Wendy’s Spicy Baconator

After all the rejected advances on women, Fs on my college report cards, cancellation of all the shows Tom Cavanagh has been in, and not achieving my dream of being the The Village People’s leatherman because I could not properly make the letter “C” with my arms, I should be used to disappointment by now. But I am again deeply disappointed by the Wendy’s Spicy Baconator.

I thought the Spicy Baconator would be just as good as the original Wendy’s Baconator with its two hamburger patties, six small strips of bacon, jalapenos, two slices of pepper jack cheese, and chipotle ranch sauce. The jalapenos add a decent amount of heat to the burger, but don’t add any flavor. It’s like Charo without the “Cuchi-Cuchi.”

Wait. Was that too old of a reference?

Anyhoo, without the jalapenos, the burger was pretty bland, not even the chipotle ranch sauce or the bacon could save it, which was disappointing since bacon can usually save anything. Just ask slightly wilted salads, overcooked baked potatoes, and people being chased by cougars or Kirstie Alley.

Oh disappointment! You rain upon me like tears of a little boy who has had their candy taken from them or who have shared a bed with Michael Jackson.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 burger – 880 calories, 55 grams of fat, 24 grams of saturated fat, 2.5 grams of trans fat, 200 milligrams of cholesterol, 1850 milligrams of sodium, 650 milligrams of potassium, 35 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 7 grams of sugar, 58 grams of protein, 15% Vitamin A, 15% Vitamin C, 35% Calcium, 40% Iron, and 75% disappointment.)

Item: Wendy’s Spicy Baconator
Price: $6.49 (small combo)
Purchased at: Wendy’s
Rating: 3 out of 10
Pros: Spicy. Bacon. Wearing leather. Most shows with Tom Cavanagh.
Cons: Disappointing. 2.5 grams of trans fat. Jalapenos don’t add anything to flavor. Bland without the jalapenos. Sauce was lame. Charo without the “Cuchi-Cuchi.” Being chased by Kirstie Alley.

27 thoughts on “Wendy’s Spicy Baconator

  1. i hate the cuchi-cuchi too. i sounds really good with all those heart attack inducing ingredients in it, but the burger in the picture looks sooo dry.

  2. lemme just announce that marvo has agreed to a manzillian, but not until next year. Loyal readers should demand that he get it done on December 30th or 31st so that he can “ring in the new year with a clean slate.”

  3. That seems like a lot of money for a combo meal. I like the jr. double cheeseburger deluxe combo–it’s like $2.99 and wonderful.

  4. I thought this burger was pretty good, actually…better than the jalepeno melt burger they had out a few months ago. But for true pain I go to this hole in the wall local joint that makes a jalepeno burger with habanero mustard. Now THAT is a truly spicy burger, let me tell you.

  5. I can’t believe you ate that. Very impressive! Too bad it wasn’t worth the money and calories. I think I’d rather have a bowl of cookie dough. Speaking of Tom Cavanagh though, he’s done a few guest spots on that adorable Eli Stone show on ABC. Let’s hope he doesn’t disappear from TV just yet.

  6. You know, in all my years of eating at Wendy’s, I don’t think I’ve ever found anything that was supposed to be spicy that actually turned out spicy. The fact that Wendy’s can put that many “spicy” things in between two pieces of bread and it still not turn out spicy tells me that every Wendy’s restaurant must have some device inside that creates a vortex that sucks all the spiciness right out.
    I enjoy most everything I eat there, but Dave, wherever you are, you just can’t bring the heat, my friend.

  7. This seems to be part of an alarming trend I’ve been noticing with Jalpenos. Not only are they no longer spicy, they seem to be sucking the flavor out of nearby ingredients. I cannot believe that bacon wasn’t impervious to its power. Very sad indeed.

  8. Half the cheese is melted, half is not. The bacon looks uncooked and the burgers look like they belong at White Castle. The bread looks pretty tasty though. Thanks for the review, I will skip this one.

  9. That just really sucks. I was looking forward to trying that burger.

    @ Rotten Arsenal- I agree with you about Wendy’s not bringing the heat. I had the spicy chicken sandwich there a few years ago and it was so hot I was sweating. Went back the next day and ordered another one, it tasted like someone just dumped a bunch of black pepper on it. I guess I must have gotten the last one at the bottom of the bag. Ever since then it seems that thier idea of spicy just sucks.

  10. God, that looks disgusting. I haven’t gotten the courage to eat a regular baconator yet, let alone this atrocity.

    I miss ‘Ed’. And ‘Love Monkey’. Sigh.

  11. Ha, ha! I just had a yummy Teddy’s Bigger Burgers Teri burger for dinner and it was ono-licious (like Marvo’s juicy buns!)

  12. sarcasmom – I wish they would release “Ed” on DVD. I’d buy that, instead of downloading it via BitTorrent.

    bj – Here on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean things are a bit pricier. For example, Subway has their $5 foot long promotion going on right now. We here have to pay $5.99.

    Chuck – Hole in the wall joints usually have better food…if you don’t mind the rats.

    Erin – I rather have a bathtub of strawberry Jello that’s hardened around my body and the only way for me to get free is to eat my way out.

    Nevis – Cuchi-Cuchi to you too.

    Rotten Arsenal – Now that I think about it, I didn’t even sweat while eating this burger. That sucks.

    Lord Jezo – No, a slice of bread in between two slices of SPAM would make my life complete.

    SheRa – Bacon can be powerful stuff. It has the power to kill people…when eaten in large quantities in one sitting.

    wetsocks – Sadly, no fast food looks good in real life, except McDonald’s french fries, but I don’t think those are real.

    Kylie – When aren’t you hungover?

    luckinflux – You can still try it, but I don’t know if you’ll enjoy it. If you don’t, you should talk to the manager and demand your money back…or at least a free Frosty.

    Jeremy Hobbs – I say you try it and review it, fellow product reviewer.

    Mara – I miss “Ed” too…and “Love Monkey.” Fuck you, CBS!

    Molly – Well I had a Teddy’s Bigger Burger last weekend for lunch with a Wild Cherry Pepsi. Then walked around the Hawaii Kai Towne Center to burn off some of the calories.

  13. “Kylie – When aren’t you hungover?”

    Today I’m not, clear as a bell. Clear enough to start thinking about writing a “Hangover Food” blog. That is, if I could actually write

  14. “sarcasmom – I wish they would release “Ed” on DVD. I’d buy that, instead of downloading it via BitTorrent.”

    The only reason they haven’t, according to what I’ve heard was problems with music licensing and rights.

    Pisses me off. I’d so buy it, instead of watching reruns on CMT. (Though I think I’ll just go the Bittorrent route for now.. )

    Now I have to go pray that Burger King burger is just an April Fool’s joke.

  15. Chuck – I wonder if rat is on the menu somewhere in the world. Perhaps it’s a delicacy in Guatemala.

    Shannon – Even if I gave you a dollar?

    Kylie – The only hangover food I can think of it eggs.

    Mara – Yes, the music on that show was great. I liked the Foo Fighters song as the intro.

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