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Wendy’s Spicy Baconator
After all the rejected advances on women, Fs on my college report cards, cancellation of all the shows Tom Cavanagh has been in, and not achieving my dream of being the The Village People’s leatherman because I could not properly make the letter “C” with my arms, I should be used to disappointment by now. [...]
Continue reading...The Week in Reviews – 3/29/2008
29 March 2008
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Slices of SPAM stored singly for single SPAM savants so they can savor the strange sustenance. Sooper! I can’t believe I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter can believe that a fat free version can make people believe it’s not butter. If you’re having a hard time getting fat with Starbucks coffee drinks, try getting [...]
Continue reading...Kellogg’s Whole Grain Strawberry Pop-Tarts
27 March 2008
Like how Britney avoids court dates, for many years, I stayed away from Whole Grain and visa versa. I’m not sure when the dislike began between us. Maybe it was the time when I dropped the letters W, L, and E from its first name and went around calling it “Ho Grain.” Or [...]
Continue reading...Asian Sensations Chicken Egg Rolls
23 March 2008
Back in 1996, my life was at a crossroads − kind of like that crappy Britney Spears movie, I forget what it’s called. Anyways, it was a crazy time to be living. I had done some experimenting with alcohol and drugs, which was a big deal considering I was eight years old at the time. [...]
Continue reading...The Week in Reviews – 3/22/2008
22 March 2008
There’s a Smuckers Uncrustables Peanut Butter & Honey Spread Sandwich for those lazy bastards who are too fucking lazy to make their own peanut butter and honey sandwich. Sign me up! If you love movies with the director’s name in the title then Tyler Perry’s Meet the Browns is the movie for you. Anything that tastes [...]
Continue reading...Kellogg’s Special K Raspberry Bliss
20 March 2008
If all it takes to achieve bliss is to eat the Kellogg’s Special K Raspberry Bliss bar, then I’m staying home and eating nothing but these natural and artificial flavored bars. But really, after trying them, I doubt that these bars have the ability to give someone any amount of bliss. Even if [...]
Continue reading...Burt’s Bees Milk & Shea Butter Body Wash
19 March 2008
The Burt’s Bees Milk & Shea Butter Body Wash is 98.50 percent all natural. I too am 98.50 percent all natural when I walk around my apartment. What is the non-natural 1.5 percent when I’m strut my stuff in my apartment? It is a sheer polyester g-string with gold sequins…and I work [...]
Continue reading...Jack in the Box Kona Coffee Shake
17 March 2008
Kona Coffee is known worldwide as one of the best varieties of coffee. To reach that level of excellence, you may think there’s something special about the town of Kona, like it’s a magical place where coffee beans rain down from the sky and the wonderful smell of coffee lingers like the aroma of [...]
Continue reading...Listerine Mint Shield Smart Rinse
13 March 2008
The lack of a burning sensation in my mouth and an absence of alcohol in the ingredients list means that the Listerine Mint Shield Smart Rinse is either made for children or cry baby pussies. Back in my little man days, I only had the original formula Listerine and when it burned, it felt [...]
Continue reading...Red Baron Singles: Pepperoni Deep Dish Mini Pizzas
9 March 2008
With so many new products coming out every month, it’s become very hard to be competitive in the world of frozen pizzas. Creepy weirdo Wolfgang Puck and the fancy folks at California Pizza Kitchen can make shopping for a decent pizza very confusing. You’re already racking your brain wondering how Rachael Ray got her own [...]
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30 March 2008
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