There are few things more appealing to a man than the prospect of a well-made sandwich.Â An extra hour of sleep.Â A come hither look from his wife or girlfriend, or casual female friend, or that woman who winked at him in a bar on June 18, 2003, who may or may not have had something in her eye.Â A YouTube video of monkeys smoking and throwing poop.Â Ladies, take a lesson. If you want your man to do something, be it overthrowing your brother or finally taking down those Christmas lights (plus light-up dreidel and menorah), be waiting in his bed with smoky eyes, a video of monkeys fighting, and a grilled cheese and bacon sandwich.Â It worked for Cleopatra and it will work for you.
So needless to say, I was looking forward to Quiznos’ Prime Rib on Garlic Bread sandwich. Â I don’t frequent Quiznos often because there’s only one nearby and they’re a bit on the pricier side, but I’ve always enjoyed their food when I’ve eaten there, and how can you go wrong with prime rib and garlic bread? Admittedly I was expecting it to be made with actual garlic bread, which I still maintain would be awesome.Â Instead it’s regular bread with garlic aioli sauce liberally (depending on your server) spread across it.Â This has the effect of giving the sandwich a garlic smell, and the flavor of the sauce is definitely in the garlic family, but not as bold or in-your-face as pure garlic.Â More refined, if that makes any sense, a smoother garlic taste, like if you’re used to drinking IPAs and someone slides you a wheat beer.
Apologies to any non-alcoholics who don’t get that reference.
Note that it also comes with lettuce and tomato. They’re not pictured because Drew does not do healthy things.Â Hilariously, as soon as I pulled out my camera to take the photographs, the woman who prepared the sandwich came over like eight times to make sure it tasted good and wasnâ€™t too burnt.Â My fault, I guess, for not wearing a sign saying “I AM NOT A QUIZNOS CORPORATE SPY SENT TO EVALUATE YOUR SANDWICH-MAKING SKILLS, I AM A LOWLY FOOD BLOGGER WHO WILL NOT BE DISCLOSING YOUR SPECIFIC LOCATION.”Â I still have a lot to learn, Iâ€™m afraid.
The amount of prime rib in the sandwich is what I would describe as perfectly adequate.Â (Unlike the sodium, which is impressively obscene.) Â At no point did I find myself biting down on nothing but
bread, like a teenager finding out his date’s bra is filled with Kleenex; but neither was I ever pleasantly surprised by the sheer quantity, like realizing she’s been wearing a sports bra all evening. You might be able to finagle a little extra meat if you’re more attractive than I am, or if you throw in a little hip shake or some free tickets to the gun show. Â Still, what was there was flavorful, and they didn’t skimp on the cheese. Â
The bread was, of course, toasted and made for a nice contrast with the creamy garlic sauce. Â The edges got a little blackened, as you can see; I don’t mind a little char myself, but be on the lookout if you’re not okay with that. Â I’ll offer that the sauce could maybe have been spread out a bit better — in some bites it overpowered the prime rib flavor, in others I could barely taste it — but again, that’s more attributable to your individual sandwich preparer. Â (No, I will not call them “artists” until they use my tax dollars to create something that A) doesn’t look like anything, and B) is colossally ugly. Â Veggie subs don’t count.)
Overall, the garlic sauce manages to complement the meat and cheese nicely to create a good sandwich. I’d like to give it a higher score, but that price is just ludicrous for the size of what you’re getting. I know Quiznos brands itself as the “high end” fast food sub joint, but while the sandwich WAS tasty and I’m presuming the meat was taken from only the most pampered, humanely euthanized cows, there is absolutely no way you should be paying $5.49 plus tax for a 6-inch sandwich.Â (It’s also available in medium and large sizes, which undoubtedly come with paperwork for the mortgages necessary to buy them.) I reserve the right to change that score if I spontaneously start dropping gold nuggets in my boxers tomorrow, but until then, this is a yummy sandwich that I would suggest you let someone else buy for you.
(Nutrition Facts — 1 small sandwich — 560 calories, 245 calories from fat, 27.5 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of artificial trans fat, 0.5 grams of natural trans fat, 85 milligrams of
cholesterol, 1820 milligrams of sodium, 43 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, and 32 grams of protein.)
Item: Quiznos Prime Rib on Garlic Bread Sandwich
Size: Small sandwich
Purchased at: Quiznos
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Tasty garlic aioli sauce suitable replacement for garlic bread. Â Made quickly. Â Pleasant, non-overpowering smell. Â Visually appealing when bread is closed. Â Reasonable amount of meat. Â Sports bras. Â Attentive servers.
Cons: Given the price, apparently made with truffles and lobster. Sodium explosion. Â Not actual garlic bread. Â Reasonable amount of meat… if it was a $3 sandwich. Â Burns easily. Â Paranoid servers.