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NEWS: Why Must All Sports Drinks End With The Suffix -ade?
By Marvo | June 5, 2007
Gatorade, Powerade, and now Accelerade.
Apparently everyone back in the day at Gatorade wasn’t drinking Gatorade to replenish their fluids, because their dehydration prevented them from realizing they should’ve patented the suffix -ade. They would be richer than they are right now, because they could’ve gotten some major royalties from the other -ades.
So what makes Accelerade different than the other -ades?
According to its website, it’s the first sports drink to contain carbohydrates and protein in a patented 4:1 ratio, which is just the right amount of protein to optimize the absorption of fluid. Patented, eh? It seems like Accelerade has been drinking the Accelerade.
The 4:1 ratio of carbs to protein may seem fine for dehydration, but such a high ratio of carbs might upset Dr. Atkins so much that he’ll release another Atkins diet book from beyond the grave, sort of like what Tupac has done with his last several albums.
Accelerade comes in four flavors: Citrus Grapefruit, Peach Mango, Fruit Punch and Mountain Berry. They’re available at participating 7-Eleven stores, but none of the 7-Elevens I buy my high fructose corn syrup-filled products from has them in stock.
[Site:] Accelerade
Topics: Beverage |
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June 6th, 2007 at 1:11 am
None of these flavors sound particularly masculine, ya know? I can just see some NFL player saying, “Great game, dude! How about a Peach Mango Accelerade?”
June 6th, 2007 at 2:09 am
do you have lucozade in the US? .. there’s another -ade for you..
June 6th, 2007 at 2:19 am
I think Marvo should come out with his own energy drink that has protein in it. He has enough porn in his collection to produce the protein content. Think of it now Marvo. You could have women across the world drinking “Marvoade”.
June 6th, 2007 at 5:48 am
Marvo, looks like you drank a healthy dose of hater-ade this morning! Ha ha ha
June 6th, 2007 at 7:40 am
You know, I do a lot of crosswords puzzles. As of now, I only attempt “Nice & Easy Crosswords”. The word ADE is one of the most often used words in the easy puzzles. Not sure why I am mentioning this….
June 6th, 2007 at 9:04 am
edman0037 - PIG
June 6th, 2007 at 11:46 am
I would name the title of this post “Haterade”.
June 6th, 2007 at 1:58 pm
Today I read an online newspaper article titled “NYC man blames health drink for erection that wouldn’t go away.” The poor chap drank Boost Plus…he had to be hospitalized and now he needs surgery. Boy, I’d hate to be his girlfriend
June 6th, 2007 at 2:09 pm
Erika - thanks for the interesting tidbit. I usually keep Ensure around the house as a nutritional supplement. I’ll have to switch for when the man comes around.
June 6th, 2007 at 4:45 pm
Maybe they either contain AIDS or stave off AIDS. Much like Tussin.
June 6th, 2007 at 5:27 pm
Erika, I heard about that guy, too! I almost felt bad about laughing.
June 6th, 2007 at 10:06 pm
Chuck - I think they’re made for non-impact, non-ball sports, like running, cycling, and chess.
frith - Geez, even other countries use -ade. No, Lucozade here, but I wish it was here. More confusion.
edman0037 - That would be the least refreshing energy drink EVER. Also, the worst tasting, unless I ate a lot of apples.
Diana - No, it was Haterade A.M., not the regular stuff.
Buffy - You’re mentioning it because you want to help me when I do the Nice & Easy Crosswords, which for me are Mean & Hard Crosswords. You would think an English degree would help with those, but it doesn’t.
Danette - If you were to see me at a hot dog eating contest, I would definitely be the pig.
Mean Black Loca - Too short.
Erika - I guess we now know what the “Plus” stands for.
Cian - …
Chewy - Or maybe I can stick them on a bleeding cut, which will eventually rip out any hair around the cut.
Brie - Permanent erections are no laughing matter. Heh. Heh. HA! HA! HA! Okay, they are kind of funny…until the permanent erection pokes an eye out.
June 7th, 2007 at 9:01 am
You should come out with a product called “hater-aide”
June 8th, 2007 at 11:24 pm
DJ At Work - Nah, I’d rather call it “Liquid Hate.”
June 9th, 2007 at 9:48 pm
Hello?! Like ‘lemonade’ - a drink.
Was that too sassy? Sorry…
June 9th, 2007 at 9:51 pm
oops, looked it up in the dictionary. it has nothing to do with a drink.
June 9th, 2007 at 10:39 pm
LaneO - It shall remain one of the mysteries of the world.