(Editor’s Note: Today, I’m introducing a new section at The Impulsive Buy called The Shopping Cart, which will consist of products that I’ve purchased, but won’t write a full review for, and products that I’m lusting over, but either can’t afford, can’t find, or it’s only available in dark alleys.)

What I’m Listening To That May Sound Perverted, But Really Isn’t…I Promise

It sounds like there should be something sexual about a song called “Easy” by the Barenaked Ladies, but rest assured there is nothing sexual about it, and I am disappointed about that. However, if it was sung by either Marvin Gaye, Barry White, or the 2 Live Crew, then it probably would’ve been sexual and I would’ve added it to my “Gettin’ It On” mixtape.

“Easy” is the first single from the upcoming Barenaked Ladies album, Barenaked Ladies Are Me, which is being released in the middle of September. I’ve been listening to both the album version, which I purchased from iTunes (99 cents), and the acoustic version, which I downloaded via eMusic (monthly subscription).

It’s a mellow song and is not as fun as many of their previous tracks, like “One Week” and “Another Postcard,” which make me want to grab a hairbrush and lip sync the lyrics in my bathroom mirror. There’s definitely no “Chickity china the Chinese chicken,” but I’m fine with that.

What I’m Drinking That Keeps Reminding Me Of Jay-Z


When I think of hip-hop and beverages, there are only two beverages that come to mind: Cristal and St. Ides. Cristal has been mentioned in hip-hop lyrics by Jay-Z, P. Diddy, Busta Rhymes, Master P, and I’m sure many others. As for St. Ides, this was what former spokesperson Ice Cube had to say about the malt liquor:

Once again it’s on, I’m gone out the front door.
Ice Cube in the glass house, headin’ for the store.
To get a beer that’s better than the rest.
The S-T-period-I-D-E-to-the-S.
and it will put hair on your chest.
In the black can, so why don’t you grab a six pack and,
get your girl in the mood quicker
Get your jimmy thicker with St. Ides malt liquor.

A few months ago, I tried the Izze Sparkling Pomegranate and every time I drank one all I could think about was “H to the izz-O/V to the izz-A/Fo’ shizzle my nizzle used to dribble down in VA.” For those of you who aren’t down with hip-hop, that’s a line from the Jay-Z song “Izzo (H.O.V.A.).” Get it? Izz-E. Izz-O. Izz-A.

Anyway, its tart taste was good, but not great. However, the pomegranate made me feel like I was drinking something healthy, so it made up a little for the taste. I don’t know if the Izze Sparkling Pomegranate is good enough to make it into hip-hop lyrics, but with Jay-Z’s boycott of Cristal it’s one step away from being, “I got Izze Sparkling Pomegranate, I gotta have it./I’m suckin’ them down like it’s a habit.”

Man, I suck as a rapper.

I’d like to think that I’m an environmentally aware person — a treehugger, if you will.

I recycle my glass bottles, aluminum cans, plastic bottles, and newspapers.

I drive a fuel-efficient car.

I reuse those plastic bags I get from the grocery store.

Instead of throwing them away, I donate my unwanted clothes, household items, and crappy Christmas gifts to charitable organizations.

Finally, to save water and allow me to use them another day, I turn my underwear inside out.

A few months ago, I came across the Pom Pomegranate Lychee Green Tea in its re-sealable and reusable glass…glass. My treehugging soul thought that the reusable glass would be a great replacement for my current glassware, which doesn’t consist of any glass and is made up of Big Gulp cups and the McDonald’s 1992 Olympic Dream Team plastic cup set, with four extra Chris Mullin cups.

The Pom Tea glasses would definitely be a step up and along with my lava lamps, glow in the dark stars on my ceiling, and the huge mirror on my bedroom wall they would impress the ladies whenever they come over.

Okay, I’m lying about the women coming over. No woman has stepped foot in my humble, fluorescent-lighted, not-so-swinging bachelor abode, so let me rephrase the previous sentence. 


The Pom Tea glasses would definitely be a step up and impress the ladies if they come over when hell freezes over, pigs start flying, or if I am the last man on the face of the Earth.

I shouldn’t have been surprised by my fascination with the Pom Tea bottle. After all, Pom beverages are known for their bottles.

The original Pom Wonderful juices come in a shapely bottle, which depending on how horny you are, either looks like the Days of Our Lives hourglass or a huge sex toy that is probably 1,000 times more satisfying than I am.

The Pom Pomegranate Lychee Green Tea itself is pretty good and it’s good for you. Although, being a fan of lychee, I was hoping there would be a stronger lychee flavor.

I have to admit that I’ve gotten kind of addicted to the Pom Pomegranate Lychee Green Tea. I don’t know if it’s the slightly tart and sweet taste of it, the fact that it’s frickin’ full of healthy antioxidants, or my need for a set of new glassware, but at $3.50 a bottle it’s definitely hurting my wallet.

(Editor’s Note: Go read TG’s take on the Pom Pomegranate Lychee Green Tea at NYCE.)

Item: Pom Pomegranate Lychee Green Tea
Price: $3.49 (13.5-ounces)
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Tasty and refreshing. Addicting. Healthy. Frickin’ full of antioxidant goodness. Fat free. Reusable glass bottle, which are much more classy than my plastic Big Gulp cups. Recycling. Turning my underwear inside out to reuse another day.
Cons: Expensive. Light lychee flavor. Low caffeine. Addictive. No vitamins or minerals. I am not the last man on the face of the Earth.