REVIEW: Kashi Caribbean Carnival Pizza

Written by | February 17, 2010

Topics: 2 Rating, Kashi, Pizza

You know that expression: “You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but you can never please all of the people all of the time?” Well, Kashi should just stop making pizzas, because they are pleasing none of the people none of the time. Seriously, I really wanted to like this pizza. I’m normally a fan of everything Kashi – their frozen meals, crackers, granola bars, cereals, etcetera, etcetera. But in the past I have been let down by Kashi pizzas. Yet, I decided to give them one more chance to make amends when I saw the new delicious-sounding “Caribbean Carnival” Kashi pizza.

Spoiler alert: While I expected Kashi’s “Caribbean Carnival” pizza to invoke delightful imagery like friendly anthropomorphic parrots and jovial dark-skinned men wearing brightly colored beads in their hair; this pizza was neither “Caribbean” nor a carnival in my mouth. (Discuss!) Being a healthful eater, I normally resent when others disparage health food as tasting like cardboard – however, tasting like wonderful, delicious cardboard would probably be a lofty goal for this pizza.

Its promise of plantains, kale, fire-roasted red onions, mangoes and a “sweet and spicy Guava-infused jerk seasoned sauce” yielded a smattering of toppings lumped all in one corner of the pizza, which I meticulously picked apart and spread about before putting the pizza in the oven. Below all of that was some of the nastiest pizza crust known to mankind. I would like to know what think tank thought it would be a good idea to make a pizza crust out of ingredients like buckwheat and brown rice. Poor Antonio Pizzarelli, the inventor of the pizza pie*, would be spinning in his grave if he only knew. Normally the crust is one of my favorite parts of the pizza, and I couldn’t even get it down. Even the dog gave me the stinkface when I tried to pass it off, as if to say, “I’ll eat this because it’s technically contraband people food; but only begrudgingly so.”

The “toppings” provided little relief to the gritty taste bud-assault that was the crust. The pizza was covered mostly in kale and diced tomatoes, and I think I saw a few specs of yellow that was supposed to be mango. The best part of the pizza was undoubtedly the plantains — as I have expressed my enthusiasm for Kashi products featuring plantains in the past. But unfortunately the pizza only contained four slices of plantains and two bits of something that were probably the bodily remains of brave, fallen plantains who likely fought to the death against being put on this terrible pizza. And as for this alleged sweet and spicy Guava-infused jerk sauce…Well, I did detect some kind of flavor between the cheese and the crust, but I don’t think it tasted so much like jerk sauce as it did like “a funk.”

What separates Kashi’s Caribbean Carnival Pizza from your garden variety “fail” to an “epic fail,” is that it’s not even particularly healthy. One pizza, which is a reasonable-sized meal for most people, clocks in at over 800 whopping calories. You could probably eat two slices of real pizza for that and not feel let down like a kid who gets socks for Christmas.

* Look it up!

(Nutrition Facts – 1/3 pizza (120 grams) – 280 calories, 8 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 590 milligrams of sodium, 39 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, 14 grams of protein and 10% iron.)

(NOTE: Here’s another take on this pizza.)

Item: Kashi Caribbean Carnival Pizza
Price: $6.99 [sale price, reg. $7.99]
Size: 12.7 ounces
Purchased at: Shop Rite
Rating: 2 out of 10
Pros: The bites with plantain on them were almost not terrible. Pleasing all of the people all of the time. Friendly anthropomorphic parrots.
Cons: Pizza crust tasted like puppies crying. No mango. Not enough plantains. Eating this instead of real pizza. Horrible taste plus not great nutritional value plus outlandish price like getting raped in three orifices. Getting socks for Christmas.






15 Comments For This Post I'd Love to Hear Yours!

  1. Marley says:

    I don’t know if it’s a different crust here, but when I had the Margherita pizza from Kashi, I was in love with the crust, and proceeded to announce it my favorite frozen pizza (which was subsequently never in stock at the store). Your mileage may vary, I suppose.

  2. Marvo says:

    I lack the cutting and geometric skills to cut an entire round pizza into three even pieces.

  3. Stacey says:

    The other time I had a Kashi pizza it was like spinach and mushroom something or other, and I don’t recall the crust being so jarringly bad. But I think the density and whole graininess of it really just really clashed with the alleged “Caribbean” flavors of the pizza.

  4. edjunkie says:

    That is not a pizza. Kale! Guava-infused jerk sauce! That is almost treason i think to even call this a pizza. call it a flat bread or some other bogus name but that is not a pizza. I love guava, mangos, plantains myself but they do not belong on a pizza. If I was Kashi I would be on the lookout for some guidos carrying violin cases around corp headquarters.

  5. amanda says:

    I agree Kashi needs to get out of the pizza making business. I love all their bars

  6. Dr. J says:

    Seems like the other reviewer got a different pizza. I say take the money and buy a lottery ticket. The odds are about the same as getting the other reviewers good pizza, and if you win you can go to the Caribbean and have the real deal!

  7. Stacey says:

    Hmm … I wonder if they actually serve “Caribbean Carnival” pizza in the Caribbean. I should probably investigate.

  8. Deanna says:

    If you’re looking for a healthy and tasty pizza, try the Margherita from Amy’s Organic. It’s probably the best frozen pizza I’ve ever eaten – healthy or not.

  9. Dr. Brushy says:

    I for one also realize that good quality, healthy food can be flavorful, tasty and yummy. But I also have a beef with kashi’s products. I know that there is no accounting for taste, but seriously that pizza just sounds nasty!

  10. Yum Yucky says:

    Uhhh, time to dictionary.com the word “anthropomorphic”.

  11. rigo says:

    I went on a Caribbean cruise on carnival cruise lines. I threw up the first two nights on the ship. That’s what I thought of when I read this review. Do you get paid to eat this stuff?

  12. tracylee says:

    Ummm, I gave up eating Kashi products after discovering that there is such a thing as too much fiber, I’m glad to see this review to prevent me trying this pizza! After living in Ecuador for over 2 years, I can’t stand mango or papaya, although I still like plantains. However, they don’t belong on pizza any more than pineapple does. But that’s my personal opinion.

  13. loved it says:

    I’m a fan of all of the Kashi pizzas (the margherita is my fav). The plantains and mangos offer a sweet treat — a good alternative to hawaiian pizza. I like the crust, also. Sorry that you didn’t enjoy it!

  14. JamieSusan says:

    Kashi really pissed me off with their pizzas. No thankyou.

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