Wendy’s Spicy Baconator

After all the rejected advances on women, Fs on my college report cards, cancellation of all the shows Tom Cavanagh has been in, and not achieving my dream of being the The Village People’s leatherman because I could not properly make the letter “C” with my arms, I should be used to disappointment by now. But I am again deeply disappointed by the Wendy’s Spicy Baconator.

I thought the Spicy Baconator would be just as good as the original Wendy’s Baconator with its two hamburger patties, six small strips of bacon, jalapenos, two slices of pepper jack cheese, and chipotle ranch sauce. The jalapenos add a decent amount of heat to the burger, but don’t add any flavor. It’s like Charo without the “Cuchi-Cuchi.”

Wait. Was that too old of a reference?

Anyhoo, without the jalapenos, the burger was pretty bland, not even the chipotle ranch sauce or the bacon could save it, which was disappointing since bacon can usually save anything. Just ask slightly wilted salads, overcooked baked potatoes, and people being chased by cougars or Kirstie Alley.

Oh disappointment! You rain upon me like tears of a little boy who has had their candy taken from them or who have shared a bed with Michael Jackson.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 burger – 880 calories, 55 grams of fat, 24 grams of saturated fat, 2.5 grams of trans fat, 200 milligrams of cholesterol, 1850 milligrams of sodium, 650 milligrams of potassium, 35 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 7 grams of sugar, 58 grams of protein, 15% Vitamin A, 15% Vitamin C, 35% Calcium, 40% Iron, and 75% disappointment.)

Item: Wendy’s Spicy Baconator
Price: $6.49 (small combo)
Purchased at: Wendy’s
Rating: 3 out of 10
Pros: Spicy. Bacon. Wearing leather. Most shows with Tom Cavanagh.
Cons: Disappointing. 2.5 grams of trans fat. Jalapenos don’t add anything to flavor. Bland without the jalapenos. Sauce was lame. Charo without the “Cuchi-Cuchi.” Being chased by Kirstie Alley.

27 thoughts to “Wendy’s Spicy Baconator”

  1. “Kylie – When aren’t you hungover?”

    Today I’m not, clear as a bell. Clear enough to start thinking about writing a “Hangover Food” blog. That is, if I could actually write

  2. “sarcasmom – I wish they would release “Ed” on DVD. I’d buy that, instead of downloading it via BitTorrent.”

    The only reason they haven’t, according to what I’ve heard was problems with music licensing and rights.

    Pisses me off. I’d so buy it, instead of watching reruns on CMT. (Though I think I’ll just go the Bittorrent route for now.. )

    Now I have to go pray that Burger King burger is just an April Fool’s joke.

  3. Chuck – I wonder if rat is on the menu somewhere in the world. Perhaps it’s a delicacy in Guatemala.

    Shannon – Even if I gave you a dollar?

    Kylie – The only hangover food I can think of it eggs.

    Mara – Yes, the music on that show was great. I liked the Foo Fighters song as the intro.

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