Jack in the Box Meaty Breakfast Burrito

Jack in the Box Meaty Breakfast Burrito

Just like certain health clubs and establishments with 50 cent peepshow booths, one of the great things about Jack in the Box is the fact that it’s open 24 hours a day. Even better is the fact that I can order anything from their breakfast menu at any time of day.

I wouldn’t be surprised if Jack in the Box is where all the guys coming out of the establishments with 50 cent peepshow booths go, because Jack in the Box would be the ideal place to go to after jackin’ the cock.

Anyway, after coming out of an establishment with 50 cent peepshow booths at two in the morning, I had an urge for a milkshake, so I headed to the nearest Jack in the Box. While looking at the drive-thru’s menu I noticed the new Jack in the Box Meaty Breakfast Burrito. I instantly knew I had to have one with my Oreo milkshake.

When I got to the drive-thru window all I had was quarters. Lots and lots of quarters. Fortunately, fast food is even more convenient since most fast food places now accept credit cards. So I whipped my credit card out and paid for my post-peepshow meal.

Stuffed in the flour tortilla of the Meaty Breakfast Burrito was ham, little balls of sausage, bacon, scrambled eggs, cheddar cheese, and pepperjack cheese. It also came with a small container of salsa, which looked more like marinara sauce than salsa.

Despite all of that stuffing, the Meaty Breakfast Burrito was kind of small. I was hoping for something the size of a bean burrito from Taco Bell, but it was only slightly bigger than a regular soft taco.

Another thing I noticed about it was its burrito form could make it easy to eat while driving to work. Although when I ate it on my couch, somehow the little balls of sausage ended up on my lap.

(Editor’s Note: Despite its burrito form that makes it easy to eat while driving, The Impulsive Buy encourages you to NOT eat while driving, especially Chicken McNuggets, popsicles, and anything that involves a fork.)

Overall, it was meatastic, eggcellent and cheesealicious. Or in other words, it was just as good as the Burger King Enormous Omelet Sandwich.

As for the salsa, it didn’t add much to the taste, plus Jack in the Box was pretty stingy with the amount given. I ran out of salsa halfway through the Meaty Breakfast Burrito.

Because the Jack in the Box Meaty Breakfast Burrito is smaller than the Enormous Omelet Sandwich, it’s a bit healthier.

Although, the 490 calories, 29 grams of fat, 345 milligrams of cholesterol, and 1,310 milligrams of sodium are still enough to possibly make your heart want to seek revenge the next time you’re in need of blood for an erection, like when you’re in a 50 cent peepshow booth.

Item: Jack in the Box Meaty Breakfast Burrito
Purchase Price: $2.19
Rating: 3.5 out of 5
Pros: Good. Meatastic. Eggcellent. Cheesealicious. 24-hour drive-thru. 24-hour peepshow booths. Using credit cards to purchase fast food.
Cons: Not enough of the crappy salsa. Kind of smallish. Too many quarters.

23 thoughts to “Jack in the Box Meaty Breakfast Burrito”

  1. Hmmm….porn, Oreo milkshakes, unhealthy burritos….now THIS is the Impulsive Buy we all remember. Salad week is OFFICIALLY over!

  2. Aside from the tortilla wrapper that looks like someone skinned a homeless mans’ thigh, that thing sounds pretty good. But alas no JITB in Floriduh. But we do have Krystals and they have the Krystals Scrambler, which has grits, scrambled eggs, sausage and cheese all stacked together in a styrofoam bowl. mmm . . . cholesterol

  3. Oh my god.

    I swear, this site is the funniest and absolutely the most random I have ever seen.

    But that makes it the best. xD

  4. No JITB in Ohio either … at least not my neck of the woods. But we have Rally’s and that’s punishment, um, I mean, good enough.

  5. Man, there are a billion JITB here in california… I eat there quite a bit. Some people call it Jack in The Balpha… if you look at the logo you will see.

    Re: Steak and shake – I would very much like to try eat there, a friend in Indiana(?) told me about that place.

  6. Steak and Shake isn’t as great as everyone makes it out to be. And their plain vanilla shake sucks. I’ve had better vanilla shakes from JITB! Their flavored shakes are relatively good, though.

    I almost stopped at JITB to try this on the way to work…but the McGriddles were calling my name….

  7. Almost 500 calories for breakfast eats. YIKES!

    Bryan, we used to call it “Jack in the Crack” for some reason.

    I’m glad salad week is over, though. That was a lot of lettuce, man. Hey, when will you review some poi?

  8. That burrito looks really obscene, especially mentioned in combination with peep shows. Like eating some kind of alien wang.

    nat: we call ’em “Jack in the Crack” too. I wonder if it’s some kind of mass consciousness thing.

  9. I refuse to EAT at steak n shake, but the shakes are quite tasty, if horribly over priced. I’m still waiting on the veet review! For those of you wondering, while Nair now says new and improved, it most decidedly is not. But it no longer smells as horrible as it did 5/6 yrs ago.

  10. Ah, the impulsive buy we all know and love.
    All those extra vitamins last week did something. This review is awesomely great and hilarious! I love it!

    Man, I would have just paid for the burrito in quarters to piss off the clerk.
    awww yeaaaa

  11. Ha! Wired, you are exactly right! I found that picture very disturbing for some reason, and it’s been bugging me all day. I’ll stop now before I go further and describe that folded back part as looking like a foresk…….oh, never mind.

  12. Chuck – Well there could always be another Salad Week, but I think “toss my salad” has been spread a little too thin.

    Rygar – Holy crap! I haven’t used a styrofoam bowl in a very long time.

    Amy in GA – My friends and I have this theory. If someone opens an Olive Garden here, they are going to be frickin’ rich, because we see the commercial and we want to go, but there isn’t one. We think that there are a lot of people here that want to go to an Olive Garden because of the commercials. So I think you should open a Jack in the Box in GA, because you would be totally rich and you’d probably smell like fast food.

    ~Moi~ – Thank you.

    Julie – Rally’s? Never heard of it. Is it a regional place?

    Bryan – In a two mile stretch of one of the main roads here, there are three Jack in the Box restaurants. Despite having three to choose from, I seem to always go to the same one.

  13. Tech Wench – Well there’s always tomorrow or the next day.

    nat – Poi? Um…Not only am I the most un-Japanese Japanese person in the world, I am also the most un-local Hawaii resident in the state because I don’t like poi.

    wired – It was hard getting a decent obscene picture of the burrito, so I was going to use a picture from the Jack in the Box website, but those were definitely not obscene enough, so I just stuck with this one. I thought about Photoshopping a vein in the burrito, but I thought that would be too much.

    Amy in GA – Okay. Okay. It’s on my list.

    KT – But I need the quarters for laundry…Yeah, laundry.

    Peggasus – It would’ve looked even more disturbing if I added the vein.

  14. Wow, Jack in the Box needs to hire you to write ad copy. “Just finished jackin’ the cock? Come to Jack in the Box!”

    Also: “Balpha”?

  15. Certainly looks tasty. Next time I leave the 50 cent peepshow, I’ll be sure to check out this burrito

  16. Tan The Man – The picture I could get from the Jack in the Box website REALLY wouldn’t do the burrito justice.

    Jay Nickola – Oh, if only people could say “cock” on basic cable.

    averil – mmmm…porkadelic.

    Ken – Just make sure your hands are clean before eating it.

  17. Screw opening an Olive Garden, they suck. Hardee’s though, I love eating at Hardee’s, and that Monster Thickburger, yummy. And Waffle House after a night of drinking….

  18. runner4069 – Unfortunately, I don’t have any of those places here on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

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