Bounce. The Air Up There. In Love and War. Blue Streak. What do all of these films have in common? There were all hideously terrible movies that I saw in a movie theater, and they all were made much, much more tolerable with the addition of popcorn.
I love popcorn. Love it. So salty and buttery. I’ll pop it at home in the microwave. Iâ€™ll eat prepackaged bags of it. And I’ll lick my fingers raw to get those last delicious remnants of that glorious yellow syrup provided by movie theaters everywhere. The self-serve butter station at movie theaters was the greatest thing to happen to movies since movie. There’s nothing better than sitting down to the latest Bret Ratner abomination with a bucket of Cherry Coke and what Stephen King refers to as a “heavy bag.” Popcorn so loaded with butter it might as well be classified as a soup.
One area of popcornery that I am constantly neglectful of is kettle corn. I like kettle corn, but I never eat it. I donâ€™t know why. It has just never been able to find a permanent spot in my mental filofax of snack options.
Really. I only ever encounter the stuff at flea markets and fairs, and let’s be honest, kettle corn canâ€™t really compete with corn dogs and deep fried Oreos. It just canâ€™t.
This week, I had a few bags sent to me by G.H. Cretors, and as my deep fryer is currently on the fritz, I was able to give the popcorn my full attention.
G.H. Cretors has a history in popcorn dating back to 1885, and currently has five popcorn products up for consumption: Caramel Corn, Kettle Corn, Cheese Corn, Caramel Nut Crunch, and Chicago Mix (a combination of Cheese and Caramel corns). Their products are all natural, non-GMO, and Kosher, if you care about those things.
I got to sample some Kettle Corn and some of the Chicago Mix.
The Kettle Corn was great. The sweetness level is light and in excellent balance with the sea salt, and the sugary shellac provides a pleasant crispness. If you like kettle corn, this is it. I had to wrestle the bag away from my wife. She was going at it full DeLuise.
As a man of science, I took to the bag of Chicago Mix a little more methodically. First, I separated the Cheese from the Caramel and sampled them individually.
The cheese corn was a solid effort, but I didnâ€™t find it much different than any other cheese powder-coated popcorn product. It was cheesy and salty. What else would it be?
The caramel popcorn was also good on its own. The caramel coating was indeed nicely caramel-y. It was appropriately sweet and offered a great crunch, though nothing teeth-jarring. But again pretty similar to most caramel corns.
Trying them in equal parts together didnâ€™t really do it for me. It ended up being a nebulous mash of indistinct flavors, mostly dominated by the caramel. That seems scientifically predictable as the caramel coating is denser than the cheese coating. Right? Seems reasonable. Given a choice, I’d just buy the flavors individually.
Obviously G.H. Cretors earns bonus points for being all natural and not using mutant corn. No one wants to stare at a list of impossible to pronounce ingredients when they are about to sit down for a delightful home cinema experience. I donâ€™t think the Chicago Mix will take away all of the pain of a Trapped in Paradise or a Penelope Cruz, but the Kettle Corn will definitely get you through any scene with Salma Hayak.
(Editor’s Note/Disclaimer: We received these G.H. Cretors Popped Corn samples for free from the PR company that represents this popcorn maker.)
(Nutrition Facts â€“ 1 1/4 cups (28g) â€“ Kettle Korn â€“ 130 calories, 7 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 210 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 6 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein. Chicago Mix â€“ 140 calories, 8 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 220 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 grams of fiber, 10 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)
Item:Â G.H. Cretors Popped Corn (Kettle Corn and Chicago Mix)â€¨
â€¨Size: 7 oz. (Kettle Corn)â€¨
Size:Â 6.5 oz. (Chicago Mix)â€¨
Purchased at:Â Received for free from G.H. Cretorsâ€¨
Rating:Â 8 out of 10 (Kettle Corn)â€¨
Rating:Â 7 out of 10 (Chicago Mix)
â€¨Pros:Â All natural. Non-GMO. Kosher. Great salty/sweet balance in Kettle Corn. Available outside of dirt malls. Kevin Bacon playing basketball with African tribes. Science. Classy old timey package design.â€¨
Cons:Â Unnecessary flavor mixing in Chicago Mix. Martin Lawrence. Salma Hayek.