Hershey’s Whoppers Twosomes

Hershey's Whoppers Twosomes

Oh, if only Dr. Frankenstein used milk chocolate and Whoppers to create his creature instead of cadavers, then maybe everyone would have loved his creature, instead of running away in fear.

Fortunately for us, the Hershey company decided to use milk chocolate and Whoppers to create something that we could all possibly love and not want to burn to death with torches, the Hershey’s Whoppers Twosomes.

If you’re not familiar with Whoppers, they are malted milk balls, that are about half an inch in diameter and come in either a cardboard box or a box that’s similar to a milk carton. You can suck on them or bite them to get to the milky malted goodness.

The good thing about them is that they’re great to eat in movie theaters because of its chocolatey goodness, they’re easy to share, and they’re easy to throw at the screen when they show irritating commercials or a preview of the next Jennifer Lopez movie.

There are also a few bad things about Whoppers, like the malted milk can get stuck on your teeth, I can’t fit more than seven of them in my mouth, and they make horrible replacements for eyeballs and testicles.

The Whoppers in the Hershey’s Whoppers Twosomes were mini ones, which are roughly the size of BB pellets or my balls when I go swimming in really cold water.

The top of the candy bar looks like a typical Hershey’s chocolate bar, but the bottom of it has dozens of bumps from the protruding mini Whoppers, which reminded me of a few things, like a Nestle Crunch bar, my pimple-covered skin when I was fifteen years old, and the most confusing braille sign ever.

When I took a bite into the candy bar, the Whoppers dominated the taste of it, which was good, because I really like the taste of Whoppers. The candy bar had a similar crunch and texture of a Nestle Crunch bar.

The Hershey’s Twosomes not only come in a Whoppers version, there’s also a Reese’s Pieces version and a Heath Bar version.

Unfortunately, all three are limited edition candy bars, so once they’re gone, they’re gone…until Hershey decides to tease us again next year by reintroducing them as limited edition candy bars and then taking them away, making us want more.

I guess Hershey believes if this teasing works well for drug dealers, it should work well for candy bars.

Item: Hershey’s Whoppers Twosomes
Purchase Price: 55 cents
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Really good. Get the Whoppers taste without big chocolate balls in your mouth. Has the crunch and texture of a Nestle Crunch bar.
Cons: Limited edition. Back of candy bar can be used as the worst braille sign ever. My complexion when I was fifteen.

34 thoughts to “Hershey’s Whoppers Twosomes”

  1. I tried all three: the Resee’s one sucks, the Whopper one is great, but the best, surprisingly, is Heath. Tastes different… better when cold.

  2. Damon – Just making sure. 🙂

    Brandon – The Heath one is still in my fridge, but you’ve tempted me to eat it.

  3. Whoppers are like, the greatest candy ever devised. They can do no wrong…. unless you made like a Pepsi with Whoppers. That would suck.

  4. marvo – you are truly evil. this review made me miss whoppers and i wound up buying a pack of whoppers (since i cant get this limited edition candy) today at lunch. not only are you evil for making me crave whoppers, my coworker then called ME evil because i brought them back to the office and shared. did you know one little review could sabotage two women’s healthy eating for a day?

  5. Wana Fanta, dont cha wana, wana Fanta… YES, irritating to say the least! I cant stand the Fanta girls.

    Glad you went with the Whoppers though! Yum! Now we can all enjoy chocolate balls in our mouths!

  6. The chocolate balls reference reminded me of Chef’s “Salty Chocolate Balls” song from South Park. Put ’em in your mouth!

  7. Ken – Crushed Whoppers and vanilla ice cream totally rock!

    Megan – Again, I’m sorry and, if it’s any consolation, I don’t think you’re evil.

    Ultimate Best Vamp Ever – I regret putting that song in this review. Now it’s stuck in my head.

    Chuck – Oh, one of the classic South Park episodes.

    Jeff – I like Big Mac too, but I think he might have done steroids.

    Brandon – I ate it and it was pretty good. Although I slightly prefer the Whoppers Twosomes.

  8. Thanks for the offer Marvo of the photo. I found the 7-11 by the office carries them (I bought two … um, and ate one before I got home).

    Now I just need to photograph this one (with lots of attention to the braille that you mentioned on the bottom which I didn’t notice the first time because I WOLFED it down).

  9. cybele – Man, my 7-11 is all tapped out. I think I should go to all the other 7-11s, buy up their stock, and then sell them on eBay.

    Webmiztris – Mmm…Reese’s.

  10. CT – I’m glad you liked it and I hope you bought in bulk because I think people might pay some big bucks for them. Of course, when I say “big bucks” I mean a dollar or so.

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