together and out of their stuff…

    i personally never liked rice crispies, im more of a fruity pebbles kind of guy.

    keep the good stuff coming


  4. I have to agree… Marvo you have an uncanny ability to talk to food product. I need to take some lessons from you on how to converse with my frozen dinners… the only thing I’ve gotten to talk back to me so far is Jell-O and it mostly just goes “jiggle-jiggle”. I can’t understand how to tell it that no, I don’t need the implants…

  5. I’ve never quite forgiven Rice Crispies for getting rid of Marshmallow Rice Crispies when I was a kid.
    It doesn’t really surprise me that Berry talks smack, I’m surprised it stayed crispy long enough to do so.

  6. I bought a box. They are less sweet than Pebbles. I think I prefer them less sweet.

    They make awesome rice krispy treats though. And the smacktalk the berry krispies make when you throw them in molten marshmallow lava is worth the price of admission alone. “It burns like Paris Hilton’s crotch!”

  7. Did you know that The Impulsive Buy is the most authoritate blog that links to HeatEatReview?

    In other commenting news, I can’t imagine that those things make very good rice krispy treats.

  8. I feel your pain Marvo. The Special K with Red Berries tells me “HA! As if you’re going to look like that chick in the white bathing suit on the commercial” Bastage cereal.

  9. The only way I eat Rice Crispies is if they’re in bar form, smothered in melted marshmallow and butter.

  10. I can’t believe Berry Krispies won!
    Berry cereals are always the lamest untasty artificial flavored cereals. Kellogg’s Scooby Doo Berry Bones comes to mind instantly. Totally unsweet is better than ‘berry’

  11. Domokun – Hey, I’m still going to eat the damn Cinnamon Eggo Waffle cereal, but I’m just not going to review. I may also fill a tub with milk and a box of the Cinnamon Eggo Waffle cereal and just soak in it for a while.

    Lucy – It tried to make me believe it could see into my future, but I was skeptical when it mentioned that it saw me dating both Olsen twins at the same time.

    Wednesday – Mmm…LSD. Lightly Sweetened (Insert appropriate D-word here).

    B-rad – I’m a Cocoa Pebbles kind of guy. Me likey the chocolate.

    Bryan – I guess I’m like Dr. Doolittle. It’s a gift AND a curse.

    Barb – Oooh, I remember Marshmallow Rice Krispies. I could’ve eaten that stuff all day, if my mom didn’t rip the box out of my chubby little hands.

    Random – I believe Paris Hilton’s crotch also looks like marshmallow Berry Krispies Treats.

  12. Abi – Respect my authoritay! Because I have absolutely nothing else.

    Webmiztris – They’d probably flirt with you. Bust out a pick up line, like “Hey baby, I’ve got some marshmallows here. Why don’t you and I make some sweet and sticky Rice Krispies treats?”

    Grins – Let me tell you that those Special K with Red Berries are just really superficial.

    Toni – I’d eat them with chocolate milk or with chocolate pudding.

    skibs – It was a really close election. The runner up was the Caramel Nut Crunch with three less votes. I was surprised by how poorly the Eggo cereal did.

  13. I’d eat them with chocolate milk or with chocolate pudding.

    Chocolate pudding eh? So the Rice Crispies are a topping of sorts? Hmmm, interesting. Vewwy intewesting.

  14. Why don’t we have all those nifty cereal brands in the Philippines?? Why???

    Wow, now you have two readers named Peachy.

  15. Oooh, only 2/5. Not good. I saw these at the store and thought i might buy them but i’m not a fan of regular Rice Krispies so i thought again. I guess they’re really trying to take over the Pebbles kingdom of frosted rice cereals.

    Bzzzzzzzzzzzz! Nice try, Kellogg’s, but we’re takin’ Fruity Pebbles, just like we take the Cocoa Pebbles over the Cocoa Krispies. (Are they still making those?!)

    Hope future conversations with your cereal reap better results, Marvo…

  16. Peachy – I believe it\’s even better with heroin or acid.

    Toni – Chocolate milk totally enhances Rice Krispies. Two spoonful of sugar also help. Vodka too.

    TG – Thanks, TG! I heart new products.

    Peachy – Just think of it this way. Those of us who get these nifty cereals are just guinea pigs. We help the cereal companies determine what\’s good and what\’s bad. Whatever is bad won\’t see the light of day in other countries. Whatever is good ends up in other countries. Also, thank goodness for Gravatars!

    K – I just hope I don\’t have to have conversations with Kashi cereals. I think those would be boring.

  17. i wish we had lots of cereal selections to choose from like u do in US 🙁 Never tried the kellogs berry krispies, but i tried fruit loops b4 and they taste soo sweet! but overall i always prefer cereals from Nestle than Kellogs.. I found kellogs’s cereals taste a bit bland compare to Nestle :7

    ps: i luv ur reviews! ^^ just discovered ur blog few days ago., now becomes my daily visited website 😉

  18. Wow, Berry Krispies, huh? I thought these might be successful, but I guess not. Personally, I think Rice Krispies are overrated, like Special K. (Stupid diet.)

    For me, nothing compares to Froot Loops and the mildly sexy Toucan Sam. But I think I’ll give Fruity Pebbles a try, seeing how much everyone raves about them.

    Snap, Crackle and Pop as Fred and Barney’s bitches. Wow. Sounds like a Nickelodeon version of Oz.

  19. Princesslala – Well if it makes you feel any better, we don’t have Nestle brand cereals. Also, thanks for the kind words.

    Brie – Oh man, a Nickelodeon version of Oz. Now I really feel sorry for Snap, Crackle, and Pop.

    laina – Oddly, unicorn poop also looks like clown puke.

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