Trojan Mint Tingle Condoms

Trojan Mint Tingle Condoms

(Editor’s Note: Some of you have been saying there’s been a lack of sexual references in my reviews recently. So to make up for it, I’ve decided to review the new Trojan Mint Tingle Condoms, which I received from Impulsive Buy reader Robert, who just so happens to have Trojan as a client at the public relations firm he works at. Thanks Robert, for reminding me that I’m not getting any action. Just kidding. Actually, I’m not kidding. I’m crying right now. Enjoy.)

There are many things that suck about not having a girlfriend, like not being able to have sessions of sweet, sweet lovin’ that involve plastic sheets, strawberries, chocolate syrup, and paint brushes; making dinner for a woman and then hearing her say, “I’m not hungry, but I’m hungry for you”; not being able to showoff my strip tease videos; and not being able to try the latest condoms so I can review them.

However, with these new Trojan Mint Tingle Condoms I had a tingling sensation, but not where you might think. I had a tingling sensation in my head, coming up with ways I could test it without actually paying needing a woman.

Being that the Trojan Mint Tingle Condoms are made for those who want to be protected when “talking to the mic,” I realized that all I really need to do with this condom was see if it tasted any good. But how was I going to do this?

(Editor’s Note: Yes, you can use the condom for intercourse. Intercourse? That’s too sterile of a term for me. Yes, you can use the condom for the horizontal mambo. Nah, that’s too childish. Yes, you can use the condom for fucking. Perfect!)

I grabbed one of the Trojan Mint Tingle Condoms, ripped it open, and shoved it into my mouth, like a piece of gum.

It was the second time in my life that I shoved a condom into my mouth and chewed on it. Except this time I couldn’t win a bet for a dollar.

As I chewed it, I could taste and feel a minty gel, which tasted like a dull toothpaste. I don’t know if it was the minty gel or the fact that I was chewing on a latex condom, but I started to gag. I instantly took the condom out from my mouth, looked at its kind of cool minty green color, and then threw it away.

After that, the product reviewer in me didn’t feel fulfilled, because I felt I could do a better job of testing it.

Then I began thinking about those bastards at Consumer Reports and how they probably test condoms. I imagined they have a love lounge, with beds shaped like hearts, Barry White songs playing, bottles of chilled champagne, mirrors on the ceiling, and bowls of Viagra. It’s probably one wild gigantic orgy of lab testers.

The testers probably do it with their lab coats, goggles, and pocket protectors on and clipboards next to the heart-shaped beds, so they can write down whatever comments they have. They probably also video tape the whole thing so they can review the tape later, if they need more information.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t do what I imagined Consumer Reports does, but I knew I had to do something better than just chewing on a condom. Then it finally hit me, while making my strawberry/banana smoothie.

Trojan Mint Tingle Banana

Armed with a Trojan Mint Tingle Condom, a banana, and my heterosexuality, I tried to recreate a real world situation.

I opened another condom and tried to roll it over the banana. Unfortunately, I put it on the wrong way, which didn’t allow me to roll the condom down the banana. Following the condom box’s instructions, I had to throw the condom away or else I would risk the chance of pregnancy.

I opening another condom, checked to see if I had it turned up the right way, and then rolled it over the banana, holding the tip to prevent air from getting trapped. When I was done, I had a well protected banana (see picture).

Then I put the condom covered banana into my mouth and made like a circus seal. (Yay! Obscure Clerks reference!)

At first, I was gagging a little, but soon I was a deep throating pro. As for the minty flavor, it’s not bad once you swallow the mint jelly, which was mostly at the tip. It’s definitely way better tasting than regular latex condoms.

The mint flavor isn’t that strong or plentiful, so don’t try going down on as many guys as you can to freshen your breath. Gum and mints are easier, and it’s less Paris Hilton-ish or Veronica Loughran-ish. (Yay! Another obscure Clerks reference!)

Item: Trojan Mint Tingle Condoms
Purchase Price: FREE (Retails for about $9)
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Mint flavor is not bad tasting, definitely better than regular latex condoms. Funky mint green color.
Cons: My ability to put on condoms, I’m surprised I don’t have illegitimate children. Minty gel was kind of gross to swallow. My jealousy of the possible ways Consumer Reports tests condoms.

69 thoughts to “Trojan Mint Tingle Condoms”

  1. i think the mint might cause a funky tingle in the crotch area if used traditionally and might ruin the moment and don’t worry you’ll get some oneday

  2. graceless – Actually, it doesn’t cause a funky tingle, but I think it would’ve been better if it did.

  3. That was hysterical! *wipes tear from eye*
    Thank you Marvo for answering the questions that we didn’t know that we had!

  4. Okay, my respect for you has increased ten fold Marvo. That was great. If only every man would deep throat a banana he would understand why grabbing the back of our heads and pushing down causes gagging. Oh, that was a TMI moment wasn’t it? Sorry bout that. Anyways, I am proud of you for tasting condoms, and for trying to get the banana off. Good job you got rid of that condom, we’d hate for you to have to stop reviewing while giving birth to illegitament fruit.

  5. But… did you try the condom on? And if so, did it make “anything else” tingle? Perhaps the “mint” is for Her and the “tingle” is for He…

  6. As a gay man, I must say how impressed I am that you, in your avowed heterosexuality, was willing to deep throat a banana in the name of research. Lord knows I wouldn’t be so brave to do something similar in the name of research. How would I do that anyway? You are now multitalented and if you continue to not “get any” at least you have some skills if you need to seek other options. Love the site, keep it up (so to speak) and thanks for a much needed dose of laughter!

  7. Oops, sorry, perhaps I should read all comments & replies before posting my own.

    If your mouth didn’t tingle and “nothing else” tingled, then I declare shenanigans! Would it not be false advertising to CLAIM something tingled when it did not? Perhaps it tingles if stimulated by several minutes of friction. Is there anyone on your street that you could recruit to help you “test” this product more thoroughly? Do it for science.

  8. Marvo, since I’m in the situation as you with regards to a girlfriend (which is to say, none presently) I doubt I’ll have the opportunity to use these any time soon, but I salute you for going “above and beyond” in your quest to bring us hilarious product reviews. That being said, if I did get a girlfriend, I probably won’t bring up this review.

    Hypothetical conversation: Me: “Try these. Marvo said they taste really good.” GF: “MARVO? Who the hell is that? What are you, some kind of perv?” Leaves, slams door, never to be seen again.

    But thanks for the review, it was really funny.

  9. Very funny. I never plan to stick a condom in my mouth but I like reading about other people doing it. LOL. Bravo on the review.

  10. Nice review, I like to read about the products that people use everyday but are too ashamed/embarrassed/whatever to review them or whatnot. How are we supposed to know what brands are good and what new things are good and whats not!? You save us all.

    anyways, question is, do you think the flavor of the gel would get unpleasant (even moreso?) from being a bit old? (still before condom expiration date).

    And btw, i loved the strip video, very classy. If i were a woman there, at that moment in time… i’d be all over you.

  11. marvo – can you please to try Durex Tropical Scents and Flavors series of condoms? They have banana and strawberry and orange flavors (i even spelled flavour the american way 2 times already, resisting my canuck instincts.) You’re a trooper marvo, doing things to better the human race.

  12. Wow… the lengths you will go to to write a review for your readers. I am very, very impressed!

  13. Did you ever review that ky warming gel? How is that? I think this should be sex products week here at the impulsive buy.

  14. hahahahahaha. i laughed my ass off when i saw that banana. thanks for the laugh i so very much needed. i agree with amy, sex product week would be fun. (though it would be a sad reminder that since my hubby is deployed i am sad and alone)

  15. while i always find you absofuckinglutely hilarious, today really took the cake. where it took it i’m not sure. but i seriously had that trickle of pee thing that only a woman whose had a few kids can really understand thing.

    i will never get the image of the banana or what i imagine you to look like with a condom in your mouth our of my head.

    that made my day.

  16. Mr Jon teh Redth of Canadia–
    I never tried the Durex fruity, but the regular Durex sucks! It’s too thick–I think that’s why they give them away for free on campus.

  17. Mir – Love in a quasi-product review blog editor and quasi-product review blog reader kind of way, right?

    Ayesha97 – Thanks. As always, I try to be informative, entertaining, and try to stick whatever I can into my mouth.

    celebrate woo-woo – Sometimes tingling isn’t good. Because what if the tingling of the condom is better than the tingling of the real thing.

    Amy in GA – You know, some women actually like grabbing the back of your heads and pushing down. Oh wait, that’s only pornstars.

    Lucy – To make it up to the banana, I was going to put the condom on with my mouth, but I soon found out how hard that is to do.

    DucatiBandit – Yup, turned it into a strawberry/banana smoothie.

    Jessica – I think if I put a bag over my head, I think I’d have more luck finding someone to test it with me.

    Pel – Hey, I gotta do what I gotta do. I know everyone doesn’t come here for the humor, everyone comes for the hard hitting scientific testing I do.

  18. Chuck – Yeah, my name tends to turn off women. So if you ever have that hypothetical situation, I would suggest replacing “Marvo” with “Angelina Jolie.”

    Kent – I remember the first time I saw that clip, I literally fell out of my chair from laughing so hard.

    Becky – Actually, I was going to have pictures of me wearing the condoms, like old school TLC.

    P057 – I’ve had these condoms for almost two months and the taste hasn’t changed, but ask me again when they expire in September 2006.

    Mr Jon teh Redth of Canadia – I don’t know, I’ve already done the deep throating the banana thing. i don’t know how else I can test condoms when I’m single. We will see.

    Lorien – Thank you. I try my best.

    golfwidow – In a row?

    Amy in GA – I don’t know about a sex week. Would I have to review the rabbit dildo?

    megan – See sex week would be bad because it would remind you, me, and probably Chuck, that we’re all not getting any.

    Shellubra – I was going to take a picture of me deep throating the banana, but I can only imagine the fun Photoshop users across the world would do if they they got their hands on that picture. It would be funny, but it wouldn’t be pretty.

    lightpinksheep – Funny you mentioned free Durex condoms because a free Durex condom I got on campus was the first condom I shoved into my mouth and chewed.

  19. i’m not sure whether to be very interested, or like ‘how could you put it in your mouth’
    how about a sex-toy review ?

  20. I can’t believe you chewed it!!! Ewwww!!! Condom taste is the worst… uh, so I hear… heh heh

  21. Congratulations Marvo. You and I are both in the minority of fellows who have chewed on a condom for a dollar. Mine was banana flavored, and I blew a baloon with it =\

  22. For graceless, having already reviewed the minty condoms in a more full-contact manner, I can confirm that the minty taste is also a cool, minty, and female-safe experience. Not bad at all, really.

    And for lightpinksheep, try the Durex Extra Sensitive–*much* better, and also Consumer Report’s top pick!

  23. Okay…so it’s been quite a while since I’ve checked this site…and when I do…what is the review at the top??? condoms!!! after reading…and that picture…I just have to say…we’re not so different you and me! 😉 Mwahaha! I knew you had it in ya!

    Okie dokie…talk to you later! =)

  24. OH…MY….

    I can’t believe you deep throated a banana. And by the way, haven’t you ever put a mint in your mouth and gone down on a girl? Speaking from a girl’s perspective, it rocks the fricken party. So I am imagining that the minty condom might have the same effect. Gotta go get me some (double meaning there).

  25. oh, and after reading some of the other comments, might i just say, don’t review the ky warming liquid. awful.

  26. SEV – Sex toy review? Now that would definitely be hard to review as a single man.

    akiko – But it doesn’t taste like regular condoms. It’s got minty flavor.

    HIM – If I had a girlfriend or if I was a hermaphrodite, maybe you might see a dildo review.

    Rev. Dubya – Like, totally wow!

    Ken – Mine wasn’t banana flavored. Blech!

    Elsabeta – Thanks for sharing your experience. 🙂

    The other ‘M’ – HOLY CRAP! IT’S MY GAY EVIL TWIN! See, look at all the fun you’ve been missing for these past few months. I even got rid of the hair on my legs for a review.

    lakitu – You know, with all the chocolate syrup and canned whipped cream, I’ve never thought about using mints. Thanks for the tip. Future girlfriends are going to be lucky. Now I have the mint thing to compliment the tongue exercises I’ve been doing. As for the KY warming liquid, is it edible?

  27. That was too fucking funny!! I must say though, if I saw my man coming at me with a greenish-blue “member” I’d be freaked out. Was it really that crucial they tint the latex? Come on!

  28. That video was so hot. It MADE the review. 🙂 🙂

    oh, and insult that you totally walked into: “I didn’t know you had ANY chances to have illegitimate children…” (re: the cons of the condoms)

    😀 😀 I Keed, I keed!!!

  29. Wow, I salute you for deep throating that banana. Chronic tonsillitis and subsequent removal of the afflicted organs has given me SERIOUS aversion to even thinking about that. Anyway, helpful review none the less. And it’s great for doing the sensitive guy angle next time a woman is available in a been-there (kinda) done-that (kinda) sense.

  30. Crystal – The tint is perfect for role playing. You can pretend that he’s an alien and his wang is a tentacle.

    Andy – Thanks and thank you for starting BOTD. I’ve visited some pretty interesting sites.

    kt – Hey, if I put a brown paper bag over my head, I think I’m sexy.

    Genny from the Burbs – I think when I test a condom with a woman, the review is going to be written like Penthouse Letters. 😉

  31. HIM – Dude, that strip tease video is so horrible and unsexy, that not only do women not want to have sex with me after seeing it, but men as well. That video is like my human repellant.

  32. Well done on deep throating a banana covered in latex. I am hella impressed.

    If I was having interc… errrr fucking, I’d buy a packet just from this review.

  33. you could have expierimented on a cucumberand celery and various other fruits and veggies so that you could see if larger member would affect the taste….

  34. Deb – The banana was impressed too. 😉

    BooBoo – I don’t know about the cucumber. Maybe a pickle?

    Chuck – Mmm…Free condoms. Oh wait, that doesn’t sound right.

    missy – Thank you.

    Kate – Thank you, as well.

  35. OH MY GOD! I’ve seen a green condom on a banana in a blog. The world is about to end, right?

    Hey, marvo, good luck with the girlfriend situation…maybe you’ll have an occasion to use one of these the way it was meant to be used…and SOON!

  36. nat – Yeah, I know. Sounding desperate AND pathetic will hopefully get me some pity sex.

  37. Jake – About getting a girlfriend, I have a positive outlook about it, because apparently there are more women than men in the world. Also, there’s a chance that you or I may meet Tara Reid in one of her drunken moments in Vegas and end up marrying her that same night.

  38. Mint flavored condoms??!??!?! What’s next?? Berry flavored Condoms??? Apple flavored condoms?? “Beef” flavored Condoms??? “Taco” flavored Condoms???
    What’s this world coming too?
    Just wait until the day they make edible condoms…
    Yeah that’s right… get the condom all “juicy” and then you eat it. Bleh, *puke*, lol

  39. The comments section is closed on your site due to “4th of July”
    5th is nearly turning into 6th! Where is a new review?
    It’s all your fault. We have fallen prey to your excellent reviews and are now addicted!
    We demand a new review!

  40. BPyser1 – Well if you get some Fruit Rollups and…Oh, nevermind.

    DucatiBandit – The new review is up, but you knew that because you’re living in the future. 😉

  41. Julie – If I shoved the banana up another orifice, then I would REALLY be taking one for the team.

  42. moosigal – It was a before picture, but don’t bananas always look happy.

    Webmiztris – I’m killing you softly with a condom covered banana in my mouth.

  43. Thank the LORD, there is a guy who knows to squeeze the air out of the tip. If I had a dollar for every guy who popped a condom by not doing that and then me having to teach them how to properly don one (despite the pictures ON THE BOX) I’d be able to buy a sub, pocky, or something else that costs less on the mainland than in Hawaii.

    On the other hand, I’m not sure I’d like mint. The cola flavored condoms actually do taste like latexy-coke.

    For the ladies who won’t use flavored condoms for oral activities: I have no problem with it. I’m oral and genital herpes free and until he’s willing to get tested, I’m not willing to take those risks.

  44. theinfamousj – There are cola-flavored condoms? I’d deep throat another banana for that! 🙂

  45. It’s not typical of me to post twice on the same review, but this has got to be your most, ummm, colorful comment range of any review you’ve wrote thus far. Maybe you should deep throat all your products. 😀

  46. I just used this condom for the first time day (A freebie from Excellent condom, no afterburn for either party. Highly recommend.

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