Trojan Mint Tingle Condoms

Trojan Mint Tingle Condoms

(Editor’s Note: Some of you have been saying there’s been a lack of sexual references in my reviews recently. So to make up for it, I’ve decided to review the new Trojan Mint Tingle Condoms, which I received from Impulsive Buy reader Robert, who just so happens to have Trojan as a client at the public relations firm he works at. Thanks Robert, for reminding me that I’m not getting any action. Just kidding. Actually, I’m not kidding. I’m crying right now. Enjoy.)

There are many things that suck about not having a girlfriend, like not being able to have sessions of sweet, sweet lovin’ that involve plastic sheets, strawberries, chocolate syrup, and paint brushes; making dinner for a woman and then hearing her say, “I’m not hungry, but I’m hungry for you”; not being able to showoff my strip tease videos; and not being able to try the latest condoms so I can review them.

However, with these new Trojan Mint Tingle Condoms I had a tingling sensation, but not where you might think. I had a tingling sensation in my head, coming up with ways I could test it without actually paying needing a woman.

Being that the Trojan Mint Tingle Condoms are made for those who want to be protected when “talking to the mic,” I realized that all I really need to do with this condom was see if it tasted any good. But how was I going to do this?

(Editor’s Note: Yes, you can use the condom for intercourse. Intercourse? That’s too sterile of a term for me. Yes, you can use the condom for the horizontal mambo. Nah, that’s too childish. Yes, you can use the condom for fucking. Perfect!)

I grabbed one of the Trojan Mint Tingle Condoms, ripped it open, and shoved it into my mouth, like a piece of gum.

It was the second time in my life that I shoved a condom into my mouth and chewed on it. Except this time I couldn’t win a bet for a dollar.

As I chewed it, I could taste and feel a minty gel, which tasted like a dull toothpaste. I don’t know if it was the minty gel or the fact that I was chewing on a latex condom, but I started to gag. I instantly took the condom out from my mouth, looked at its kind of cool minty green color, and then threw it away.

After that, the product reviewer in me didn’t feel fulfilled, because I felt I could do a better job of testing it.

Then I began thinking about those bastards at Consumer Reports and how they probably test condoms. I imagined they have a love lounge, with beds shaped like hearts, Barry White songs playing, bottles of chilled champagne, mirrors on the ceiling, and bowls of Viagra. It’s probably one wild gigantic orgy of lab testers.

The testers probably do it with their lab coats, goggles, and pocket protectors on and clipboards next to the heart-shaped beds, so they can write down whatever comments they have. They probably also video tape the whole thing so they can review the tape later, if they need more information.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t do what I imagined Consumer Reports does, but I knew I had to do something better than just chewing on a condom. Then it finally hit me, while making my strawberry/banana smoothie.

Trojan Mint Tingle Banana

Armed with a Trojan Mint Tingle Condom, a banana, and my heterosexuality, I tried to recreate a real world situation.

I opened another condom and tried to roll it over the banana. Unfortunately, I put it on the wrong way, which didn’t allow me to roll the condom down the banana. Following the condom box’s instructions, I had to throw the condom away or else I would risk the chance of pregnancy.

I opening another condom, checked to see if I had it turned up the right way, and then rolled it over the banana, holding the tip to prevent air from getting trapped. When I was done, I had a well protected banana (see picture).

Then I put the condom covered banana into my mouth and made like a circus seal. (Yay! Obscure Clerks reference!)

At first, I was gagging a little, but soon I was a deep throating pro. As for the minty flavor, it’s not bad once you swallow the mint jelly, which was mostly at the tip. It’s definitely way better tasting than regular latex condoms.

The mint flavor isn’t that strong or plentiful, so don’t try going down on as many guys as you can to freshen your breath. Gum and mints are easier, and it’s less Paris Hilton-ish or Veronica Loughran-ish. (Yay! Another obscure Clerks reference!)

Item: Trojan Mint Tingle Condoms
Purchase Price: FREE (Retails for about $9)
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Mint flavor is not bad tasting, definitely better than regular latex condoms. Funky mint green color.
Cons: My ability to put on condoms, I’m surprised I don’t have illegitimate children. Minty gel was kind of gross to swallow. My jealousy of the possible ways Consumer Reports tests condoms.

69 thoughts to “Trojan Mint Tingle Condoms”

  1. OH MY GOD! I’ve seen a green condom on a banana in a blog. The world is about to end, right?

    Hey, marvo, good luck with the girlfriend situation…maybe you’ll have an occasion to use one of these the way it was meant to be used…and SOON!

  2. nat – Yeah, I know. Sounding desperate AND pathetic will hopefully get me some pity sex.

  3. Jake – About getting a girlfriend, I have a positive outlook about it, because apparently there are more women than men in the world. Also, there’s a chance that you or I may meet Tara Reid in one of her drunken moments in Vegas and end up marrying her that same night.

  4. Mint flavored condoms??!??!?! What’s next?? Berry flavored Condoms??? Apple flavored condoms?? “Beef” flavored Condoms??? “Taco” flavored Condoms???
    What’s this world coming too?
    Just wait until the day they make edible condoms…
    Yeah that’s right… get the condom all “juicy” and then you eat it. Bleh, *puke*, lol

  5. The comments section is closed on your site due to “4th of July”
    5th is nearly turning into 6th! Where is a new review?
    It’s all your fault. We have fallen prey to your excellent reviews and are now addicted!
    We demand a new review!

  6. BPyser1 – Well if you get some Fruit Rollups and…Oh, nevermind.

    DucatiBandit – The new review is up, but you knew that because you’re living in the future. 😉

  7. Julie – If I shoved the banana up another orifice, then I would REALLY be taking one for the team.

  8. moosigal – It was a before picture, but don’t bananas always look happy.

    Webmiztris – I’m killing you softly with a condom covered banana in my mouth.

  9. Thank the LORD, there is a guy who knows to squeeze the air out of the tip. If I had a dollar for every guy who popped a condom by not doing that and then me having to teach them how to properly don one (despite the pictures ON THE BOX) I’d be able to buy a sub, pocky, or something else that costs less on the mainland than in Hawaii.

    On the other hand, I’m not sure I’d like mint. The cola flavored condoms actually do taste like latexy-coke.

    For the ladies who won’t use flavored condoms for oral activities: I have no problem with it. I’m oral and genital herpes free and until he’s willing to get tested, I’m not willing to take those risks.

  10. theinfamousj – There are cola-flavored condoms? I’d deep throat another banana for that! 🙂

  11. It’s not typical of me to post twice on the same review, but this has got to be your most, ummm, colorful comment range of any review you’ve wrote thus far. Maybe you should deep throat all your products. 😀

  12. I just used this condom for the first time day (A freebie from Excellent condom, no afterburn for either party. Highly recommend.

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