REVIEW: Classic Grape Purple Stuff

Purple Stuff

The generic looking can the Classic Grape Purple Stuff is in makes it looks like it should be in the food section of your local 99 cent store, but I found it at the 7-Eleven down the street. What also makes it seem like it’s a cheap item is the possible spelling error in the nutrition facts section. One of the last vitamins listed is something called “patothenic acid,” which sounds more like a psychedelic dancehall reggae band. I think they meant to print “pantothenic acid,” which is also known as vitamin B5.

Also, could they put any more words on the front of the can? There are so many words, I wonder if a copy of it is available for the Amazon Kindle. There are so many words, I’m looking for the ISBN number. There are so many words, you could read them to your children as a bedtime story.

But enough about what’s on the outside, let’s talk about what’s inside.

While it comes in a can size that’s common with most energy drinks, Purple Stuff does the opposite of an energy drink. It’s a relaxation beverage that helps the consumer to calm down and focus, as you can tell by reading the plethora of words on the front of the Purple Stuff. It’s like liquid meditation or taking a Calgon bath and sticking it in a can. I guess a better way to describe it would be say it’s like comparing weed, a downer, with cocaine and an upper.

The Classic Grape Purple Stuff does what it does with the help of three ingredients: valerian root, L-theanine and rosehips powder. According to the Great Wikipedia, valerian root is used as a sedative, L-theanine has been shown to reduce anxiety and improve cognition and rosehips are a popular healthy treat for chinchillas.

The beverage has a tasty grape soda flavor, except not as sweet as regular grape soda and it has a very slight artificial sweetener aftertaste. Thanks sucralose! It’s lightly carbonated, so it goes down smooth and is extremely easy to drink.

But does it make me feel relaxed? I don’t know if I could describe it as being relaxed. You know that feeling when you’re super tired, like during an all-nighter, and you have this sensation across your entire body, like your muscles are about to fall asleep. That’s the feeling I get from drinking a Purple Stuff, so I don’t know if I would drink this during the day. Some might consider that being relaxed, but I think of it as being sleepy, which is a feeling that can also be accomplished by reading the essay printed on the front of the Purple Stuff’s can.

(Nutrition Facts – 8 ounces – 50 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 5 milligrams of sodium, 13 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 13 grams of crystalline fructose, 0 grams of protein, 100% vitamin B3, 100% vitamin B6, 100% vitamin B12, 100% patothenic acid, 10 milligrams of rosehips powder, 10 milligrams of valerian root and 5 milligrams of L-Theanine.)

Item: Classic Grape Purple Stuff
Price: $1.59
Size: 16 ounces
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Tasty grape soda flavor. Really easy to drink. Lightly carbonated. Only 50 calories. Lots of B vitamins. 16 ounce can. Inexpensive. Possible great replacement for warm milk, if you’re trying to fall asleep.
Cons: Contains no juice. Makes me sleepy, but not really relaxed. Very slight artificial sweetener aftertaste. Not something I would want to drink before a boring meeting. Can design makes it look like it belongs in a 99 cent store.

29 thoughts on “REVIEW: Classic Grape Purple Stuff

  1. mmmmm….Purple Stuff. Of course this reminds me of the Sunny D commercial where the kids bypass said “Purple Stuff”…I always wondered if some silent kid in the commercial secretly wanted “Purple Stuff” instead of Sunny D. Isn’t Valerian root supposed to help you sleep? I remember Tyler Durden was told to take some in Fight Club because of insomnia.

  2. @Ryan – That what I said….stolen straight from the commericial :P Now you can actually have the “Purple Stuff”!

    What’s with the Wonka rip-off? For that reason alone I will never try this myself and never endorse it to others despite the TIB’s decent rating….no one rips from Willy and gets away with it…no one…..you all know what happened to Slugworth!

    1. nothing happened to slugworth.
      at the end of the movie/book it was revealed that slugworth was paid by wonka to test the children and see if they would sell wonka out.

  3. What does the classic purple stuff smell like? I’ve taken valerian pills before for insomnia. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but it always smells like fart.

  4. Haha it’s not purple stuff, it’s Dave Chapelle’s Grape drink!! hahaha

    So this would be good for when I od on energy drinks and give myself heart palpatations?? lol

  5. Seriously I can see some 70’s porn star sipping this stuff before or during a take with a sly grin on his face. ha ha Does it come in a 40oz? ha ha

  6. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZRAuRX9Ie0

    There is a similar drink called “drank.” It’s referred to as an extreme relaxation beverage. I drank a drank, and I swear I was asleep in 30 minutes. It contains similar ingredients: valerian root, rosehips, melatonin and b vitamins.

    And, even more strange, there is a recreational drug popular in the hip-hop community called “purple drank.” It’s prescription cough syrup (with codeine and promethazine) mixed with Sprite and Jolly Ranchers.

  7. Very cool, but if it does make you sleepy you would probably have to get up and pee a couple of times after drinking all of this.

  8. I think I will some people together, each down about 3 cans, and see who’s the last one standing. Does it give a warning about not operating heavy machinery when on this drink?

  9. I’ve had a smiliar idea for a long time, it looks like sombody has beat me to the punch in the relaxation drink market, still this sounds like it would be a great idea, although I will be the first to admit that if you drank too many of these it might cause you to lack discipline

  10. Hmm, I always used the term “purple drank” as opposed to “purple stuff”

    but anyway…

    I’ve heard of “drank” but this also sounds interesting. Since I no longer have a Rx to ambien, this might be worth a try. Counting sheep gets boring after a while.

  11. I have this at my 7-11 but it is called “Drank” which I think reffers to the term “Purple Drank” which is made with cough surrup and sprite.

  12. “rosehips are a popular healthy treat for chinchillas.”

    …first off, I cracked up reading that and secondly, why would you want to drink a chinchilla snack?

  13. There is crystalline fructose in this purple soda. Which is pretty bad for you. Look it up and you may not want to drink the purple goo. However, I have only had one and it is really tasty. Valerian can be taken on it’s own and so can B vitamins without adding any fructose syrup.

  14. can a kid buy it at the 7-11? Cuz my son who was 10 years of age was told not to by a worker there & said for him to go get his parents and not to touch it cuz its bad. (my son is 15)

  15. Corrections I meant to put 15* not 10. Sorry but please response to me quickly if its true or not. As for i know i think it is ok unless they changed it.

  16. Purple Stuff is a great tasting soda and does not make me sleepy; but lowers my anxiety; so I love it! I read the other comments; and crystalline fructose is not sucralose or corn syrup. It is made from fruit and not corn and is approved by the FDA for diabetics and that helps me too. I like the lemon lime and Berry which are Purple like the grape in a glass. I get mine at Kroger in Texas in the Deli. And yes it is safe for Kids. It is not the same as other brands that say Drank, etc. as they use corn syrup and melatonin and are not safe for kids or anyone. Make sure the brand actually looks like the picture here and says Purple Stuff; or it is a different product. Great review…. Shanny

  17. Best if taken with heavy doses (4mg) at least two bars. Also doesn’t hurt to eat a little mushrooms. Feels great! I was straight up relaxed! Thank you purple drink!!

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