I’ve yet to have any fun with these Nabisco Oreo Fun Stix. I should be having a blast with them because, after all, the word “fun” is in its name, but I’ve gone through almost the entire box and I haven’t gotten any entertainment out of them; not even by trying to light them or sticking them into an orifice. It’s so boring that I consider it the snack version of The Hills spin-off The City.
Each box comes with eight packs of two cylindrical chocolate cookie wafers lined with Oreo creme that measures six inches long and half an inch in diameter. They’re hollow, so they’re just like those cereal straws that allow you to slurp up milk with them, except you won’t find these in the cereal aisle and because they’re not labeled “cereal straws” they won’t go down as one of the most absurd packaged food ideas that our future alien overlords will point to as the reason why it was so easy to enslave the human race.
But maybe it’s not the fault of the Oreo Fun Stix and I’m not using them correctly or my body is numb to fun after years and years of consuming Oreos in every possible way and the saturated fat they provided has blocked the “fun juice” from reaching my brain. So maybe the fun comes from trying to unblock the “fun juice.”
The Oreo Fun Stix continues the long list of items that haven’t given me the same satisfaction as regular Oreo cookies. The cookie shell was crispy, but perhaps too crispy since some of the Fun Stix were broken when I opened their packs and they easily left a bunch of crumbs on my table, which I guess could be entertaining if I had a penchant for hearing the sucking sound from a 1980s Black & Decker DustBuster.
The Oreo cream tasted very much like the sweet whiteness that we’ve all grown to love and lick, but because the cream lining is inside the wafer stick I can’t get any pleasure from licking it, unless I’m supposed to get delight from a surgical procedure that turns my tongue into a snake’s tongue. The cookie shell combined with the Oreo cream didn’t quite taste like an actual Oreo cookie, which was disappointing. For roughly the same price as these Oreo Fun Stix you can get actual Oreos and, I think, more of them.
I still don’t know what exactly is so fun about these Oreo Fun Stix and I’ll probably never find out. I guess just because it has the word “fun” in it, doesn’t automatically make them fun, after all, the word “fun” is also in words like defunct, dysfunctional, funeral, fungus, malfunction and nonrefundable.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 package – 90 calories, 3.5 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 50 milligrams of sodium, 30 milligrams of potassium, 13 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 9 grams of sugar, less than 1 gram of protein and 4% Iron.)
Item: Nabisco Oreo Fun Stix
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Crunchy. Oreo cream. 90 calories per pack. DustBusters.
Cons: It’s basically a cereal straw, one of the downfalls of the human race. Not fun at all. Didn’t quite taste like an Oreo. Wafer was a little too fragile. Pricey for the amount you get. Makes crumbs. The MTV executive who green-lighted The City. Having alien overlords in the future.